If i may make some critizism, This chapter feels a bit rushed. Not to step on your hooves or anything, just my humble opinion. Other then that, Great work!
Since you asked how to improve it, I'll speak my opinion. Most of your chapters are rather short, and I think your story might benefit from less frequent but longer stories.
that fucking butch got my dashie pregnant! i will fucking rip out his heart. i will make him think that cupcakes it just a little happy,merciful bedtime story for 3 year olds
YAY early chapter
Bumbaclat! What da bloody 'ell?! Caramel, you...you... *ya know wat happens*
If i may make some critizism, This chapter feels a bit rushed. Not to step on your hooves or anything, just my humble opinion. Other then that, Great work!
Since you asked how to improve it, I'll speak my opinion. Most of your chapters are rather short, and I think your story might benefit from less frequent but longer stories.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO my favorite book is On Hiatus NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
So... Caramel kissed lightning. if i was lightning here is what i would do "take lead pipe beat the %$&* ^$@! *^$#%()%)^$ out of him and big mac
that $%^$&^&** Caramel!! Well, yayy! A new chapter coming early good work! Keep it up!
73275
... And then neuter Caramel with a rusty meat cleaver.
72925 Thanks! I need some time to think up some new chapters that are not as short. I'm planning on beginning this story again by Christmas.
74194 couldn't say it any better myself
74194 I could also cut Caramel's dick off and rape Big Mac with it.
yay my favorite book is Off Hiatus
92038 so wrong
Okay, thats it. Caramel is the most gayest pony I have seen in these fanfics.
At first i was like
but then i was like
but then i was like
good story
Oh that Caramel
that fucking butch got my dashie pregnant! i will fucking rip out his heart.
i will make him think that cupcakes it just a little happy,merciful bedtime story for 3 year olds