She Drives Me Batty

by I Thought I Was Toast

From the Shadows, They Strike Part 1

Sans the occasional snicker and the dripping of water, dead silence filled the hall as I tromped towards my locker. My eyes were livid as I lashed my tail and cast my gaze about, and I was so soaked to the bone my mane and tail plapped and squelched from all the water being flung.

The morning had started off well enough. The buckball team had asked me in to help teach some newbies how to really get some bang for their buck after being forced to dive—better distance, smoother control, faster recovery, that sort of thing. It got my muscles burning the good burn, and let me have a few smiles and laughs with old friends. Really, I should’ve been grinning like a loon under moon.

Somepony, however, had decided shots needed to be fired.

Practice was done. I was all showered, changed, and dried. There was just enough time to make it from the shower room to my locker before homeroom.

The door was slightly open, which sounds weird, but I didn’t think much of it at the time. I was a mare on a mission; I didn’t have time for doors.

They certainly had time for me, though. No sooner had I pushed through the door, than a sun-blasted tank of water tipped over to drench me to the bone.

A literal tank of water.

Motherbuckers who did it were lucky I was the first one out of the locker room, ’cause that could have hurt somepony who wasn’t built like a brick. Now, if somepony had gotten hurt? I’d totally be out for blood. As it was, I settled for snorting and stamping and flicking water about in irritation, grumbling to myself about prankster pies.

I focused on my locker as I drew near, and quickly flipped through the combination, my ears twitching to the sound of the tumbler ticking away. As I hit the final number and started to open the door, however, I heard something else. There was a twang and a snip as my locker started to open of its own accord, and I ducked on instinct to watch three things shoot by overhead, unleashed by a spring loaded trap.

Plap! Plap! Plap!

“Eeeeeek!”

Looking back, my temple twitched upon seeing that several ponies behind me had gotten caught in the crossfire. The gaggle of mares had been creampied hard, the foil tins clattering to the ground after delivering their payloads.

Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice?

These were targeted attacks, and as I cast my gaze up and down the hall looking for suspects, not even a snicker broke the silence this time. Several ponies actually took a step back, and I idly filed that information away for later before picking through my locker to get my books and hurry on to class. I scowled with a face hewn from stone the whole way there, not even cracking a grin when I saw Diamond and Silver Spoon waiting to walk inside with me.

“Wow. You look like a gargoyle who thought stone could swim. Who the hay rained on your parade, soldier?” Silver’s grin was smaller than most top notch guards as she arched her brow, her dead fish-eyes as cold and calculating as ever.

Diamond giggled and stepped up to circle and look me over. “Some colts like the wet mane look, but your face tells me this isn’t a fashion statement. Is that… whipped cream?” Her face scrunched as she poked at a spot on my back and brought her hoof to her nose to sniff and lick. “Blech! No! That’s shaving cream! How’d that get on your back?!”

“Not important.” I growled as I dragged them into homeroom and commandeered the back of the room. Mrs. Cheerilee took one look at me and promptly silenced any complaints she had. She’d already seen my war face before. “Probably just nicked me when I ducked for cover. What is important is some dumbass is taking potshots at me, and they aren’t being picky with who gets caught in the crossfire.”

“Ahh… sounds like the good old days.” Silver’s monotone sigh was accompanied by her pulling out her notebook. “Teaching those senior punks their place first year was fun. We got a war on our hooves, then?”

“I hope not.” Frowning, I shook my head. “I mean, I don’t even know what I could have done to make myself a target. Everypony in school loves—” The harsh whispers of the many and varied sports teams echoed through my head. “Well, almost everypony loves us. We keep the school bully-free, after all.”

“That’s probably why they targeted you, dear.” Diamond patted me on the back. “Don’t fret. It’s probably just some jerk of a first year thinking they can muscle in on our turf.”

“Yeah? Well, they got another thing coming after I catch them.” My growl was soft, predatory and almost purring as I let myself grin. Given that Mrs. Cheerilee stumbled when she looked back from the board, my smile must have been scarier than the scowl. “You girls in or what?”

The first step to winning a war was always information. A good scout could turn an enemy ambush into a route, and that was exactly what we were gonna do to whoever was pranking me.

It was the next day of school, and Diamond and Silver had one end of the hall staked out while Scoots and Rumble took the other. There weren’t that many ponies in the halls this early, but it wasn’t unusual for a few to be out and about talking. My friends couldn’t be in sight of my locker—no, that was my job—but I was confident in their ability to pincer on the poor sap who dared open up my locker for another prank.

And so I sat and waited like a spider on her web. I couldn’t care less if my locker was dark; I was at home in the close and confined walls of my domain. Sure, I wasn’t hanging upside down—there wasn’t room for that—but that just meant whoever broke in my locker was going to see my enormous fanged grin when they opened the door.

I already had plans to hungrily lick my chops, maybe make a crack about being hungry for justice. All they needed to do was show up.

Any second now… They barely had any time left before the morning bell rang and there were witnesses. Sucking in my breath, I waited for the lock to jostle so I could give the guano-guzzler the jump scare of his life.

And nothing happened as the bell rang, signalling a rush of ponies into the hall.

Buck….

It would suck if they were smart enough to vary up their tactics, but I was nothing if not persistent. It’d be easy enough to keep this up. Just get up early, sneak in, shadow hop into my locker before anypony was even in school. I could use the time to do homework or something—use the metal door of my hidey hole for writing.

Fiddling with the handle, I managed to pop the door and slide out into the hall, blinking my eyes at the harsh sterile light before slipping my shades on. It was gonna take some extra time to get my locker back in order, but the bell had just rung and I was here. There was the brief sensation of wind as I pulled my bags and books out of the vents with a sigh, reaching into my shadow to grab them from the dark and shady tunnels.

“Better luck next time….”

There were no jokes that day.

Nor the next day.

Nor the day after that.

Nope. Nada. Nothing. It was beyond irritating, and I was just about ready to call it quits. The others already had.

Maybe it was just a one-off prank, and I was overreacting. Maybe— My ears perked from within my locker at the sound of approaching hoofsteps, and I tensed.

Closer…. Closer…. Yes! Stop right in front of me! Do it! Open the locker! I dare you!

I leaned forward in anticipation at the sound of the perpetrator rifling through their bags for their lockpicks and thieve’s tools, almost blowing my cover by bonking my head on the door. Licking my lips in anticipation, I put on my most hungry of grins—fangs gleaming with predatory glee—and waited for my moment of triumph.

The lock wiggled and jiggled for what felt like an eternity. Sweat beaded down my neck, and I held my breath so I wouldn’t give myself away.

And then the jiggling stopped.

Somepony shoved something through the slit of my locker door.

Something small. Something paper. An envelope?

I tried to rustle the door open—to get the jump on the perp before he could escape—but the handle wouldn’t budge, and the pony on the other side gave a snorting chuckle before slamming their hoof on the locker and jauntily whistling as they walked away.

They were smart enough not to talk—to not gimme a voice or a name or any of the things most big, dumb, gloating bullies liked to do—but I could hear how heavy the hoofsteps were. Whoever it was was big. They were big, and that chuckle had been deep.

So I had something to go on, at least.

Now if only I wasn’t stuck.

Fiddling with the locker proved pointless, and with lights on and school fast approaching, I couldn’t just hop out without knowing where a bit of somepony’s shadow was. Part of me was really tempted to just break down the door, but no… that would be vandalism. Technically, it was also breaking and entering for me to sneak in as early as I did, but thinking about that made my head spin.

I just needed to wait for somepony else to pass by.

Here… alone… trapped in my locker.

Wow, I had a newfound hatred for bullies. Now that it wasn’t self-inflicted, this was kinda awful. I was cramped and itchy from when the anticipation had been making me sweat, and I didn’t have any real sort of movement. At least thin, stringy nerds could wriggle if they were small enough. My wings were literally pinned to the walls.

Still, the bell was ringing, and I could hear ponies approaching.

“Hey, guys!” I rattled the locker door. “Little help here?!”

The hoofsteps stopped—all of them—and a long, awkward silence was all that responded for a minute. Then came the whinnies as several ponies went running, hushed murmurs and whispers exploding as I kept working at the door.

“Uh, guys?” I rapped on the door. “Come on. I was staking out that prankster again and got stuck. I don’t wanna have to break the door down. If somepony could go grab a teacher?”

Finally, somepony actually trotted up to the door as a few more ponies galloped off. “N-Night? Is that really you?”

“Uhhh… yeah? Who else would I be?”

The voice back-pedalled. “J-just checking! Ummm… errr… wait here a second, okay?”

I blinked. “Well, it’s not like I can go any—”

“I’m gonna bucking kill whoever did this!”

Wow… if my ears weren’t mistaken, that was Diamond stomping up hard enough to crack the floor. Hot, but not doing my wings any favors right now.

I rustled a little too much and the metal keeping me in groaned. “Hey, Diamond! What’s wrong?”

The stomping paused as a glare hot enough to melt through the metal seared into my coat and my marefriend snorted. “What’s wrong?! I’ll tell you what’s bucking wrong! I want blood! Outta the way, pipsqueak!”

The pony by my locker eeped as Diamond continued her school-shaking trot, stomping up to my locker. “What happened to you?”

“Got trapped in here after some dumbass fiddled with the lock, you?”

“We are not speaking of what happened to me ever again and for all eternity.”

“Diamond, how can I not speak of it if I don’t know what it is?”

“You will see soon enough, now sit still so I can…” The lock started jiggling.

Ok, then. Good. She was calming down. It was a little surprising she could pick locks, but—

I jumped as a buck to the lock kicked it right off. Another buck dented it inwards, and then a third made the door groan in utter defeat as it buckled off one hinge and slowly squeaked open to a very wide-eyed audience.

“I was trying to avoid that.” Grimacing as I stepped out, I shook my mane and tail and stretched with a sigh of relief. Only as I opened my eyes and they adjusted to the hall did I see just why my fillyfriend was out for blood.

She was coated in it.

Super iron-colored, super sticky, and very pungent smelling dye was splattered all over her normally pristine coat. She was literally steaming, her tail lashing, her nostrils flaring; there may have been smoke rising from her mane.

“This was on your locker.” She shoved a piece of paper in my hooves. “You were right. This is war.”

The paper was filled with a message made from a variety of cut out magazine letters—big, bold, and attention grabbing.

‘Golden age is over, punks. I slam dunked your little protector in her locker. She ain’t gonna be able to save you no more.’

My slitted eyes narrowed at the message, and I hissed, crumpling up the paper and shoving it in my shadow to trap it for eternity in the vents. No wonder ponies ran off when I asked for help. Ponies were going to talk.

“You want blood, Diamond? How about letting me drain every last drop from their shriveled and cowardly corpse?”

“Get in line, you two.”

I blinked and looked up to find Silver Spoon approaching with frost and snow clinging to her coat. She fought her shivers well, but they were still there as she trotted up with murder in her eyes. The last of her dignity was lost as she sneezed and sniffled, tossing a crown of ice at our feet.

“Scoots and Rumble got tarred and feathered—they might end up needing to molt since it got into their wings.” Silver’s tail lashed. “Button found the head of his mint-condition Supermare action figure waiting in his locker, and he doesn’t normally run with anypony other than Sweetie. I think it’s safe to say this is about games club at this point.”

“I dunno.” Shaking my head, I dug out the letter in my locker—the one the perp left just for me. “The guys may be mad, but this feels malicious even for them.” Tearing the envelope open, I blinked at the message. “‘Better luck next time, Scumbat’…. I suppose as far as insults go, it could be worse. This… this is gonna take more than a basic stakeout. Whoever did this was able to do so because they know how we operate. They knew I would stake out my locker, and they used that to trick me and get you guys.”

“Honestly, that sounds way too smart for a jock. Patient, too. They waited for us to drop our guard.” Diamond shook her head.

“Well, whoever it was was big.” With a snort, I narrowed my eyes and scowled. “I got to hear them walk away.”

Half-frowning, half-pouting, Diamond hummed. “I guess we’ll just need to get better at investigating, then. Any idea where to start?”

“First Down will be able to tell us if anypony on the hoofball team is in on it.” I poked a hoof at my poor locker. “We can start there and start sniffing the perps out if he’s got a lead.”

“Nightingale Mooncrest! What is going on here?!” I winced as Mrs. Cherilee rounded the corner with Abacus Finch and one of the students that ran off earlier.

“I d-did it! I got hel— Oh…” Pulling up short of the sight of my destroyed locker, the student blushed. “Whoops.”

“You three. My office. Now.” Abacus was never one to smile on a good day; with how bad things were looking, I was honestly surprised her leaden scowl wasn’t dropping off her face from the sheer weight.

We were escorted briskly down the hall and into the one hall I hated most in school. Clean, sterile, and sparkling with unholy brightness, the Head of Discipline made sure the custodians kept her office and hall as white and hungry as the sun. It made my coat itchy and hot every time I needed to walk the walk of shame. It wasn’t often—thank the Nightmother—but there were some things the school just couldn’t do.

Scoots and Rumble were already seated when we trotted in, black and sticky and covered in chicken feathers. Scoots was irritably picking at one wing with a huff, while Rumble was carefully preening her other wing with much more care. There was a yelp and a muffled swear as Scoots plucked a feather by accident, and Rumble had to quickly drop what he was doing before his fillyfriend’s agitated flapping made him pluck even more.

“I told you not to rush it.” Frowning at Scoots, he leaned back in to continue. “Do you want to end up waiting for all your feathers to grow back?” He turned to spit in the garbage can, face scrunched in disgust from the tar, but on seeing us in the door, he made the mistake of swallowing.

“Everypony, sit.” Abacus flicked her switch against the table with a snap that made Mrs. Cheerilee wince. Harsh as she was, the mare never used it on students, but she sure as Tartarus liked reminding you it was there.

While the rest of us sat, Mrs. Cheerilee hovered by the door, dancing on her hooves and darting her eyes about. She gave a whimpery little whinny when Abacus waved her away.

“You still have class to attend to, Cheerilee. These ruffians are out of your hooves.”

“Umm… I’m sure the class can handle themselves for a few minutes without m—”

“Go.” The switch struck the desk again and our flower of hope was gone.

“Now, then.” Abacus stomped and her door just slammed shut to trap us in her kingdom. “Explain.”

Sweet Nightmother above, the others were just opening and closing their mouths. I was at least making sound, but buck if earth ponies weren’t absolutely terrifying in their domain. It was her room—her office—and every little clip of her pacing hooves on the tiled floor stabbed at the ears as the walls felt like they were watching, judging, and closing in. It was like the room itself was tsking in disapproval, just waiting to hear what we’d done.

“Well?” Abacus arched her brow, and I swore I could hear the room do the same.

Don’t ask me how or what the room even had to arch, but arch something it did. The tortured groan of something was in my ears, so unless it was my friends….

“Some hooligans started pranking me a week or so ago, Ma’am.” I politely bowed my head, ears splaying as I did. “I didn’t know who it was, so I took the liberty of trying to figure out who it was before reporting it to the proper school authorities.”

“Is that so?” The switch was only lightly tapping the desk now, even if she was still prowling like a shark behind it. She paused and turned to stare me down, and I had to muster all my effort on not giving ground. “You lot are so prone to taking action into your own hooves. I don’t know if I believe you.”

“We only ever break the rules when the school itself can do nothing, ma’am, and we always accept the consequences.” Schooling my expression, I put on my best guard face.

“Yes, you do, but that hardly makes breaking the rules any more acceptable now, does it?” Abacus’ brow arched once more.

“No, ma’am.”

She stared at me for a long while, tongue clicking. “Go on and explain this morning, then.” Waving a hoof at me, she resumed pacing.

“I was staking out my locker to see if they’d try striking there again.” Show no weakness. That was the key. “I came in early, hid in my locker, and waited to get the drop on anypony foalish enough to try. It was never my intent to break or vandalize my locker. If it had been, I would have broken out to make sure I caught the perpetrator. Instead, they outwitted me and jammed the lock so I was stuck inside.”

“And that’s when you decided it was okay to rip the door off your locker?”

“No, ma’am. I was fine with waiting for the proper authorities to come and free me at that point. My fillyfriend here was… less than pleased when she was targeted by her own prank.” I nodded to Diamond.

“Gee, thanks. Roll me under the trolley, why don’t you?” Diamond flicked her tail, but didn’t deny her actions. “Do you know what I might need to do to get this dye out?”

“No?”

“Well, depending on the dye, if I don’t want to wait for my next few coat trimmings, I may need to bucking shave.” The sheer murder in her eyes was enough to make me wince.

Ooof… I was gonna need to take measures to protect the perps from Diamond, wasn’t I?

“Coats grow back, Miss Tiara.” Abacus tsked and marked something down on a slip on her desk. “Locker doors don’t. You will be getting twice as much detention for that. Be thankful I’ve decided to be lenient seeing that you were all targeted with malicious intent. Figure out who is disrupting my school quickly or I may start being less so.”

I nodded and accepted the slip as she hoofed it to me. There was no point in arguing it was Principle Princeps’ school with her. As Head of Discipline, she’d just give me more detention.

That said… three days of detention was rather lenient for her. Usually, it was a week at minimum when she stepped in.

“Now.” Abacus sniffed. “Before you head back to class, I’m giving you a hall pass for both your lockers and the gym. Clean yourselves in the showers if need be, and collect whatever you need for class before returning.” Turning to Scoots and Rumble, her eyes narrowed. “I will be sending somepony to check on you. Do not test me by sneaking in the fillies’ shower room.”

“M-ma’am, yes, ma’am!” Oh, Rumble… saluting somepony who wasn’t a commissioned officer again? Would you never learn?

Still, it stroked Abacus’s ego, and got us out of her oppressive office without any more fuss. The instant the door closed, it was like feeling clouds finally cover the sun to provide sweet, blessed shade.

“Nightmother above, earth ponies are scary.” I let out a breath as we all started walking. “How does she even have a domain here, Diamond? I could feel it sending shivers up my spine.”

“Uh… same way Daddy can sense whenever the bank lays a hoof on his bits, I guess?” Diamond flicked her ear. “You don’t always need to own the land. If she really thinks that office is that important, then it is. Dunno what else to tell you. You think it was bad for you, though? I think my hooves cracked a little.”

“Ugh… I can’t wait to get all this junk out of my wings. I hope it stains all of Finch’s furniture. This whole thing is horseapples.” Scoots rustled her wings. “She could have at least let me clean myself first.”

“What? And risk having you run off after catching you?” I snorted. “Not in a million years.”

“Yeah, well, she can suck it if she’s gonna pull stunts like that.” Scootaloo lashed her tail hard enough to whipcrack Rumble as we made it to the shower rooms. “Now come on, Turkey Legs. Time to get back to that preening.”

“Uh… I don’t really think I should test Abacus by going in with you.” Rumble blushed and glanced at us for help.

“Oh, you don’t, do you?” Scoots dragged her coltfriend right past the fillies’ showers and straight towards the colts’. “Well, that’s good. ‘Cause I’ll be coming in with you. She didn’t ask me to do squat.”

Rumble gave one last yelp as he was dragged into the showers, and I turned to look at Diamond and Silver, arching my brow. “Which one do you think will get more detention if they’re caught?”

“Oh, Night, Night, Night, Night…” Diamond tittered as she shook her head. “You shouldn’t be asking yourself that.”

“I shouldn’t?”

“No, of course not!” It was my turn to yelp as Diamond latched her hoof into my chest floof and began dragging me towards the door. “You should be asking how much detention we’re going to be getting if we’re caught~ After all, I’m just so mad right now, I think I need your help… venting….”

Oh… Oh, sweet stars above, no…

“Uh… Silver?”

“This Ice Queen is out.” The mare was already trotting away. “Good thing all I got splattered with was water.”

“No! Come back! Save me!” I reached out, but it was too late. The locker room door closed with a thud and my fate was sealed.

Author's Note:

There ya go folks. Enjoy.

Comments

[reader238]

Calling it now the culprit is Abacus or her aid

[Captain Rackham]

There be murder in them there school halls!

[badninja]

I think we are going to see our little guard show this fool how dangerous she can be. I hope whoever it is gets Discorded for good measure.

[Dan]

10849774
Somepony with normal access to the lockers, it would seem. And after hours.

Lockpicking would have to be done without interruption.

[Dorath]

Hmmm ... tampering with school property, theft and destruction of private property, oh and assault (tarring & feathering was a form of torture/execution for a reason) and Cinch's response is "you better deal with it or I'll punish you". Yep, wonderful show of authority and responsibility there.

[Sherlock Hooves]

Yep sounds just like the US public school system when it comes to bullying. "Oh this person started attacking you and you want us to do something about it? Nope sorry, you should just stop doing the thing that provokes them." Or the even better. "You defended yourself from a violent attack by someone larger, and clearly aggressive towards you? Well you're expelled. We don't tolerate violence in the schools. Unless its the bullies that do it." Fuck you Cinch.

[Munro]

what the fuck is kind of descjocky is that bitch !

no wonder the junor guard needs to stepp in -.-