Theory and Practice

by Snaproll

Slumber

Moondancer couldn't believe it, and, yet, the evidence before her seemed incontrovertible; She had the hots for the rustic earth stallion and she them it bad.

She started pacing back and forth in her bedroom, muttering to herself, trying to get her thoughts in order.

"I mean...there's no way I could love him! I mean, sure, he's strong and handsome, and kind, and he's got a voice like honey on warm bread..." She trailed off as she caught sight of herself in the mirror, radiating hearts more than ever.

"ARRRGH! Got to stop thinking about HIM! But how can I when I just want to...to...do...THINGS to him! I want him to do...THINGS to me!" She felt herself blushing as she started rubbing her forehead with a hoof, frustrated in every sense of the word. Finally, she let out a sigh and glanced at the wall clock, which showed that it was a quarter past one in the morning.

"Okay filly... let's revisit this in the morning. Now that I know what's driving it...things we know how to address it. And I can just...ignore it. I know what it is, and I can deal with it that way."

She trotted to the bathroom, filled a glass with water, gulped it down, and then returned to her bed, thoroughly tired and irritated with herself.

Luckily, however, she seemed to be dozing off to sleep this time. As her eyes started to drift shut, she had one final coherent thought.

It wouldn't be the worst thing, she sleepily thought, her thinking growing increasingly fuzzy, If I had a big strong stallion to snuggle with...

And with that, Moondancer drifted gently off to sleep, uttering a noise that only the most uncharitable pony would refer to as a snore.

*******

MEX-I-CO-OLT MEX-I-COLT!
AWAY, SANTY ANNO!
MEX-I-COLT IS A PLACE I KNOW!
A-LONG THE PLAINS OF MEX-I-COLT!

Moondancer suddenly became aware of a chorus of stallions around her, singing lustily in a ragged harmony. Curious, she began to take stock of her surroundings.

The first thing she noticed was that she stood on the deck of what was unmistakably a sailing ship, rolling on the ocean. In the distance astern, she could see a harbor receeding towards the horizon. Around her, stallions of every description were bustling about the ship, clad in striped shirts, bandanas, eyepatches, and at least one wooden leg. Two in the Bosun's case. To a stallion, their voices were raised in song.

SKIPPER LIKES WHISKEY, THE MATE LIKES RUM!
AWAY, SANTY ANNO!
THE CREW LIKES BOTH, BUT WE CAN'T HAVE NONE!
A-LONG THE PLAINS OF MEX-I-COLT!

As she took in her surroundings, Moondancer started to realize the shanty was dictating the rhythm of the ship. Here, a cluster of stallions hauled on a rope that raised the mainsail in unison, while there, another cluster of stallions were scrubbing the oaken wood of the deck in time with the rest of the crew.

Glancing down at herself, Moondancer was surprised to find herself wearing a dress at least a century old, complete with petticoats, ruffles, and skirts, while she clutched an open parasol that hovered in her magic overhead, providing her with shade. She also realized, belatedly, she stood on the ship's...quarterdeck, she thought the term was, near the helm, and had a commanding view of the deck before her.

"Beggin yore pardon, miss, but you may want to get below. Seas are liable to get rough, this time of year."

She turned to respond to the voice at her shoulder and felt her heart beat faster. The ship's captain stood at her flank, wearing a nattily turned out uniform of navy blue wool turned out with gold braid, golden buttons, and a fine hat held in one fetlock to one side, clearly in a position of respect for her sex and station.

He was also, unmistakeably, Braeburn.

"I'll be fine here, Captain." She found herself replying to him. "If it's no trouble to you, I've never been to sea and would like to see as much as possible."

Braeburn nodded, fixed his hat on his head, and gave her a smile. This did funny things to Moondancer's stomach and she felt herself go weak in the legs, so much so that she almost missed his next statement. "It's no trouble at all, miss. Just see that you stay close by me, y'hear?"

Moondancer felt a thrill of longing and, indeed, lust roll through her as she replied, sidling up so she was standing just touching his shoulder with hers. "I assure you, sir, that will be no trouble on my part."

NASSAU MARES AIN'T GOT NO COMB!
AWAY, SANTY ANNO!
THEY COMBS THEIR MANES WITH A KIPPER BACK BONE!
ALONG THE PLAINS OF MEX-I-COLT!

At her side, Braeburn raised his voice and called in a voice that carried across the deck. "A'ight, stallions, make your course two points to port, and hang out all the laundry!"

The crew somehow managed to respond with a hearty "AYE AYE, SIR!" in the middle of their shanty.

"How art thou finding thine dreamscape, Lady Moondancer?"

Moondancer gave a start as she wheeled to view the new voice. The helms-pony had three wooden legs, wore a red-spotted bandana over long flowing, starlit hair, and, most improbably, a pair of eye patches. She used her one good hoof to lift one of these up, and was regarding Moondancer with a wry smile on her muzzle.

"P-Princess Luna!"

The dusky alicorn smiled and nodded her head. "The same."

"What..." Moondancer gulped "I mean...if you don't mind my asking..."

"What is it that I am doing here?" Princess Luna arched a brow, though a wry grin crossed her muzzle. "Thy dream appeared most appealing." Her voice turned wistful as she continued. "During my banishment, I missed the Golden Age of Sail in Equestria and, though there are countless histories detailing the deeds both heroic and barbaric during that time, It's not the same as seeing it first-hoof."

Moondancer frowned at this. "But...this...is still a dream, isn't it."

"Oh yea, verily." Luna nodded vigorously, flipping both eyepatches back over her eyes. She sighed and flipped them back upright again. "But, as you may be aware, dreams can approximate reality with a remarkable degree of verisimilitude." The Princess of the Night waived her one good hoof airily. "All I ask is, don't mind me. Act as if I am not here. This is, after all, your dream."

Moondancer glanced over at the Dream Braeburn standing proudly on the deck next to them, and then back at Princess Luna. "Actually, your Highness...If you don't mind, I'd like to pick your brain on a few things."

"Why, certainly, my loyal subject! Thou hast but to ask and I shalt render my opinion."

Moondancer parsed that from old Equestrian, and then continued. "Well, you see, It has to do with this certain...stallion." She jerked a forehoof discreetly towards Braeburn. "That one, to be precise."

"Ah... I see." Princess Luna gave Braeburn a thorough once over. "I take it he is not the the product of your imagination?"

"Oh no, he's quite real." Moondancer thought for a beat, and then added "Though he's typically in more Western gear than Admiralty. I happen to work with him and...and..." The next words out of her came in a rush.
"AndIjustdiscoveredthatI'mheadoverhoovesinlovewithhimandIhaveNOIDEAwhattodoaboutitbecauseI'veneverbeeninLOVEbeforeinmylifecouldyouhelpmeplease?" She gave her best beseeching look at Princess Luna.

The Princess raised an imperious eyebrow as she looked over Moondancer, than back over to Braeburn. Moondancer noticed her gaze lingered over the earth stallion, and she felt an irrational spike of jealousy, which she suppressed. Even if Princess Luna fancied Braeburn, one didn't cause a scene in front of one of the most powerful beings on the face of Equs.
At length, Princess Luna spoke. "I do see what thou likest. He is both strong and fair of countenance." She shook her head. "In truth, I do wish my niece Cadenza were here to render her advice, though it has been many a day since she has gone dreamwalking with me. Evidently her new foal has disrupted her and her beau's sleep patterns something dreadful." Luna gave a shake of her head, her midnight mane floating around her. "Love, especially of the one thou describest is not precisely my forte, though I will try and render what advice I can give."

Luna turned and gave Moondancer a frank glare. "The philosopher Aristrotle once said that if Love were so easily defined and pinned down, then the poets and sages would have long ago defined it. It's a finnicky force, Lady Moondancer, and more powerful than any other in the universe. And believe me when I say that I have seen a lot of power, and, through the dreams of mine and mine sister's subjects, many, many universes. Furthermore, it is not something that one defies just because they wish it so. Thou can'st defy thine own heart, Lady Moondancer, any more than thou can'st defy the rising of my sister's sun or mine own moon, nor the passage of time, or the rise and fall of the tides. Thou can only act upon the love you feel...or let it wither and die. And, even though I art older than thou by a thousand years or more, believe me when I say that life is too short to let such opportunities pass thee by."

Moondancer thought what Princess Luna said over for a minute. "So you're saying that ignoring how I feel about Braeburn would...be a bad idea?"

"Worse even than Wrongway Peachfuzz's idea that Timberwolves would be the greatest Hearthswarming Gift for fillies and colts across Equestria." Princess Luna nodded, satisfied. "I will say this, though, Lady Moondancer...I will assist you in your endeavor in any way I can." Her horn flashed a brilliant blue, which radiated across the ship, unnoticed by every other pony in the dreamscape. "Mine own advice to you is to act when you can, where you can. Carpe noctem, so to speak."

Moondancer nodded, considering the words from the Princess of Night. She's right. I can't let things pass me by.I'm going to WIN that stallion's heart, if it's the last thing I do. I have to seize the moment...starting right now.

She felt a surge of breathless anticipation as she said to Princess Luna. "I think you're right, your highness. If you'd excuse me for a moment."

Moondancer closed her parasol with her magic and tucked it to one side as she stepped closer to Braeburn, who was gazing around him. It could have been the dream talking, but Moondancer thought he'd never looked more...dashing in that uniform, and decided to give her desires free rein. After all, it's clearly a dream, isn't it?

"Begging your pardon, Captain." She said, doing her best to contain her rising excitement and heat.

Braeburn turned to her, taking off his hat once again. "Miss Moondancer? What can Ah do for ya?"

Moondancer pressed close to him, and breathed in his ear "I reconsidered that I'd rather return to my cabin..." She gave his ear a nibble before she finished the rest of her statement, "Except I'd prefer that you accompanied me there." She withdrew and gave him her best eyelash flutter.

"Uh...Lady Moondancer..." she heard Princess Luna say quietly behind her, but Moondancer ignored the Nightly Sovereign as she pressed forward. "I'm ever so inexperienced being aboard a ship...perhaps a handsome stallion like yourself could...show me the way?"

A massive blush blossomed across Braeburn's face as he tugged the collar of his uniform with a hoof. "Well Ah...Ah'm not sure I should...take advantage of a lady such as yourself..."

"Lady Moondancer, a word, if you please?"

Moondancer felt herself melt against Braeburn and threw caution to the wind. "Suppose that I wish you to...take advantage of me, you handsome stallion?"

"LADY MOONDANCER!"

"WHAT? WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE WORTH INTERRUPTING THIS FOR?" Moondancer rounded on Princess Luna, visibly frustrated and angry. "I'M SEIZING THE MOMENT HERE, AND I'D LIKE TO SEIZE A FEW MORE THINGS IF YOU DON'T MIND!"

Princess Luna coughed into her hoof. "Well...I thought you should know..." She pointed at the flabbergasted and blushing Braeburn. "While we were conversing I merged your dreamscape with that of your desired mate. That is the real Braeburn standing before thee."

*******

Moondancer sat bolt upright in bed, sweating and breathing hard. She felt a torturous mixture of arousal, disappointment, mortification and pure unadulterated dread at what had just happened. She glanced out her bedroom window at the moonlit desert beyond, focusing on trying to get her breathing under control.
"It's okay...it's okay...it was...it was just a dream...wasn't it?"

She glanced at the clock. In the dim half light of the evening and without her glasses, she couldn't quite tell if it was three twenty in the morning or a quarter past four. She groaned and pulled the covers over her head.

It seemed to the frustrated mare that the universe was conspiring to deny her anything she wanted that night. That being the case, she tried to drift off back to sleep.

Author's Note:

Please welcome this week's special guest, Princess Luna!
APPLAUSE

Also, if anyone's curious, the Shanty In Question: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atumHTucDLU

And as a final note, I wish you all a happy and thoughtful Armistice Day Centennial.

Comments

[Sunset_Shimmer83]

oh damnnnnnnnnnnn

[i_am_the_jam]

Maybe she could try asking him if he already has a girlfriend...or a boyfriend...

[Captain_Stallion]

Wrongway Peachfuzz!

It's been a long time since I heard that name.

[Snaproll]

10031742
Hey Rocky! watch me pull a reference out of my hat!