The Stuff of Legends

by Harvs

Chapter 11 - The Moar the Deadlier

Chapter 11

The Moar the Dealier

The six continued down the long stretch of narrow corridors, following the directions that GLaDOS had provided from the computer directory system. From what the hologram had shown them, the hangar was not too much farther. For most of the trek, the group remained silent, just wanting to get to the hangar and find some way out of this adventure they had been forced to endure.

They still hadn't the foggiest idea of why they had ended up in this mess with such an odd and mismatched variety of characters. Though they had gotten accustomed to each other's company, it was obvious that they each just wanted to get back to their own worlds.

Growing annoyed by the annoying silence, an annoyed Vinyl Scratch cleared her throat and said, "So GLaDOS." She paused briefly, the others turning to face the pony. "What was the deal with Caroline back there?"

"Well, Caroline was me before she was me." GLaDOS answered.

"What does that even mean?" Sephiroth asked turning his head to the potato.

"My creator, Cave Johnson, wanted to make a supercomputer to run his facility at a much more efficient rate, so that's what he did."

"So where does Caroline fit in with this?" Yakko asked while he played with his paddle-ball.

"Mr. Johnson wanted the supercomputer to have a personality as well." GLaDOS continued. "The only way to accomplish this was to put an actual human specimen into the computer."

"That doesn't exactly seem healthy." Yakko said grimacing at the thought.

"Oh it's not." GLaDOS assured. "Caroline humbly volunteered to be the test subject, totally not against her will."

"Hmmph hmm hmmph mmhm?" The Pyro asked.

"He asked you where you come in." Sephiroth translated.

"I was created with the specific job to build devices and materials, and to test said devices and materials." GLaDOS saidified.

"So you were actually programmed by a human... with a human... to help humans." Sephiroth clarified.

"Well, I tried helping them, but humans are slow and unintelligent. I am perfectly capable of running the facility of Aperture far more efficiently than if humans were there. So I flooded the enrichment center with a deadly neurotoxin, killing everyone in the building except for the test subjects."

Silence. The group just looked at the murderous food with raised eyebrows.

"Did I say I killed them?" GLaDOS asked, rather insincerely. "I meant I fed them all cake."

"What was that whole 'deadly neurotoxin' thing?" Vinyl asked.

The unicorn's question went unanswered for a few moments. GLaDOS didn't know what to say, and wished that she hadn't said anything in the first place. Suddenly, she spoke in a more lighthearted, upbeat monotonous tone, "Oh look. There's the door to the hangar we were looking for right now."

The group turned to the left to see that there was in fact a large door on the wall.

"Oh, yeah. So it is." Yakko agreed, approaching the control panel to attempt to open the door.

"Wait really? I was just saying that to avoid the question Vinyl Scratch just asked me." GLaDOS said very awkwardly. "Well go on then. Let's go in."

The others just gave her a look like '...really?', before Yakko managed to find the right button combination by randomly hitting thirteen buttons in some stupid order.

The metal door slid upward into the ceiling, revealing an enormous dome-like room on the other side. There wasn't much in it besides a small stockpile of spaceships of various size and shape that had been rather crudely moved to the left of the dome. Some of the ships had toppled over and were even stacked on top of each other.

All along the walls of the dome were bleeping and booping buttons and lights. All the gears and gizmos made whirring sounds inside the huge structure, but were mostly drowned out by a low hum emanating from the centre (it's French) of the room.

"I'm getting really sick and tired of all these bleeping and booping buttons and lights." Vinyl Scratch rolled her eyes while also rolling her amp into the room.

"What do you suppose all of these ships are doing here?" Yakko asked, gesturing to the poorly assembled pile of flying contraptions.

"I have no idea." Sephiroth just looked around in analytical confusion. "This place just keeps getting weirder and weirder. But why don't we see if any of these ships can still fly."

The six looked over at the armada, trying to find a suitable suitor for them to board. However, before they could inspect them any further, a door not too far from the spaceships flew upward and a tall, egg-shaped man, sporting killer boots, a red coat, blue-tinted glasses, and an over-sized mustache stepped into the room. In his white gloved hands he held a clipboard and a pen.

"Let's see here..." He murmured in a low, gruff voice. "Arwing, check. Blue Falcon, check. The Tardis, the T-Ship, Tie Fighter, check check check."

He carried on, apparently not having any awareness of his unwanted company. He just continued making checkmarks along his checklist until barely glancing up a bit and catching just a smidgin of the heroes.

After noticing that he wasn't alone anymore, he jumped to attention and became slightly frazzled. "What the... You weren't supposed to get here so quickly!" He said, flailing his arms around in a very animated manner.

"We can go back outside if you want." GLaDOS suggested.

"No no, it's fine. I'll just have to move construction on the Ultima Weapon back a bit." He shrugged, straightening out his glasses and tossing the checklist behind him with no concern of where it landed.

"What's that about an Ultima Weapon?" Sephiroth questioned, keeping his gaze on the egg man.

"It's of no concern to you really." The man waved his hand in a shooing motion as he paced back and forth. "You won't live long enough to see what my master has in store for this universe."

"Let me guess." Vinyl Scratch stepped forward. "You work for Captain Planet, don't you?!"

A grim smile appeared on his face. "You couldn't be more correct my little pony." The man turned around, pointing his right hand in the air and said, "I am Dr. Robotnik!"

A catchy little fanfare played in the background as a spotlight moved around the room, stopping just above the insane doctor. Fireworks from the floor shot up and confetti fell from the ceiling in a colorful array of yellow and red.

"Dang it Scratch! I told you not to do the confetti!" He yelled behind him, totally killing the mood of the... rather over-the-top introduction.

The heroes just stood there, wiping the confetti off of themselves.

"Hmm hmmph mmph?" The Pyro asked.

"I don't even know Pyro." Sephiroth said, staring at the chubby adversary. "I don't even know."

"Well, no matter. I'll clean up the mess once I deal with you five." Dr. Robotnik said, turning away from the group and jumping into a gray and black, one-man hovercraft and chuckled to himself.

"Hey! The Pyro is a person too!" Yakko defended.

"Hmm?" The Pyro looked down at his mislead friend in confusion.

"I think he means Latisha." GLaDOS corrected.

"Yeah, that makes a little more sense." Yakko shrugged.

"HMM?!"

"I don't count the Mexican Entree!" The doctor said, pushing a few buttons on the dashboard of his vehicle. It began moving back toward the far end of the dome while still facing the heroes. "How could a taco ever defeat me?"

"Keep talking like that doctor," Sephiroth taunted, drawing his masamune and holding the blade toward Doctor Robotnik. "But we've made it through every adversary the Captain has thrown at us. What makes you any different?"

The egg man scowled angrily at the group. He never liked being doubted, especially not by blue hedgehogs that were faster than they should naturally be. Anyways, the wall behind him opened as he slowly drifted farther away. Behind it rested a large mech-suit, painted red and black. It had arms and legs, though the hands were replaced with giant gatling guns.

Robotnik's hovercraft attached to the top of the mech-suit so that the hovercraft was completely covered by the suit while still allowing the doctor to see his enemies and operate the devastating invention. A glass dome flew over the insane doctor, encasing him in a fortified suit of armor.

"I see." Sephiroth muttered, a bit disheartened at the sight of their new challenge.

"You fools!" Robotnik shouted, his voice transmitting through an intercom installed in the mech-suit for taunting purposes. "I'm not just some ordinary minion of Captain Planet! I've built my own minions who were more capable than Leeroy ever was!"

"Well that's just rude." Vinyl whispered to her companions.

"I guess there's no getting out of this one." GLaDOS said. "I was hoping to avoid another scrap such as this."

"Enough of these pointless words!" Robotnik yelled. "Let's just get this over with!" He then pressed a series of buttons on the dashboard and pulled various switches and knobs. The flaps on the outside of his suit lifted upward to reveal numerous missile launchers, armed and ready to fire.

"Guys, get back!" Sephiroth motioned for the team to take cover behind him, which they did without a moment to lose.

"FIRE!" Robotnik shouted, pushing a big red button in the center of his mechanical menace. Instantly, the missiles all fired out of the suit, spiraling and crashing into everywhere except where they were supposed to. The entire dome was littered with ash and craters from the missiles that obviously had done the opposite of what the doctor had intended.

"Huh... well that's disappointing." Robotnik said with a scratch of the head. "I guess my speed-seeking missiles won't work on you guys..."

"Speed-seeking missiles?" Yakko asked in disbelievability. "I just have one question. Why?"

Rather than answer his straight forward question, Robotnik hit a bunch of other buttons and such. "No matter!" He said while continuing to smash on his dashboard. "Let's see how well you handle... THIS!"

Suddenly, an over-sized brown and browner wrecking ball with a checkered pattern shot out of the center hole in the right hand of the suit. It was attached by a chain allowing the enormous ball to swing around the robot. The hole seemed much too small for this to ever happen ever, but the authors of this story don't care about logic right now. Waffles.

Out of the other hand appeared an also over-sized silver drill, which began spinning almost immediately afterwards. "GET A LOAD OF THIS!" Robotnik shouted, rushing straight toward the group, his flail spinning wildly above him. He dove at them, trying to impale them with the drill.

Before he could put a hole in them, they all jumped out of the way of the attack. They ended up mostly apart except for the Pyro, who had grabbed Latisha before the stabby stabs.

Sephiroth examined the room while he had the chance to make sure his teammates were unharmed. Much to his surprise and relief, the others were fine. With that, he held his sword in both hands and tried to get the attention of the metal monstrosity. "Come and get me." He egged on.

"GET A LOAD OF THIS!" Robotnik said again, unaware of his repeating. He dove once more at the angel, though his drill was stopped before he could run his opponent into oblivion. "What?"

Sephiroth stood face to face with the drill, looking unimpressed. "Do you know who I am?" he asked rhetorically.

Doctor Robotnik, unsure of the rhetorical nature of the question, idiotically responded. "Um... Serrifoss?"

"I am Sephiroth." He answered, pushing his sword forward with enough force to knock the mech-suit off balance. "The One-Winged Angel of Gaia. And you are nothing."

Furious at his statement, the doctor swung the wrecking ball down at the emotionally challenged target, this time without a cheesy one-liner.

Teleporting just out of the way of the gigantic weapon, Sephiroth hoisted his right hand in front of him and blasted several balls of fire at the doctor.

The fireballs merely bounced off of the glass and dissipated shortly after. "Your pitiful attacks don't work on me!" Robotnik mocked, pulling the suit's left arm up for another drill attack. "GET A LOAD OF THIS!"

"Seriously dude?" Vinyl asked, levitating one of the ships in the stockpile. "Don't you get tired of saying that?" using all of her magical might, she launched the Tie Fighter at the mech-suit with a loud crash.

The suit toppled over, falling onto the ground with the doctor struggling to regain control on the inside. "Hey! No fair!" The egg man claimed, pulling the suit to its feet. "Perhaps a more distant method then." he said to himself. The wrecking ball and drill retracted back inside the machine, and in their places mounted two twin lasers.

The chest again flapped open, only this time not to reveal missiles, but a strange looking weaponry. "You know what they say," he stated, firing up his new weapons. "The more the merrier!"

The hands began firing a constant ray of red and yellow light accompanied by a high-pitched hum. The lasers cut right through most of the ships in the pile with little effort on the doctor's part.

At the same time, boomerangs fired out of the chest in every which way imaginable. The 'rangs too were a constant attack, as they would return to the suit and be launched again.

Sephiroth did his best to deflect all of the projectiles coming at him, but eventually it proved too much even for his almost unmatched skill. One stray boomerang caught him off-guard and knocked him against a nearby wall. Taking advantage of his momentary vulnerability, Robotnik slowly swiped one of his arms horizontally past the angel.

He teleported yet again, barely avoiding complete disintegration. He appeared nearby Vinyl Scratch, who had been using her magic to create a forcefield protecting her amp, GLaDOS, Yakko, and herself. "Get behind me Sephy!" She yelled, struggling to maintain the shield.

With all of them in one place. Doctor Robotnik called on all of his boomerangs to return, then concentrated both lasers on the shield.

"Aah!" Vinyl cried out, sweating from the exertion of keeping her magic up.

"Aah ha ha ha!" The doctor laughed crazily, sure in his victory.

"I can't..." Vinyl started, her words cut short by keeping her focus. "Hold it... much longer..." the force field around them began to crack under the pressure of the two powerful beams. The glow around her horn began to fade in as sweat dripped down her forehead.

Just before the lasers broke through the magical barrier, the Pyro who had eluded Robotnik's attention for so long, grabbed his Chinese bar sign and hurled it at the glass dome over Robotnik's head. Upon collision with the glass, the Neon Annihilator bounced off of the suit, flying in a random direction. The glass on the other hand, cracked under the force of the sign.

The doctor turned toward the Pyro, startled by the sound, and even more so startled at the damage he had done. "Why you little..." He immediately turned his mech-suit to the Pyro and the taco, allowing Vinyl Scratch a moment to rest.

With the suit slowly turning to him, the Pyro quickly grabbed Latisha and ran like a maniac around the room. The lasers swept left and right, up and down, diagonal and even swagonal, but the Pyro seemed untouchable.

"Will... you... stop... MOVING!?" the doctor yelled, very annoyed at this particular moment.

The gas jockey did not respond, rather he just kept bobbing and weaving with his taco love. He was even surprised he had dodged the beams so well. Perhaps hanging out with the Scout had paid off in the long run.

"Grrr!" Robotnik growled, his face visibly red. He pulled the lasers back into his suit and in their places came two guns that looked all too familiar to the masked mute.

Giant trails of fire erupted from the guns, making the Pyro incredibly jealous. But he had no time for QQing, for now was the time to run. he narrowly evaded the fire trailing right at his ankles and was able to duck behind the Tie Fighter as he sucked his thumb in fear.

"You think your fire is the best!?" Robotnik taunted, laughing maniacally. "My fire is the best fire actually!"

The Tie Fighter's exterior metal began to heat up from the flames, scorching the vessel to an almost melting degree. Just then, one of the arms of the mech-suit was completely severed from the body. It fell to the floor, deactivated and generally useless with a loud tap.

"What?" Robotnik asked. Before he could investigate what had happened, Sephiroth slid on the ground right in front of the suit. "Did you just..." His question was unanswered as the angel jumped at the doctor and slashed horizontally with his sword, knocking the machine to the ground yet again.

Sheathing his blade for a moment, Sephiroth ran over to the Pyro to make sure he was alright. "Pyro, are you ok?" he asked, careful not to touch the white hot metal of the ship.

"Hmm hmmph mm?" The Pyro asked, looking desperately around the room.

"Don't worry," The long-haired leader assured, pulling out a Mexican treat from his somewhere. "I have Latisha right here."

"Hmm! Hmm mm hmmph!"

The three regrouped with the others just in time for their crazy opponent to pull the mech to its damaged feet... again. The glass both behind and in front of the doctor was now cracked, obscuring his vision and really rustling his jimmies.

"Fine!" He yelled, seeming like he was about to throw a hissy fit. "Be that way! I'm still in control! And I have no idea how to fix this!"

"Are you guys ok?" Vinyl asked, ready to arm her bass cannon.

"We're fine." Sephiroth said with a nod. "We have to get rid of his weapons if we want to stop him."

"And how do we do that?" GLaDOS asked. "He's got more weaponry than anything in Aperture. I was actually considering hiring him if we survive this ordeal."

"If we could just break through that glass dome over his head..." Sephiroth thought out loud. Suddenly, it hit him like a ton of tissue paper. He quickly shifted his attention to Yakko who stood fearful of the giant metal thing and said, "Yakko! We need you to drop an anvil on him!"

"What?" Yakko looked up at his friend with a raised eyebrow. "I can't just make an anvil appear whenever I want to Seph. It takes time, effort, and a punchline."

With an ironic sense of comedic timing, a big black anvil dropped from somewhere up above where they were and landed right on the cracked glass of the mech-suit, shattering it completely though missing Robotnik.

"Huh... nevermind." Yakko said with a shrug.

"THAT'S IT!" Robotnik yelled, way beyond angry. "I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOU ALL!" He continued, holding his hand above his head. "I'M NOT GOING TO BE REMEMBERED AS THE GUY WHO LOST TO A PONY, A MUTE, A DOG, A POTATO, AND A STUPID ANGEL!"

"You forgot Latisha again." Vinyl Scratch said, gesturing to her edible friend.

"I DON'T COUNT THE TACO!" the doctor shouted louder than what seemed humanly possible, as the remaining hand of his mech-suit sprouted fingers and launched at the pony with blinding speed. The fingers wrapped around the white unicorn, trapping her in its mechanical grasp.

"Ahh!" She cried out as the hand was brought back to the robot by the long strong cables. With Vinyl Scratch in his clutches, Robotnik ushered a grim cackle. The flaps on the chest and all around his mech opened up again to reveal the missiles yet again. Only this time, he counted on them going all over the place. And it was exactly what he wanted them to do.

"Vinyl!" Sephiroth yell, charging at the metal beast, ready to cut it down to size. Before he made it too far, the missiles launched, creating a sea of explosive projectiles for to harm his enemies. More missiles fired out of the mech-suit than seemed physically possible, yet the angel dodged every single one of them.

He continued forcing his way through the onslaught of rockets, deflecting a few of them with his sword. When he finally got close enough to the robot, he jumped at it, his sword aimed right for the doctor's chest.

However, Robotnik had planned for such a frontal assault. He pulled a lever on the left hand side of his console and grinned mischievously. A large, bright red boxing glove flew out of the mech, socking Sephiroth right in the face with enough force to send him spiraling toward one of the walls of the hangar.

"Sephy!" Vinyl yelled, struggling to breathe through the machine's tight hold.

"Ha! Who's nothing NOW?!" Robotnik laughed, the missiles still firing out of his suit.

The angel struggled to get to his feet, the impact of the glove, wall, and floor making him uneasy. At that same moment, one of the stray crazy ivan missiles seemed to direct its attention to the injured hero. He only caught a glimpse of the incoming rocket... before the Pyro jumped between his friend and his friend's death. Using a method long since forgotten in the Pyro's mind, he M2'd at the missile. A powerful compressed air blast exited the flamethrower, strong enough to redirect the rocket right back at the doctor.

"Give it up! You can't win!" Robotnik said in a condescending tone to the pony as she still struggled to escape. "You and your friends are..." something caught his attention over the constant shooting of rockets. one of the missiles he had randomly fired was now coming right for him. "finished."

The projectile explosive collided with the suit in a fiery explosion, knocking it off balance. In the suit's wobbly attempts to keep its balance, the hand opened and Vinyl Scratch dropped to the ground, Yakko rushing to her quick descent. Before she hit the ground, the dog pulled a mini-trampoline from off-screen and placed it right under the pony, catching her in a fun, bouncy fashion.
.
"Thanks Yakko." She said with a small smile, getting off of the trampoline and running to her comrades.

"Don't mention it." Yakko replied with a not so small smile.

The impact of the rocket on the mech-suit took its toll on the machine, as it was no longer able to fire the speed-seeking missiles. "What?! No!" Robotnik smashed his dashboard in a few times, continuously shouting the word 'no'.

"It's over doctor." Yakko said, his paddle-ball in hand. "You've lost this round."

"HAVE I?!" He retorted. Doctor Robotnik was many things, but a quitter was not one of them. He angrily hit a series of buttons on the extremely damaged console, chortling all the while. The suit's chest opened up yet again, only this time to reveal three square picture-frames.

"Hmm mm hmm hmmph?" The Pyro asked, observing the new transformation.

"I'm not sure Pyro." Sephiroth said, holding his sword tightly. "But be ready for anything."

The insides of the picture-frames then began to spin vertically, changing pictures to what looked like golden rings, a blue hedgehog, more golden rings, small robots, a golden ring with the number '50' under it, and a few other pictures. Meanwhile, the still intact arm of the robot pulled its fingers back inside and pointed at the heroes. "GET A LOAD OF THIS!"

"Are you kidding me?" Vinyl Scratch asked, getting really annoyed by his constant repetitions of stupid phrases that were lame to begin with.

Before she could complain too much, bullets began to fire out of the holes in the arm, tearing through the floor of the hangar like a hot knife through butter.

The heroes barrel-rolled out of the way before becoming swiss cheese. The outrageously strong cartilages followed the angel, who ran as fast as possible from the new attack.

Though the doctor seemed to have A.D.D., as every time another target came into his sights, he switched his attention to them. Miraculously though, the bullets seemed to miss every time no matter how randomly aimed they were.

"WHY CAN'T I HIT YOU!?" Doctor Robotnik complained, smashing his keyboard again, much harder than before. Suddenly, the slot machine on his suit's chest came to a stop on an icon that resembled a mushroom cloud. "Huh... I actually don't know what that means."

The suit issued in a monotoned female voice "Self-destruct sequence initiated."

"Uh-oh! Time to go!" He stammered, quickly detaching his hovercraft from the remains of his once proud mech-suit. He tried to fly as far away as he could, but the force of the explosion from the suit knocked him off-course.

He plummeted down to the floor of the hangar, abandoning all signs of control and smashing into the pretty much destroyed pile of ships.

All sounds in the dome quieted, a huge contrast to the battle that had just been waged. "Is he dead?" GLaDOS asked breaking the silence.

Before they could confirm his demise, a hand burst upward from the rubble holding a small device with a single green button in the center. "AH HA!" He laughed, his face covered in scratches and dirt. "YOU THINK YOU CAN BEAT ME SO EASILY! BEHOLD!"

The others in the room did not behold. They did not even care. Rather, they worried about his sanity.

"Doctor... I think you should see a doctor." Yakko said, reaching for his white coat and glasses. "I could help if you-"

"BEHOLD!" He interrupted. "MY ULTIMATE CREATION!" He held the button out in front of him in a demonstrative motion. "GAZE UPON THE BRILLIANCE OF... THE 'YOU LOSE BUTTON'!"

They couldn't even... they were so stunned at the egg man's desperation.

"ANYONE WHO PRESSES THIS BUTTON!" He continued his unhealthy rant. "WILL BE SUBJECTED TO LOSE FOREVER! NOW! VINYL SCRATCH! PRESS THE BUTTON!" He directed the device toward the pony, taking a few steps out of the rubble.

The others just turned their attention from the psychotic inventor to the white pony. She looked to the left, then to the right, then to Robotnik. "What? No." She said with a disgusted tone.

"Wha... PRESS IT!" Robotnik shouted again, shaking the device around in his hand.

"No." The pony repeated.

"Huh... I didn't think that... I didn't count on you..." He struggled for the words. He folded his arms behind his back and began to pace the floor in front of them. "I did everything right. I used the machine... got angry a lot... maybe I hit the dashboard a few too many times?"

While he walked hurriedly back and forth, he paid no attention to where he was stepping. Shortly after he got on the topic of over-sized mammals, he lost his footing and fell to the ground with a thud.

"Ouch!" He looked down and saw a stray slice of tomato on the ground. "What is this doing here?! Tomatoes is slippery!" Shocked at his grammatical slip up, he looked at the heroes, who just stared at him in confusion. "What in the... Oh noes." He stood up to see that he had sat right on top of the 'You Lose Button'.

The heroes couldn't help but burst out laughing... except for Sephiroth who remained almost entirely emotionless.

"Nice one, egg man!" Vinyl Scratch choked in between chuckles.

"Stop laughing!" Robotnik yelled. They didn't stop laughing. Rather they laughed harder. "I gotta get out of here!" he yelled, searching for his hovercraft. He located it in the debris of the pile of ships and jumped in without concern of where he landed in it. He sat upright and directed it to a small opening in the top of the hangar.

"You haven't seen the last of me!" He threatened to the group as they died from laughter. "I will return! More powerful than ever! YOU'LL SEE!" The tunnel closed behind Robotnik, leaving the heroes to enjoy their victory.

Comments

[Tadpole]

Harvs, can you pleease set their next location to a fraction of the Spore Galaxy? After all, they're in Space.

Hopefully the Grox could be their next enemy

[Harvs]

1920682 Sorry, but we already have a next destination.

[Tadpole]

1921679

Well, can you set it as a possible destination later on?