Theory and Practice

by Snaproll

Sojurn

Author's Note:

Been a minute since I've updated this. If you're still paying attention after all this time, good to see you!

This upcoming bit's pretty suggestive so make sure your parents don't catch you reading it's unsuitable for those under a certain age.

Enjoy!

"Don't worry about us, Braeburn. Whichaway and I can hold down the fort 'till you get back." Snaproll waved a hoof airily while Braeburn looked on, a dubious expression on the earth pony's face. "Besides, you left us detailed instructions. And you're going to be gone for, what, a day and a half?"

Moondancer watched as Braeburn settled his hat on his head, his expression clearing.

"Two nights minimum. Depends on how it goes in town." Braeburn glanced back at his feathered friend. "Yer not gonna ferget that lightning storm tomorrow, are ya? The capacitors are starting to run low. Could be an issue if-"

"If we don't keep them powered up, I know, I know." Snaproll finished, as if he'd heard it all before. "Don't sweat it, boss. Sides, Whichaway's a pretty deft hoof at weather control. Shouldn't be a problem." He gave Braeburn a shrewd look. "Besides, we'd let the place alone before. You sure the lab isn't what you're nervous about?"

The earth pony stallion gave the pegasus a level look. "That's when we didn't have experiments runnin'. Or when you had a lightnin' storm to look after. Or-"

"Would you relax? We've got this under control."

"Yeah, sure you do. Jus' don't let yerself be distracted by a pretty face." With that, Braeburn turned and started fussing around with the load of the wagon he was going to haul into town.

As Moondancer watched, she heard Snaproll mutter under his breath "I could say the same to you, buster." With that he shook his head and flew off towards the main lab building. Moondancer pondered that as she watched Braeburn work, contemplating his musculature and, a small part of her admitted to herself, idly daydreaming about what else he might use his muscles for. Part of her was able to muse over Snaproll's comment. Surely he's noticed something I haven't...Stallions have to gossip about this sort of thing...Don't they? She frowned at herself. Maybe I should write some of the old crowd at Canterlot... Lyra might not have the best insight about stallions, but surely Minuette or Twinkleshine would have some ideas. Or at least advice. Princesses know, Twinkleshine isn't having her third foal because some stallion fancied her treatise on Clover the Clever's Multiverse Theorim .

Moondancer sighed and shouldered her saddlebags. Truth be told, she was starting to give up all hope on the sex in general ¹.
_{1:The Gender, not The Act. Pervert.}

According to her research (conducted by reading sociology journals, academic research and dubious paperback romance novels), Stallions were supposed to be incapable of contemplating few things outside The Act. One article she'd read suggested that Stallions contemplated copulation every three seconds. Moondancer's experience may have been somewhat limited, but she may have had to discount the research she had undertaken. If that article was true, it'd be a wonder stallions could accomplish anything at all. Moondancer sighed to herself. It's time to conduct research firsthoof. ²

_{2: About Stallions, not...oh why bother, you're going to think it anyway, aren't you? Just...wash your hooves before you touch anything around here. Honestly.}

Granted, she hadn't the foggiest idea how to undergo said research, at least without compromising her dignity, image & self respect. Some of what she had read had suggested that consuming cider, beer, or other spirits would lead to circumstances where she could conduct her research, but, frustratingly, odds were excellent that she wouldn't have the presence of mind to record her observations in any acceptable form of detail.

Hmm...how would Twilight handle this sort of situation?

*******

Deep within the bowels of the Castle of Friendship, Thunderlane slowly regained consciousness. He found each of his hooves had been bound to the four corners of a four poster bed, and the surrounding room lit with candles. The air was redolent of the smell of incense, flowers, smoking sagebrush and... something else he couldn't quite put his hoof on...even if it hadn't been restrained.

"Comfortable?" A sultry alto voice spoke, and Twilight Sparkle prowled into his peripheral vision, her eyes hooded, her wings unfurled and her tail daringly hiked. "I'd like to thank you in advance for participating in this Friendship Study. Please, do try to remember your impressions as best you can, as there will be a questionnaire and survey afterward."

A number of objects levitated in Twilight's lavender aura around her. Thunderlane recognized several of them, and grew increasingly worried as the alligator clips, calipers, aubergine, and a rubber mallet grew closer. "Uh...wait a se-" He was unable to finish, as a red rubber ball was jammed into his mouth. Twilight moved closer, smoldering fires gleaming in her eyes.

"Let's get started."

"Mrflblbl?"

Twilight leaned in and started to nibble on one of Thunderlane's ears. "The safe word," she breathed between tender bites, "is 'Tonsillectomy'."

"HRRMLLRRRMGM!"

*******

Moondancer shrugged to herself. Probably sequester herself in the library, doing indecent things to a perfectly good anatomy textbook. Back during their tenure at Celestia's Academy, the two fillies had always undergone practical study of Magic and Sorcery, though as Moondancer and Twilight had aged, they'd drifted away from the more practical experiments. By and large, Twenty Thaums plus Twenty Thaums always equaled Forty Thaums, except in strange, exceptional circumstances where, against all logic, you got Fifty Thaums and a Haycon Sandwich. Still, that level of predictability had been good enough for Academia.

Still, it's not going to be enough. I'm going to have to take matters into my own hooves here. And that means sticking to Braeburn like...like...like some appropriate folksy idiom. She glanced over at Braeburn, who, to her consternation, was gazing at her. Blushing furiously, Moondancer ran a hoof through her mane, making sure nothing was out of place. Braeburn trotted over, hauling his cart with a casual strength. Moondancer tried not to notice, but was also distracted by how her heart started racing and she seemed to be short of breath.

"You ready to head into town, Miss Moondancer?"

Confidence! You can do this! Get him to notice you! She took a deep breath and stood straight, her head raised and a smile on her face, projecting a confidence she wasn't entirely certain was justified. "Absolutely! Let's get going!"

Flick your tail at him as you leave! That'll get him interested!

She did.

***🔷🔷🔷 ***

"I'm really sorry, Braeburn."

"It's fine, Miss Moondancer."

"No, really! I swear, my tail seems to have a mind of its own, sometimes."

"You don't hafta say anythin' more, Miss Moondancer. Ah promise you, Ah'm fine."

They walked in silence down the trail for another minute before Moondancer spoke again. "Would you like me to change your ice pack for you?"

"Naw, though I'm much obliged to you for having it in the first place." Braeburn paused along the trail and lifted the ice pack from his swollen left eye. "The pain's more or less gone away, and Ah can sorta see through it a bit." He tossed the ice pack into the wagon behind him. "Best to jes' let nature run 'er course."

"I'm sorry, again. For whatever it's worth." Moondancer trotted over to his right side, and just ahead. While Braeburn's field of view was reduced by half, she wanted to dominate it as much as possible. Moondancer knew she would have been kidding herself if she thought she'd possessed the Ideal Feminine Physique, but then again, she was reasonably certain that Stallions appreciated the female form in all its myriad shapes and sizes. Calm down, Moondancer. She thought to herself, glancing back over her withers at the stallion and giving him a shy smile. It's not like he's going to lose control of his urges and...what was the passage again? Take you roughly, yet tenderly, here in broad daylight and... She used her magic to wipe a small tendril of drool from her lips.

Let's hope we get to town soon before I distract myself into a stupor. And maybe I'll write Twinkleshine, and see if she can give me any advice.

***🌙 ***

As they trotted into Appleoosa, Moondancer was able to take in more details that she hadn't quite noticed on her initial arrival.

While the streets were unpaved, nearly all the homes they trotted past had flower boxes mounted under their windows or next to their doors, where there grew a variety of local flowers and herbs. Those that didn't invariably were home to the other sentient races of Equestria. She noted a score of Buffalo teepees along the outskirts of town, a half dozen cabins home to a like number of Griffon families, a young familiy of Kirin, an one elderly minotaur who was tending his cactus garden, and, if the telltale green glow that appeared just before a resident left was any indication, at least one changeling.
Furthermore, other than the temporary-seeming teepee structures of the buffalo, a good number of the cottages and buildings seemed to be recently built additions to the town.

She glanced over at Braeburn, who, true to his word, seemed to be recovering from the accidental shiner Moondancer had bestowed him with earlier. "I didn't notice it the first time I came through, but your town appears to be growing rapidly."

Braeburn glanced at her and grinned, which did funny things to Moondancer's insides and made her feel like it was her own personal sunrise. "Shore 'nuff. Appleoosa's done grown a bit since my kinfolk settled down here. Plenty of ponies an' other folk're attracted to come out thisaway. Some want a fresh start, some see new opportunity...others jus' wanna get away from where it's all built up, git some fresh air in their lungs, find a place where they kin stretch out without half a city lookin' over everythin' they do." The earth pony stallion nodded over at what seemed to be a bare patch of ground dotted with holes. "Even had a pack o' diamond dogs set up shop over yonder. Their Alpha says there's interestin' mineral deposits under the town. Signed an agreement with the town council...they're installin' a ginu-wine sewer system in exchange for what they can excavate." The stallion shook his head, ruefully. "Truth be told, Ah never thought this place'd grow inter what she's become now. My kinfolk just wanted a place where they could grow apples." His mouth worked for a second, and Moondancer could see him trying to marshal his thoughts into some measure of coherence, grappling with ideas he hadn't earlier. Just as clearly, though, she could see that Braeburn took obvious pride in his hometown.

"Well," Moondancer hedged, smiling slightly, "Your...'kinfolk' must have done something right. After all, everypony here must see the same potential that they did here. It's a credit to your family to have attracted new talent and skills to your hometown. And who knows," she grinned and flicked her tail at him, making sure to do it gently and to miss any delicate parts of the stallion, "Maybe someday, Appleoosa will be as big as Canterlot or Manehattan."

Braeburn nodded, his eyes far away, considering. "Maybe...if that happens, though, Ah hope they don't ferget where they came from. Big towns like that got a way o' warpin' ponies minds."

Moondancer frowned. Twitterpated she might be about the stallion, she wasn't about to take a slight to her hometown lying down. "How do you mean?"

Braeburn shrugged. "Jess that folk from big towns like that tend to put stock in things where they don't belong is all. Always puttin' on airs or adoptin' highfalutin' fashions, tryin' ta git one over on their neighbors. Playin' status games about 'Ooo's got the fanciest cart!' or 'So-an'-so's colt got inter such-and-such's academy." He glanced back to Moondancer. "No offense intended to anypony from there, o'course. It's jess that there's a cumulative effect of that much status seekin' what goes on."

Moondancer was stung. "That's not entirely true!" She replied hotly. But a treacherous part of her mind spoke up. Would your parents have pushed you as hard to join Celestia's School For Gifted Unicorns because you were talented, or did they do it because they wanted the bragging rights with their social circle? Granted, Moondancer's father was one of the harder working stallions she'd ever met, and her mother spent at least one day of the week clipping coupons to keep the household afloat and trying to find the best deals on a daily basis...but she couldn't deny that her parents had taken her acceptance and dedication to Academia as a banner to wave and gather social goodies. Moondancer felt herself grow angry, and she wasn't entirely certain if it was directed at her parents for playing the game, at Braeburn for possibly being right, or at herself for not having as much control over her emotions as she thought. After a minute of steady breathing to get herself under control, she spoke again.

"You're viewing everything in the most negative possible light."

Braeburn chuckled. "Ah ain't sayin' they don't got good reason to do what they do. Jess that Ah don't understand the need fer it is all." He frowned, his gaze staring ahead. "Huh...looks like there's somethin' goin' on up yonder."

Moondancer followed his gaze to a banner that was being lifted into position by a pair of pegasi while a pair of earth ponies on stepladders secured the ties to a lamppost and a hotel balcony. Judging by how the black paint on the banner was dripping, it had just been finished. As the ropes were tied, the sign steadied and she was able to read it: "Appleoosa Welcomes Pirncess Celestia for the Summre Sun Festival!!!!"

Both Moondancer and Braeburn drew up a short distance away, contemplating the sign. The silence between them stretched, while around them, the town was thrown into further bustle as bunting was raised between buildings and strings of lanterns were lofted into the streets. Finally, after several long minutes of interminable silence, Moondancer spoke.

"...I didn't realize that the Summer Sun Festival was tomorrow..."

Braeburn's voice held a note of wonder. "Appleoosa's never been chosen as a site for the Summer Sun Festival. It's gon' be a first for our town..."

Moondancer glanced around the town, then back up at the sign. "I wonder if they realize their sign's misspelled..."

Braeburn squinted back up at the banner. "Twice." He glanced around again. " We're gonna hafta git ourselves a place to sleep tonight...ain't gon' be room to swing a polecat here in a few hours, once news reaches the outlayin' farms."

Moondancer and Braeburn traded a look and they both nodded before saying, in unison "Let's go."

***☀***

"Here we go...finest hotel in Appleoosa as you could ask for!"

Moondancer did her level best to keep any sign of dismay or disgust off her face. She really did.

The Grand Appleoosan was, technically, a hotel, in the sense that they had rooms to rent for notional fees. The fact that the entire building was essentially a glorified and overlarge town house just across the square from Town Hall didn't escape Moondancer's notice, nor that the entire first floor was given over to a saloon and faro hall. Even then, the only reason that Braeburn had managed to secure them a room was because the pony working behind the front desk was one of his many, many relations.

Inside, the Hotel was decorated in dark-stained woods, deep crimson carpet and brass chandeliers festooned with candles. Beyond that, however, the trappings of a hotel that Moondancer expected were somewhat...lacking. For starters, she and Braeburn were expected to haul their luggage up to their own room, as the bellhop was nowhere in existence. Secondly, Room Service wasn't even suggested. Instead, as the desk pony suggested, she and Braeburn might want to partake in the impromptu Summer Sun Celebration festivities that were gaining steam outside. Finally, as they entered the room, did the final indignity become apparent.

"There's only one bed?!?"

"Accordin' to Cousin Cobbler, this was the last room they had." Braeburn took his stetson off and hung it on a nearby coatrack. "Don't you fret none, Miss Moondancer. You can have the room. Ah'll jess sack out on the sofa down in the parlor."

Moondancer struggled to speak. A bold and daring part of her struggled to say that she'd be happy for Braeburn to share the same bed, but it was quickly outvoted by other parts of her that didn't want to be seen as THAT kind of mare, thank you very much. She shook her head in a struggle to disrupt her warring sense of dignity and latent libido.

"We'll burn that bridge when we come to it." She floated her luggage off into one corner of the room. "You were saying that Appleoosa's never hosted a Summer Sun Celebration?"

Braeburn shook his head, giving her a sidelong glance. "Naw, never. This'll be a real feather in our hats for shore."

Moondancer smiled at him, hoping it came across as "Winning and Confident", rather than how she felt, which was more like "Nervous and Insecure".
"Braeburn, would you care to show me how your hometown celebrates?"

The earth pony stallion turned and contemplated her for a minute before he picked his stetson back off the hat rack and gave her an elegant bow. "Miss Moondancer, it'd be mah singular honor." He turned and held the door open for her. "Come, Miss. The evenin' awaits us."

They made their way out into the hall and back down the stairs to the parlor. They were about to exit the hotel when a creamy yellow and blue maned earth pony barreled into Braeburn from one side and threw both her forehooves around his neck.

"Braeburn, you hansome devil, where you been all this time!"

And with no further ado, she planted a wet, sloppy kiss on his cheek, still hanging around his neck and withers.

"Fiddly Twang, as Ah live an' breathe! It's good to see you!"

Moondancer felt something hot, violent, and serrated erupt inside her as the strange mare planted another kiss on Braeburn's cheek, giggling as she said "It's been far too long since I've seen you, sugar!" The mare suddenly held him back at her foreleg's length, then glanced over at Moondancer. "And who's your li'l friend?" She said, her voice dripping with saccharine sweetness.

Moondancer did all she could to keep her response to herself. Your competition, you rustic, blue maned hussy!
And she swore, then and there, that she would never play Second Fiddle³ to this interloping, pushy, unlettered mare.

_{3: Figuratively, not Literally, since Moondancer had few illusions about counteracting cutie-mark related talents.}

A beat later, Moondancer realized that at least some part of the research she had conducted bore fruit. This was The Challenge she would be facing. She would have to prove to Braeburn that She, not this rustic yokel, would be an ideal mate and mother of his foals. Some part of her -the part that had half paid attention to her collegiate sociology lectures while the rest focused on completing her Advanced Thaumaturgy Homework- recoiled in horror at the thought of her debasing herself and making herself the object of desire for a stallion...Any stallion, but that part was quickly beaten into submission by the parts of Moondancer that wished to be closer to Braeburn in every sense, Carnal or Otherwise. Outwardly, she extended a hoof for the new mare to shake.
"Hi, My name's Moondancer." As her smile widened, Moondancer's eyes narrowed in anticipation. I'm your biggest competition. Pleased to meet you.

Comments

[Sunset_Shimmer83]

Awww moony, you are cute when you're jealous

[Snaproll]

10031903
It's gonna get worse.

[Captain_Stallion]

10032207
If you want to know old. I remember them when they were puppets.

[Snaproll]

10032562
That actually makes me feel better about things. Glad you're enjoying the story so far :D