• Published 30th Sep 2019
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She Drives Me Batty - I Thought I Was Toast



For five long years, Nightingale Mooncrest has suffered from a terminal infection of Diamond-studded cooties; she is perfectly alright with this.

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From the Shadows, They Strike Part 3

Half a league, half a sky, half a heaven onward; they climb to the dark of the moon. A solemn knight clad in armor both of body and mind, she soldiers ever onward, bearing black twisted metal and a stoney facade. Unflinching in the face of death, unyielding as they reach the Nightmare’s hold, there is no force—neither of moon nor of sun—capable of stopping her in her pursuit.

For justice will be hers.

“Uh, Equis to Night? You there?”

I blinked a few times as Diamond stirred me from my musings, the locker rooms otherwise empty. Her smile was relentless—not infectious, but unyielding as she drew me from my brooding with a chaste peck to the cheek.

“Yeah, I’m here.” A smile here, a nuzzle there. It was impossible for me to resist returning her affection in kind.

“You know, when I called you out the other day, I wasn’t really expecting you to challenge them all to a duel.” With a sly grin and a devious giggle, my marefriend nipped my ear. “But I do appreciate the thought.”

Schattenkrieg gets called for a lot less in some of the colonies.” I glanced down, ears splaying. “I should have called it from the start, when they were only targeting me.”

“Pffft! You think that would have changed anything?” Diamond threw her head back and laughed. “These bullies have no honor, doofus. Maybe thestral ones do, but I bet you ten bits none of them even show up tonight. All this is gonna do is prove they’re cowards.”

“Maybe…”

Before I could even start to frown, Diamond slugged me in the shoulder, her hoof ringing off my armor. “No. None of that. You got out the armor just for me; wear it like it’s made to be worn.”

I hadn’t exactly worn the armor for her, but no reason to tell her that. Instead, I stood to attention and snapped off a salute, a statue in every way. Diamond’s shark-like grin could have given Sergeant Smiles a run for her money, and my marefriend circled me, humming and hawing and doing all manner of things as she inspected me.

She drew real close—far closer than any sane regulations would ever allow—and chuckled as my hackles visibly rose. Her breath sent goosebumps rampaging across me, and the no-good cheat kept brushing our coats and flicking her tail. It was bliss and torture all in one, because I knew if I moved it would end.

“Much better.” She finally pulled back with a titter and patted me on the shoulder.

“Would be so much easier if you didn’t cheat.” I could afford to neither sag nor sigh in relief.

“You know you love it, though.” Tweaking my nose, she winked at me.

“I will bite you.”

“Ooh, now there’s an idea, isn’t there?~” Arching her brow, Diamond ignored my growl and pecked me on the lips. “Save it for the arena, though. It’s almost time to shine.”

“How many are there?” Taking a deep breath, I tapped a hoof against the tiled floor.

“Well, the stadium is packed, but last I checked, the jackasses were still a no show.” Diamond shrugged. “Like I said, ten bits.”

“Did Finch show?”

“Oh, yeah.” Diamond’s grin grew twice as wide. “She’s absolutely brimming right now with a handful of other teachers. I think they’re here to step in if things go too far.”

Rolling my eyes, I gave a hard snort. “That’s Dad’s job, not that I expect him to need to do anything. I don’t plan on giving Crusty the chance.”

“On the bright side, Miss Cheerilee is here with her husband, so that’s at least two adults you know are here to support you.”

“You know that Miss Cheerilee would never want her students fighting.” I shook my head. “She’ll probably end up squirming and trying to hold herself back the whole time.” Flicking my tail, I allowed myself the tiniest of frowns. “Better get out there and get this over with, then.”

With a deep breath, I pushed towards the door and out into the hall, sauntering through the empty gym and out to the school field. I may have used just a little more force than necessary—I did blow the doors open with an audible slam, after all—but presentation was almost as important as actual strength.

My greaves flattened the grass as I strode over the field towards the bleachers. Both claws and wing blades were blunted with training enchantments as usual, but I didn’t mind. The spells lent a vague and ghostly shimmer to my weapons that added an air of deadly menace to them I liked; they were exactly the kinda showy that could end conflicts before they began, and whenever Mom finally let me remove them, the first thing I was gonna do was pay Miss Trixie to have her copy the effect.

My cuirass was a tarnished and twisted mess that teetered on the edge of regulation much like all the armor Aunt Mercy had given me over the years. Blackened and brushed with all kinds of charcoal and ash, it was splashed with all sorts of shades that made it look scorched by the sun itself. Twisted and slaggy spikes almost curled like horns as if they’d been twisted and warped from the heat, and if you looked at it side by side with a book of old Night Guard armors, you would eventually find the one mine was inspired by based on the spikes and the incredibly edgy hollow in the chest.

It was from just after Luna fell to the Nightmare, and the Night Guard were feeling rightfully rebellious. Taking on the armor was a way to maintain duty while not so subtly snubbing the Princess for cutting out the heart of their cause.

I liked it, as edgy as it was. Sure, it was a little much, but— Okay, it was a lot much. Aunt Mercy had gotten an illusionist to make the hollow appear like an endless pit surrounded by a fiery brand, after all. But it got ponies to shut up and stare. It showed others that I wasn’t to be messed with, and that alone had won me a few tournaments in the Junior Guard.

It served me well as I walked onto the battlefield, the whole school going silent as they stared. Most of them had seen the full armor once or twice, but it always caused a ruckus when I dug it out. Nothing compared to the sight of me sauntering up in the shadows of a dying sunset like a knight who had faced the full might of the sun and survived.

“Hah! Nice cosplay, neeeeeeeeeerd! No wonder you abandoned your team for games club!” Somehow, it didn’t phase Crusty in the slightest, though I took pleasure in the rest of my former ‘team’ looking much more uneasy. It didn’t last as Crusty pointed and laughed, emboldening the others to snicker and sneer.

Fangs grit, my temple twitched at his mockery, and I snorted before looking at Abacus Finch on the sidelines. “See that? It’s trash talk now, but that einzeller doesn’t have two brain cells to rub together and think about there being a time and a place. That’s what your students have to put up with.”

Finch bit her lip, her glower intensifying, but said nothing.

“Oh, wahhhhh, wah! Poor, little Nightingale! Did I hurt your feelings so bad you can’t even trash talk back?”

“The fact that you can’t tell how much I was insulting you is a pretty good indicator of just why you’re an einzeller.

“Don’t know what that means. Don’t care.” Rolling his eyes, Crusty smirked at me. “The boys and I are just here to prove you aren’t as hot as you think you are. Not sure how the school can’t see it. You look like a lumbering LARPer.” His smile grew as the grinding of my fangs became audible.

“This armor is steeped in tradition as old as—”

“—your edgy, six-year old imagination?”

“—the Nightmare herself!” I growled, hoof pawing at the ground as the shadows stirred around me. “I doubt you could possibly understand just why it was forged so… edgily.”

“Because I’m a daydweller, huh?” He grinned. “And you think you’re just that much better than me?”

“No, because you’re an idiot, and I know I’m that much better than you.”

“Big words from somepony who’s all bark and no bite.” He took a step forward which prompted the rest of the team to do the same. “I’m not the one who abandoned my team or got shoved in a locker like a measly little mouse.”

“You want to see my bite, huh?” The school watched with bated breath as I too advanced, the shadows on the field growing just a tiny bit as the world seemed to darken. I wasn’t as good as Dad yet, and maybe I never would be, but the looks on their faces as their own shadows started to steam with darkness was rewarding in its own way.

Crusty was the only one unfazed, even having the gall to grin wider as he looked down. “Hah! Is that all you’ve got? A bit of smoke and mirrors? I bet you can’t even—”

The first hint of moon crept over the horizon, and with it the duel officially could begin. I didn’t give Crusty time to finish, reaching into my shadow and out of one of my foes’. It was one on, like, twenty. Fairness was long gone out the window.

Grabbing one of the three pegasi there—Gale Force, running back, cutie mark in heavy duty weather magic—I dragged him down into the dark and left him there, my own shadow keeping him company and making sure I didn’t lose him in the in-between.

I could feel him bucking wildly to try and escape my shadow’s iron grip, but there was little he could do but panic and waste his breath in the inky blackness. There was no air where I’d taken him. Rather than flying through the void, I had swam through a sea of shadows to reach him, my first victory assured once he either passed out or was left too tired to fight.

Brutal? Yes, but I had to clear the skies as fast as possible or there was a chance I might actually lose.

As I burst back out of the darkness—devoid of my otherwise busy shadow—it was to tackle the other pegasus and sock them hard in the gut. Breath was beyond important in flight, air flow and control was everything. Knocking the wind out of him allowed me to jump and take to the skies with only Crusty capable of following.

Of course, the unicorns peppered me with potshots. Their aim was even pretty good from all the practice they got passing their balls around. But their strength? Their will? Hah! None of them had the training to hit me harder than a ripe tomato. I would be lucky to earn a bruise if they didn’t up their game.

And Crusty? The hühnerblut wasn’t even taking off to chase me. He just stood there, smirking and waiting.

“What? Are you looking for a one-on-one?” He laughed. “I’m not stupid, you know. I know exactly how this all works. We’re a lot alike, after all.”

“I am nothing like you.” With a hiss, I dove for a unicorn, juking his attempt at a jab with a feint and shooting into his shadow to pop out and slug somepony else. Dodging and weaving, I was able to glance most blows off my armor, running up to buck an earth pony down and leap back into the air.

“Oh, so you aren’t trying to goad me into attacking you alone in the air?” The laugh got louder, grating in my ears as I flapped a little higher. “You aren’t exactly subtle about it! The intimidating armor, the trash talk, the ruthless force~ It’s a game to see who goads who into slipping up first.”

“I don’t need you to slip up!” I dove again only for Crusty to blur into motion. Freaking pegasi cheats. He was way faster than he looked, a gale of wind blasting him at me with just a bit of weather magic.

It was a textbook guard maneuver.

He. Had. Training.

I was caught so off guard, I could only blink as time seemed to slow. Crusty rammed me right out of the sky and sent me tumbling to the ground. Intercepting me before I could reach my target, the guano-guzzler landed a good, solid sucker punch. He let me push him away, didn’t follow up, and merely laughed at me as I took back to the skies.

“See what I mean, little wannabe~” His wings were spread, and his chest was puffed out. The stands had been shocked silent once more as Crusty killed the cheers I had been garnering.

Buck, that hoof had hurt. My head was throbbing, and all I could see was that tackle coming at me again and again as I retreated up into the air.

He. Dared.

That bully dared use Guard techniques against me?! He dared to defile everything they stood for?! That… that heathen! He thought he stood a chance just ‘cause he knew a few tricks?! He had the gall to compare himself to me!

My wings twitched, causing me to bob a little unsteadily in flight. The air around me started to darken as I sucked the light out of it, and I called my shadow back to me. Swooping down, I dumped the woozy and almost unconscious pegasus that came with her by dad before landing to advance with a stoney scowl towards Crusty.

The little potshots continued to glance off me, and not even the new massive and throbbing headache changed the fact they were but mosquito bites before my wrath. The rest of the team charged as their so-called ‘leader’ held back with a grin, but I batted them to the side be it by hoof or wing. Sliding into my shadow, dodging the worst of hits, I steadily advanced towards the grinning loon and swung.

He caught my hoof, his strength an even match for mine, chuckling as I was forced to back off once more when the hoofball team threatened to surround me. “That’s not going to work~ You can’t bully me into submission like you did the others~”

Fangs bared, I turned my attention to the others, too smart to waste breath on talking back. “Surrender now, or you’re first. I have no issues going through you all to get to him.”

“Hah! You think you can handle us all? Crusty is right! You really are full of—”

That one was the first to go. I grabbed him while my shadow grabbed another, and the two of us twisted to slam their thick skulls together. No mercy. No holding back. Their unconscious bodies made good shields as we flung them at the clump of unicorns and charged.

“It was a mistake to group up if you’re going to be a bunch of pansies.” I growled at them as they scrambled back. “This is what Dad calls a ‘Target-rich environment!’” Leaping between them, I shrieked loud enough that their ears flattened and their horns flickered, eyes screwing shut at the auditory assault. “‘Cause now I can do this!” My hoof lashed out to rap their flickering horns.

It was a beyond dirty trick, putting them through not just one but two forms of magical backlash. The poor foals had kept shooting until it was too late. They didn’t have the training to understand. Normal backlash was painful enough, but easy to avoid. So few unicorns failed to understand that was never the case in a fight. The horn was just another muscle in need of training, and without it, those idiots would probably have migraines for a week.

Maybe more since I wasn’t pulling punches.

Still, as the unicorns fell that left about five more earth ponies to deal with, and I leapt away to avoid the inevitable stampede. I almost got caught as Crusty tried to rush me again, but this time when we went tumbling I socked him.

He was off me in a whirl of wind before I could keep going, one hoof to his bloodied snout. Instead of whimpering in pain or flinching, though, he gave a wheezing laugh and wiped his hoof clean. “Good one.”

“Shut up. Shut up. Shut up!” Nightmother above, that laugh was so annoying by now—so taunting. Could he not just bucking learn his lesson?!

Two more earth ponies fell as I grabbed the lead charger and twirled him so another barreled right into his side. The impact slid me back a few steps, but I was able to turn the tables before I was toppled. Sinking partway into my shadow, I twisted to lock my hind hooves in place. Now anchored and rooted, I hefted the earth pony up and swung him like a bat, knocking the charger back with a yelp.

“Only three meatshields left.” I snorted and glared at Crusty.

“Make it two.” One of the three shook his head and bolted.

“Err… one?”

“How about none!”

And with the scrabbling of cowardly hooves, it was just me and Crusty left.

“What are you gonna do now without all your backup?” I panted as I stomped forward, chest heaving as I growled at my foe.

“I’m gonna win, of course.” Buck that guano-guzzling grin. It was begging for a lot more than just one punch. “Believe it or not, I already have.”

“Lies!” Blasting forward, I sent him tumbling with a punch.

He didn’t get up, didn’t run, didn’t fight. All he did was grin.

“Get up and fight me.” I kicked him as I got near. “That’s what you wanted, isn’t it? To pick a sunblasted fight!”

“Don’t need to anymore.” Damn that blood-boiling laugh. “I told you—” He gasped as I gave another kick, but it only made him laugh harder. “—I already won.”

“You call this winning?!” Hefting him up by his chest, I slugged him several times; something cracked. “Fight me, you bastard! This isn’t over until you admit you’ve bucking lost! Fight—”

As my hoof descended once more to silence the thrice-damned laughing, somepony caught it in their tempered iron grip. “Enough.”

“No! He hasn’t admitted defeat yet!” I tried in vain to pull, but there was no force save the Nightmare herself capable of stopping Dad.

“Night, stop.”

There was something in the tone and voice. It made me stop, made me listen. The crowd was silent, dead silent—save for a few quiet sniffles. I blinked, and it let me see just what I’d done to Crusty. His face was bruised and bloody as he gave me a broken smile and continued to laugh; he was missing not just one but several teeth.

I stood there, and my chest heaved not just with fatigue, but with anger, rage and a burning desire for more. I wanted— I wanted—

Crusty gasped in pain as I dropped him and stumbled back into Dad’s forelegs. The bully was just barely able to rise and sneer at me, slurring his words as he spoke. “I told you I already won. Go on. Say it. Tell the whole school I won! They all saw it! They saw what you’re really capable of!”

I didn’t dare look at the stands, instead mewling as I curled closer to Dad. His hoof was awkward as he patted me, his body tense. I could hear the rumbling growl trying to claw its way out of his chest.

“Got a quote for you, nerd. Tell me if you’ve heard it~ ‘You either die a hero, or you… you…’” I flinched at the sound of Crusty collapsing mid-sentence, teachers calling for paramedics as he finally stopped his awful laughing.

“‘…or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.’” Unable to face the school or Dad, I melted into my shadow and ran for home.

Author's Note:

No real avoiding the drama tag after this, I suppose. Eh, it was kind of getting there anyways. Regardless! Big scene this one. Been planning it for a while. I like to think if the first story was about Night learning to gain confidence in the places she lacked it, this one is learning to temper the places she's too confident. No longer a foal and in the prime of her youth, she's taken a bit too much after her father.