Calm
A beam of magic surged forth from her student's horn. Nightmare Moon followed it with her eyes and watched as it struck the rough, woody trunk of an oak tree. She felt a sense of fascination overtake her as she watched the magic soaked into the wood, saturated it to the point that a spiderweb of magenta lines raced through the length of the trunk, burning into the wood, then shattered the trunk with a sharp crack! Chunks of wood, bark, and splinters flew every which way. Some pelted her chestplate. Some slammed into the damp ground. Looking aside at her student, some of the debris had landed on her mane and coat.
Twilight quizzically stared at what used to be the tree. For a moment, Nightmare just looked over her student. A shiver of delight race down her spine. Her power, her potential, oh how it thrilled her to see it unlocked! And the way her student stood there so confidently! Free from that oppressive fear and anxiety that ate at her and plagued their relationship!
Watching her student stand there with the humble pride of self-confidence made her feel almost giddy. It even left her feeling free! It was like she was flying during the middle of the night, soaring through the sky with nothing to haunt or mock her. She felt freedom; freedom from the oppressive worry that her student had radiated, and freedom from the weight of the burdens of ruling. She was free to teach her student; free to enjoy her reign; free from her anger and hatred and mockery of her sister!
It was bliss, and she felt her chest bubbling from sheer excitement.
She swiped her tongue over her lips, then looked back at what had been the tree. Leaves fluttered in the night air, like a gentle shower drifting towards the ground. Branches and the remnants of larger limbs dropped from above and smashed into the ground. Some branches stabbed the ground and stuck out at odd angles.
She looked back at her student and felt a sense of fondness for the filly. Her student; her friend. Twilight glanced aside at her and smiled. It was a calm, confident smile; one that wasn't haunted by fear or indecision. It didn't seek out her approval, and it didn't worry that she would snap. It was a peaceful smile, and a familiar smile that her student had grown into.
Nightmare reached out with a wing and brushed some of the refuse off Twilight's mane and body. "Thanks," was her student's friendly reply, her voice free from formality. They were friends and here alone, formality was not needed. They shared a bond.
Nightmare inclined her head to nod, then slowly brushed her feather along Twilight's cheek. Her student closed her eyes and leaned into that stroke as her lips twitched into an even warmer smile. Nightmare swept the feather under her student's ear, and then once she broke contact she folded her wing to her side. Twilight opened her eyes, and for a moment, they watched each other, then Twilight turned to face away from her.
Then that glorious raspberry aura enveloped the whole area, and all of the little splinters and chunks of wood flew back towards what had been the tree's trunk. The branches floated up into the air, and the leaves zipped back to the branches. The trunk reassembled itself splinter by splinter, bit by bit, and those magenta lines grew back in reverse, then coalesced at the point where the beam had struck before finally fading away.
And it was a marvelous sight, that the damage had been undone.
Nightmare looked back at her student. The filly had so much power, so much potential! And she was seeing it! How her student surpassed Starswirl the Bearded; how there would never be another unicorn that could rival her.
It was her destiny.
But the feeling in her chest twisted. The comfort and ecstatic glee drifted further away, becoming more subdued. She felt the smile on her lips fading as her lips drifted down into a neutral line. Twilight continued to look away from her, unaware of her change in demeanor.
Something was wrong. Something was still missing. She felt it in her core, that something just wasn't right. She lit her horn and brushed her magic against her student's magic.
Her student was still incomplete. There was more there that could be done. She felt it. She knew it. It ate at her mind, stealing the joy and peace away from her. It troubled her because she did not know what was missing. She did not know why her student was incomplete, but she was. And it brought her a sense of wrongness. It wasn't how it was supposed to be, and it made her want to squirm.
Even in her dreams, Twilight's potential wasn't fully realized.
Her eyes drifted over her student's body. It barely registered that her student wasn't wearing the silvered crescent moon necklace; it wasn't necessary that she wore it anymore. She saw that golden tiara atop her head, which held the Element of Magic set in its center, but it didn't register to her.
Her eyes swept down the length of her student's bare back, then drifted to her flank. She tilted her head as her eyes traced over the outline of the pink starburst. The feeling that something was wrong grew worse, plaguing her mind. Her smile was gone as she stared at the familiar starburst.
She felt the urge to turn to face her student, so she turned her body to face her student. Twilight's head drifted left towards her, and when her student saw her expression, she frowned. "What's wrong?"
Twilight's voice echoed in her mind, 'What's wrong?'
But she couldn't answer it. Something was wrong. Something was off. Her student was, somehow, still incomplete. Something was missing. It wasn't her full potential; her student wasn't all she could be. But she didn't know what was missing.
Nightmare felt like the words were on the tip of her tongue, that if she spoke, the words that needed to be said would come. She felt like the knowledge was at the forefront of her mind, yet when she tried to reach for it, it was just beyond her grasp. Out of reach, like something she had forgotten. She felt like the memory was right there in the back of her mind, that even the most frivolous, pointless action would bring it back.
But it was out of reach. Her student, despite her potential being there on full display, was incomplete. But then, it was just a dream; of course Twilight was still incomplete.
It churned in her mind, and she felt the need to scream.
She held the scream back and met her student's gaze. "I do not know," she answered.
Her vision twisted and spun. Her voice was wrong. It sounded off. It was too soft. It shocked her. It made her feel cold. The voice was alien to her. It was a voice that she hadn't heard in centuries. A voice belonging to a pony who was dead.
"Luna?" Twilight asked.
Nightmare felt ice creeping through her veins as even more shock caught her unprepared. Her whole body grew cold as that name became the entire focus on her thoughts.
Twilight frowned and turned to face her. More quietly, more concerned, her student asked, "Luna, what's wrong?"
Then Nightmare Moon realized it wasn't night. It was day. The sun was overhead and the light filtered through the leaves, leaving a flickering, shimmering display of light and shadow on the ground as the leaves rustled in the summer's breeze. She felt the warmth in the air, that of sister's sun, yet it wasn't oppressive. The warmth didn't try to take advantage of her, it didn't try to mock or betray her. The warmth was simply there in all its uncaring glory.
Nightmare turned left until she was facing away from Twilight. She swept her head around and surveyed the forest, lit in the light of her sister's day. The branches swayed in the wind, and the leaves all rustled together, producing gentle music that felt so out of place, yet so right at the same time. Soothing and welcome, yet unwelcome because of how soothing and calm it was. How could it have been soothing with the return of her damned sister's day!? How dare it!
Nightmare felt a sense of dread well up inside her chest, and it twisted in on itself. She turned left again until she faced Twilight once more. Her chest felt tight. She couldn't breathe; her chest was too tight, too constricted. The air was being forced out of her lungs.
Twilight stood there before her, still frowning with concern. Still incomplete. "Luna?" her student's voice called again.
The dread grew worse. But no anger came. She felt disconnected from her surroundings; disconnected from who she was. 'Luna is dead,' was stated in her mind, yet it did not provoke anger and she did not speak to correct the filly.
'How do you know that name?' she wondered.
Twilight stepped towards her, then her student pressed herself against her chestplate. The filly lifted her right leg and did her best to wrap it around her neck while laying her head on the left side of her neck.
Nightmare found herself leaning down to return the hug. She couldn't stop it. But it didn't feel like a hug.
It just felt wrong.
Nightmare Moon felt disappointed.
It was time to raise the moon.
Nightmare's eyelids opened and she stared up at the ceiling. The dream was still there, lingering in her mind. Every last bit of it; every detail. The disappointment haunted her mind, making her so very aware of how silent her chambers were. The feeling of wrongness was still there, plaguing her, unnerving her, making her eyes dance along the walls, searching to make certain she was alone. It was a dream, but the effects lingered. The uncertainty she felt lingered. It made her uneasy.
She laid there in silence. She said nothing and kept her breathing quiet. There were no sounds in her chambers; nopony else was there. It was empty and quiet to the point that she could hear her own steady heartbeat. She was alone. She was too aware of the oppressive silence.
She inhaled deeply and broke that accursed silence. Her lips twitched into a smile as the light scent of lavender eased the discomfort plaguing her mind. She closed her eyes for a moment-
-and she saw how Twilight had stood there in her dream.
The disappointment came back, forcing her ears to pin back against her mane. She opened her eyes; the image of Twilight disappeared.
'I'm too fond of you,' came to mind again. But she didn't have the will to change that. Why would she want to? Twilight Sparkle was her student. Her student had so much potential, not only magical but also in that she could have a friend!
The thought caught her off-guard. The feeling of wrongness churned inside her chest until her chest felt tight.
Unease.
She missed the feeling of freedom she had in her dream. It was so wonderful compared to when she was awake! She didn't have time to enjoy herself like she wanted to when she was awake; Equestria demanded so much of her. Or maybe she was simply giving Equestria too much of her time. She was Queen, after all.
But Equestria needed her. Without her, without Sister, Equestria would hardly last. That was unacceptable.
She rolled her head to the right and stared at the door to her balcony. As she idly watched the door, the dream replayed in her mind. And she yearned to go back to sleep and to have that dream again. At least up until where it all went wrong.
She wished Twilight was that confident outside of her dreams.
She turned her gaze to the window and looked out into the starry night sky. 'It is nearly time to raise the moon,' occurred to her again, and with that, she felt the desire to actually leave her bed. And the whisper of, 'Twilight will join me to watch it,' made her feel eager.
She pushed herself out of bed and walked towards the balcony. As she approached the door, she used her magic to remake her bed, then open the door. She walked out into the cool night air and smiled. The darkness was peaceful. The darkness accepted her for who she was. The darkness, unlike ponies, loved her.
She walked to the railing and came to a stop. She looked out across Canterlot as she breathed in the cool air. Since she hadn't raised the moon, very few lights were on as most ponies still slept, and so the city was almost entirely enveloped in darkness. It looked peaceful.
But looks could be deceiving.
Ponies were still sleeping, and even if they weren't, they assuredly wouldn't be outside. They wouldn't be enjoying her moonless night. They wouldn't even enjoy the moonlit night. They would simply curse both and rage against it, ruining it.
And as her thoughts lingered on that wretched knowledge, she felt more disappointed and angered. She kept the anger locked away and turned her gaze to the right until she looked at Twilight's tower.
The filly was still sleeping peacefully. After everything that they had seen, that her student had seen and had to deal with, yesterday, her student needed that rest. And it was a rest she had earned.
She was comforted to know that her student had not had nightmares during the night, or at the very least, that she had not been awoken by her student screaming in fear. She was glad such a thing had not happened; she had no desire for such a thing to happen.
Perhaps she would wish or bring nightmares on her enemies, but not her student. Not Twilight.
And the thought came to mind, 'I have not used dream magic in centuries...' Sister had sealed even that away during her banishment. She hadn't used such magic in over a thousand years, and she hadn't used it since her return.
Once upon a time, that thought would have horrified her. Dream magic was a part of her domain! Yet now the thought only left her feeling cautious and leery: could she still use such magic? She remembered how, but she had not attempted it in so long. Such magic was her right!
Yet she was not using it.
She felt a temptation to try to see if she could still use such magic. 'What are you dreaming of?' she wondered. Her eyes glossed over as she stared at the tower, almost trying to look through the marble walls to see her student. In her mind she imagined what her student was dreaming of: Sister, Sister's sunny days, her studies, perhaps even her friends, but not her. No, her student wouldn't dream of her because those dreams would be nightmares.
Her vision refocused. The temptation to delve into her student's dreams disintegrated. Perhaps it was her right because dream magic was a part of her; perhaps it was her right because she was Queen. But she would not do that to her student. No, it would have violated her student's trust. It would have crippled her student even further.
If she did so, she might as well have been right there with Twilight and told her, 'You will never be safe from me!'
She felt bitterness bubbling up inside her chest. She looked away from the tower. 'Perhaps in time I will tell you,' she thought.
But so long as she had a choice, so long as there was an alternative, she would not surprise her student in such a way. If her student had nightmares, then she would intervene in secret, but she would not use her magic to hurt her student. It would be detrimental to her efforts; it wouldn't be in her best interest. And Twilight was young.
But surely her student had been having nightmares! And she had not thought to check; she had not thought to intervene. 'What have I lost because I have not tried to help you?' she thought. Her lips pulled into a grimace.
She felt guilt. She had the magic to help her student; she could have eased her student's troubled mind, or at least help her to sleep peacefully, yet she had not. And each time was a missed opportunity, one that could have helped her student and helped herself.
She inhaled and filled her lungs with the cold night air. She closed her eyes and held that breath in for several seconds, then opened her eyes and let the air out. She turned her head back to face her student's tower.
'You held up better than I expected...' she mused with a nod. And that was progress.
Her thoughts drifted over the night and everything that had transpired. As she thought about it, worry edged into the back of her mind. It was unrest; it was disorder. It was dissent; it was rebellion.
It was chaos.
Reluctantly, she turned her head to face the castle's gardens. Her eyes jumped from spot to spot, then she stared at the center of the garden. Nothing looked out of place. Nothing immediately felt out of place. The world wasn't inverting; reality wasn't fracturing. She was hesitant to check with her magic, but she had to. To not check would have been foalish, so she lit her horn and reached out with her magic.
And relief washed over her immediately. Her lips even drew up into a confident smile. 'You're still sealed away.'
She turned her gaze back to her student's tower. Her smile faded as the memory of seeing Twilight look at her so desperately played through her mind. It agitated her to think about. It agitated her to see Twilight looking like that. The agitation made her shift her weight. The sound of her metal boots scraping on the smooth marble broke the stillness.
She tried not to think about it, but how could she stop herself? It was a haunting thought, what had brought on that desperate look. She did her damnedest not to think about what caused it, but that only made her think about it more, and it enraged her further.
She pictured the filly. She trembled and bared her teeth. She found her before the flames had reached her, but it wouldn't have taken long.
She threw her hoof into the air and slammed it down into the marble to crush the thought from her mind. The marble balcony cracked beneath her. She felt the impact in her hoof and in her leg. Her leg ached and throbbed through the whole length of her muscle.
Her hoof tingled.
She let out a growl and leaned to the left, then lifted her right foreleg into the air. Begrudgingly, she looked down at the marble. She scowled at the crack and lit her horn, only to hesitate as she watched the marble shimmer and slowly heal.
The crack disappeared after a few seconds. The ache in her leg did not.
Carefully, she set her hoof back down. The damage wasn't permanent; it would heal. Until then, she would endure the tingle in her leg and hoof.
She looked to the east and reached out to the moon with her magic.
She hesitated. She held the moon in her magic but hesitated. She could feel her sister's disgusting presence tarnishing her moon. It made her bitter, and she bared her teeth.
She didn't want to have to see that damned corruption. She had half the mind to leave the moon where it was, just so she didn't have to see her sister mocking her. But to leave it there was the worst thing she could do for Equestria and the whole world. She had to raise the moon, or there would be no Equestria for her to rule.
She still hesitated.
She wanted Twilight to be there with her, but Twilight needed her sleep. Her grip on the moon faded, and her head drifted to the right until she stared at Twilight's tower again. She realized, 'I am delaying for you,' and felt a sense of bewilderment.
Delaying too long would cause uncertainty. Uncertainty wasn't in her best interest.
But she was still willing to wait. A few minutes would not cause too much uncertainty, and Twilight could better recover.
She inhaled, then exhaled. Her gaze dropped down to the railing. 'You're going to be the death of me, aren't you?'
She inhaled again, then forced the air back out of her lungs. She swallowed, then licked her lips. Her gaze lifted back up to her student's tower, then she spread her wings. She beat them downward and arose into the air. She flew over the railing, banked, then glided towards her student's tower.
The two guards jumped as she arrived, and their armor clattered against the marble when they landed. She scowled and sent both a glare that was missed in the darkness as she strode towards the door. In the back of her mind, 'I need to replace them with batponies so they can actually see,' occurred to her.
It wouldn't do for her student to be so unprotected.
She opened the door with her magic, then walked inside. Once she was past the door, she shut it silently, then walked further into the room, only to find her stride slowing. Her head drifted right and her eyes scanned over all of the books her student's library was filled with.
'How much more does she know than I do? How much more do I know than her?' she wondered. There had to be so much learned during her thousand-year banishment. Catching up on it all would take time. A month was not enough. Perhaps it was enough if she skimmed everything, but she wouldn't truly know and understand.
She inhaled, then exhaled. Her head drifted to the left and once again she looked over the spines of the books. She ignored the title and just took in how many books there were. 'Have you read all of them?' she wondered. If that was the case, then she found herself partly impressed. Even if Twilight was a scholar.
'What do you know that I do not know?' she wondered. There had to be hundreds of books in Twilight's tower. And who was to say those were the only books her student had read? No, that thought was silly. There had to be books that her student had read which were not here.
Surely her sister had given Twilight other books to read. Books that would have been kept restricted. 'You had access to the Archives, did you not?' She found herself nodding, and she found herself worried. 'Perhaps there is more that you know that I do not realize...'
And perhaps there were spells that she didn't know Twilight knew; spells that she didn't even know existed. Twilight already knew mind magic.
"So much potential..." she whispered in fascination.
She turned to the left, then walked to the stairs that lead to the second level. She set her hoof on the bottom step and paused. Last time she had ascended those stairs, she had felt uneasy and had ended up scaring her student. And that knowledge left her hesitant.
She bit her lip. 'We will talk and you will not be afraid of me,' she told herself.
With a nod to herself, she released her lip then crept up the stairs. Unlike before, she did not feel fear or the desire to leave. Instead, she found herself feeling comfortable. She walked to the doorway to Twilight's bedroom, and as she approached it, she slowed.
The anxiety returned.
She came to a stop at the doorway and lingered, reluctant to enter her student's bedroom. She looked right at her student and watched her sleep. It was peaceful, and the blankets over her body rose and fell no different from any other time she had watched her sleep.
But she still looked so vulnerable! The thought left her feeling exasperated. 'You shouldn't be so vulnerable!' hissed in her mind. 'You're the bearer of the Element of Magic! You're my student!' It was unthinkable that somepony so valuable could be so unprotected.
'Perhaps I should make you armor,' she mused. At that thought, she looked at the ceiling and tilted her head. She tried to picture her student wearing armor, but she couldn't. She couldn't picture Twilight wearing armor like the Royal Guard or batponies. She couldn't picture Twilight wearing armor like herself. Nothing seemed to fit her. Twilight wasn't a soldier. Her student was a scholar.
In the end, all she was able to picture was Twilight wearing some kind of dress. Even that was hard to picture, and it was so frivolous that it was pointless.
She shook the thought from her mind and turned her gaze back to her student, who still slept peacefully. It made her reluctant to wake her student. 'You need the rest...' repeated in her mind, making her chest churn. 'But I do want to watch the moonrise with you...'
'What am I to do, Twilight Sparkle? You agreed to watch the moonrise with me and it is time to raise the moon, yet you still sleep...'
Reluctantly, she lifted her aching right foreleg, then stepped into her student's room. The step was followed by another, then another, and with each step, her unease grew more prominent. Eventually, she stopped at the side of Twilight's bed. Her student was still unaware of her presence. She felt relief, yet it also agitated her.
Anypony could have sneaked up on her student when she was sleeping, but it also meant that her student wasn't so terrified of her presence.
'What are you dreaming of?' she wondered again. The thought brought on an immediate sense of discomfort as, 'You're probably dreaming of Sister,' came to mind. She looked away from her student and looked out the window.
Wasn't that a mockery of her? For her own student to be dreaming of her damned sister! Yet her student was most likely comforted by those dreams; they likely left her feeling at peace. A peace that her student would never have with her outside of her own dreams.
She wanted to turn around and leave, but she stayed. Her gaze inevitably drifted back to her student. The filly's dark blue mane was a mess, with strands of it sticking out as if a something had licked the left side of her face. It brought a smile to her lips, but it was short-lived.
She closed her eyes, took in a deep breath, then quietly exhaled. "Twilight Sparkle?" she called. She opened her eyes to look at her student.
Her student groaned, pressed her eyelids closed tighter, then gradually opened her eyes. For a few seconds, there was a lack of recognition in those purple irises, then her student's eyelids shot open. "O-oh," Twilight squeaked. "Um, good... morning?"
'You are still scared of me,' came with a silent sigh. Nightmare gave a slow nod of acknowledgment. "It is time for me to raise the moon," she said. She hesitated to say the next part, and the hesitation felt odd. Why did she hesitate? She hoped her student would still want to. She didn't want her student to reject her. Her hesitation was audible as she ventured, "And you said you would watch the moonrise with me?"
But Twilight didn't notice the hesitation in her voice. Her student only blinked, then nodded. "Oh, right..." she mumbled. Her student sucked in a deep breath and yawned, rolled onto her left side, then slowly pushed herself up into a sitting position. Twilight slowly shook her head and lifted a forehoof to rub her eyes.
Nightmare watched the filly curiously. "How... did you sleep?" she asked.
Twilight's forehoof paused at her right eye for a few seconds, then her student lowered the hoof to the bed, looked at her and nodded. "I slept fine," was the awkward answer.
Nightmare nodded to herself and looked away from her. "That is," she paused to mull over the next word, "good."
For a few seconds, nothing was said between them. She saw Twilight yawn again out of the corner of her eye, then when the yawn ended, her student asked, "What about you?"
The question felt odd. Why would her student ask such a thing? Why would she care? It was utterly pointless!
Then again, she had asked the same question.
Nightmare turned back to her student, who was still looking up at her. Waiting for an answer. "I slept well," she answered with an incline of her head.
"That's good," Twilight likewise answered.
The silence felt awkward. She stood there, watching her student. Her student sat on the bed, trying to avoid looking at her, or perhaps trying to avoid staring at her. 'Neither of us really know how to act around the other, do we?' she wondered. It was silly. She didn't even need to wonder about it or think about it. She already knew the answer was, 'Yes.'
Eventually, Twilight's head rolled back to face her, then her student nudged herself forward and slid off the bed. Nightmare watched Twilight take a few steps forward, and likewise, Twilight kept her head turned to face her. But it didn't look like it was out of fear, no. Twilight didn't hold herself with the same timid, fearful caution that seemed to be an innate part of who she was. There was still a timidness in how she held herself, but it wasn't one where her student was ready to try to escape if something happened.
It wasn't necessary.
Her student didn't tremble before her, and she found herself smiling. Seeing that her student wasn't quite so afraid of her helped soothe her mind. Perhaps something actually was going right! She would still have to raise the moon and see her damned sister's corruption, but at least she could hold it over her sister that Twilight was hers!
And somepony would be there with her when she did it. Her student would share that moment with her. She felt more eager than before. The concern about the chaos in Manehattan was cast aside. The dread at the prospect of Discord escaping flew away.
The freedom wasn't quite what she felt in her dream, but it was still a taste of it. A taste that left her yearning for more.
She inhaled as she turned back around to face the doorway. She turned her head back to her student and reached out with her left wing to stroke a feather along Twilight's back. She found herself watching her feather as it slid through Twilight's coat. She could see a lingering line left in Twilight's coat where her feather passed through. It didn't stand out too much, but it was there. She could see it. Maybe nopony else would see it, but she did.
She slowly folded her wing back to her side, then faced Twilight. Her student was looking back at the same crease she had been; her student had been watching as she had been. Twilight blinked, then turned her head back to face her. She felt some distant sense of doubt start nibbling on the back of her mind as she watched her student. Twilight was calm, but she didn't look excited. She felt disappointed.
For the barest moment, she thought she saw Twilight's brow twitch down; she thought she saw Twilight's ears flick back. But she wasn't sure.
She lifted her right forehoof, then took a hesitant step forward and leaned her head to the right. "You do still wish to watch me raise the moon, do you not?" she asked. She turned back to face her student, then spoke, "If you would prefer not to-"
"No, it's fine," Twilight cut her off, taking a step forward. "I just... it's early-"
"Very astute," she commented dryly.
Twilight visibly winced, then shied back. She winced on the inside and felt a bit of guilt.
"I'm sorry-"
"I apologize-"
Nightmare wasn't sure who had started speaking first. They both went silent at that. She inhaled, then turned her head back to face the doorway. She looked out into the library and watched the magelight illuminating the tower. "You do not need to apologize," she preempted before anything else could be said.
"I'd still... like to watch the moonrise, if that's okay?" Twilight asked.
Nightmare inclined her head as the disappointment grew worse. She suppressed a sigh as the thought, 'So much for your confidence...' came to mind. "I am looking forward to your company, yes," she answered.
Twilight reacted to that. She saw the reaction, but she couldn't quite place it. She knew it wasn't surprise. It wasn't fear, nor anxiety. It wasn't hope, nor eagerness. It almost seemed like it was some kind of confirmation. It made her feel a twinge of worry.
But before she could dwell on it too much longer, her student spoke up, "Um, may I use the bathroom first?"
"Of course," Nightmare answered, her eyes immediately jumping to the mess of a mane atop her student's head.
Twilight shifted her weight uncomfortably, then scurried around in front of her and hurried to the bathroom. She idly watched her student right up until the door closed. She stood there for a moment, then turned her attention back to that magelight.
It was her student's work. The light was pleasant.
She turned her attention to the books that spanned the bookshelves and walked out of the bedroom. She came to a stop at the railing and looked over the library.
There were so many books, and she was sure her student had read so many more than what were here. Her student was but a filly of sixteen. And it was impressive that she had read and studied so much. 'It is a wonder that you could make friends at all,' came to mind.
She suspected that if she had seen her student before that bond had formed between the six of them, she wouldn't have been capable of picturing the filly with friends.
And her friends loved her. All five of them. They shared a special bond. Not just the Elements of Harmony, either. Friendship. Her sister and herself had, once upon a time, wielded the six Elements of Harmony. Three each. A similar bond. Not the same, but close.
She hated the memories. Sure, she took a sense of satisfaction in defeating Discord, but it didn't change how her sister had lied to her. How her sister had used her and betrayed her. Their friendship, their familial bond?
It was just a lie her sister had spun to use her.
She felt bitter.
Twilight's friends didn't use her for their own gain.
She felt jealous of her student.
When she realized that, the bitterness and jealousness faded, just a little bit. It was still there, but her mind calmed down. She would not snap at her student. It wasn't in her best interest, and harming her student in such a way was wrong. 'I will not hold Sister's crimes against you,' her mind wholeheartedly agreed.
But once upon a time, it would have been different.
She shook the thought from her mind before it could do any damage. She stuck her tongue out of her mouth, then ran it across her lips.
She waited on her student. She focused on the necklace and felt Twilight's position, her movement. She listened to her almost disgruntled breathing and wondered, 'You are brushing your mane, are you not?'
She turned her attention to Cadance. The alicorn was still sleeping soundly, not that she had expected different. Shining Armor was there as well; she could hear two sets of breathing. In her mind, she could picture them cuddled up, and the image made her scowl. 'You two will be useful,' she knew, 'as long as I can tolerate you,' came more bitterly.
Yes, the end result would be useful. If they were to be married, she could replace Captain Shining Armor with essentially no problems. That and a royal wedding would assuredly help Equestria feel more normal and stable for the average pony. A celebration would be good. Assuming that the two of them didn't end up stabbing her in the back after being married. That could happen, although she wasn't entirely sure how. 'The benefits still outweigh the risks,' she knew.
But she still couldn't force it to happen, no. That was up to them. She had yet to hear them talk about it, but surely it would eventually come up. If it didn't, she would be surprised. All she could do was wait.
She was good at waiting.
At times.
She heard the door to the bathroom open. She turned her head to the right and looked back to watch her student walk out from the bedroom and approach her. She studied the filly's now-brushed mane, then glanced over the length of her groomed tail before meeting her gaze and inclining her head. "I presume you are ready now?" she asked.
Twilight nodded and slowed until she came to a stop at her side. "Yes," her student answered.
"Good," Nightmare replied. She lit her horn, enveloped Twilight in her magic, then teleported the two of them to her balcony. She stood facing the east, looking out over Canterlot towards the horizon. Twilight stood at her right side. With Twilight standing in her proper place, she felt more at ease, more unified. It reminded her of wearing her armor, and then when Twilight wasn't there, it was almost like she wasn't wearing her boots or her helmet.
She put the strange thought aside and turned her attention to the moon. It hid somewhere just below the horizon to the east, almost slumbering as it waited for her magic to coax it into ascending into the sky. She reached out and wrapped the moon in her magic.
And as soon as she did, she felt that sickening disgust of her sister's presence. Sure, her sister was locked away, banished, bound and held captive with her magic locked away, but her sister was still there, sickening her moon like a disease. A part of her, and she wasn't sure how much of a part of her it was, wanted to teleport to the moon and fix the issue. She wanted to crush her sister's bones under her hooves, she wanted to see the white-gray moonscape painted crimson with her sister's blood, she wanted to hear those agonized, pained screams of her sister's pleading for her to stop that fell on her ears like the sweetest of musics.
And another part of her, thinking on that part that wanted to torture her sister so, felt cold and distant. The desire was there, and to vent would have been welcome. Her sister would recover from just about anything she could do to her, so she could vent and vent and vent, all without fear of accidentally killing her sister. Death was simply too good for that damned sibling of hers! Celestia deserved to suffer. And she could choose when to end it.
But she felt hesitant to act on such impulses. The impulse left an uncomfortable twist in her chest, it brought a grimace to her lips. She couldn't teleport the distance to the moon, not now. Not while she was actively suppressing the Elements of Harmony. Even if she could teleport the distance, she still felt hesitant to do so. She had no desire to see that damned white coat again. She had no desire to see that damned pony violating her moon. No desire to see that damned, lifeless moonscape again.
And it would still be torturing her sister.
She felt it was entirely in her right to do so, given what her dear sister had done to her. Yet the thought, 'I am better than you,' growling in her mind was enough to steel her resolve not to act on it.
Torturing Sister would have been the work of a monster.
"Um... are you alright?" Twilight's voice called.
The thoughts of her sister snapped away even though Nightmare could still feel that accursed presence on the moon. She turned her head to her student and gave a quick incline of her head. "I am merely thinking," she responded, then turned her head back to face the horizon.
It came quickly, and she wasn't prepared for it. She couldn't stop herself fast enough, and "Did you watch this with her?" slipped out.
More quietly, Twilight answered, "Um... I did watch her raise the sun... we... well... a few times we were here..."
Nightmare inhaled. Twilight didn't continue. 'You are afraid to discuss this with me,' she knew. It made her want to grimace, but she held it back. She slowly turned her head to face Twilight, then asked, "And what of her raising the moon?"
It came out more coldly than she had intended. The grimace slipped out.
Twilight nibbled on her lip. She had half the mind to chastise her for that, but she bit her tongue to stop herself. It wouldn't have helped her student's confidence any. "A few times," was her student's shy, high-pitched answer. It wasn't quite a squeak, but the nervousness was there.
"You do not wish to speak of this, do you not?" Nightmare asked.
Twilight nodded emphatically.
Nightmare reached out with her right wing, then slowly brushed a feather up along her student's side from about halfway down her back to her withers. She glided her feather all the way off Twilight's coat, then folded her wing to her side.
"Uh... we... I've not..." her student trailed off as she struggled to figure out what to say. For a moment, Twilight closed her eyes and sucked in a deep breath, then her student opened her eyes and let the breath out. "I only saw her do it in private a few times when I was younger." Twilight shifted her weight, then added, "Um, raise the sun and moon. I still saw her do it in public when..."
Twilight trailed off, and the silence following the last word felt pronounced. 'The Summer Sun Celebration,' growled in Nightmare's mind. Her lip twitched up, but not enough to show her teeth. "I see," she replied.
Twilight looked away from her and starred off towards the horizon.
"I am surprised she did not do this more with you," Nightmare commented.
Twilight blinked, then turned to face her. There was a lack of recognition in her student's face; the statement had caught her off guard.
'Why didn't you?' Nightmare wondered. 'Or was it because she is not comfortable with it?'
'I am procrastinating,' came to mind. She suppressed a sigh, then channeled more magic into her horn and cast the spell. She coaxed the moon up and watched. Seconds passed, and then she saw the barest sliver of the moon testingly peak over the horizon. She let her horn go dim and watched.
It wasn't quite as enjoyable as she had hoped. Her student's presence was nice, but it didn't feel as peaceful as she imagined. It was disappointing. She glanced aside at her student, who stared at that small sliver of the moon as she sat there.
She slowly sat down beside her and watched the moonrise. It was so slow and drawn out, and watching it, it was easy to forget that it was moving at all. The small sliver grew so slowly. It didn't care that it was tarnished. It didn't care that ponies despised it. It didn't care about whatever stress was plaguing her.
It just was; it simply ascended into the sky in a slow march that would have, once upon a time, danced in sync with the sun's descent. As she watched, she felt like she could drift off into her memories. Tens of thousands of moonrises, all watched alone. Tens of thousands of moonrises spent with somepony who lied to her and mocked her. Thousands of moonrises with ponies who weren't there by sunrise.
Hundreds of thousands of moonrises missed in her banishment.
"Wait... you don't have to constantly use your magic to move the moon?" Twilight asked.
Nightmare blinked as the reminiscence faded away and turned her attention to her student. The filly looked at her with wide-eyes that made her frown. She raised an eyebrow and asked, "Surely you did not think that I have to constantly do so?" For Twilight to think she had to constantly use her magic to move the moon was utter stupidity.
Twilight blushed and tripped over her words, stammering and stuttering out incoherent nonsense she couldn't make out. The filly pointed her muzzle towards the balcony floor and turned her head away from her. Eventually, she managed to make out a very defensive, "W-well..."
"This is something I would have expected you to realize from being my sister's student," Nightmare stated dryly. "Neither of us had to constantly move the sun or moon in order to keep it in its path. Such a thing would be insanity," she stated. And as she thought about that, she found herself shaking her head and grimacing.
The thought of having to constantly use her magic to move the moon around? That was insane! The drain on her magic would be far too great. The time consumed would be too much. It would have been too much of a distraction to constantly adjust the moon's course.
She wouldn't do it. Consequences be damned. It would leave her too vulnerable; it would be too taxing on her concentration.
And then the fact that Twilight didn't realize that simple truth left her feeling exasperated. 'How could you not realize this!?' her mind demanded. She couldn't fathom it! It made absolutely no sense! If Twilight had been her sister's student, then the filly should have known and saw that Sister didn't have to use her magic constantly to move the sun and moon.
Or maybe Twilight had, and the question only now came to mind for her student to ask. It was still a stupid question.
Or perhaps Sister had lied to Twilight more than she knew.
The thought left her seething.
"I cannot imagine what it would be like to have to constantly move the moon with my magic," Nightmare admitted, "and in truth, if such was the case I likely would not," she said with finality.
"Wait, what?" Twilight asked, head whipping up to face Nightmare. Glancing aside at her student, she saw the lingering remnants of embarrassment, though it went ignored as Twilight asked, "Why?"
"The drain on my magic, the time it would take, and the concentration it would require. I would..." she trailed off and shut her mouth. It didn't stop a quick jolt from racing through her body. 'I should not tell her that,' snapped in her mind. But she wouldn't lie about it either. The fact that she had nearly admitted such a thing being beyond her capabilities? It made her uneasy.
Or maybe admitting that wouldn't be as bad as she expected. Twilight already knew she had limits. She had admitted as much.
She kept it to herself. "It is not something I would do," she stated.
Twilight saw through it. It wasn't a lie, but her student knew she was keeping something from her. The filly just slowly nodded. "Right... well. Sorry, I should have realized that... you don't have to constantly move it. I mean, I know that, I just..." the filly trailed off and let out an exasperated sigh. "I don't know what I was thinking. That was stupid."
'Yes,' Nightmare's mind agreed. Instead, she comforted, "It is fine."
"I guess... I just hadn't thought about it before?" Twilight offered with a wince.
"Perhaps," Nightmare replied.
"How does it work?" was her student's next question.
Nightmare smiled. The mysteries of the heavens. If there was any unicorn aside from Starswirl the Bearded who could comprehend and understand how it worked; if there was any unicorn who could grasp it and deserved to know besides Starswirl the Bearded, it was Twilight. But the smile faded. Twilight was just a unicorn filly.
But her student would be able to understand and figure it out. It was something that she knew they could talk about. It was something that she knew Twilight would love to learn. 'Sister never told you.' It was another way to make Twilight her own student.
"I do not believe you are ready yet," Nightmare stated. Twilight's ears folded back at hearing that, and her head drooped. And she hated seeing that for some reason. "Perhaps in time, I will teach you," she offered.
Twilight perked right up. A smile nearly split her lips, and her eyes almost sparkled in the faint moonlight, as if stars shined from within her eyes. Joy.
She saw that look, but it passed her by. Instead, her mind lingered on what she said, 'I will teach you.'
Not tell; not explain. Teach.
If anypony other than Starswirl, her sister, and herself could grasp it, it would be Twilight. Perhaps not even Cadance could.
She felt a shiver race down her spine.
But before she could linger on the idea any longer, before everything could fall into place, her student said, "Um, thank you."
Nightmare nodded and looked over her student. It was a genuine thanks. Twilight timidly sat there, but It wasn't discomfort; it wasn't fear. Timidness might not have been the proper description of how her student sat there. Twilight was grateful.
It felt nice to have somepony thank her. It felt nice for the thanks to be so genuine and truly meant! It wasn't just a quick 'thanks' that was said in passing or without thought, but one that actually had meaning to it.
"Join me for a meal?" Nightmare asked.
Twilight slowly leaned her head to the right, then back to the left. "I am hungry," her student finally admitted.
"I imagine Cadance will join us," Nightmare commented.
Twilight frowned and looked down at her chestplate for a moment before looking back up at her. "How is... Cadance doing?" was her more cautious question.
"I have not spoken with her since last night," was Nightmare's answer. "So I would know no better than you."
Twilight grimaced. "Right."
"How," Nightmare ventured, "are you doing?"
"Um, I'm... alright?" Twilight replied.
"After last night," Nightmare amended.
Twilight winced, and her head drifted back to the right until her gaze fell on the moon. "I..." she drawled, "think I'm... okay." Nightmare saw her student swallow, then watched her lick her lips. "I... think I'll be fine," was added.
"You have not experienced anything like that before, correct?" Nightmare asked.
Twilight's eyes darted over to her for a brief second, then returned to the moon. Her student gave a quick, timid nod. "Yeah... I've never... well, I've never heard of anything like that happening in Equestria... recently. I don't think it's been like that in centuries."
Nightmare slowly inclined her head, then lifted it back up. "That was not putting too much on you, was it?" she asked. "I do not want to... push you too far, but I do want you to have experience with... matters that you are lacking experience in. It would be good for you."
Twilight grimaced but said nothing.
Nightmare turned her gaze back to Canterlot. The city was still mostly dark, but she knew it wouldn't last. Eventually, ponies would wake and turn on lights that would ruin the city's serenity. And then they would stay inside for the rest of the moonlit night and refuse to step out into the darkness, mocking her. "I am slightly concerned that we may have to deal with such dissent again soon," she admitted. "Likely in Manehattan, but I do not know."
Her student reluctantly turned to look at her and quietly, almost desperately asked, "It's... not going to be in Canterlot, right?"
Nightmare couldn't be sure. "I do not know," she admitted. "We will deal with it if it does transpire."
"Right..." Twilight muttered. "You know I'm just a filly, right?"
"Yes, I am aware of that," Nightmare stated. "I recognize that you are young and I do not intend to put you into situations you are not ready for, nor do I intend to put you in situations where you could be hurt, so long as there is a better alternative, but I do want you to have such experience. Sister would shelter you from it, but it is good for you to have this experience."
"Why?" was her student's innocent question.
Nightmare turned her head to regard her student's curious expression. "To prepare you, should something ever arise where there is no choice but for you to confront it," she replied. "And because this experience will likely help you learn to protect yourself."
Twilight frowned and slowly looked away from her.
Nightmare watched the filly for a few more seconds, then turned her gaze back to the rising moon. She wasn't enjoying it as much as she had hoped, but the same could be said for their shared bath. There was still some wall between them. 'We are missing something, are we not?' she wondered. There was something missing. She was sure of it. Perhaps it was Twilight still being unable to fully relax around her.
And she couldn't blame Twilight for that if that was the case. So she had to keep trying.
She tilted her head to glance at Twilight. 'You are still incomplete,' she knew. It weighed on her mind, and her thoughts drifted back to her dreams.
Twilight was hesitant to use her magic. She had power, she had knowledge, but she seemed hesitant to use her magic. She wasn't confident, despite her capabilities, or perhaps because of her capabilities. 'Is that why you are incomplete?' she wondered. But no, that couldn't be it. In her dreams, she had seen Twilight use her magic, but the wrongness was still there.
But it had been in a dream, and it had not been real, so she couldn't be sure. Yet she felt inclined to believe that even if it had been real, her student would still feel somehow incomplete.
Or maybe she was obsessing over something that wasn't the case.
Still staring at Twilight, her mind cried out, 'What are you missing!?'
Perhaps in time, she would figure out what was wrong. She just had to wait, and she was good at waiting.
But this wasn't one of those times.
She inhaled deeply then asked, "Shall we go have a meal? Or would you rather remain here and watch the moonrise for a time?"
"I am hungry, but... I don't mind staying here and watching it. It's... kind of nice, I just..." her student trailed off and turned to face her. "I keep thinking about... everything that..."
No more needed to be said. Nightmare gave a slow nod. She wanted to say, 'I have seen worse,' but didn't. Twilight perhaps didn't need to know that, and she doubted it would be any comfort for her student. Her student was not ready to hear of such things. Nightmare was not ready to speak of such things. "If you desire to talk about it, you may," she offered.
Twilight grimaced and said, "I'm not sure I want to... I... I don't know."
"If not me, then perhaps speak with Cadance or your friends about the matter," Nightmare suggested.
"Okay..." was Twilight's unsure reply.
Nightmare wanted to say something, but she hesitated. It was silly that she wanted to say it, and it was silly that she hesitated. She was Queen and Empress! She was the ruler of Equestria! Yet she was also Twilight's teacher, and wanted to grow that fragile bond they shared. "If you do desire to talk to me about it, I will not turn you away," she offered.
Twilight's eyes jumped up to meet hers. One second passed, then her student's eyes jumped back down to her chestplate. Twilight nodded slowly.
"I think it would be good for us to talk more," Nightmare added.
"I suppose..." Twilight mumbled as she turned to face the moon. "It... does help me... um..."
"Feel more comfortable around me," Nightmare acknowledged. Twilight gave a timid nod. "Yes, I can tell," she added. Twilight stopped nodding and winced. "You need to be more confident in yourself," she stated.
Twilight sat there and slowly turned her head to face her. "Can we just... watch the moonrise and not talk for a little bit?"
Nightmare's lips pulled into a thin line. "Very well, Twilight Sparkle. But if you do desire to talk, you may," she said.
"Thanks..." her student mumbled as she looked back at the moon. "I just... don't really want to talk right now. It's still early and... well, I have a lot on my mind."
"It is alright," Nightmare replied. "I think that perhaps it would be best to simply sit here and watch the moonrise together. Talking is... not quite helpful for relaxing, given what we have been talking about."
Twilight moved her head up and down in a slow, absent manner, but her student's gaze didn't break from that growing sliver of moon.
After a few more seconds of watching the filly, she turned her head back to face the moon. Not enough of it had risen above the horizon to mock her with her sister's banishment, but with each passing second, she knew it drew nearer. She tried to push it from her mind. She tried not to think about how even now, with her sister banished, Sister still mocked her; Sister still denied her the proper enjoyment of her victory.
She tried not to think about it, but watching the moon made it impossible.
Her thoughts drifted back to those one thousand years, each one blurring into the next and the last. Sister would experience that now. The thought should have comforted her, yet it didn't. Sister scarred her moon; ponies didn't see the moon unblemished. It was always there; it would always be there.
'And you grew up knowing no different,' came to mind, and with it, her thoughts shifted to her student. She knew, didn't she? But did her student truly understand? Surely she could not truly grasp it; surely her student, as bright as she seemed to be, did not fully comprehend it. Twilight knew that those black blemishes upon the surface of the moon had been evidence of her banishment; Twilight knew that those black blemishes upon the surface of the moon were evidence of her sister's banishment.
Her eyes flicked aside to Twilight for the barest moment before returning to the moon. The image lingered in her mind. Twilight's head drifted left towards her, and for a moment, Twilight looked at her. She said nothing. Twilight said nothing. Her student's head drifted back to the right before centering on the moon once more.
Twilight knew the scaring on the moon was the result of Sister's banishment. And that scarring made her student uncomfortable because she knew what it meant.
Then that was something that they shared: neither of them liked those blemishes dotting the surface of the moon.
She knew she didn't want to stay there long enough to see those craters come into sight. She was certain her student felt the same way. Until then, if she could force herself not to think about it, she could enjoy the peace and quiet. She could enjoy the company: somepony, her student, choosing to be there with her and watch the moonrise. Sharing in the beauty of the night, the beauty of the night sky and the stars. Sharing the tranquil peace that the moment offered.
But it felt like a lie, and that lie weighed on her mind.
The weight refused to let up, and the seconds dragged on with the thought, 'This is just an illusion, just a lie,' hissing in her mind. She was lying to herself, she knew, just like Sister had. She was lying to herself to enjoy the moonrise: she did her best to ignore what would come; she did her best to ignore knowing that eventually, those black spots would come into view above the horizon.
She felt bitter. Sister stole even the enjoyment that she should have had from watching the moonrise.
But a part of her hissed in her mind, 'It is your own fault! You were the one who cast that damned spell!' and it made the bitterness that much more pronounced. It twisted in her chest. The fire raged in the back of her mind. She sat there, staring at the moon and seething.
But if she forced herself not to think about it, if she forced herself to forget, then it still remained that she had company with her that she could enjoy. The bitterness and anger cooled, yet still lingered, denying her the enjoyment she should have had.
"Are you okay?" Twilight asked.
Nightmare glanced at the filly, and in response, her student fidgeted. Twilight might have even tried to scoot away.
That made her feel the scowl on her lips. She corrected it, forcing her lips to relax, but all she could muster was a flat line. She enjoyed her student's company, but it was still overshadowed by her sister. The urge to scowl was still there, pulling at the corners of her lips, pulling at her brow. But it wasn't fair to take it out on Twilight, just like what Sister had done to her wasn't fair. "I am..." she trailed off. What was she to say? How would her student react if she were to admit that she wasn't enjoying this because of her sister? Would her student even care that she wasn't enjoying it? Would Twilight be surprised that she wanted to enjoy it?
She wasn't sure. She felt uncertain. She finally settled on, "I am merely thinking," and it came out more coldly than she had wanted. The bitterness was there. She knew it. Twilight knew it. Her student kept silent.
She turned her gaze back to the moon. Her lips flicked down before she could stop them, and so she had to force them back up. "Sister," she growled.
She leaned her head back and stared straight up into the jeweled, pitch black night sky. Each star was but a tiny pinprick of light. None of the stars offered any help. None of them gave enough light to help anypony. But they were there, their beauty on full display, filling the heavens above. They appeared unmoving, neither twinkling nor shimmering. The air was too dry, cold, and thin for either. The stars, though beautiful, didn't give a damn about her problems. They didn't care about her, they didn't care about Equestria. They didn't care about how her sister had betrayed her.
In a way, the stars then showed that same damned pride that her sister had.
But the stars were still beautiful. They were still peaceful, and they comforted her. The stars didn't boast of their beauty.
The bitterness and anger mellowed out. She didn't have to face the moon and know that it was just a matter of time before that wound was visible.
"I think I would prefer to simply stargaze instead of watch the moonrise anymore," Nightmare admitted.
Too many had been tainted by what her sister had done. Too many had been lost because of her dear sister.
No. She wanted to enjoy the moonrise but couldn't. Not now, not anymore. Luna would have been delighted to watch the moonrise with somepony, even her damned sister. But Luna was dead, and that would have been so long ago that Luna would have enjoyed watching the moonrise. There was a time before Luna realized what Sister was doing.
Stargazing was better. It wasn't tainted by memories of her dear sister. Sister never truly stargazed with her, so the memory wasn't tainted by those damned, lying hugs and manipulative nuzzles her sister had given her when she raised the moon. There were no memories of standing on the balcony watching the stars while her sister was there lying to her as there were with the moon.
Sister simply ruined everything she touched.
Even her student.
Her head lowered and her gaze fell on that filly. Twilight's timidness was back, and seeing it left her feeling disappointed like normal. The foal had so much potential, yet she was blind to it. Perhaps that was good, yet it still made her want to scream. Twilight should not have been so crippled, yet that was exactly what her dear sister had done. Her student was incomplete, and it had to be Sister's fault!
And now she was just ruining the moment for her student, just like Sister had ruined the moonrise for her.
She turned her head to the left and looked out across Canterlot to avoid looking at her student.
It didn't stop her thoughts from lingering on Twilight.
She inhaled, then exhaled and stood up. She looked back down at Twilight and said, "Come. Let us go eat. After that, you may return to your tower if you so desire. If nothing comes up, you may return to Ponyville tomorrow."
Twilight nodded slowly and stood up. "When are you actually going to... teach me?" was her hesitant question.
Nightmare grimaced. "As soon as I can," she answered. "I... apologize for having neglected teaching you-"
Twilight winced, looked away from her, and drawled, "Well, it's not entirely your fault..."
Nightmare waited for Twilight to look back at her before saying, "Perhaps, but I still have been negligent. I will see to it that you have proper material to study when you return, and then shortly thereafter I will begin teaching you in earnest."
Twilight perked right back up at that: her head jumped back up and she stood up straight and eagerly. "Okay."
Nightmare inclined her head, then turned right until she faced the balcony. She strode towards the doorway, and she felt Twilight turn and walk around behind her. She drifted to the left, and Twilight came into place at her right side once again. With her back to the moon, it felt better.
As she walked into the bedroom, the thought, 'I do not know how to teach you,' nearly made her break stride. Once Twilight was clear of the door, she shut it with her magic, but her mind lingered on the problem, 'How will I teach you?'
What would be the best approach for teaching Twilight? Where would she start? The obvious answer was magic, but where exactly should she start? 'I have never done this before... what am I doing?' a part of her mind mumbled.
But she would figure it out. Twilight had the potential. There were so many areas to tackle! She just needed to know where to start.
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Pretty good chapter!
9702627
Perhaps you have a point, but there's a few things I'd like to comment on. First, she has reasoning behind "value" for wanting to do it. From a purely logical standpoint, it's a manipulation. Twilight saw her do that and it will affect her and how she views Nightmare Moon. Excluding this, she still has reason to, if only because she doesn't want to have to think about a foal burning to death. Additionally, ponies were there to see, and so if she had just turned her back on the mother and her foal and let the foal die, ponies would know she let that happen, and that's not going to be great for morale. I also have plans that involve her reasoning behind not wanting this to happen, but spoilers.
Second, Nightmare Moon is intelligent. Characters are not static; they change. I would argue Nightmare Moon is adapting and changing based on events transpiring and the world around her, including the ponies she interacts with. In example, and perhaps this is a bad example, but Nightmare Moon isn't going to order a full frontal assault on an entrenched position if the first full frontal assault didn't work. This is just the example I came up with and really isn't the best comparison. There's something else I want to say here, but it'd be another spoiler.
I'm staring at what I've written in this reply and I can't quite figure out what else to say or how to end it, so I'll just ask if my own reasoning or logic behind this is flawed. Regarding the actual reason behind Nightmare Moon saving the filly, it's something that I've pretty much always wanted as a part of this story from its beginning, though there is reason behind it: Nightmare Moon is changing; she's not the same Nightmare Moon she was when she escaped, and certainly not the same as she was when she was banished. Furthermore, and I might be repeating this point, but she has a personal reason behind disliking it- and it's related to something you've commented on before. I hope this doesn't come off rude or anything because that's not my intent.
Still feels a bit long winded and nice to see a little progress in their relationship.
9702627
9702815
My take on it, as of quite a few chapters now, is that Nightmare isn't really being very honest with herself with regards to her "best interest" logic. It's been shown that she is capable of empathy, but every time she does something because it's the right thing she reconciles it as being a purely utilitarian decision.
I see it as a shield. Whilst it might be true most of the time, it also serves to hide the fact that she's capable of empathy. Empathy opens a person to be hurt by others. And she's been hurt so badly by Celestia that she perceives it as a serious weakness.
The fallout of this, of course, is that it's one more thing painting her as a monster. But anyone close to her will see some of the contradictions - her insistence on not harming foals, her genuine hurt that Twilight would think she would allow the child to burn. It would seem Twilight is slowly starting to realise that.
That's simply not true, even as of the second chapter. She's protested numerous times that she isn't a monster and that she will not harm foals. At the same time she's considered a few times how badly she would have reacted a thousand years ago, at the height of her anger. She's never had a total lack of morality. It's just so twisted by anger and isolation that even she thinks she's incapable of empathy.
9703570
it seemed to be going in that direction
and sometimes authors mistag their stories
Nice, still very much enjoying this story, although I must say the slow burn to Twilight and Nightmare even feeling comfortable around each other is killing me! Stop this Orion, I don't know how much longer I can take it! But yeah, good chapter, keep up the good work
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The end of the next few chapters should satisfy you. I can say no more because spoilers.
9704515
Well now I just want the next few chapters even more
9704643
I can only write and edit so quickly, sorry!
I still have chapters written ahead, but I'm going through, reading, and editing them... I've not worked on the furthest ahead chapter in probably about a month, so I'm starting to cut into what I have written ahead. I've only finished rereading and editing 2 chapters ahead of the last chapter I published.
I've wanted to write this week, which is a good change from where I was, but I've become distracted with Blender and, well, rereading and editing the chapters I have written but not published...
9704664
. But seriously, take your time continuing to make the chapters good, the last thing I want is chapters spewing out all over the place if it means they're all garbage.
Glad you get to sit there reading and re-reading chapters that aren't released yet
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Haha! Careful there, Princess Lulu, you sound a bit jealous...
I'm currently rereading and editing the third chapter after Calm. About 70-80% done with the current editing pass; not sure if I'll do another or not. I'm not entirely pleased with this chapter because it's kind of weird. Although the series of chapters it's a part of is weird too. It's so different from the rest of the story. I'm somewhat worried about it.
Anyway, my goal for today is to reread and edit this chapter and the following one, though I'm not sure I'll be able to work on the next one.
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(Huh. For some reason, I never got a reply notification.
There are obviously plenty of reasons for her to intervene. It's simply a matter of how much those reasons matter to her, which in turn depends on her mindset.
The fact that NMM's thoughts are so open to the reader means that it's relatively easy to identify trends in thinking. Doing so makes it clear (and I've made this case before) that she's either a narcissist verging on sociopathy, or an actual high-functioning sociopath. The former is neither simple nor easy to overcome, if at all, even with professional help; the latter is commonly regarded as untreatable. And this clearly isn't mere affectation as we see, first-hand from within her own head, that all of this is completely genuine. She isn't pretending to be completely self-centered and lacking empathy or morality. This is what she's actually like, except for a couple rare moments during a few scenes with Twilight.
I wouldn't think this a problem if there was something else wrong with her, magically or otherwise. Possession, overuse of Dark Magic, self-imposed mental magic, or anything else that might explain her behavior. That would justify the somewhat out-of-character moments that crop up from time to time as her better nature breaking through. But at this point there's been no indication that anything of the sort is involved.
I feel like, and I feel weird even saying this, NMM needed to be less consistent. Her characterization is too clear and strong for me to put stock in the idea that her attitude is shifting. There needed to be flaws in her facade, rather than the unshakable cliff-face she has with anything not-Twilight.
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I certainly see what you're getting at, but I don't think there's enough within the text to back it up. There's more to empathy than knowing what makes someone tick, afterall. Even if she understood empathy, though, it's clear she has no sympathy, even for Twilight.
The issue of morality is a lot simpler, because it's all in the framing. Anything I'd have to say on that, though, would just be a repeat of a comment I posted months ago (9465075).
9711912
I've not had my coffee yet, so bear with me please.
There are things wrong with Nightmare Moon from a mental standpoint, and those things should come into focus more over the next several chapters- or at the very least it should raise a couple of questions. Nightmare Moon isn't completely sane. Nightmare Moon lies to herself. Nightmare Moon is convinced of a few important things that I don't want to outright state, although they're probably obvious from reading. Nightmare Moon can be a hypocrite, and Nightmare Moon's logic and reasoning are easily clouded whenever Celestia is involved because of anger, bitterness, and betrayal.
Also, I would like to point out that "in my best interest" can vary depending on the thinking or reasoning behind it. In example, "Protecting the city is not in my best interest because it wastes military assets" versus "Protecting the city is in my best interest because it has strategic resources, would be bad for morale, and to let monsters slaughter my subjects (or get away with slaughtering my subjects) is unacceptable." You might point out how it's still in her best interest, and it is, but over time that reasoning can change. There's also something to be said for, "It is in my best interest because I do not want to see something like this happen again," to protect herself.
I can relate that to a story about Abraham Lincoln and someone arguing about human nature, whether it's selfless or selfish. Lincoln was arguing that people were inherently selfish while the other person was arguing that people were selfless. They were on a train or something and there was a lamb on the tracks, and Lincoln had the train stop, then proceeded to get out and rescue the lamb. The other person claims, "You just proved my point! You didn't gain anything from that!" to which Lincoln smiles and replies something along the lines of, "I saved the lamb because if I hadn't I would have felt terrible." Two different ways of looking at the reasoning for one action. You might also point out here that this requires Nightmare Moon to have empathy for other ponies or emotions that she may not have, given what we see of her character: she killed a guard and she snaps at everypony to get things done, as if they have no other value to her. You're at least partially correct on this.
I feel like I'm rambling so I'm going to stop here and get coffee started. If you want to reply and continue this conversation, I'd like to do so. I think it would be beneficial to see more of your thoughts on the matter since it might help me with writing.
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My original plan for this story didn't involve "Make Twilight insane and freak out about everything for 200,000+ words" but for some reason, that's how this ended up... I need to work on more control in regards to this aspect in the future (not letting things like this get so out of hand). There was also supposed to be more world-building by this point, but again, things got out of hand. This was supposed to be an adventure story, rather than drama.
There are a lot of things I need to improve on, such as pacing and worldbuilding, but I think I'm improving, albeit slowly.
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Okay, going to have to pin this page, because notifications are failing me here.
Reading your reply, I think I’m starting to see where we are working at cross-purpose in this discussion. And the issue seems to stem mostly from what is and isn’t being presented to the reader.
This story provides a deep examination of the inner thoughts of its two main characters, almost to a fault. The chain of reasoning that drives NMM’s actions in the story are seemingly laid completely bare. An example I’ve brought up is the “I don’t like monsters, I don’t want to be a monster, therefore I won’t act like a monster.” It’s not always laid out in such a simplistic manner, but her thought process isn’t terribly complex. And up until recently, it has been fairly consistent; there isn’t much to suggest she’s delusional or lying to herself, and the only thing that suggests insanity is her pathological hatred of Celestia. It was mostly logical, albeit horrifying in its implications.
What your response suggests is that there’s a sort of inner conflict going on, which is what’s driving the change in her thinking. The issue is, the reader is inside of her head most of the time, so that kind of thing should be obvious. But I don’t see it. She’s not challenging her preconceptions, or having a philosophical debate with herself, or expressing doubts about her actions, or anything else that might lead her to change her mind on something.
One of the best chapter I've read by far. This chapter is really deep for Nightmare Moon and her hatred and betrayal from her sister. For her to complain about raising the moon makes total sense. After all who would want to look at a place where you've been staying at for 1000 years? Especially when you were all alone and unable to leave. Nightmare would have been fine keeping the moon hidden but she raises the moon due to her student giving out an option for ponies to be at more ease. Just like how the sun rise and the night rise, the moon rise and darkness rise. It seems to me that Nightmare Moon feels that Twilight is tainted by her sister and she wants to clean her and get rid of that filth.
I really love the deep, deep, deep angst and psychological behind both Twilight and Nightmare Moon. I know that people don't like these stories but to me these stories are what I love to read. To see the struggle between characters trying to accept one another and for them to find a way to heal. This story is perfect.
The relationship between Twilight and Nightmare Moon is good. For Nightmare Moon has stated that she never had a student before, while her sister had a few. It's like having a brand new teacher at school in a classroom to teach for the first time. Nightmare is trying to find a way to be a better teacher then her sister. Twilight only knew Celestia and never had another teacher so she's trying to get use to the idea that Nightmare Moon would teach her more then when Celestia taught her.
The one thing that I really can't wait for is to see Twilight breaking down in front of Nightmare saying that she's worthless and doesn't deserve to be Nightmare student, nor Celestia. To see all of the stress and mental mind breaking into million of pieces would be great. Keep up the good work and I can't wait to read the next chapter.
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I appreciate the comment!
I'm planning to go through and edit the next few chapters over the next few days, so presuming things go well, then I should be able to get back onto something resembling a schedule during August. I think you'll like at least one scene in particular. I'd go into more details but spoilers.
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No, I think your use of filly is appropriate, i think it isn't stated but her calling the other girls 'Adults' kinda implies a bit of a larger age difference then 2 years. How much older are the other girls if she is 16?
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As of right now, I don't think I have the rest of the mane 6's ages set in stone (or if I do, I've forgotten), but it's minimal of 2 years older than Twilight, and less than five years. They're close to her age, but still young mares rather than fillies/foals.
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Ok thank you for answering my questions