“Twilight Twilight Twilight!” shouted the pink pony with excitement. “I can’t believe you're here already, we should hold a party!” The candyfloss mare was now bouncing excitedly around Twilight. “Calm down Pinkie, I’m only back from Canterlot. I just want to get to the library and sleep.”
Twilight stepped off the train platform and started heading towards her home, the sun’s blistering heat only making her exhaustion worse.
“Oh that’s no problem, we can hold a welcome back party tomorrow!” said Pinkie, jumping enthusiastically beside her tired friend.
“Fine Pinkie, lets do it tomorrow, that sounds great.” groaned Twilight, walking past Sugarcube Corner.
“Hey Pinks, leave her be. Ah’m sure the old girl is real tired now” said an orange earth pony walking towards them with four other mares. “Sorry we’re late! Rarity over here just had to look perfect.” sighed Applejack while staring at a purple curly haired unicorn.
“Well one must always look beautiful for their friends” said Rarity, looking distastefully at Applejack’s muddy coat from working the farm all day long. Applejack was about to argue back until a yellow pegasus interrupted them.
“Um, girls, shouldn’t we be welcoming Twilight back? I mean if that’s okay with you.”
“You’re right Fluttershy, how was Canterlot Twilight?” asked a cyan pony just flying a little above the others.
“Oh it was alright nothing too fancy. I was just catching up with Princess Celestia. I even got to speak with Princess Luna a few times.” said Twilight, lost in the memories of her experience.
“Oh that sounds simply divine darling, do tell us all about it once you’ve rested up.” said Rarity now walking beside Twilight.
“I’m gonna get started on your party straight away in the morning, I can’t wait!” giggled Pinkie Pie, now giddy with excitement.
“That sounds great Pinkie but girls, I’m real tired and need to sleep so can we please leave all this till tomorrow?”
“Not a problem sugarcube now go get some rest, we will see ya tomorrow at the big party.” said Applejack, feeling sympathy for her.
“Alrighty! I’ll see everypony at mine tomorrow! Be there by seven o'clock!” shouted the pink pony, watching everypony walk away towards their homes. The party pony started her signature bounce towards her home and began thinking about how great tomorrow was going to be.
‘Ohhhhh tomorrow is going to be fantastic! We’re gonna have punch, dance the night away and play my favorite game pin the tail on the pony! The girls are gonna have so much fun , I’m gonna make this my best party yet!’
The earth pony, lost in her thoughts, arrived at her home and went inside. She quickly ran to her room, which had a lot of party decorations stored inside. Banners, streamers and balloons could be found all over the room. Her walls were a bright pink, just like her coat, and her bed in the corner was made of wood.
She spotted her pet alligator sitting in the middle of room and quickly ran over to pick him up. “Oh Gummy we’re gonna have a party tomorrow! With lots of cake, games and most importantly our friends!” shouted Pinkie Pie, now swinging the green alligator around in her hooves.
She walked over to her bedroom window and looked out too see Princess Luna’s moon high in the sky. “We really should be getting to bed. After all, we have a party to set up in the morning!” She jumped into her bed, snuggling into the sky blue blankets and placing Gummy right next to her. “Nighty night Gummy”, and with that she drifted off to sleep.
“Where am I?” Pinkie looked around her and all she could see was black clouds and darkness. The grass underneath her hooves turned a horrible yellow, the flowers all withered and dead. “Oh you know very well where you are..” said a voice, but Pinkie couldn’t see who had spoken.
“Who’s there!?” shouted the earth pony, fear beginning to overcome her. “Who are you!? Twilight? Fluttershy? Girls is that you?”
“You don’t remember me... How could you forget me? After all we’re more alike than you think!” hissed the voice.
Pinkie woke up in her bed, sweat dripping off her forehead. “What?... What was I dreaming about?” She quickly got out of her bed and walked to the window to see the sun had already risen above Ponyville. “Oh yes the party!” She ran downstairs to get started on the decorations for the party, the dream out of her mind already.
She started hanging up streamers, banners, and balloons. She had just put the cake in the oven when the door suddenly knocked. ‘Huh? There shouldn’t be anyone here till seven, it’s only five thirty’. She ran to the door and swung it open to reveal a cyan pegasus standing there.
“Dashie, what are you doing here? The party doesn’t start yet?” said Pinkie, surprised.
“I know, but I figured you could use a little wing power to help get the decorations up” said Rainbow, walking past Pinkie to get a better look at the place. “Oh well it appears you already have everything up Pinkie!” Rainbow was taken back at all the decorations.
“Oh well, you could hang the banners outside and around the house. I obviously can’t reach up there!” said Pinkie, now poking her head outside and looking at the sky.
“Not a problem, I will get right on that!” Rainbow grabbed the banners and flew outside to start putting them up.
While Rainbow was busy fixing the banners outside, Pinkie took the cake out of the oven. It was nicely baked, she started decorating it with frosting and candles. She put the frosting on it to spell ‘Welcome home Twilight!’. Some time passed and eventually seven o’clock rolled around.
Rainbow Dash was sitting slumped in a chair inside taking a well deserved break from putting the banners until the door suddenly knocked. “Oh! The other guests have arrived!” Pinkie was now jumping with excitement, and pulled the door open to be greeted by four other ponies.
“Hey girls, come on in! Help yourself to anything you want!” The four ponies walked in each greeting the pink pony as they walked past her. She started up the music and passed out all the food. The party was beginning to look really good; just like a traditional Pinkie Pie party.
“Is everypony enjoying themselves?” shouted Pinkie Pie over the music, everypony yelled back in unison “Of course we are, your parties are always the best!” Pinkie went to go join in on the dancing, she jumped in between Twilight and Rarity and started to dance.
Hurt them.... Make them bleed...
“What?” said Pinkie in surprise. Everypony stopped dancing and looked at Pinkie. “Sorry, what darling?” Rarity asked with curiosity in her voice.
“Huh? I could've sworn some pony was talking to me.”
“No Pinkie, no pony said anything” murmured Twilight, now staring at her friend with concern.
“Well its kinda a good thing we stopped, its getting late and we really should be going!” Twilight stared at the clock. It now read twelve thirty.
“Oh wow, is that really the time? I must be going, a girl does need her beauty sleep!” gasped Rarity, now heading for the exit.
“Oh alright then, I guess I will see you all tomorrow, right?” said Pinkie Pie, a little disappointed that the party was ending. They all started heading towards the exit and exchanged goodbyes. Twilight thanking her for a long time for such an amazing party in her honor, and by the time the goodbyes were exchanged it was one o’clock.
Pinkie Pie closed the door and went straight to her room, leaving the clean up till tomorrow. Exhaustion now taking over, her body she climb into bed preparing to drift off to her dreams.
She hugged her pet alligator and laid her head down on her pillow ,just waiting on sleep to take her.
She opened her eyes to find nothing but an altered version of Ponyville, her family and friends lying bleeding in the flames of their homes. Now destroyed and wrecked. “What happened! What’s going on!?” shouted the pink pony, panic overtaking her.
“What do mean what happened? You did this, do you not remember?” whispered a familiar voice.
“I didn’t do this and who are you!?”
“Oh you know me better than anyone else does, how can you not remember me?” whispered the voice.
“Please just tell me who you are...” Fear started to enter her heart.
“FOOL, I AM YOU!” screeched the voice, echoing all over Ponyville. “I am you and everything to do with you. I am your true self. I am Pinkamena Diane Pie.”
Creepy. This better not be a Cupcakes rip-off.
1062399
I promise it's going nowhere near Cupcakes.
I'm not saying Cupcakes is a bad story I just don't like the way there is so many rip offs of it.
I hope you stick around for the ride.
1062399 I did the editing, and I promise it's nothing like Cupcakes
1062413 It's well-written, when you forget the gore. I actually nearly threw up when I read it, and the animated version on YouTube didn't help either. Is anypony going to get hurt?
Creepy. i kinda like creepy stuff.
1062432 Perhaps. Psicosis writes it, I just edit
Interesting. There are a few things I must point out, though.
First, the dialogue happens too fast. You need more commas, periods, ETC. to show pauses that should obviously be there. For example:
Should be changed to:
Not a problem Sugarcube! Now go get some rest, we'll see ya tommorow at the party.
(I changed a bit of the dialogue itself to fit Applejack's southern accent better.) Now, see how that reads much better than the original? How the dialogue is currently written reads (mostly) all in one breath, and that's very awkward.
Now, the other thing concerns the time of the party. In the beginning, Pinkie never said a certain time for the party to start, and yet, everypony came at a certain time! Strange, isn't it? And another thing. She said the party was in the morning, and that's believable. But, she woke up and started preparing at 5:30 in the morning? And then Dashie came to her house, also at 5:30 in the morning? That's not... right. I can't put it any other way It seems like you're a little confused between AM and PM. If the party was in the morning, it would most likely be at 11:00am or 12:00am. That would only be logical, considering that Pinkie has work with the cakes, Twilight has studying, and Applejack has farm work. Most jobs start in the morning, anyway. And besides, Dashie is supposedly the most lazy of all of them. So she definitely wouldn't get up at 5:30am, even if it were to help Pinkie.
Now, it makes a little more sense for the party to be at 5:30pm and for it to end at 7:00pm, rather than am. It makes even more sense considering you made everypony sleepy after it ended. I wouldn't have them all leave at 1:00am if that is the case, however. I know parties can be a little crazy, but I don't think Pinkie would keep her friends that long.
It's a nice story so far, though, and I'll be looking out for more. I know sierra_seven_ is pre-reading for you, but I would suggest getting an editor or running it through a grammar checker before publishing. I liked it though, so keep going!
~kk
Love it.
Next chapter. When ?
1062582
I'm so glad you like it!
The next chapter will probably be up tomorrow morning or tomorrow night.
1062524
I never thought to state the times as AM or PM because lets face it if somebody told you be at their house by seven o'clock you would assume pm.
I figured people understood it. Plus Pinkie did state a certain time she stated be there by seven o'clock, that's why everyone showed up at a certain time. Seven o'clock to be precise. Everything started at PM. That should clear your confusion.
I do feel like you're looking too much into it. Which isn't a bad thing, it's good that people take these stories serious. I just feel like the times were kinda obvious. My bad if they weren't.
I like it needs more chapters soon
1063089
I'm writing the second chapter right now.
I promise to have it up by tomorrow morning or tomorrow night.
I'm so glad you liked it.
And thus, my journey into the depths of the tortured mind of Pinkamena Diane Pie begins.
I really hope you continue this, it looks amazing and it's a great break from all the mushy stuff I usually find in the site.
PD: I like mushy stuff, but sometimes a little dark, un-mushy or even sad story is awesome too if it's well written and doesn't rely solely on gore.
PDD: I remember that quote from somewhere but where? Do you know? Darn I even used it in an essay!
1063464
I plan to continue and not use gore to keep the story interesting.
If you wish to keep up give it a favorite or don't its your choice.
Pinkamena Diane Pie is my favorite character, this is the first fic I have done based on her.
I wanted to go into a different perspective of her. Something that probably hasn't been done before. (Maybe it has I don't know)
This story will explain her origin and what makes Pinkamena Diane Pie, well in my opinion anyway.
I'm glad you enjoyed it. Every person that enjoys it just makes me happier.
*sees first chapter*
me: "echoes........of the deep"
LOL just had to
1063513
I'm glad you did because you made me laugh.
Plus your profile picture just added to the humor.
1062948
Oh, I get it! I see how I got confused. My apologies
1063702
It's alright
I'm just glad to have cleared the confusion.
I hope you enjoy the rest of the story, that is if you're keeping up with it.
1063723
Of course! It's interesting so far, and I'm intrigued to see where it'll go
1063740
I'm happy your sticking with it.
this story is great. can't wait for more of this story.
1063769
Next chapter should be up in the morning.
Don't forget to favorite it so you can get a notification for when its up.
I'm glad you're enjoying it so far.
Oh No! Pinkamina is on the lose!
1065062
abekoby.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/got_a_bad_feeling.jpeg
CREEPY!!!!
Starts 'okay' BUT THE END IS JUST CREEPY. ( not shouting)
And I'm happy it's not cupcakes. Call me a scardypony (seriously you can) but I can't even watch ten secondes of it.