You know what sucks? This story reminded me how I can't even piss anywhere other than a toilet. If I do need to piss without a toilet nothing would come out. None at all. Nothing
9147562 Some couples like to utilize watersports in their foreplay, and it is often the peeing event that leads up to the sex, but some couples willingly pee on each other, during or not during sex as part of the fetish. Hopes that clears things up a little.
9147575 Some see it that way, yes, but some see the action as a turn on and a way of displaying affection. It's a fetish, but the way a couple includes it in their sex life varies based on individual.
I'd like to offer my congrats for writing a very decent story (chapter)despite it being about 3/4 narration. The biggest strength this story had was less focus on how extreme or kinky the fetish itself is, and more on the emotional state of the focal character as they're experiencing it; it's something that a LOT of fetish fuel kinks don't do, which is why I tend to loathe them. It feels like you weren't trying too hard to impress people by coming up with odd ways to describe the situation and visuals, and that's actually what impressed me: simplicity can be very effective, since we as readers already know what gets us off and don't need any crazy ways of describing it.
One small critique I would like to offer is perhaps try to make future chapters less heavy with narration and more on action and conversation. While internal insight is lovely and extremely important, it sometimes can get overbearing. Also while most of us are here to see the visual descriptions of the pee coming out, I think it would also help to describe in more detail the vessel it's coming out of, i.e., Twilight'd vagina (the color, the shape, the size, the clitoris, etc). Little changes like that can add a whole lot more for your readers.
And if you're taking requests, I would be thrilled if you were to write a chapter for Celestia, preferably one without desperation and more intentional urination somewhere other than a toilet similar to how Twilight did (also, without Luna, or at least very little focus on her; she'd be best suited for her own chapter imo).
Anyway, thank you very much for giving us this story, and thank you for reading my critique of it. Good luck with future chapters.
You know what sucks? This story reminded me how I can't even piss anywhere other than a toilet. If I do need to piss without a toilet nothing would come out. None at all. Nothing
What would happen if they had sex while peeing?
9147562
Some couples like to utilize watersports in their foreplay, and it is often the peeing event that leads up to the sex, but some couples willingly pee on each other, during or not during sex as part of the fetish. Hopes that clears things up a little.
9147565
Like marking territory?
9147575
Some see it that way, yes, but some see the action as a turn on and a way of displaying affection. It's a fetish, but the way a couple includes it in their sex life varies based on individual.
What makes this chapter great is the fact that it uses my ship.
i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/mobile/000/019/381/fkrCCfd.jpg
9147816
I'm not entirely sure what that meant, buuut I think I might not want to find out.
I need more.
I'd like to offer my congrats for writing a very decent story (chapter)despite it being about 3/4 narration. The biggest strength this story had was less focus on how extreme or kinky the fetish itself is, and more on the emotional state of the focal character as they're experiencing it; it's something that a LOT of fetish fuel kinks don't do, which is why I tend to loathe them. It feels like you weren't trying too hard to impress people by coming up with odd ways to describe the situation and visuals, and that's actually what impressed me: simplicity can be very effective, since we as readers already know what gets us off and don't need any crazy ways of describing it.
One small critique I would like to offer is perhaps try to make future chapters less heavy with narration and more on action and conversation. While internal insight is lovely and extremely important, it sometimes can get overbearing. Also while most of us are here to see the visual descriptions of the pee coming out, I think it would also help to describe in more detail the vessel it's coming out of, i.e., Twilight'd vagina (the color, the shape, the size, the clitoris, etc). Little changes like that can add a whole lot more for your readers.
And if you're taking requests, I would be thrilled if you were to write a chapter for Celestia, preferably one without desperation and more intentional urination somewhere other than a toilet similar to how Twilight did (also, without Luna, or at least very little focus on her; she'd be best suited for her own chapter imo).
Anyway, thank you very much for giving us this story, and thank you for reading my critique of it. Good luck with future chapters.