Twilight Sparkle Invents the Flying Train

by KinkHorse

The Spruce Caboose

It all began one midsummer morning, as Twilight and her friends were engaged in pleasant conversation, reminiscing about their trip to Cloudsdale together. Rarity huffed, and turned her snout to the air when the other five joked about her wings failing from her boisterous showboating.

“I thought we agreed to never speak of this again!” She complained.

Suddenly, twilight jumped up and spread her wings. “AHA!” She cried. “Heavier than air flight must be possible! A pegasus is living proof!” The other five looked confused as she suddenly screamed for Spike, making the poor purple dragon rush to her aid, quickly hurtling himself to fetch a quill and parchment despite that his alicorn master could have simply summoned it for herself. She immediately penned a letter and foisted the dragon to send it, while the others looked on in bewilderment.

“Dear princess celestia, i have a brilliant idea! I will take the railroads to the skies! Send funding at once! Your faithful genius student, Twilight sparkle.”

In the dawn of the morning next, Celestia had poor spike burping up sacks of gold nuggets, one nugget at a time. The poor dragon was so violently ill that Twilight set him outside of the castle so that his burping would not disturb her furious notetaking. Taking a depth-first approach to study, Twilight found that the best wood for the construction of her idea was spruce for its mechanical properties. “Spruce! Spruce!” She would cry out, insisting that it all must be spruce, and the Everfree forest just happened to be chock full of the stuff. Already a crew of ponies was demolishing the everfree forest in part, logging it and also clearing it for room to build, this was all much to Fluttershys incredible dismay.

Over the second night Twilight had written four course curriculums to the school of friendship for aviation and pilot training classes, which were foisted off on Rainbow dash to teach.

“But i dont want to teach all this egghead math stuff” rainbow complained upon review of the material at their next gathering, Twilight frazzled from several days without sleep.

“Good!” Twilight answered with undue cheer. “I know you are the best at the job of glossing over the details i have yet to figure out, but I know I will! Carry on!”

She promptly threw the 493 page long book of curriculums at Rainbow who would receive her students in that afternoon and proceed to ignore directions entirely and show off her aerial tricks.

Rarity was immediately and most eagerly conscripted into the design department for this monumental achievement. Since the flight was to be heavier than air, twilight determined that opulence was the name of the game. Unlike the inferior baloons, heavier than air flight spares no restriction on the weight of the craft! Twilight insisted. Therefore, it is our objective to make our creation opulent and well ballasted!

Twilight spent the next afternoon locked in her crystal castle folding paper and throwing it until she had determined the precisely optimal airfoil shape. Then, Starlight glimmer came and pointed out that testing this design with a kite was far more practical. This design was revised after a long afternoon of kite flying when applejack appeared from her work forest clearing.

“Well that wont work worth hot apple ice cream on a summer day” Applejack argued, trying her best to make a failed apple analogy about the improbable flying the tetrahedral kite design Twilight had constructed. “Why a kite works by dragging on the air you sure you want something that wont make lift as air passes under it, like a pegasus’ wing?”

Suddenly, Applejack was promoted from chief forest destroyer to second-tier mechanical engineer. Over the next afternoon, a better design of “running kite” was devised, a triplane like configuration with airfoiled wings modeled in direct study of the still-crying fluttershys remarkably well proportioned wings.

The first design of this was haphazardly constructed onto a art deco caboose and was towed at full speed behind a running locomotive. The caboose achieved a height of ten feet from the ground before it caught a stiff breeze, the tow rope snapped, and the beautiful thing sailed and ended its life in a frighteningly loud crash into lake Maggiore. Twilight looked onwards and noted with her quill that some form of steering was required, following the input of Rainbow dash who had been riding the contraption up until the disaster.

“Hm. Some kind of steering would be good.” She agreed to Dash, who was in the midst of waving her forelegs wildly in attempt to explain how the thing handled. "I think it needs a vertical sail of some kind, maybe that twists and turns...

The third design iteration incorporated control surfaces and a special railroad was constructed to test it, thanks to massive public support to moving the project slightly away from town. Most of this 'support' came after a miriad of complaints due to the crudely fashioned second iteration destroying town hall and roseluck’s house. It was an initiative taken by the apple family, and in the process the forward thinking Twilight Sparkle had insisted on designing the ‘landing area’ for the aerotrain could take place here also. Being a flying train, the idea suggested that rails be used, with a horizontal funnel type system to ‘gently guide the flying unit to safety.’ This was tested on the third glider and worked to perfection. The landing mast was lowered through the car, caught the funnel, and the car crashed into the rails on landing and screeched to a stop after about one mile, just before froggy bottom bog. The flaming wooden brake shoes were identified as the cause of the issue, and a greater braking force was determined to be required.

Now that the design of cars in general had been perfected, Rarity went onwards with her designing powers, ignoring all requirements that the craft be lightened, as she had been instructed. The resulting design was aerodynamic only by accident, and opulently elegant, with a use of gems that would clearly become dangerous projectiles in the event of any accident but nopony would have anything less beautiful would they? The first car of this design tested was so heavy that on its test it did not exit the ground and the brakes still failed, causing the whole locomotive and the car to end up in the bottom of Froggy bottom bog. Suddenly, weight became of slight concern.

Thanks to the virtually unlimited funding, Twilight simply purchased two new locomotives and two boilers of the finest type as a rush order, brand new wood burning 4-4-0 dutch-wagon constructed engines with steam cannons connected to perforated dry pipes running through the boiler for more power. At the boiler works, Twilight was so obsessed with 'More power!' that the concerned designers themselves felt uneasy around her, with her horn perpetually lit aglow with a tinge of magic, her wide grin, and the constant rubbing of her hooves - they feared something might happen while she was there.

The locomotives and boilers were painted in crystal castle themed livery and decorated with real gold foil. The boilers were calculated to have enough power to propel her new machine into the air and would be fitted to the first ‘self flyer’ - a massive quadraplane that was being constructed near Fluttershy's house so that the sounds of progress might distract her from her lamentations. It was Rainbow’s idea. The rushed construction caused all of Equestria’s miniscule metal production capacity to be used instantaneously and as a result nopony in the entire continent would be able to purchase cookware or other objects for weeks afterwards. The two locomotives serve Equestria to this day, the 'Marmora' and the 'Star of the Crystal Empire' dutifully transport passengers in the usual manner, now repainted from their colors and fitted with fake cylinders that hang outside of the front bogie wheels in order to look like other more conventional locomotives. This was undertaken by the railway that took the locomotives in order to avoid public scandal, outcry, and general fear about anything related to the project and its aftermath. Every now and then the trains pull into ponyville, set apart from other trains by the fake cylinders obviously not connected to the driving wheels.

Again, the design of craft and car were taken into review. Rarity this time was forced to concern herself with this new concept of 'aero-dynamics' that Twilight had come up with. After multiple tests, multiple crashes, and a few new wing designs that were absolutely terrible, it was determined that Rarity had accidentally found aerodynamic perfection by simply trying to make the cars "look fast, darling." The 50-wing 'multiwing' design was an absolut failure, as were channel-wings, rotating wings, and a brief return to the 'Flying tetrahedral kite' despite Applejack's sincerest protests. A new slogan had been coined by Starlight for the train 'Safety Fast' which she assured would help with public concern. The way that Rarity decided to make the letters in stylized cursive however caused the logo to read as "Safety Last" - but the ponies involved willfully ignored this after the livery was found to be aesthetically pleasing.

Rarity maintained that only a doldrum earthpony would not read it the way it was intended, and dismissed the frown from Applejack about this. After all, She was the best at aerodynamics, who dare insinuate her skills also at logo design - certainly not some earthpony who would use her own genetically inherited cutie mark for logos on their farm, and not the absolutely gorgeous diamond-themed logo she designed for free for her that they NEVER EVER USED.

After more tests, more designs, and a lesson in friendship overcoming differences in opinion or something - Rarity and Applejack perfected the design of the flying car, with biplane wings, vertical 'winglets' for stabilization, Rarity's uncanny perfection at eyeballing aerodynamic concerns even though she did not understand them by making the car 'look fast' and Twilight's constant insistance now that weight was of primary concern despite her earlier refusal. To reduce rolling friction on takeoff and landing, even the wheel bearings on the cars were looked at - jewels were tried at first but they shattered - so standard bearings were tried, but Twilight insisted on making everything better so she accidentally invented the tapered roller bearing which is an invention that subtly benefits equestrians to this day.

Twilight and Applejack came to the conclusion of rotating groups of four wings to make the ‘propellor’ in short order, after a night of hard cider and kite flying. In actuality however, Spike brought a fan into the room and asked “what about this?” much earlier, but he wasn't to receive credit for anything. As punishment for trying to take credit, Twilight requested more funding to ensure her assistant would stay in line next time. Celestia mysteriously and happily obliged.

With eight propellors mounted to locomotive wheels all connected to a single massive cylinder by a long linkage of connecting rods, boilers mounted low for stability, the head of the aerial train was tested for lift. With a long rope for safely keeping it from galavanting into the bog before its properties could be studied. This turned out to be a very good idea for when it was first tested it attempted a nosedive instead of upward force. Additionally, the crew found that this test was rather ineffective, because somehow it was overlooked that the craft needed to be traveling forward at speed in order to generate lift.

It was guessed that the cars were essential to the dynamics of the beast, and so five were fitted and the second test at full steam resulted in a resoundingly beautiful accident. Standard train couplers, it was discovered, do not provide any holding in the upwards or downwards sliding direction. The aerotrain had climbed to an altitude of approximately one foot - before the cars had divorced themselves from the quadroplane. Lacking any kind of tail - the entire thing immediately nosedived into the bog, followed by a almost perfect upside-down check-mark shaped trail of black smoke. Rainbow dash jumped from the crash in the nick of time.

Though crude, a variation of the link and pin coupler system would be employed to good success, after the fortuitous recovery of the incredibly expensive boilers, which were undamaged thanks to the soft muck of froggy bottom bog. During the recovery, it was discovered that the crash had also solved the hydra problem that had been ignored in ponyville despite the bogs proximity to ponyville for nine years. Fluttershy lamented this despite the creature's attempt to murder her, insisting that the rare Hydra was part of the ecosystem all the same. Nopony else cared.

With "all" the "possible" "engineering difficulties" "eliminated" Er With all the possible engineering difficulties eliminated, the aerotrain was ready for its first service to Cloudsdale. Due to a communication problem, it was determined that Cloudsdale city officials had believed that their landing area could be constructed of “standard materials” which to them meant cloud. Laden with daring ponies, mostly flying ones who had a chance to escape, the contraption took to the skies with a grinning sparkle at the cab furiously taking notes and a daring rainbow dash fearlessly piloting, the most eager young griffin cadet from her class also present for his enthusiastic cheering to Rainbow Dash’s aerial antics. Twilight had not slept in three days prior to this triumph, and despite all her friends insistences, she adamantly refused to be anywhere but in the cockpit at that instant. The hour before takeoff she was bouncing around the crystal castle, screaming enthusiastically about how she had 'caught the second wind' after drinking a half gallon of Starlight Glimmer's extra special Shires Hollow espresso.

The magnificent craft hurtled down the rickety track toward froggy bottom bog. A hollering Rainbow dash grabbing hold of the steering tiller, connected to a rediculously intricate series of steam powered metering valves of Twilight's proprietary design, all connected to sails and flaps for controls. Twilight grinned mischeviously as she rammed the throttle lever to full, watching as the train stayed on the track, hurtling well past the point of no return that the brakes allowed. Spike cried in the corner, clutching onto an elegant parachute backpack fashioned for him by Rarity herself, contemplating its absolute lack of utility if the vehicle had not left the ground. The young griffin simply leaned against the exit door, hoping Rainbow would not see his lack of faith, in hope to wait to the last moment before his galliant jump away from certain doom.

Twilight's insistence to keep her controls system on the train entirely secret set back the technological development of equestria by 100 years if not more. Inadvertently in the design process she had toyed briefly with the idea of the internal combustion engine but decided that she simply didn't like the idea. While thinking about this, she thought up of how a modern Hydraulic system might work, with relief valves, proportioning valves, cylinders, and the rotary vane pump but she also simply did not like how that would work. She wrote these ideas down in a notebook and then told nopony about them for decades. While actively dismissing the ideas that would have enabled her project to succeed, Twilight herself shaped the technological progress and regress of a nation forever. To her - multiple sources and transmissions of energy were wasteful - steam for everything - steam for all was the only answer. Very briefly, while the aerotrain hurtled down the trestle, she thought about the 'what if' with testing these other ideas she came up with essentially by mistake, but she came dangerously close to feeling regret. Regret was not an option.

"We're not gonna make it!" Rainbow screeched as the train neared the final inch of trestle above Froggy bottom bog, a collective scream coming from the passengers who witnessed the magnificent quadroplane dip lower and lower. Twilight calmly jerked against the throttle harder, stressing the linkage as much as her foreleg allowed in vain attempt to open the steam valve just a little more, grinning smugly, her eyes dead set on the path ahead with no regard to the water below.

"I SWEAR THIS WILL WORK!" She hollered in adament refusal to use her magic to stop the disaster incoming, mashing down the intercom button as she let out her rebel call, believing this would calm the passengers. Somehow, the sudden acceleration catching enough wind that the craft plowed forwards, and upwards, the engines laboring and chugging, black wood smoke trailing behind the boilers, orange hot cinders gracefully bouncing on the canvas wings. Despite the craft's miraculous stabilization in the air, and remarkable control at the helm of its brash but inexperienced captains, ponies began to exit the vehicle in droves, the few Earthponies and Unicorns in the cabins began to promise bribes, sometimes exorbitant ones, for Pegasi to airlift them out of there - by the time Ponyville had shrunk appreciably, only die-hard pegasi, a donkey seeking a massive lawsuit settlement, and a unicorn with a fascination about death remained on the craft.

The disastrous lack of a landing in cloudsdale would be well remembered for the aereal train simply cut the city in half like a giant blade, destroying the aerena and the rainbow factory. Cloudsdale city officials hastily banned the aereal train from ever returning that afternoon and with a serious lack of fuel, rainbow dash had no choice but to call for an emergency landing short of the landing area in ponyville, which destroyed most of roselucks house again. With all the ponies evacuating the train as it screeched off toward the bog, Applejack laid a foreleg on Twilights back as the train: flaming brakes and all crashed again into the bog. The last car, the useless and elegant caboose was catapulted by a whipping action of the train as it fell off the trestle. In a testament to the heavier than air flight, it was the last object in equestria to be propelled by this fashion beyond the usual paper airplane and such. It sailed beautifully the whole four miles into lake maggiore, where it will rest forever in the cool deep water with her cousin. As the cold water surrounded the hot hot boilers, a magnificent explosion rumbled in the bog, a fountain of dirty swamp water and frogs erupting from the murk. It rained frogs, bog water, and frog soup in ponyville that day, and this too upset Fluttershy terribly.

A memorial plaque was placed there for public viewing, accessible by the hiking trail that follows along past the remaining sites of this moment in history. The wooden trestle remains though in poor repair, though the rails and boilers were immediately scrapped in order to provide metal supply for the commodity-starved continent.

By some miracle, no injuries were ever reported, even the donkey adamant for his big lawsuit was simply pushed out of the train by a pegasus who wanted to survive. His hope for payment had only emotional grounds to stand on and the court rejected his claim, determining that Twilight Sparkle’s existence was both ‘an act of god’ and that she herself could be considered an ‘ongoing natural disaster that plagues ponyville’ as such, any resident of ponyville willfully resides in a natural disaster area and cannot sue the government for damages.

From that point on heavier than air flight not powered by pegasus means was banned in equestria forever. A letter from canterlot was personally sent to Twilight, commending her efforts to combine friendship and engineering, but regretably expressing that:
"The citizens of Equestria are simply not ready for your brilliant designs, Twilight, but I do hope somepony learned a lesson or two." Twilight knew that Spike had.

“Aha!” Said Twilight, holding up a crude drawing of a oceangoing boat held aloft by a massive oblong baloon. “I have circumvented the regulation with my miraculous final solution! I shall call it the airship!”

Author's Note:

I'm not apologizing

Comments

[Gavier]

This was glorious. Are your really going to contimue this beautiful trainwreck of a story or is the unfinizhed status another spelling mistake?

[KinkHorse]

9473929
I believe i will write another chapter on airship development.

[XzareAce]

been searching this site all night for a story to entertain me in just the right way... this story was legendary!

[KinkHorse]

I think i will write something about alcohol and i dustry next. Maybe cigarettes? And whatever that one guy suggested in the comments in another chapter. Also airships. Im out of bourbon. Need more