But You Can't Feel My Pain...
I wake up screaming at the top of my lungs, the image of Shadow Mane laying on top of me once again. I curled up into a ball as I began to sob. I'm so sick of this nightmare...
After a few moments of rocking myself, I opened my nightstand drawer, pulling out a pill bottle.
I stared at the bottle in my hoof for maybe a minute or two, then opened the lid as I poured a large hoof full into my grasp. I hesitate a moment as I just look at the small colorful objects, wondering how they can cause so much harm.
I slammed them into my mouth as I quickly drank a glass of water to wash down the taste, choking slightly due to the large amount. I panted slightly as my mind went into shock at what I was doing, but it had to be done. It's better this way...
After a few minutes, I felt my body growing hotter. I leaned against a wall as I felt my head grow dizzy and light headed. I tried to fan myself with my hooves, but my body only grew hotter. I walked around frantically as I tried to calm myself down, saying this is what I wanted.
I felt like my lungs had been clenched up as I found it hard to breathe followed by a sudden sharp pain in my stomach, causing me to cry out in pain. I lost my balance as I caught myself on the floor, clutching my stomach. I let out a loud scream as the pain grew more. My stomach grumbled as I felt everything inside churning up as I felt the urge to puke, which I did. My body only grew hotter and the pain wouldn't stop. I fell onto the floor as I screamed out bloody murder curling into a ball.
It felt like this was going on for days, or even months, and I deserved it. "This...is what I deserve..." I think to myself as I let out another scream.
I just rolled onto my back as I felt tears filling my eyes as I began to pant rapidly, feeling the foam roll down my face as everything went dark and cold as my eyes rolled into the back of my head.
This is what I deserve...
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9681680
Fixed, thank you
Dear Mensonge Singer,
I have been arrogant, ignorant, and unsympathetic towards you. What’s more, I’ve been blind to my own behavior, and it disgusts me. Oddly enough, it was a bit of Scripture from a Daily Bread pamphlet that opened my eyes to my own hypocrisy. I acted like I knew what your situation was, and what your illness was, and that was wrong. I made assumptions on what you were and were not doing and tried to give you orders based on those assumptions. I read what I have written to you, and it disgusts me. I consider myself a Christian, but my behavior would say otherwise. I’ve been falling behind in my faith for a while now, but I won’t talk about myself here. This is about YOU and how I’ve failed to build you up and instead possibly torn you down even further.
The point is that a person of my upbringing should know that words can tear down and build up. They can save a life or end a life. I’m not sure how far along the road to recover you are, but I do know that thus far, I haven’t been of much help to you. I won’t tell you what kind of person I’ve assumed you to be, because I was wrong. Any assumption made about a person suffering from depression or any mental illness is wrong. So, I apologize for my ignorant statements that you should just take medication and be done with it. That was horribly cold and cruel of me. I also apologize for how I tried to demand that you do what I say to somehow cure yourself. That was even worse of me. I was angry that your condition had driven you to write stories about your OC committing suicide, and I thought forcing you to stop was for your own good, but what I was doing was unfair to you and was void of love. Without love, a voice is just noise like a clanging cymbal.
And so, let me speak without ignorant assumptions, but instead with truth and love. YOU helped me see a flaw within myself, as well as how I’ve been living a life of ignorance and hypocrisy. I am going to initiate a change within myself so I no longer speak to people in such an arrogant toxic way. Do you see what you’ve done? You’ve initiated a positive change in another person. That’s not a baseless platitude or a wild assumption. It’s not even an exaggeration. It’s a FACT. YOU have just made an improvement to the world. Yes, YOU! This PROVES that you really do have value. YOU have made the world itself BETTER with your existence, and there is no way that this is the only way in which you’ve done so. Now, whenever you feel worthless or negative in any way, you have this FACT to prove those evil thoughts wrong. You are, in fact, an actual blessing, and I know you’ve brought blessings to others, even if you haven’t realized it or others haven’t acknowledged it. And so, I continued to pray that God will bless you, and help you to push through these trying times you are facing.
One last thing, whatever problems or illness you are facing might prevent you from feeling loved, but NOTHING can take away your right to be loved or the fact that others really do love you no matter how much everything hurts. I hope that the FACT that you helped change a person like me will help you in some way.
Love,
Matthais Unidostres