Alicorn was forced to watch as one of the cultists ran her blade through the frightened thestral's chest. Unable to stop it, Luna watched as the young thestral turned his head towards her, and the look of fear in his eyes nearly broke her.
People who make mistake in war, die. Especially if you make foolish mistakes. In this situation, nothing of value was lost.
Great story so far!!!! I really look forward to reading more of it in the future!!!
I’m looking forward to more of this
Missing space.
This should be two words.
You either need a connecting word after the comma, or to replace the comma with a period.
be
cloaks
About
robed
scout
was
This should have a period instead of a colon.
Missed capitalization.
paste
of
how
strikes
deflected
was
evenly and two
You also need a comma between "matched" and "the".
You're also suffering a bit from Lavender Unicorn Syndrome with your overuse of "the night princess."
Issues aside, the story is quite entertaining.
People who make mistake in war, die. Especially if you make foolish mistakes. In this situation, nothing of value was lost.
Monk