The Stuff of Legends

by Harvs

Chapter 2 - Stranger than Fan Fiction

Chapter 2

Stranger than Fan Fiction

"So I was like 'What?' And she was like 'Yeah!'" Vinyl concluded her story rolling her amp along the dirt road. "Chicks."

Sephiroth, having put up with Vinyl Scratch's stories about her life as a DJ for about twenty minutes, finally spoke up. "Would it kill you for just a moment to stop talking? For just one moment?"

"I find her stories enjoyably entertaining." GLaDOS objected. "Do tell me the one where your Princess banished her sister to the moon again."

"Or I could tell you about the time Canterlot invited me to play at the Grand Galloping Gala. That's a night they'll never forget!"

"Oh good. Let's hear that."

Sephiroth just let out a long sigh and quickened his pace. As the white pony began to spin a new tale, he noticed an upcoming town of some sort.

He motioned for the rest of the group to be silent, then said, "Look." He pointed up ahead. "It appears to be a town of some sort."

"Great. Cause I'm famished." Said Yakko.

"As long as there are no potatoes on the menu."

"Mmhmm mm hmm hmm mmmhm."

"You're all missing the point!" Sephiroth barked back at the group. "These people actually live here. We'll finally be able to get some answers."

As they got closer, they noticed that the settlement was resting on a small patch of land. It was cut off from all sides by a deep valley with a running river at the bottom. The only things connecting it to the mainland were four bridges, one coming from each direction.

There were three large buildings built around the edges of the island, though they were quite odd in their constructions. They mostly consisted of one or two large rooms filled with unusual furniture and radiant purple lights. In the center of the town rested a flag pole. But there were no people to be found. The place looked as though it had been deserted for quite some time. There were no indications, other than the furniture, that anyone had ever lived there.

"It doesn't look like anypony's here Sephy." Vinyl Scratch said, taking a break from rolling her bass cannon across the bridge.

"This makes no sense... why would there be a town here, with no people to inhabit it?" Sephiroth, puzzled at this development, checked a nearby building for any signs of life.

"Hmm hmm hmm." The Pyro mumbled, pointing to the top of the flag pole.

The group looked up to see a single flag floating in the breeze. However, it was unrecognizable by any of them. The flag bore a circle divided by vertical and horizontal lines placed over a red background. They could only assume it was a planet, though none of them knew which planet it was.

"Hey, that's a neat looking flag." Yakko said, admiring the piece of cloth.

"But who does it belong to?" Sephiroth asked, pacing back and forth.

"Maybe we should ask that mysterious shadowy figure." GLaDOS said, directing her attention to the western bridge. "He looks friendly enough."

"How can someone look friendly if they're also mysterious?" Asked Vinyl.

"What? What figure?" Sephiroth demanded, pushing his way to the front of the group for a better view.

Sure enough, there was a man on the other side of the ravine. His arms folded behind his back. As he began crossing the bridge and neared the group, his features became more defined. His light-brown hair was short and curly, and his eyes were a light shade of blue. His figure was sleek and stylish as he sported an expensive-looking suit.

He set foot on the island and raised his hand. "Good afternoon." He spoke in a low, yet welcoming tone. "It's a nice looking biome, don't you think?"

The six exchanged unsure glances, then looked back at the strange man.

"The Captain wanted a more natural environment, but I talked him into... 'acquiring' this land instead." He looked over at a wandering elephant and let loose a sigh of admiration. "After all, once he saw the wildlife here, how could he say no? So serene and-"

"Sorry to interrupt, but I've waited long enough." Sephiroth approached the man, with little care for boundaries. "I want answers. And you're going to give them to me." His hand hovered over the hilt of his blade, ready to draw if need be.

The well-dressed man saw this and took a step back, not that it would do much good given the sword's length. "Now, now, no need to get violent." He held his hand out in front of him. "My name's Will. Will Ferrell."

The angel moved his hand away from his masamune, but made no move to shake the other man's hand. He simply muttered, "Sephiroth. Now if you don't mind, I'd like to get some answers."

He heard footsteps from behind him, but motioned the others to stay back. The group, while hesitant to follow his instructions in any other situation thus far, saw fit to do as he told this time and stayed put.

"I see. So you want answers..." He sighed while he looked around the abandoned town. "Pity, isn't it? That this town had to go to waste. You see my master, Captain Planet, has taken the responsibility of keeping all planets free from pollution. A heavy burden really, as he always seems to be fighting a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a..."

Will Ferrell vanished in mid-sentence and the six didn't know what to make of it. Sephiroth backed up, a bit alarmed at the man's sudden disappearance. After a few moments, GLaDOS asked, "Is he coming back? I kind of liked him." No one answered. Right when the group was ready to continue on down the road, the man reappeared in the exact same position he was in when he vanished.

"losing battle."

They all snapped their attention back to Will, eyes widened in shock. "I've heard of a disappearing act, but this is ridiculous." Yakko joked.

"Mm mm mmm!?"

Ignoring their comments, Will continued. "You see, he discovered the root cause of all pollution: humans. Everything they touch becomes tainted. Every body of water, every forest, even the sky, destroyed by the chaotic industrialization of man. He needed to find a better way to stop pollution. But how?"

He stopped for a moment, gazing over what little natural beauty there was left. "And then, it came to him. A solution. The solution. All this time, he had been fighting the effect... when he should have been fighting the cause."

"And what was the solution?" Sephiroth asked, even though he had already guessed the answer.

"Well," Will continued, "Many of the planets he had been fighting to save were already damaged beyond repair, with only a sliver of land worth fighting for. So, he came up with the brilliant idea to take those slivers of perfection, and build a brand new planet, free of pollution. Of course to do this, humans needed to be eliminated first."

Sephiroth nodded. "So any other civilizations we come across would also be..."

"Deserted? I would hope so. The Captain didn't work this hard for nothing you know."

"And what of us? Are we not welcome here?"

"Not at all. That's why Captain Planet has ordered us to bring you to him so he can 'remove' you."

The others jumped at his sentence, looking to Sephiroth for what to do. He simply motioned for them to remain calm."What do you mean 'us'?"

"Well you didn't think that Captain Planet, being the brilliant mastermind that he is wouldn't have some sort of brute force to carry out his law, did you?"

"I would expect nothing less. But you must realize that you're currently outnumbered."

"Oh don't worry, I'll leave the fighting up to Mr. L in the City of Gold."

Vinyl Scratch turned to the others. "Did he... just tell us where to go?"

"W-what?" Will stammered. "Uh, I didn't say anything!"

"Oh don't worry," GLaDOS repeated in Will's voice. "I'll leave the fighting up to Mr. L in the City of Gold." She had been secretly recording the entire conversation. She then spoke in her own voice, "Oh no, we heard you quite clearly actually."

"Well, It doesn't matter! You have no idea how to get there! And you'll never stop the Captain!" And with that, Will Ferrell vanished in a puff of smoke.

The group just stood there in silence. "Well this has certainly been an eventful road trip." Yakko said, sitting on a recliner and reading a newspaper.

"So what do we do now?" Vinyl asked.

"That man made it clear that we aren't welcome here." Sephiroth said, looking at the ground where Will had been standing. He then shifted his gaze Westward. "He came from that direction. That's where we need to go."

"But Sephy..." Vinyl said in a worried tone. "They want to 'remove' us... shouldn't we try to find a way out of here instead of chasing after them?"

"After all, not all of us are in fighting condition." GLaDOS added.

"Mm Mm mmhmm mm hmm m mmmm."

"True, they do want us out of the way." Sephiroth said, "But I would rather be the hunter than the hunted. If we don't go after them, they'll just keep coming after us, whoever 'they' are."

"He's right." Yakko said, his previously used props gone. "And if we don't stop them now, they'll keep on destroying other planets to build this one. Who knows? He may have already destroyed our worlds."

"I'm with you. I may be a potato, but I am still alive, and I would like to keep it that way."

"Mmhmm! Mm hmm hmm!"

"Yeah, you guys are right. Lead the way Sephy."

"Alright. Then we haven't any time to waste." Sephiroth said, turning to the West. The others followed closely behind.

*****

The team walked along the road in silence until they came to a crossroad. Just as the road split North and South, there stood a crudely painted arrow pointing North. On it were the words 'City of Gold'.

"Oddly suspicious of there to be a sign here pointing exactly where we need to go." Yakko commented.

Vinyl Scratch walked up to the sign and turned to Sephiroth. "Do you think it's a trap?"

"I'm not sure..." He replied quietly, checking both North and South. "I can't see too far down either road..."

"My sensors are picking up a large amount of metal to the North." Said GLaDOS.

"Well then it probably is a trap, but we don't have any other leads." He turned to the North. "Will said something about someone waiting for us. I have no clue who Mr. L is, but hopefully we'll get more information from him."

The group turned their sights Northward and began down their new path. None of them knew exactly what was waiting for them in the City of Gold, but they knew that whatever it was they would most likely have to face it together if they wanted to survive.

Comments

[SouthernmostDogs]

Shi fi wha sha wo wa- whaaaaaaaaaat is this!

This is like crack fic to the sixty fourth power!

[RagingDemonSlayer]

Dis gon be good lol Sephiroth from FF7 was random, but made it 9999% cooler can't wait

[Elzipper7]

I'm betting that Mr. L is Mr. L from Super Paper Mario purely because of the name.
Other than that, well... Vinyl, GLaDOS, Pyro I know well, Sephiroth I know of and I don't even know the other guy.
I can tell that this can only end in shenanigans!

[Tadpole]

Oh no, they should of have went to South instead of North. Unless they came from South.