Enter: Fluttershy

by Kirbster

Exit: Applejack

Applejack's departure wasn't as glamorous as Rainbow Dash's or anypony else's, admittedly, nor will her absence be extended. Perhaps I can find solace in the fact that she, like me, isn't exactly doing anything 'higher', per say, and will be back to stupid old Ponyville in due time. However, jealousy rears it's ugly head nonetheless. She has family. A family who cares. A family who loves her. Whom she loves. Mutual feelings of a type of caring completely foreign to me. Is loving your family like loving your friends? Is it like loving animals? I don't know. I never knew.

Not to mention, ponies come from far and wide to drink her cider. Eat her pies. Taste her pastries. Candy apples, apple strudel, apple cobbler, apple juice, apple stew, whatever. She makes it. They ingest it. They love it. Nopony loves what I do.

I don't want to put any blame on Applejack. The bitterness is making it come off as such, inevitably. She was really the only one who left involuntarily. She has a duty to uphold and she can't let her family down. What's more important, family, or friends? Is her small group of five (or I suppose, at the time, four) friends as important to her as her family? Should it be? Just one of the many things I don't understand about the dynamics of being social. Being a part of something. Being loved. Loving.

Being this bitter is giving me a headache, so let's move on to the story of her leaving.

Applejack bucked her last apple tree for the day, and made her way inside the house to enjoy a well-deserved rest. Before she even opened the door, she heard the voice of Apple Bloom. The familiar voice sounded like it was arguing with someone, but about what exactly was muffled by the door. The voice with which she was doing so was not clearly audible. Applejack opened the door, slowly, in an attempt to grasp the situation before tackling it.

"But you never let me go with you guys! Ah'm a big pony, just like you!" yelled Apple Bloom, her voice's tone of spite not matching her adorable appearance. The bow atop her small head shook as her head bobbed furiously with childish rage.

"Nope means nope," said Big Macintosh, clearly adamant on not continuing the argument.

"What's the problem here?" Applejack said, preparing herself to give one of her big-sisterly lectures.

"Big Mac just told me that you and him are gonna go on a family business trip, but he said ah can't go!" Apple Bloom said, stomping her hooves into the ground in a fit of childish frustration.

"Why would ya wanna go?" Applejack asked, actually completely unaware of what the answer could be.

"'Cause ah'm a big pony! And being with mah family might help me git mah cutie mark! I'nt that how you got yours?" the little pony responded with.

"Ah got my cutie mark when ah came back to Sweet Apple Acres, sugarcube," Applejack said, feeling the need to clarify that first before going onto the bigger subject at hand, "and ya aren't a big pony yet, Apple Bloom. When ya mature up, then you can be a big pony."

"But ah am mature!" Apple Bloom protested.

Applejack and Big Mac exchanged a shaking of the head and a glance before Applejack moved on with "Listen lil filly, everypony goes through this. Nopony expects ya to be a big pony just yet. Yuh should have fun while yer youth lasts, 'cause yuh'll miss it dearly once it's gone."

Apple Bloom looked her sister in the face before letting a sigh escape her lips and lowering her head in defeat. "Ah guess yer right," she said, starting to retreat with a white flag raised.

"Always am," Applejack said, mostly to herself, with a grin of innocent smugness. After giving herself a few delicious moments to enjoy the surrender of her little sister and let the internal victory trumpets blair, she went to say "Now, Big Mac, what was Apple Bloom talkin' about? What about a business trip?"

Big Mac, silently, showed Applejack the letter he received. Applejack read it, also silently. After completing that simple task, she turned to Big Mac and said "This is kind'uv important, isn't it?" sounding contemplative and dejected.

"Eeyup," Big Macintosh replied, dryly.

"Welp, ah'm gonna have to break to news ta everypony," Applejack said, her friends being the first thing brought to mind, whom she valued as equally as her family. A moment of silence followed this realization, Big Mac and Applejack standing awkwardly in their previous positions. "Right," Applejack began, "So I'm'a go do that," warranting a silent nod of understanding from Big Mac.

Applejack, in the same way as Rainbow Dash, then called together a meeting with the rest of her four friends. No pacing or other silliness this time, however, Applejack got right to the point with saying “Mah extended family needs mah help, so they called Big Mac and ah off for some business affairs. Ah hope that's okay with y'all.”

Pinkie Pie groaned and said “You didn't give me enough time to guess what your news was! That's not fair!” Applejack just smiled, it was just Pinkie being Pinkie.

“Oh, alright,” said Twilight, being visibly worried that her group of friends was gradually dwindling.

“Don't worry, sugarcube. Ah'll be back quicker than I wrangled that group of Parasprites,” Applejack said, trying to ease the worries of her group of friends. It wasn't technically a lie, there was no truth to be known yet. The rest of group didn't let up their sad expression.

“Why're you all so sad?” Pinkie Pie said, bouncing close to Applejack, “Applejack would never lie to us! She'll be back super-duper quick!” This caused a few faint smiles from the group, but more in an attempt to stop any feelings of guilt Applejack might be generating.

“Of course. And family is important,” Rarity said, fondly remembering the Sisterhoof Social event, “You could always write to us, like Rainbow Dash.”

"Rarity's right everypony," Twilight said, accompanying Rarity as the voice of reassurance once again, "Applejack, you'll go see your family and write when you can, right?"

“Of course,” said Applejack. “I'll see y'all later, right?” All of the ponies nodded in unison. With this, Pinkie jumped into the middle of the group once more and initiated a group hug, smiling less wide than she had the last time. The smile, while still impressively wide, gradually deteriorated over time, as even Pinkie Pie couldn't find the joy in losing friends.

Applejack boarded the train with Big Macintosh, each of them holding a large amount of luggage in each hoof. Applejack waved to her group of friends with a tear in her eye. The only thing left behind was her pet dog, Winona, whom she left with Fluttershy.

It seems even honest Applejack tells a white lie every now and then. It's been a month, as she left practically immediately after Rainbow Dash did. That's not exactly what I imagined when she likened the speed of her return to the speed that she 'wrangled' the parasprites. Obviously, the statement was not literal, that I do not need to be told. I may not be a genius when it comes to the subjects of friendships or other types of relationships, but I can tell when there's a metaphor in the air. Do I expect too much? How much should I expect? Am I supposed to be lenient with this sort of thing?

I wonder if she feels guilty for lying like that. Should she? Is it really a big deal? Is it better to lie and save feelings, or tell the truth however it may hurt? She is Applejack, the most honest of ponies and the most dependable of friends. "Honestly is the best policy" and all that. Was it really a lie? I guess it isn't 'technically' a lie, but the same thought process applies. Does it? Is saying things you don't know to be true the same as lying?

I should start to keep track of how many questions I ask myself and don't know answer to. I can only imagine the number would eventually become depressingly high. Probably best not to think about it. What you don't know (or choose not to know) can't hurt you, after all.

Should I be this bitter? I guess I'm only this bitter because it all happened at once, that's not their fault. Am I being selfish? I do seem to be thinking about myself a lot recently. Am I being unreasonable?

More questions. It always leads to a question. I just don't know. The inner workings of this strange invention we like to call "friendship" confuses me the more I think about it. I don't know how I should feel. I don't know what I should think. What I should do. None of it. None.

I've yet to receive any word from Applejack. Can't imagine why not, Rainbow Dash, the Wonderbolt, found time in her schedule to send me a letter, as unsatisfying as it was. However, I did send her a letter because of a certain ailment that fell over Winona. It's not something I've seen or heard of before, so it could be something serious. And I hate myself for feeling this way, but I couldn't care less. I simply care for her out of principal and tradition.

Now this, I know. I shouldn't let my bitterness towards Applejack translate to her innocent dog. Why does it? Winona is always happy and is constantly playing with the other pets and animals in my possession. She can get a little aggressive, but I guess that's just her being a dog. Why can't I stop myself from feeling indifference towards the dog's suffering, because of the bitterness I'm feeling towards Applejack? Am I cruel? Is this natural?

Why do I hate my friends for this so much? I don't want to. I shouldn't. It's not their fault that they're all talented, or in Applejack's case, responsible. I guess I'm just tired of hating myself, so I'm focusing the overabundance of negative energy on others. Sounds logical.

I need to change the subject. I'm starting to feel like a monster.

Next suitable subject, I suppose, would be myself. I'll use great, kind, honest, wonderful Applejack as a springboard. She has a family. A large one. A connected one. I recall her trying to explain her family tree to me, it just turned into this huge cluster in my brain. The only ones I care to remember are Big Macintosh, Granny Smith, and Apple Bloom, as they're the only ones relevant in my every day life.

Now, what I want to think about concerning myself, is my family. Or I guess, my lack thereof. I have no memories of my family. Did I ever have one? I must have. Or else I wouldn't exist, obviously. They must've meant very little to me if I can't even remember if they existed. Is that selfish? It's got to be. Any person who isn't selfish would remember who their family was or is. Which one is it for me?

All of this thinking and hating is making me tired. Hopefully I'll wake up tomorrow to find that this was all just one long, horrible nightmare.

Comments

[Twilicorn]

A few mechanical mistakes, and the first chapter everypony seems a bit... out of character, if you will, but overall, a great story.

[russiancupcake]

1052648 I agree, but usually when one is full of hate and is lonely and calm, they start to really think. especially when your around you can't stand? i'm guessing it's that sort of thing. well, that and she has much more time to herself.

[Kirbster]

1054823

It is kind'a hard to make Fluttershy sound in character while being angsty and broody. :P It would defeat the purpose if she was like "I'm so angry and lonely, I could just scream! I... I mean... if that's okay with you, reader..."

But I know what Golden Delicious was referring to, and he was certainly right.

[Inferno demon Dash]

You can just feel the anger and depression float around Fluttershy....damn, never thought Hatard would take control over Flutter this swiftly before, I'm not even sure she is aware of it at all....VERY NICE. I really like Winona, she's a really bad ass dog and will be added as a main to my own story: Lost soul of Equestria, soon.....Poor Applejack, it's not her fault she had to leave, wonder what will happen to Apple bloom....forgot to say that poor Tank had to go to another owner....damn. Onto the next one!