S.M.I.L.E. For The Camera!

by TheGuineaPig45

Chapter One: Let's Go Party (Responsibly)!

“Okay, so we've apologized to Applejack, Big McIntosh, Granny Smith, Apple Brown Betty, Apple Sauce, Apple Turnover, Grand Pear, ‘Just Apple’, Apple Pie, Salted Caramel Apple Cinnamon Macaron, Apple Honey--”

“You said that one already,” Shining Armor interrupted.

“Did I?” Flam looked over his checklist. “Oh boy. Why are there so many of them? The adults in this family really need to calm down.”

A week had passed since Apple Bloom had been kidnapped, and Equestria slowly seemed to be returning back to normal. Thanks to the powers of alicorn magic, Canterlot Castle had been restored to its former glory, with a couple minor adjustments to protect it from “runaway” zeppelins. Scootaloo’s windows had been repaired, although Shining Armor was genuinely concerned the duct tape wouldn’t hold. And the Canterlot soup kitchen was in good shape, in part due to its two newest volunteers, who were happily completing their community service hours.

The only thing that hadn’t changed was the hotel room.

Flam, whose mane had returned to its natural red and white colors, was sitting on their shared bed, levitating a long scroll listing all the members of the Apple Family who knew about the drunken incident. Some of them had forgiven easily, like Braeburn, while others forced the stallions to do extensive labor on the farm in order to make up for their crimes. Naturally, the stallions were exhausted, and a little grimy. Flam had applesauce in places he didn't think applesauce should ever be.

“Candy Apples,” he said, using a quill to check off the box next to the name. “We definitely got them.”

“No, you’re thinking of Caramel Apples,” Shining Armor replied, sitting on the hayburger-costume-turned-bean bag-chair.

“Aren’t they the same thing?” Flam asked, putting down the piece of paper. “The Apple Family really needs a new naming scheme. They should name their next child, like, Grapes or something.”

“But they’re the Apple Family.”

“So?”

Shining Armor sighed, then rested his head on the floor. He looked at the wall, which was gleaming from the light of a nearby lamp.

Yellow, he thought to himself. That’s one of the colors of Cadance’s mane. His eyes naturally moved to his cutie mark. So is pink…

“Apple Bruschetta?!” Flam suddenly shouted, disturbing his roommate’s line of thought. “Come on! Now I know Applejack was messing with us when she gave us this list.”

“Cadance loves bruschetta,” Shining Armor moaned, pouting his bottom lip. “We had it on our first date.”

Flam chuckled. “Really? Because yesterday, you said you had caprese salad on your first date. And before that, it was a hayburger and fries.” Shining continued frowning, so Flam came off the bed and patted him on the back. “Hey, man, it’ll be okay. I’m sure she’ll write you soon.”

“But it’s been a week. I miss her.”

“I’m sure she misses you, too. She just needs time to get her thoughts in order. You did drunkenly cheat on her with me, after all.”

Shining took a deep breath. “I know, I know. I’m just sad. As thankful as I am to have you supporting me, I miss my wife. We would see plays together, get massages together, cuddle…”

“Hey, I’m a great cuddler,” Flam laughed.

“Flam, what if it's... over?"

"I'm sure it's not."

"But what if?"

Flam’s ears drooped, but his nodded his head in understanding. After a moment of solemn silence, he quickly perked up. “I have an idea. Let’s go out, hit the town, and do something fun! It’ll cheer you up, or, at the very least, take your mind off of this for a while.”

Shining Armor lifted his face from the floor. “Do something?” he repeated. “Like what?”

“I don’t know. What’s in Canterlot?”

As the two pondered this idea, Flam walked over to the window. Outside, there were several mares and stallions in smart suits and beautiful dresses walking down the street. Many were holding wrapped up boxes or flowers.

“THAT,” Flam said, pulling his friend to the window. “Let’s do that.”

“You mean, go to a wedding?” Shining Armor asked.

“No, crash a wedding. So much more fun! Flim and I did it once, and we ended up giving toasts to a bride and groom we didn't even know! Not to mention, we got three goodie bags each. It’s like a long con, but with no potential repercussions!”

“I don’t know,” the prince admitted. “Seems wrong. We weren’t invited, and we don’t even know who the wedding is for. What if it’s, like, Svengallop’s?”

“I have no idea who that is,” Flam replied, gleefully leaping onto his bed. “But it doesn't matter who the wedding is for. All that matters is free food, games, dancing, and nonstop FUN!” He started bouncing up and down on the mattress. “Come on! It’ll be the perfect night.”

Shining Armor thoughtfully considered this, but still shook his head. “No. Weddings are full of alcohol. Do I need to remind you of what happened the last time we got drunk?”

“Easy problem to solve. We just bring somepony along to keep us in check and make sure we’re being responsible.”

“Like who?”

---

“This is so exciting!” Boomer cheered, putting on a suit jacket. “I’ve never been to a wedding before!”

“Weren’t you at my wedding?” Shining Armor pointed out, attempting to tie his tie with magic. His knot somehow ended up looking like a gift bow.

“Sure, but as a guard, not as a guest!” the pegasus admitted. “What’s it like? How am I supposed to act? Do I have to bring a gift?”

“Fun, like yourself, and no,” Flam responded rapid-fire, barely batting an eye. “Just don’t stress yourself out, Boom. The whole point of crashing is to cut loose and have a good time!” He turned to Shining Armor, whose tie was now somehow looking like an origami crane. “Do you, by any chance, need help with that?”

“What gave you that idea?” the prince joked. The magic aura around the tie changed from pink to green, and it slowly wrapped itself into a Windsor knot. “Thank you.”

“Hey, you lent us these sweet suits,” Flam said, admiring himself in the hotel room’s bathroom mirror. “Having these in your luggage was the best coincidence EVER. We’re gonna look like we belong at the wedding, and it didn't cost us a bit!”

“You two are so hot,” Boomer mused, staring at the stallions. “If you two weren’t in such a committed relationship, I’d date you both.”

“We’re not in a relationship,” Flam corrected. “We’re just two stallions who happen to share a hotel room and sleep in the same bed. It’s totally platonic.”

“Sure.”

The pegasus winked, and both unicorns rolled their eyes. Shining Armor peeked out the window, and saw a steady stream of stallions walking by below them, all fancily dressed. “If we leave now, we should be able to blend into the crowd with ease,” he observed. “So let’s get going! The night is young!”

“I thought you weren’t on board with this,” Flam chuckled, wrapping a leg around his roommate. “Something change?”

“Well, seeing us all together in these fantastic suits made me realize something… I need a guys night out. I’ve been spending so much time and energy worrying about my wife, but not nearly enough on the friends I’ve got right in front of me.” He smiled. “I chose to live with you, Flam, because, one, I needed someone to split the cost of the room with, but two, because I wanted to hang out with you more. So let’s do it! Let’s spend some quality time together!”

“Yeah! Let’s go party responsibly!” Flam laughed, walking out the door with the prince. “That should be the new motto of the Unicorn Squad.”

“I like it!”

The two hoof-bumped, and giggled as they skipped through the halls of the hotel.

“Yup,” Boomer muttered to himself, following behind them. “Definitely not in a relationship.”

---

The mare looked at her watch. It was only twenty more minutes until the wedding ceremony. Then, she could finally complete her task.

Yes, her assignment was vague, at best, but she had a feeling in her bones that she'd know the stallions when she saw them. After all, how common was such a group of ponies? She wasn't worried. In fact, the mare was as ready as she'd ever be.

No matter what she had to do, who she had to take out, she would have her revenge on S.M.I.L.E. and its agents. And that was final.

Comments

[Dashie04]

Next story’s starting out great.