S.M.I.L.E. For The Camera!

by TheGuineaPig45

Chapter Two: One Hundred And Seventy-Six Days

The Sapphire Château was a beautiful place for a wedding.

An old building designed in the times of Starswirl the Bearded, but continuously renovated through generations, it was a gorgeous spectacle of modern technology and ancient architecture.

The main ballroom had been covered with white, blue, and pink tablecloths, balloons, and centerpieces made to look like hearts. There were ten tables, alongside a bar, a big stage, and an even bigger dancefloor, which was already home to at least a hundred guests. The lights had been dimmed down and colored blue, and DJ Pon-3 was blasting her signature tunes. Off to the side, safe from the partying guests, was a cornucopia of pies, in place of a traditional wedding cake.

Above the pies was a banner reading, CONGRATULATIONS, LYRA HEARTSTRINGS AND BON BON!

The stallions looked at the stunning display in awe.

“If my wedding wasn’t a royal wedding,” Shining began, looking at the ornate chandelier above his head, “I would’ve wanted it to be like this.”

“It’s quite a sight,” Flam replied, gazing at the lights. “Too bad we missed the ceremony. I’m sure it was beautiful.”

“True, but sneaking into the wedding reception was far easier,” Boomer said. “I mean, all we had to do was walk in! Easy as pie. Speaking of pie, I’m going to get me a slice!” He started walking off, but Shining Armor grabbed his tail and pulled him back.

“Sorry, Boom,” the prince explained, “but you don’t serve yourself at a wedding. You sit at a table and wait for food to be placed on your table.”

The pegasus groaned. “But that doesn't make any sense. I’m hungry now! And we don’t even have a table!”

Flam laughed. “Oh, don’t you worry your sweet little head. We’ll have tables before the appetizers come out, guaranteed. We just have to blend into the party first.”

Shining and Boomer nodded, and the three advanced past the entrance, inserting themselves in the crowd of well-dressed, twirling ponies. Since there were at least two hundred ponies there, not a soul questioned their presence. Not even Lyra and Bon Bon, who they ran into by the bar. Both members of the couple were wearing wedding dresses to match the other's coat color.

“Congratulations on the marriage!” Boomer said to them, walking by. “You are most adorable couple I’ve ever seen!”

“Thanks!” the newlyweds replied in perfect harmony.

The three stallions sat down at a random, unoccupied table, and just took in their surroundings. A lot of ponies they knew were there, from Twilight Sparkle to Jet Set, cutting loose and enjoying themselves. There wasn’t a single pony without a smile in the room.

“Oh my goodness,” Flam gasped, looking at the nametag for the seat he had stolen. “Apple Bruschetta is REAL.”

“Guess we owe them an apology,” Shining Armor replied. “But let’s save that for tomorrow. Tonight’s a night of relaxation and fun. No worrying about kidnapping Apple Bloom or estranged couples. Especially because we’re celebrating a couple that is very much so not estranged!”

“I love your energy tonight, Shiny!” Flam laughed. “How about I put that spirit to the test on the dance floor?”

“Let’s do it!”

The two unicorns got up and headed toward the wedding’s current hotspot, but were stopped by an Earth Pony with a gamboge coat and a poofy brown mane, dressed in a striking, bright yellow suit.

“Hey, you two!” he chirped, his voice cheery and full of life. “I don’t remember seeing your names on the guest list!”

“Well, I don’t remember seeing yours either,” Flam replied. “But that’s probably because I don’t know your name, nor have I seen the guest list.”

The pony laughed, and held a hoof out to the unicorns. “I’m Cheese Sandwich, super duper party pony extraordinaire!” Flam smiled and reached out to accept the hoof shake, but Cheese quickly retracted at the last second. “Wait, let me take the joy buzzer off first.”

Who brings a joy buzzer to a wedding…? Shining Armor thought.

“My pal Pinkie Pie and I planned this whole shebang!” Cheese explained, stuffing his prank machine under his hat. “But when we set up the guest list, I don’t exactly remember Shining Armor being listed.”

“We’re wedding crashers,” Flam admitted, prompting a facehoof from Shining Armor.

“Ah! Well, who could resist a party like this! Invitation or not, you’re welcome to stay! Have some pie! Take a goodie bag on your way out! We made extra for a reason! Mainly because I was worried Boneless would take too many, but this works too!”

Cheese Sandwich bounced away, a spring in his step. Shining Armor’s jaw hung open for a moment.

“You’re so good at talking your way out of things,” he said to Flam, continuing their path toward the dance floor. “Why did you decide to tell the truth to the one pony who could kick us out?”

“He seemed nice,” Flam replied with a shrug. “Besides, now we have permission to take the goodie bags, which is great because I saw chocolate pennies inside! And let me tell you, swimming in those feels much better than swimming in actual bits!"

Shining laughed. “As long as we do nothing particularly illegal tonight, I’ll be happy.”

The two made their way to the dance floor, and began letting loose. DJ Pon-3's beats worked considerably well with both Flam's more theatrical moves and Shining's clunky steps, so the two didn't have to feel looking awkward or being out of place. They could just dance together, not a care in the world.

"Great moves!" Bon Bon called out, kissing Lyra on the cheek as they danced in a clump with five stallions.

"Hey, you too!" Shining responded, giddy with joy.

When it came time for the Pony Prance, they were joined by Boomer, and the trio were having the time of their lives.

“This is way more fun than guarding,” Boomer laughed, busting a move. “I mean, as much as I love counting all three hundred and forty-five bolts in the ceiling, nothing beats dancing!”

“It’s moments like these that really help me appreciate the ‘Magic of Murder’,” Flam agreed. A few concerned ponies crept away from him, while one green mare began staring at him.

Shining Armor was about to chime in, when his eyes suddenly met with another pony’s across the dance floor. He immediately stopped dancing.

“Oh no,” Shining gasped, leaping behind Boomer. “It’s Soarin.”

“Oh, I know him!” Flam said, finding the Wonderbolt in the crowd. “He chased us when we were escaping on the train to Canterlot! That’s a fun coincidence! Let’s go say hi.”

“NO!” Shining shouted, causing both of the other stallions to jump. “He’s Cadance’s ex-boyfriend! They dated for one hundred and seventy-six days before she started dating me!”

“You know the exact amount of days?”

“It was a very trying time for me!”

“Is this the kind of drama that always happens at weddings?” Boomer asked, a big grin on his face. “Cause I’m living for it.”

Flam rolled his eyes. “Come on, Shiny! This is our guys night out, remember? You said it yourself; we're not supposed to be worrying about--”

“Cadance,” Shining Armor wheezed.

“Exactly!”

“No, Cadance.”

The dumbfounded prince pointed across the room. Flam and Boomer looked, and sure enough, on the opposite side of the dance floor, was Shining Armor’s wife.

Talking to Soarin.

“Does anypony have some popcorn?” Boomer asked. “Cause this feels like a popcorn moment.”

“Why didn't I think about this?” Shining panted, beginning to hyperventilate. “Lyra was one of her bridesmaids! Of course she’d be here!”

Flam put his leg around Shining’s back, and led him off of the dance floor. “Hey, buddy. Calm down. Everything is alright! You’re fine.” He sat them back down at Apple Bruschetta’s table. “Sure, Cadance is here, but you don’t have to talk to her. You can just avoid her! Our guys night out doesn't have to end here!” His voice was trembling slightly. “We were having so much fun!”

“She’s talking to Soarin,” Shining Armor said. “Soarin gets all the mares! He dated, like, ninety percent of the girls at my school!" A pause. "Okay, maybe that's a bit of a hyperbole, but still! My marriage is DOOMED!”

“You’re being irrational,” Flam replied. “Whoa, that felt weird coming out of my mouth." He shook himself out. "Just breathe, Shiny. You need to calm down. You're just being emotional. For all you know, they could just be reconnecting.”

“They dated in high school, and now they’re fully grown adults with nothing in common! What could they possibly have to talk about?!”

“I dunno. Taxes?”

In the corner of his eye, Shining Armor noticed Soarin, who was wearing his formal officer’s gear, flying toward him. “He’s coming over to us!” the prince gasped. “Flam, help me! You’re great at talking! Please, persuade him to leave!”

Before Flam could respond, Soarin landed, and Shining Armor zipped under the table. Flam and Boomer nervously smiled at the Wonderbolt.

“Did Shining Armor just hide under a table?” he asked. Flam sighed and nodded his head. “Huh. I saw him staring at me earlier. Did I do something…?”

“For one hundred and seventy-six days,” Boomer replied. Soarin raised an eyebrow.

“He’s, um, going through a midlife crisis,” Flam improvised, scratching his head. “Yesterday, he bought a yacht, and then donated it to the Ponies In Need of A Yacht Foundation, and yet, still, he felt unfulfilled."

“How have I never heard of that?” Soarin asked, taking a seat at the table. Shining saw his legs appear under the table and moaned. “The Wonderbolts love supporting charities.”

“Uh, it’s new. And very real, I might add.”

“You’re killing it!” Boomer whispered into Flam’s ear.

Trying to escape, Shining Armor began crawling out from under the table. However, as he lifted the tablecloth, his nose collided with something. It was Cheese Sandwich’s face.

The prince squealed.

“That was an interesting sound!” Cheese said, joining the unicorn under the table. “Is everything okay? I sensed somepony not enjoying the party in this area, and, well, I can’t have that! Here, take a rubber chicken.” He pulled one out of his hat, and placed it on Shining Armor’s head.

“How is this supposed to help me?” Shining asked. “I need to win back Cadance, not put on a comedy show!”

“What about a comedy show to win back Cadance? Eh?" He wiggled his eyebrows. "How about that?”

Shining Armor sighed. Why do I attract the strangest ponies… He continued trying to crawl away, but accidentally banged his head on the table.

“Oh my goodness!” Soarin gasped, pulling him up. “Are you okay, Shining Armor?!”

“Just peachy,” the stallion groaned, as Cheese Sandwich emerged beside him. “So great to see you, pal!”

“Yeah! Hey, Cadance and I were just talking about you.”

Shining gasped. “You were?!”

“Oh no,” Boomer said. “I was wrong. This is a popcorn moment!” As he began scanning the room for snacks, he noticed a green mare with a yellow mane staring directly at the table. He looked away for a second, then looked back at her. She was still staring at them, only now, she was closer. “Hey, do any of you know that pony?”

“Not now, Boomer,” Shining said, staring down Soarin. “What were you talking about?”

The Wonderbolt backed away. “Hey, man, no need to get so defensive.”

The green mare continued approaching. Boomer looked around, and there were four other ponies scattered around, moving in on the table. “Um… guys?”

“Might I suggest you take this elsewhere?” Cheese said, pulling Shining back. “We wouldn’t want to disrupt Lyra and Bon Bon’s special day!”

“Shining, remember the last time you confronted somepony at a party?” Flam added, helping Cheese pull the prince back. “You got drunk and kidnapped Apple Bloom!”

“Wait, you kidnapped Apple Bloom?!” Cheese asked, taken aback.

"It's been a week."

Suddenly, a shout came from across the room. “RUN!” The voice belonged to Bon Bon, who, alongside Lyra, was dashing toward the stallions as fast as she could. The group of ponies surrounding them had grown close, and was now leaping toward the table.

Before Shining Armor could react, he felt a hoof, wrapped in a wet towel, cover his nose and mouth. He struggled to escape its grasp, but his vision slowly began to blur.

And then everything went black.

Comments

[Ri2]

Wait, why was nobody smiling at the wedding?

[TheGuineaPig45]

Through the power of typos.
Thank you for pointing that one out. It's been fixed.