9. Rainbow Clearly Wants to Die
A new semester began at Canterlot Royal Academy, and as expected from its student council, their first meeting had an energetic start.
The door slammed open as Rainbow Dash skidded to a stop into the council room, leaving marks on the carpet. She bowed and said, “That’s right folks, Rainbow Dash is here on time for the first meeting after break!”
Pinkie rightfully cheered in response while Fluttershy dropped the paper she was holding. Applejack crossed her arms. “That ain’t anything to be proud of, Rainbow, even if this is a first.”
Mudbriar was as impassive as ever and said, “As a note, Rainbow Dash, Twilight has set a new meeting room rule stating that the door can no longer be slammed open.”
Rainbow waved dismissively. “Yeah yeah, it’s not like I even come here that often. That’s more Rarity’s problem. Isn’t that right, Rares?” She looked around, only to see Rarity wasn’t there. “Wait, did I really get here before Rarity?”
Applejack sighed. “Twilight too. I’m as shocked as you are, but Pinkie says she’s busy with magic class office hours. No clue what’s up with Rarity.”
Rainbow threw her arms up. “Oh come on! Neither of them are here to see that I’m on time?!”
Fluttershy sat in a chair and idly kicked her legs. “It is very strange that they wouldn’t be here to at least explain what they did over the break.”
Pinkie rushed to a stack of papers and pointed with both fingers. “They left us all the Gala documents, though.”
Rainbow dashed over to it too. “Wow! With all this, my stunt show has got to be in here!”
She grabbed chunks of paper at random from the stack, spilling several pages onto the ground, but before she could read anything, Mudbriar pulled out a single sheet seemingly at random, skimmed over it, and said, “Technically, there is no listing for a stunt show.”
Rainbow tossed the papers aside and groaned loudly. “What was even the point of them working over the break, then?”
Pinkie said, “Maybe they were having way too much fun together to focus on the Gala!”
Fluttershy jumped up. “Fun? Why would they have had fun together? It’s not like they’re in love or anything!” She slammed her mouth shut as she noticed Rainbow Dash crossing her arms and shaking her head. As the others stared, she slowly sank back to her seat and said nothing else.
“Anyway,” said Applejack. “Neither the student council president nor the vice president are here, so who’s in charge now?”
Rainbow put a foot on a chair and posed. “Obviously, it’s gotta be me!”
Applejack pulled her back. “You and I ain’t even full council members, we’re just liaisons.”
Mudbriar raised a finger. “Technically, the chain of command dictates that the person in charge is the secretary. Meaning we should follow Ms. Pinkie Pie’s directions.”
With wide eyes, everyone turned to Pinkie, who froze with her tongue out, holding a paper with the Gala’s dessert selection close to it. She pressed the paper to her chest and tapped her cheek with her other hand. “Well, in that case—”
Rainbow rushed out the door. “I’ll go find Rarity!”
Rarity sat in the corner of Sewing Room H, for heartache. She wore a black cloak wrapped tightly around her, with a fan directed toward her so she could do this in the spring heat. Melancholy piano music flowed out of the record player and she sighed regretfully.
She thought that staying away from Twilight until classes started would allow things to go back to normal. However, as soon as she stepped onto the campus again and smelled Twilight’s presence, she knew normal simply wasn’t possible.
Was it foolish to keep avoiding Twilight like this? Yes, but there was no way she could stroll into the council room and greet her normally. Not if Twilight greeted her the same way as before.
Just the thought made her blush. She tightened the cloak around her. Through the rolls of cloth, she heard doors opening and slamming close down the hallway. The sounds got closer, until…
The door flew open and there stood Rainbow Dash. “Rarity? Ugh, finally!”
She ran over and pulled Rarity’s arm. Rarity resisted and gripped onto her seat.
“Rarity, come on! With you and Twilight gone, Pinkie’s in charge now, and you remember what happened last time!”
Rarity pulled her arm free and her eyes widened. “Yes, I recall the ‘Pinkie Pie’s on deck and it’s fire she’ll bring’ incident. But wait, did you say Twilight was gone too?”
“Yeah, she’s busy with magic class office hours or something and won’t be coming, so—”
Rarity stood tall and dropped her cloak, revealing a glamorous and glittering red dress and red shoes with long and narrow heels, which Rainbow had to shield her eyes from. All hesitancy gone from her face, she flipped her hair and smiled. “Well in that case, it’s time I made my entrance.”
She took a step forward, but Rainbow grabbed her arm to stop her. “Woah woah woah, hold on a sec. Is that why you were hiding here? You didn’t want to see Twilight?”
Rarity scoffed. “I was not hiding, I was biding my time!” She scrunched her face. “Wait, that sounds villainous. Hold on while I think of a more appropriate way to say it.”
Rainbow looked Rarity in the eyes. “Seriously, Rares. Did something bad happen between you two during the break? You can tell me.”
Rarity blinked, surprised at her friend’s serious tone. “It wasn’t bad, per say, but… well, it’s a bit difficult to say.”
Rainbow put a hand on her shoulder. “You can take your time. I’m here for you.”
Rarity looked away. “You see, on the first day, I walked into the council room, greeting Twilight as normal, and then, out of nowhere, she smiled, then she winked at me, and she said…” Rarity paused. “She said, ‘Hey there, gorgeous.’” Rarity blushed heavily and put her hands to her face. “Oh my, just repeating it is so scandalous.”
Rainbow’s face was blank. “What.”
“And then, of course, I ran away. Not the most graceful way to take a compliment, I admit, but it all worked out. For you see, I returned home to discover that Sweetie Belle was using the kitchen, even though I very specifically told her not to, and she was this close”—she pinched her index finger and thumb—”to burning the place down. Obviously, I couldn’t leave her alone at that point, so I never returned to the council room and we stayed together all break. We had a quite great sister bonding session, if I don’t say so myself. I’ve even decided to make her my plus one to the Gala!” Rarity waved an arm. “We painted the town red, I tell you! Why, on the day after the incident—”
Rainbow grabbed both shoulders and shook her. “Rarity! This is insane!” She stopped and Rarity’s head rocked back and forth until it came to rest. “I was fine with the dumb schemes and confusing contests, but you’re literally hiding from a girl that called you gorgeous! She’s melting your brain!”
Rarity pouted. “You’d understand if you were there when she said…” Her face turned red again. “Well, when she said what I said she said.”
Rainbow narrowed her eyes. “I’m going to do it.”
Rarity blinked. “Do what?”
“My plan. The one I told you about back during the Crazy Equinox.”
The vice president scrunched her face and then her eyes widened. “You don’t mean…?”
Rainbow nodded. “Yup. I’m going to make Twilight jealous by pretending to be in love with you, and then she’ll have to act. In fact, I’m going to go to her right now and ask for advice on how to ask you out, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.”
Rarity gritted her teeth and leaned forward with furrowed brows. Rainbow had a cool expression with half-lidded eyes and a smirk. They stared at each other. Minutes seemed to pass as they waited for the other to make a move.
Rainbow took a step back.
Rarity pointed accusingly. “Don’t you dare, Rainbow! I’ll take off these heels and pierce them through your lungs if you take another step.”
Both froze in place for another few moments.
Then Rainbow turned around and dashed out the door. She narrowly dodged a shoe that Rarity chucked at her, the heel embedding in the hallway wall.
“Rainbow Dash!” screamed Rarity.
Rainbow Dash ran across the campus lawns, singing to herself.
“Rolling around at the speed of sound, got places to go, gotta follow my Rainbow Dash!”
She ran on the sidewalk, easily making her way around other students, but then she realized.
Wait, where’s Twilight’s magic class?
She stopped in her tracks and looked around. She never made a habit of visiting the egghead part of the school, and had no clue where to start.
Alright, it’s gotta be someplace magic looking.
Turning to her left, she saw a building with castle-like towers. She pointed and clicked her tongue, then ran off.
Rarity rushed down the sidewalk, using magic to skate using high heels. She wore a confident smile. If she was holding office hours now, that meant she was taking Moondancer’s slot for the day. Rainbow was certainly faster than her, but the vice president knew where to go, while Rainbow no doubt had no clue.
It turned out the castle-thing was the history department building, but the lady at the front desk helpfully pointed Rainbow to the magic department.
She rushed into the building and approached the first egghead she could find: a woman with curly pink hair that held a clipboard. The clipboard had the name Twinkleshine on it, not that Rainbow noticed. She yelled, “Hey you! Where’s Twilight’s office?”
Twinkleshine stepped back in surprise. “Uh, second floor, end of the hall with all the offices.”
Rainbow nodded, ran up, and then ran back down with a frown. “She isn’t there! Where is she?”
Twinkleshine opened her mouth. “Ohh, you were looking for Twilight, not her office! Well in that case, I think she’s handling Applied Mathemagical Magics office hours.”
Rainbow jogged in place. “OK, cool, now where is that? Third floor?”
She shook her head while smiling. “Oh my, no! I can see the confusion, but Applied Mathemagical Magics isn’t a magic course, it’s a math course!”
Rainbow froze in place. “What? Why?! It’s literally got magic in the name! Twice!”
“Well you see, once you know what the course involves—”
“Yeah, yeah, got it. So, math department, then?”
Twinkleshine nodded and Rainbow ran away. Her eyes widened. “Oh, but Moondancer’s office is in…” She trailed off as she saw Rainbow was nowhere to be found.
Rarity stood at the doors of the history department building, with Moondancer’s office just down the hall. She was just down the hall.
She pressed her hand against the right door. OK. Now what?
Laying a trap for Rainbow was probably the best option. She’d need to stop Rainbow from trying this ever again. Was breaking her legs too extreme?
Of course, there was the risk of Rainbow getting past the trap. The real best thing to do would be to go talk to Twilight first and warn her about Rainbow’s upcoming misdeeds, but…
Twilight Sparkle looked up from her desk, adjusting her glasses as she moved her hair out of her eyes with a swish. “Hey there, gorgeous.”
Rarity’s face turned red and steam seemed to rise from it. She stood there like that for at least a minute.
Then Rainbow Dash ran to the doors, opened the left one, and flew in with a, “Later, loser!”
Broken from her spell, Rarity’s face shifted to the red of rage. “Rainbow Dash!”
She ran down the hall, but Rainbow reached her goal first. The door to Moondancer’s office stood open and a man with sideswept purple hair was tossed out the room, skidding to a stop on his feet. He looked around, confused, and Rarity lept to a side room before he saw her. She peeked out, but the man lingered in the hall.
Rarity gritted her teeth. You better not screw this up, Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow groaned and put her legs up on the desk. “Seriously, Twilight! Why is the office for the magic class in the math department, in the history department? I couldn’t believe it when I saw that sign in the classroom!”
Twilight moved a tea kettle aside and looked at her with narrow eyes. “This isn’t even my office, so I’d really prefer if you kept your feet on the ground.” She lightly pushed them off with magic, with no resistance from Rainbow. “Now, what is it, Sports Club Liaison Rainbow Dash? I figured I left detailed enough documents for you all at the council room.”
Rainbow leaned forward. “Yeah, about that, what happened to my stunt show? I thought—” She pinched the bridge of her nose and shook her head. “No, wait, I have something else to talk to you about. Something that can’t wait.”
The door opened and the man with purple hair poked his head in, expectantly. Twilight held up her hand to tell him to wait.
“What do you need?”
Rainbow slammed the desk. “I need romance advice! From you!”
Twilight blinked. Then she blinked again. “What? Me? Really? You want me to—” with magic, Twilight pushed the man back out the door, to his shock, and sealed the door shut “—yes, well, I’ll be happy to help.” She cleared her throat and brushed her hair back. “Well, first, wow. Just, I never thought someone would come to me for romantic advice. I’m not going to let you down! Though, I have to know, why me and not Rarity?”
Rainbow waved her hand. “Well duh, I can’t ask Rarity, because—”
Wait, hold on! Rainbow thought. Rarity says the best way to get someone to believe something is to make them think it was their own idea. If I just tell Twilight I like Rarity, then she’ll think Rarity put me up to this. Rainbow twisted her lips. Wait, is that why Rarity didn’t want me to do this? Well joke’s on her, despite what she might think, I know how to be subtle.
Rainbow continued with a smirk. “I can’t ask Rarity because what I need is your eggheadedness to balance out my coolness. Fabulousness is no good right now.” She then counted on her fingers to make sure she said “fabulousness” right and nodded.
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “O… K? I guess that could make sense for you.” She adjusted her hair and composed herself. “Alright, so what problem are you and Applejack having?”
Rainbow blushed and reeled back. “What?! No! Applejack has nothing to do with this!”
The princess tilted her head. “Hmm. Well alright. I didn’t realize you were in an open relationship.”
Rainbow slammed the table. “There is no relationship! Why would you even think that?!”
Twilight seemed honestly taken aback. “Uh, well, I mean, I saw you resting your head in Applejack’s lap while she ran her fingers through your hair, after one of your races.”
Wait, Applejack did what?! Rainbow thought as her face turned red. “Th-that’s normal for us sporty types, you know! Really gets the muscles relaxed!”
Twilight put a finger to her chin. “What about that picture you carry around of Applejack smashing a watermelon between her thighs?”
Rainbow jumped out of her chair and yelped. She saw that too?! Sweating, she sat back down and said, “Uh, yeah, that. Strength goals, you know. We both gotta push ourselves to stay rivals.”
Twilight looked at her for a moment, and then sighed. “Sorry about the misunderstanding, Rainbow. I thought I had a good eye for romance after spending so much time with Princess Cadance, but I suppose I’m not an expert like her.” She put her hands on the desk. “Though, uh, you should probably clear this up with the rest of the student council too. They all think you two are a couple.”
“Seriously?! You bet I’ll clear this up!”
Twilight smiled. “By getting you hooked up with this other person!”
Rainbow blinked. “Oh right, the, uh, romance problem I came to you with. So… I have a crush.”
Twilight nodded.
“On a girl.”
Twilight nodded.
“I don’t want to say who she is, but uh,” Rainbow rolled her eyes up.
Gotta be subtle, Rainbow Dash.
“She’s, uh, fancy and elegant.”
Twilight nodded. No sign that she figured anything out.
“She has a, uh, accent.”
Twilight nodded. “What kind of accent?”
“It’s, uh, I don’t know, a weird one. Trottingham, I guess?” Rainbow shook her head. “Wait, no, that isn’t right. Look, it’s weird.”
Twilight nodded and wrote it down on a notepad. Still no reaction.
Rainbow, impatient, decided to take a plunge. “Also she makes dresses.”
Twilight once again wrote that down with little reaction.
Rainbow sat in silence, not knowing what else to say. Twilight looked up and raised an eyebrow, and Rainbow hastily said, “OK, so any advice about talking to her?”
Twilight glanced at her mostly empty notepad and briefly stammered. “Well, uh, I don’t have much to go on, but as general advice, I recommend you tell this girl about your feelings clearly. Make sure to do it in a way where she’d be comfortable turning you down, though. Doing it publicly or trying to trick her wouldn’t be right. And if she turns you down, you should take the rejection gracefully. If she acts cruelly to you after you confess, then she was never going to be a good match in the first place.”
She crossed her legs and closed her eyes. “Also, I recommend acting on your feelings as soon as you feel ready. There’s never going to be a perfect time to start a relationship, after all.”
Rainbow smiled weakly. I know someone who could really use this advice.
Twilight leaned forward. “So, how did you two meet?”
Rainbow’s eyes darted around. “Well, uh… we met at...”
Rainbow’s mind was blank. Would telling her how she and Rarity really met be too obvious? And in fact, how did they meet? They just sort of started hanging out at school, and Rainbow couldn’t remember how it actually began.
“We met at…”
Rainbow lunged forward and swiped an arm across Twilight’s desk, knocking over the tea kettle. The princess shot up and gasped as Rainbow ran out the door.
Rarity listened as Twilight yelled out Rainbow Dash’s name and the lady in question knocked over the purple-haired man, who was still standing outside the door. She peeked out of her room and, with trained precision, grabbed Rainbow by her collar as she ran by and pulled her into the room. The door slammed shut.
Rainbow held her hands up as Rarity threatened her with a high heel. “Woah! Hold on, Rares!”
Rarity shook her shoe. “And why exactly should I do that?”
“I pulled it off!” Rainbow tilted her head. “Well, I’m pretty sure I pulled it off. I was super smooth, super subtle. I didn’t say your name at all, but any second now, Twilight’s going to realize on her own that I have a crush on you.”
Rarity laughed mockingly. “Well thank you very much, Rainbow Dash! What, pray tell, did you plan to happen next?”
Rainbow opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Then she closed it and hummed.
Rarity narrowed her eyes. “Are you serious?”
“Hold on! Let me think. Twilight will…”
Rainbow’s eyes drifted to the door’s window, and she saw Twilight run past.
“Twilight’s rushing out the building to confess her love to you first!”
Rarity’s eyes widened and she dropped her shoe. “Good heavens. She is?”
“Yeah! I just saw her! Come on!”
The two ran into the hallway in time to see Twilight exit the building. They followed her outside and saw her turn to the right.
“She’s going to the student council room,” said Rarity, holding a hand to her mouth.
“Well dang, I was right!” said Rainbow. She stammered. “Uh, I mean, exactly as planned.”
They trailed the princess, keeping out of sight.
Meanwhile, the purple-haired man continued to patiently stand outside the office. After a few minutes, he backed up to a wall, looked around, and sank to the ground.
Rainbow and Rarity subtly pressed themselves against a window into the student council room, leaning over some bushes. Twilight was inside, excitedly talking to the other girls while Mudbriar stood there listening too. Pinkie tapped her cheek and wiggled two fingers to represent someone running. Applejack then started talking.
“Well, I think it’s pretty obvious she’s asking about you,” said Rainbow.
“Indeed,” said Rarity.
“So, you gonna talk to her?”
Rarity hummed. “Well, I mean, going to talk to her right now would be a bit too coincidental, don’t you think? Perhaps if I waited until tomorrow, and—”
Rainbow growned, and with a burst of speed, carried Rarity to the student council room entrance, opened the door, and pushed her in. With an “eek”, Rarity stumbled, but landed on two feet, brushed herself off, and stood up straight with a brilliant smile.
However, her smile was easily beaten by the princess’s. Her eyes sparkled as she put her hands together. “Rarity! You’re here!”
Rarity tried her hardest to keep a polite friendly smile and not a madly smitten smile. “Yes, so I am, darling.”
Twilight turned to the others. “Everyone, do you mind stepping out of the room for a bit? I have something important to tell Rarity.”
Rarity’s eyes widened and her heart pounded as the others obliged and stepped outside. As Fluttershy walked past, she smiled and giggled lightly.
“You too, Wallflower,” said Twilight. After a moment, the door closed, and Twilight released a breath. She breathed in again and said, “So. It’s been a bit awkward between us recently.”
“Yes, and I apologize for my part in that,” Rarity replied. “It was merely a case of unfortunate timing that resulted in me running out of the room like that. I had just remembered something regarding my sister.”
A load seemed to have been lifted from Twilight’s shoulders. “Oh, really? I’m happy that’s all that was. Anyway, I have something important to tell you.”
On one hand, Rarity was happy that Twilight didn’t ask for more details. On the other hand, she wasn’t sure she could ever be prepared. She gulped. “Yes, Twilight?”
Twilight stepped toward Rarity and her body filled with tension.
She broke into a big grin. “Rainbow Dash has a crush on Sassy Saddles!”
Rarity blinked. “Pardon?”
“Rainbow Dash came to me for romantic advice regarding a fancy dressmaker girl with something similar to be not quite a Trottingham accent, which can only mean—” she twirled her fingers “—your friend, Sassy! Rainbow was shy about saying how they met, but it’s safe to assume they met through you.”
Rarity forced a smile. “Oh.”
Twilight hopped in place. “This is my first piece of gossip ever! Well, I mean, I’ve always told Fluttershy some of the hottest new scientific breakthroughs that haven’t been published yet, but this is my first romantic gossip!” Twilight squeed.
Rarity’s eyes twitched. “Oh.”
“Now I know what you’re thinking. ‘What about Applejack?’ Well, Rainbow Dash says they aren’t a couple, but what I suspect happened there is that they have an open relationship, but Rainbow thinks we won’t understand that, so…”
Rarity and Rainbow Dash sat on a bench close to the student council room.
“Huh. Well that didn’t work,” said Rainbow Dash.
Rarity grumbled.
Rainbow shrugged. “Well, I tried. And hey, I got you two talking again, didn’t I? That has to count for something.”
Rarity grumbled.
“Look, obviously subtlety isn’t working, so next time, I’ll just ask you out right in front of Twilight! That’ll get a reaction out of her.”
Rarity slowly turned to look at Rainbow Dash.
In the end, one friendship was rekindled. Another was irrevocably broken.
Most of this chapter was done for over a month, but I got distracted by other things before I finished.
Also,
Literally the second chapter I thought of, more than a year ago!
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And just like Miyuki, Twilight has a painful lack of self-awareness here. Great chapter, and always happy to see an update. Good effort, Rainbow. I think
A sonic reference from the mlp speedster, nice.