That was great! That first part, followed by the rest!

I'm surprised i don't see more of these on here.😕
Nice first chapter by the way.

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1000% agreed!

I feel like this is inspired by the art by khuzang

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*Googles*.

... Yes. Yes, it is.

"Um. I was weak and you're sexy?"

Best defense ever.

I want twilight to turn into an evil mistress midnight and make everyone her slaves

huh. the ending was pretty funny. almost enough to make up for the blasting of two of my favorite characters by twilight's internal narration
okay, i'll let you off the hook, but i'm very much not a fan of author tracts like that.

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And I'm very much of a fan saying what I want to say.

Besides, the commissioner thought it was funny.

It's always the quiet ones.

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There's only so many slots for similar stories.
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You might be able to commission that.

Damn, that was hot. Now Twilight's thinking with her head!

That was pretty hot. Looking forward to the next chapter.

I can just see it now

Twilight: Rarity! Why do you look so embarrassed?

Rarity: You would never believe what just happened to me during my presentation! Something felt as though it was digging through my...” delicate bits” and caused me to make a fool of myself! It’s already all over MyStable!

Twilight: oh uh...hehe...well...

Lol, this story is pure shenanigans fuel. Looking forward to more.

Your Queen demands more!

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I live in a republic.

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Even so, thy Kirin Queen demands more of thy enjoyable literature. Set thy digital pen to paper citizen.

Can i get a futa version?

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You could commission it.

Tiny typo:

you have another thing coming

"think"
as in "you have to think again".

"ooh what do we have here?"
"is it something to eat, Eat, EAT?"
" strange the sentient ones seem to have a hive mind link to the other mindless ones."
"HEY WHAT HE SAY?!?"
"i don't know lets scrap him"
"let me" the insecticons and shockwave ROTDS.

You had better make a sequel

She felt around. After some fumbling, she gripped and felt the edge of the floor in her room.

According to youtube science videos (wich i don't remember the whole shimuck right now) the (increasing) amount of energy necessary to open a tear between 2 points in space and then keep it open at the edges of the portal should have cooked her hand... screw that, the whole freaking planet should be boiling in radiation and hellfire right now.

But this is magic. Magic with a pinch of porn logic.
So you can just disregard this comment

"That poorer citizens used purple dye in order to place patches on their clothes, because purple was a sign of the rich. Of course, they would have to hide these when the tax collectors came so it didn't appear that they were richer than they wereeee." She dragged out her word as a second finger slipped into her labia. She jerked her head and grimaced.

None of that is true. Just saying.