Reunions Part 2
It was the first time since Nightmare Moon had taken over that she had walked the streets of Canterlot beyond the palace grounds. It was such a sharp contrast with walking the streets during the light of day back before Princess Celestia had been banished. With little experience roaming the streets of Canterlot during the night, it was such a daunting task, one made all the more anxiety provoking by what had happened and where she was going.
In the soft light of the moon, the city was eerily quiet compared to how she remembered roaming the streets during the day. No matter where she looked, there were so few ponies out. While during the day, the streets would be bustling with ponies going about their business, now, Canterlot seemed almost like a ghost town. The streets felt haunted, dominated by an oppressive weight, overshadowed by the palace and the scarred face of the moon.
Instead of the usual chatter, ponies spoke in hushed voices that she couldn't make out. Those voices held edges of fear, as if they were afraid of what they whispered would be overheard and would bring attention they wanted to avoid, like they were whispering dissenting ideas. Yet even when she made out what was said, and it was innocent enough, there was still that edge of unmistakable, all too familiar fear in their voices. The fear of the unknown. The fear of change. And their fear added to her own.
The few ponies that roamed the streets walked in a hurry, their hooves clicking rapidly against the streets. Ponies that had roamed Canterlot's streets during the day hurried, but the pace of the ponies who trotted along now were different. Their strides were almost panicked. She could look at any of them, and it looked like without them even looking back at her, they sped up. They seemed to speed up without looking at her as if subconsciously knowing somepony spotted them out in this darkness. She could almost see the hairs of their coats standing up, like they felt how everything had changed, like they knew her dread, even without knowing what she was going through.
She ventured a glance at the moon and wondered, 'Do they know..?' as she saw the black marks scarring its surface. Her heart throbbed. Her eyes darted back to the street, just in front of her hooves, as she continued walking along.
Had word spread? Did everypony now know the fate of her beloved mentor? And if they did, what did they think of her? Did they see her now that she was Nightmare's student as a traitor? Did they think that she had forgotten about her beloved teacher? What did they think? Or did they even realize that the scars dotting the face of the moon was now from Princess Celestia? Did they know that those scars were unnatural? They grew up knowing no different. For all they knew, Princess Celestia had just vanished.
It weighed on her mind, pressing back on her just like the thick air. She swallowed and lifted her eyes back up to search the streets. Maybe it was because Midnight, clad in her silvery-gray armor, walked beside her, but anypony who so much as looked in her direction immediately looked away, as if it was an instinctive reaction. Worse yet, they sped up more than when she glanced at them in passing.
Did they know who she was in that brief glimpse? Was it enough for them to recognize her and know they were watching the student of the Queen? Or was their reaction based entirely on seeing Midnight? Did Midnight scare them because she was a batpony, or because she was one of Nightmare Moon's soldiers?
Was this how the rest of Canterlot was? Was this how everypony in Canterlot acted? What about the rest of Equestria, was it was tense as Canterlot was? Did ponies fear to roam the streets in the night, even with the light of the moon? Did they still shun Nightmare Moon? It had been a month; had they not adjusted? How could they really adjust to something like this?
And if they shunned the night when the moon was out, what did that say of the moonless nighttime? She knew that ponies would avoid it at all costs. Nopony would dare venture outside when the moon had set.
Haunted by the questions, she turned her gaze onto the marble mansions she walked by. Under the light of the sun, they all tried to scream out for attention, boasting of their exuberance, demanding awe and respect. The mansions had been perhaps a blight on Canterlot, the result of the mostly self-proclaimed nobility. But now, under the softer light of the moon, they did not scream out for attention as they had during the day. Instead, they spoke out in hushed whispers: they did not boast of their exuberance but reached out with a gentle, soft-spoken beauty.
Light shined out onto the street from the windows of lit rooms. The warm yellow glows descended on the street, yet they barely fought back the darkness of the night. The lighting was just so that it brought her to think back on her limited experience roaming the streets of Canterlot at night with her parents. The memories were few and short, yet as she thought back on them, she felt a sense of calmness wash over her. The yellow glows of lights descending into the streets then had been so wonderful, almost having mystical feels to them that had delighted her in her youth. Now, that feeling had been stolen. The light that drifted into the street felt timid instead of free.
She glanced aside at Midnight for a moment. The mare had her eyes lifted up to the sky as she walked along, so carefree. But she was in her element: the night. For Midnight, the night that Nightmare Moon had brought was probably comforting beyond anything she could imagine. Maybe it wasn't so different from the comfort she had when she knew Princess Celestia was right there with her. She pondered the thought and watched Midnight for a few seconds longer, then averted her gaze.
She walked on, her mind wondering as her hooves carried her onward. Finding her parents home was simple enough, it just took time to get there. Minutes past and the mansions gradually grew less and less grandiose. And yet, only a few ponies still roamed the streets. She passed by Royal Guards on patrol. Rather than their usual cheery or at least friendly expressions, their lips were hard lines, showing dread. They didn't give her any attention, even when she watched them. They focused on their tasks, so emotionless.
Eventually, she slowed as they neared the familiar neighborhood where her parents lived. She came to a stop in front of the path to their house. She took one look at the door and the light streaming out from the windows and felt her anxiety balloon up inside her, growing, growing, and growing. She bit down on her sore lip as the anxiety squeezed her chest, tighter and tighter. She looked at the grass on either side of the path, trying to distract herself. It didn't help. She focused on the rows of flowers lining the walkway, hoping to find some sense of comfort. It didn't comfort her.
To her shock, she found that she wished Nightmare had been there with her, rather than Midnight. Maybe Nightmare would have comforted her, or maybe she wouldn't have. But if Nightmare had been there, she knew she would have felt some sense of certainty. She didn't know how or why, but it would have helped her. Maybe if only because Nightmare would surely spur her to action, either with or without threats.
But Nightmare wasn't there. It was only Midnight and herself, standing at the start of the path to her parents' house. Had anypony been outside to see them, surely they would have looked out of place, unless they knew her.
"Soo... this their place?" Midnight queried.
She turned her head to look at Midnight. Midnight's eyes glanced over the house before them. It would be considered a mansion in Ponyville, she knew, but here in Canterlot it was barely worth noting, despite it belonging to her parents. The parents of Twilight Sparkle. But in Canterlot, did that really mean much of anything? And what about now that Princess Celestia was gone? At the very least, she took comfort in knowing that the house was taken care of, and it didn't appear that anything bad had befallen her parents.
She opened her mouth to answer Midnight, but a knot in her throat caused her to croak. Midnight's curiosity vanished in that instant as she turned to face her. She closed her mouth and just nodded.
Midnight watched her for a few more seconds before asking, "Aren't you looking forward to seeing them?"
She shook her head. Midnight's ears folded back and the corners of her lips pulled downward. She looked away from Midnight, then turned her head away from her.
"Hey, what's wrong?" was Midnight's soft question.
She just shook her head again. How could Midnight even start to understand everything she was going through? Midnight, and the rest of the batponies, practically worshipped Nightmare Moon. Realizing that, she felt numb. Did the batponies, in their reverence for Nightmare Moon, mirror herself and Princess Celestia? But surely not: the batponies were raised to be soldiers. She had not been raised to be a soldier, nor a fighter. She had studied magic under Princess Celestia's guidance, not war.
But then, what if she had been misled or misunderstood? The anxiety in her chest twisted and churned. What if Princess Celestia had plans for her that she didn't know about? Princess Celestia had lied to her at least once. Who was to say Princess Celestia had not lied before and that this was the only time she discovered it had been a lie?
What had been Princess Celestia's intentions for her?
"I'm sure you'll feel better when you see your parents," Midnight offered in a soft, comforting voice that helped soothe the anxiety, fears, and doubts she felt. It didn't completely banish them, but it helped stifle her fears from growing further.
She swallowed and looked back at Midnight. Maybe Midnight was right. Maybe she was overreacting. She licked her lips and took a deep breath, then muttered, "Get me when..."
Midnight nodded seriously. "I'll just stand around out here, then get you when we need to go," was her response.
She nodded timidly, then turned her gaze back to the door. She lifted a forehoof. And oh, that forehoof trembled as she held it in the air! What would she find? How would her parents treat her? But there was only one way to find out. She set her hoof down to step forward, then took another step.
"Twilight?" Midnight called.
She paused and gradually managed to crane her neck back to face Midnight, who said, "Just try to relax, okay?"
'Easier said than done,' she knew. She nibbled on her lip, rolling it in between her teeth even as it hurt. She was familiar with self-doubt, fears, and anxiety. Even before Nightmare Moon's return. Princess Celestia had been her teacher, and how could she not have felt fear and anxiety? She couldn't disappoint the Princess of Equestria.
She swallowed. The anxiety churned in her chest. She gave a timid nod, then turned back to face the door. The door seemed to stare back at her, judging her, bringing her fears back to her mind even as she heard Nightmare's voice whispering in her mind, 'Relax.'
Painfully slowly, she crept towards the door. The path felt like it was miles long, yet at the same time, it felt like she crossed the distance to the door in the blink of an eye. Each step made her panic. She closed the distance too quickly, hadn't given herself enough time to prepare for seeing her parents again, and felt worried sick.
A part of her knew she was overreacting and worrying too much, but it was drowned out by all of her fears, and nopony was there to tell her it would be okay.
She turned her head to look back at Midnight. Midnight faced away from her, head pointed up toward the stars. She nibbled on her sore lip and turned, then lifted a forehoof and timidly knocked on the door. Once, twice, and then three times, each knock slow and hesitant. She hoped nopony was home. She hoped nopony heard her knocking. She'd have an excuse to avoid them even longer.
The door opened. She trembled as that anxiety felt like it dropped somewhere in her body, dragging the rest of her down with it. It was like she had been flying, then fell. She barely registered her dad standing there before she felt forelegs wrap around the back of her neck, and her father's familiar coat pressed against her neck. "Twilight!" he nearly shouted. The hug was crushing. The hug was comforting.
She felt the anxiety gradually fade; her father caught her and so she did not fall. The next few seconds passed by in a blur: still embraced by her father, she was whisked away inside and the door closed behind her from her father's aura. She heard the frantic hoofsteps of her mom, then saw her round the corner. Shock, worry, and then unbridled joy washed over her mother's expression. Her mom galloped the length of the hallway and nearly ran over both her father and herself to join the hug. It was even more loving than her father's embrace. Combined, her parents hugged her and locked her head in between theirs. She couldn't see their faces, but she still knew they cried. She felt them cry. She cried too. They hugged her so tightly, holding her so close.
Somehow, they still loved her. And she felt it. She knew it. It was a fact, and it gave her something to hold onto: the love of her parents.
She closed her eyes and hugged them back. Midnight was right, she needed this. She needed this hug from her parents, she needed this sense of stability. Her parents hadn't changed. Princess Celestia had been banished, her status as Princess Celestia's Most Faithful Student had been stripped away from her, and Nightmare Moon had forced her into becoming the student to the psychotic alicorn who banished her beloved mentor, but her parents hadn't changed. They still loved her, no matter what. It made her cry all the more, and as she cried, she felt better.
With her father's forelegs wrapped around her neck, she actually felt safe. But, how could she not? It was her father, there with her mother. Both of them loved her still, despite her fears that they would hate her. Both of them were so happy to see her, so glad that she was safe. They were crying out of joy, just from seeing her again and knowing she was safe.
But wasn't it a lie? She wasn't actually safe, not by a long shot. Even the security she felt from her father's embrace, that security that any foal would feel, that security that would drive foals to their parents for protection, as it had her, was so fragile, just like her life. The sense of security was just a lie, a mask, one she tried to cling to, but she could not hold onto it, because she saw it for what it was. Even if her parents tried to protect her, it didn't matter. It couldn't matter. They couldn't protect her from Nightmare Moon. Nothing they could do would save her from her new mentor.
That was her fear. The fear that nearly overwhelmed all of the security and protection they offered. The fear that Nightmare Moon was lying to her and that Nightmare Moon would kill her, and that it was just a matter of time.
Nightmare Moon said that her death wasn't beneficial. Nightmare Moon wanted her as a student. Nightmare Moon wanted to stargaze with her. Nightmare Moon seemed to try to comfort her. Maybe Nightmare Moon wanted somepony, perhaps to replace Princess Celestia, since she had nopony else. A part of her wondered how Nightmare Moon couldn't want somepony, if only because of those one-thousand years of isolation. She couldn't imagine what that would have been like.
Yet, of course, she couldn't believe her teacher, or maybe she just refused to believe her teacher. How could she trust such a pony who would turn on her own sister? A pony who banished her sister?
Princess Celestia had banished her sister for one thousand years.
She had trusted Princess Celestia.
That meant she could trust somepony who had done something like that. And knowing that, even despite the warm, loving embrace of her parents, left her feeling cold.
Maybe Nightmare Moon wouldn't dispose of her if she was useless. Maybe Nightmare Moon would keep her around. Maybe trying to reach out to Nightmare Moon would help. But yet, what if Nightmare Moon snapped? How could she trust somepony who could snap at the realization that her own sister had erased her from her subjects, yet others remembered her?
She knew the uncertainty she felt was probably the exact same kind of uncertainty Nightmare Moon hated. Assuming Nightmare Moon was being truthful, it wasn't beneficial.
It wasn't in her best interests.
But her parents still loved her. Her parents still embraced her. And she hugged them back, relishing in the comfort she could take from her parents embrace, just like any foal would.
"It'll be okay..." her dad whispered into her ear.
And at least a part of her believed him. How could she not? He was her father. It made her feel better, but she still felt the weight of everything pressing down on her.
She was overreacting. A part of her, the more logical part of her mind, knew she was overreacting. Overreacting was something she was good at, and her father was there to tell her that she was overreacting.
She sat down on her haunches, still crying. Her parents sat down right there with her, still holding her, refusing to let go. They cooed and murmured in her ears, and each word spoken soothed her mind, even as it weighed her heart down.
Eventually, her crying faded to sniffles. Her parents squeezed her.
"We love you, Twilight. Never forget that," her mom said. "Please... be safe, okay? We couldn't handle it if..."
Even with her mom not finishing the sentence, it still smacked into her like a brick wall. Even that didn't do it justice. Applejack had kicked her in the gut, Rainbow Dash had shot out of the sky at full speed to hit her. Rarity was trying to suffocate her with a dress again. All wrapped up in what went unsaid. She clenched her eyes shut, inhaling and trembling as the back of her throat closed. She just nodded. Her parents hugged her more.
She couldn't disappoint them. She couldn't screw up her position as Nightmare Moon's student. But she was still already a disappointment: the way she acted like a little filly, the way she overreacted to everything, the way she failed to stop Nightmare Moon. She was a disappointment. She knew it. Nothing would change it.
But then her father said, "We're proud of you, Twilight."
And she heard his honesty, and it made her want to cry more, but not out of fear. How could they have been proud of her? But yet she heard the truth, that they were proud of her. Perhaps it wasn't spoken from Princess Celestia, but it was still her father, and so she treasured it. She believed it: that she wasn't a disappointment. She mattered to them.
"I know that we weren't there for you as much after Princess Celestia-" she instinctively tensed up in fear at the sound of her Princess' name, knowing that just like her, her new teacher would have heard it, knowing that her new teacher's blood would be boiling at that name. She expected for her teacher to show up, to do something that would steal away whatever semblance of that lie of security her father offered her away. Her mother continued, not noticing her mistake, though holding her tighter and closer, "- took you as her student, but... if you ever need anything, don't forget that we're here for you. We love you."
She nodded. Her mom kissed her temple, then nuzzled her. It was instinctive, she knew, but she returned the nuzzle, and in the process, nuzzled her father. Her father joined in, nuzzling her back. She missed this, feeling the comfort and giddy joy the affection of her parents brought her, how it reminded her of her youth. Back when she thought that Princess Celestia could never fail, back when she was convinced her father and brother were the best ponies in the world, beside the Princess. Yet now, even with the giddy feeling swelling up in her core, it was almost overshadowed by her mentor, like Nightmare was standing right behind her, blocking the light of the moon and leaving her in a dark shadow.
But that knowledge didn't completely stifle the happiness she felt. Her teacher hadn't shown up to punish her or her parents for misspeaking, her teacher hadn't truly hurt her. Maybe it would be okay, and maybe she was worrying too much about things. Perhaps that false sense of security she felt from her father's embrace wasn't actually false.
Nightmare Moon said she wasn't a monster. The way Nightmare spoke as she said she would not kill a foal, she could believe it. Nightmare kept telling her to relax.
And she knew she needed to. She worried far too much. She knew she did, but it was hard. It was ingrained in who she was, and fixing it wouldn't be easy. Maybe she could open up to her teacher, and maybe her teacher wouldn't take advantage of it.
"Why don't we go to the living room?" her father suggested in a calm, comforting voice.
She found herself thinking about it. She wanted to, but she didn't want to leave her parents' embrace. She didn't want to feel their forelegs pull back, and she didn't want to feel their bodies pull away. She still managed to nod, albeit barely. And as she nodded, she felt dread, because each second was one second closer to her parents letting go of her.
"Would you like some water?" her mother offered.
She managed to say, "Yes, please."
Her parents both nuzzled her again, then she felt her mother's forelegs slip off her. Her body felt tight and oh-so-small when that happened. Then her mother stood up and walked towards the kitchen. Without her mom at her right side, she felt exposed and vulnerable. She watched her mom walk the length of the hallway, then disappear.
But her father was still there, holding her and protecting her. It wasn't the same as both of them embracing her, but it helped, and so the tightness eventually drifted away as she relaxed in his embrace. And silly as it was, she wanted to go to sleep with them watching over her. She would have felt safer, but it was still silly.
Her father hugged her tighter, then nuzzled her. The squeeze ended, and his forelegs slid down, then eventually left her back. She chewed on her sore lip as her father pulled out of the hug then stood up, but she still found it in herself to stand up as he did.
He turned to his right and walked into the living room. She followed her father just like she had when she was a young filly. She looked around the familiar living room and felt a sense of comfort. It was stable, in that it had not changed even as so much else had.
Like always, the couch was against the interior wall on the right as she walked into the room. It faced the exterior wall to her left. Her eyes wandered over that plain, familiar blue couch, then drifted over to the wall on her left. She looked out the window and saw the darkness covering Canterlot. Her jaw tightened, and she felt the pressure in her gums.
A few more steps inside, and still looking out the window, she saw Midnight still standing guard, watching the sky and street. If her father saw Midnight, he said nothing. She looked away and walked over to the couch, then climbed up onto it, turned around, and sat down. And with that done, her father sat down beside her on her left. On instinct, she leaned against him and nestled her head against his shoulder, seeking out the protection and comfort he offered.
Her mother walked into the room, smiling a strained smile, and carrying a glass of water in her magic. She swallowed and leaned away from her father as her mother approached, then as the glass was offered to her, she took it in her magic, brought it to her lips and tilted the glass up.
She felt the water run over her lip and flow into her mouth. It was cold and refreshing. She swallowed and felt the cool water going down her throat, then she tilted the glass further up and took another drink before lowering the glass. "Thanks," she managed to murmur. Her mother simply nodded.
Reluctantly, she glanced at her father and found him looking at her. She saw her mother climb up onto the couch on her right side, and just like her father, her mother looked at her.
"Are you doing okay?" they asked in unison.
It was a question that made her feel guilty. She felt guilty because she worried them. She felt guilty because, here with them, she knew she was overreacting about everything. She felt guilty because she didn't spend as much time with them as other foals spent with their parents. She felt guilty because they worried about her. Because of the guilt, she couldn't give the honest answer, 'No. I'm not okay,' and lying to them would be just another reason to feel guilty.
'Why did you have to ask that question!?' a part of her whimpered. But she already knew the answer, 'You're my parents... you love me,' and the answer made her feel even more guilt. She tested her voice, "I," and paused to swallow the tightness at the back of her throat. "I..." she repeated only to stop because she didn't know what to say.
She couldn't lie to them. It was wrong, and she'd feel bad about it, especially since they loved her. She couldn't tell the truth to them. It would hurt them, and Nightmare Moon was listening.
She inhaled, closed her eyes, then let out the breath in her lungs. "It's hard," is what she managed to answer. But she knew they already knew that. Opening her eyes, she looked first at her mother, then at her dad. They couldn't hide the worry that haunted their expressions, but she still couldn't miss their love and concern for her. It made her want to cry even more, but she stopped herself from crying again.
Neither of her parents said anything for a time; both of them were patiently waiting for her to say something more, if she was going to say anything more. But that time past, and she hadn't found any words she could say, so her father asked, "She's not hurting you, is she?"
And it was a question that made her feel as if her body and mind both existed as two separate fragments that couldn't reconcile for the briefest moment. Nightmare Moon scared her to death, and Nightmare Moon had hurt her, but her teacher was trying to not hurt her. And saying Nightmare Moon was hurting her would only make things worse for everypony, and a part of her knew saying that was just a lie.
Nightmare Moon wasn't intentionally hurting her. Her teacher was trying to make an effort to have some form of relationship with her that wasn't overshadowed by her fear and those promises. She swallowed and barely managed to mumble a drawn out, "No..."
She felt her father's foreleg around her back, then felt him pull her to his chest. She didn't fight back. She closed her eyes as her father squeezed her. She didn't open her eyes again until her father let go and gave her a nuzzle.
"Shining's... worried about you," her mother voiced.
She felt a chill crawl down her spine at that. For a moment, she stayed against her father while the chill crept downward, then she turned to face her mother.
"Cadance is too..." her mother added.
She managed to nudge her head up and down to nod. "Are-" her voice cracked slightly "-are they doing okay?"
Her mother nodded calmly. "They... seem to be, but... Twilight, we're all worried about you. I... we know this is hard for you because..." and her mother trailed off, refusing to finish her sentence.
And knowing that sentence wouldn't be finished brought so much relief to her. She felt like she could melt into a puddle right there, surrounded by them. But she didn't know what to say to that. What could she even say to that? What could have been said? Surely they knew the position she was in. Surely they knew what Nightmare Moon could do. Surely they knew what Nightmare Moon had done. They were worried about her, and rightfully so. But there really wasn't anything any of them could do.
And once again, a part of her said, 'I'm overreacting.' Nightmare Moon held so much power over her, but maybe she really was just too worried about that.
But it didn't stop her from worrying about it.
There was a knock on the door and her body tensed. The knock was followed by several more, in a playful manner. She knew it was Midnight, but that knowledge twisted in her gut, almost sickening her. She didn't want to leave her parents' side, she didn't want to leave their embrace. She didn't want their nuzzles and comforting words to just turn into memories.
And yet, another part of her was relieved. "I need to go..." she voiced. "I'm... supposed to go back to..." she hesitated to say the next word, "Ponyville." And maybe she should have told them about finding friends, but she didn't. Her parents probably would have rejoiced at that news, and their rejoicing would have left her bewildered. Instead, she said, "Spike is still there," and let it at that.
Her parents turned to face her, then embraced her, sandwiching her between them. It was her parents, her family, and they loved her. They put that love into the hug. She closed her eyes and felt her lips pull up into a smile.
Her parents didn't let go. She didn't have the strength to leave their embrace, either.
But it didn't last. The knocks came again, not quite as playful, yet still casual. The knocks were bored. Her father begrudgingly let up on hugging her, and his forelegs slowly drifted down her sides before finally releasing her. Her mother held on for several more seconds, then let up as her father had. She stood up and reluctantly looked at her parents. They stood up and said, "We love you, Twilight."
She felt warmth at the edges of her eyes again, and her throat tightened. "I love you too..." she whispered back. They turned to face her and hugged her again, then all shared a nuzzle that was interrupted by bored knocking again. "I... I'll... be careful," she voiced. Her parents nodded, but she saw them both swallow.
For a few seconds longer, she watched them, then she turned and walked to the door. She heard her parents hoofsteps follow close behind her. She reached out to open the door with her magic and saw Midnight. She only caught a glimpse of curiosity on Midnight's expression as it faded into something more subdued, not unlike her own expression, although not quite as heavy.
She glanced back at her parents, who were standing close enough that their coats were pressed together. Without saying anything, she walked outside. "Goodbye, Twilight... be careful," her parents called. She stopped, looked back, saw their tears, then looked away and nodded. Midnight stood still as she walked by her, then Midnight turned and followed her. She made it to the end of the path, then Midnight took the lead.
She never heard the door close.
She remembered watching Canterlot grow distant when she had departed by chariot to oversee the Summer Sun Celebration. Even though she knew Nightmare Moon was returning, despite what Princess Celestia had said, she had tried to believe her Princess. She felt there was an odd parallel now as she watched Canterlot grow distant from a batpony-pulled chariot. The differences were, ironically, as plain as day: unlike before, it was night. Unlike before, Princess Celestia was imprisoned and Nightmare Moon was her teacher. Unlike before, the chariot was pulled by two batpony stallions. Unlike before, Midnight accompanied her instead of Spike. Unlike before, her teacher had seen her off.
She hadn't expected that, but Nightmare had been there to watch her depart. Nothing was said between them. Nightmare didn't address her. She had watched Nightmare, and Nightmare had likewise watched her. Her teacher's expression hadn't been cold or hard, it hadn't been uncaring. No, Nightmare Moon almost looked disappointed to see her depart. She felt certain she was wrong, yet she knew that's what she had seen.
Her brother and Cadance, like before, had been absent. It left her feeling odd. Not nervous, not afraid, just odd. It was something she felt like she needed to study in order to understand it.
But there were still similarities that she couldn't escape. Both then and now, she felt something weighing her down. Both then and now, she had a daunting task to take care of. The difference was that before she had been looking forward to that task to an extent, and now she was not. Before, she had been dreading seeing other ponies, and now she was not.
She nibbled on her lip, even as it sent jolts of pain through her body. The thought crossed her mind, 'Will my lip even heal at this rate!?' With that, she scowled. She turned away from the darkened city of Canterlot and looked out towards the vast ocean of darkness before her. In the distance, under the light of the moon, she could just barely make out Ponyville, then the dark blot that was the Everfree Forest, where there was no light. In the moonlight, Ponyville looked peaceful. Still, calm, and relaxed. From the distance, she couldn't make out any fear, any panic, or anything else that ruined the serene beauty of the night.
She glanced aside at Midnight, who sat on her haunches staring up at the sky. Her eyes were filled with wonder, almost gleaming as she took in the pinpoints of light that were the stars. And she couldn't understand why Midnight was so infatuated with the sky. The beauty was there, yes, but Midnight was a batpony. Midnight could fly; there was no reason for being this high up to draw her in so much.
Unless it was because it was Nightmare's eternal night.
Even as her glance turned into a stare, Midnight didn't look at her: she was too mesmerized with the night sky. Eventually, she looked away from Midnight and turned her head back. One last look at Canterlot. Even in the darkness, it was still a jewel. It still shined like a beacon, even in the unending night. Perhaps its warm glow was subdued, but it still glowed from the side of the mountain.
She inhaled, then forced the air out of her lungs as she looked back towards Ponyville. But she found her interest drawn more to the silent wingbeats of the batponies pulling the chariot. It was so quiet, far, far too quiet. She felt like they should have made a sound, even if it was quiet. But they seemed nearly silent. Was it their magic? Was it their wings?
It didn't hold her attention long, as her gaze was eventually drawn back to Ponyville. What were those five mares she somehow called friends doing? Were they doing okay? How were they coping with everything? It had been over a month; did they remember her? Did they miss her? Why hadn't they visited her?
How was Spike doing?
The thought pierced through everything else in her mind. It was such a simple question, yet that question struck her to her core. It had been over a month. She hadn't seen Spike in over a month. She hadn't truly said goodbye to him. Her eyes grew warm. She closed them, then inhaled. She trembled.
A dozen thoughts assaulted her from all sides. Was Spike okay? Were those mares taking care of him as she had asked? Where was Spike staying? Was Spike being taken care of properly? Did Spike miss her? Did Spike hate her for abandoning him? How would Spike react to seeing her again? Would Spike forgive her? Could Spike forgive her? Was what she had done right? Was seeing him again and putting him in danger right? Was this a mistake?
She felt the doubt consuming her, and there was no escaping it: Nightmare Moon had turned her world upside down. Nightmare Moon had turned Equestria upside down.
The wind chilled the streaks of warmth dotting her face, then dried the trails left behind. 'There's no turning back now...' she knew.
The flight passed by in a blur after that. It all felt foggy and hazy, but then, her thoughts demanded all of her attention. Her worries demanded even more. And her anxiety was right there with her, reminding her of how little it would take for everything to come crumbling down on her, even worse than Princess Celestia's banishment.
She missed her parents. She missed having somepony there with her to tell her she was overreacting, or to tell her to relax.
Once the chariot had touched down and stopped moving, she turned around and stepped off without much thought. Midnight stepped down beside her. She glanced at Midnight, who looked around casually, then glanced around to take in her surroundings.
They had landed nearly the exact spot where she had landed once before. She felt a shiver race down her spine. Oh, how she had not expected what landing there would have led to! She clenched her jaw, then turned around and watched the batponies fly off with the chariot, leaving her trapped in that insane town. For a few seconds, she tracked their ascent, then looked back down at the street. Hesitantly, she looked around.
Only a few ponies were out and about. All of them were staring at her and Midnight. Midnight was either oblivious to it or didn't care. Unlike Midnight, she cared. She felt their stares, and it unnerved it. It gave her something else to worry about. All of the ponies watching her surely knew that she had been Princess Celestia's student. They all surely knew she had overseen the Summer Sun Celebration. All of the ponies watching her knew that she was now Nightmare Moon's student.
And all of them probably put all of their blame for everything that had happened squarely on her shoulders. The thought made her wilt. Her ears folded back, and instinctively, she lowered her head, making herself smaller, trying to shy back from their haunted stares.
She felt so much like how Fluttershy acted. A part of her shouted at her for how ridiculous she was acting. She was Princess Celestia's Student, for pony's sake! Except she wasn't Princess Celestia's student: she was Nightmare Moon's student.
She swallowed and nearly choked from it since her throat had tightened. She forced the knot back, then tried to stand normally. She needed to mask the shame, but couldn't. A few of the ponies staring at her were gazing at her chest, and the crescent moon necklace hanging from her neck.
And another thought raced through her mind, 'I have no idea where to go...' It almost felt like everything came to a stop at that, even if she knew that wasn't the case. She still felt her world spinning, her heart racing, worries and anxieties assaulting her from all sides.
Where was she supposed to go from here? Nightmare Moon had not told her what to do. No, Nightmare Moon had told her what to do. But she had been so vague. Her chest tightened. She had no direction, there were no plans written for her to follow, there was nothing for her to go on! What was she supposed to do first? It wasn't written down for her to follow! What if she did something wrong and angered Nightmare Moon!? She breathed in and out too quickly; she was hyperventillating.
She was going to be sick at this rate.
But then, maybe it didn't need to be planned to the last detail for her to follow. Nightmare Moon didn't try to take complete control of everything, after all. She didn't demand that every single decision from every single town be sent to her for approval. No, Nightmare Moon knew that was an impossible task, even with magic. So maybe she could apply the same thinking here. She wasn't expected to be perfect. Maybe she could make a couple of mistakes and Nightmare would forgive her.
She had made mistakes, and Nightmare had already forgiven her for them. Thinking back on that, she felt a sense of relief, and she managed to get her breathing under control. Nightmare wasn't holding every little mistake she had made over her head. The weight pressing down on her body and mind lifted, even if her fear didn't completely fade away.
'Okay, okay, okay... what do I do first, then?' she asked herself. She glanced back at Midnight, who was still taking in the scenery. And the ponies. Midnight was studying them now, too. So Midnight wasn't going to offer her any help. She could ask, but she decided against that, at least for the moment.
She knew where her 'friends' lived. Well, aside from Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy. It probably would have been futile to search for them anyway, since they were pegasi. There was Rarity; her Boutique was close. Then there was Applejack, who lived on a farm outside of Ponyville. Going to see Applejack sounded like a horrible idea, however, given that it was so far away, and it was, obviously, nighttime, so it seemed unsafe.
She could have been wrong, of course. She doubted that, though.
Then there was also Pinkie Pie. She ruled that out immediately: she neither knew where Pinkie Pie lived, nor wanted to know where that was.
'Where am I supposed to stay?' she wondered with new dread. Surely, Nightmare Moon had made some kind of preparations for her!? But she hadn't been told. So no, here she was, without any direction. Did her teacher intend for her to fend for herself!? That would have been too harsh of a lesson for her! Although Midnight was there, so she wasn't completely on her own. And of course, there was the necklace.
"Um..." she trailed off, shuffling her hooves on the dirt road as she turned to face Midnight. "Where... am I supposed to go now..?"
Midnight blinked. "Oh! Right, sorry. New place. Uh, Nightmare said that she arranged for you to stay where you were staying when you first came here," was her response.
It was vague, but perhaps Midnight could give a more descriptive answer, so she tentatively asked, "The library..?"
Midnight just gave a carefree shrug that told her the batpony didn't realize just how big of a deal this situation was- at least to her- and tilted her head before saying, "I don't know. You tell me?"
"Are you serious!?" was her exasperated response. Surely, this was insane! Midnight had to know! Midnight had to! Surely Nightmare Moon wasn't going to just tell Midnight, 'Twilight knows where to go.' But then again, Nightmare Moon was a psychopath.
She gritted her teeth as Midnight frowned and pulled back defensively. But Midnight didn't say anything. And really, taking it out on Midnight was mean. She closed her eyes, inhaled as deep as she could, then exhaled. Her exhale turned into a mixture of a huff and a groan. But then, she really didn't care. "Fine," she growled. "The library. I'll just assume that's where I'm supposed to stay, then."
"Oh, and I'm supposed to stay with you, too!" was Midnight's eager response that completely ignored her frustration.
She did the only thing she could: inhale again, then exhale. 'Idiots...' She shook her head, then turned. 'Maybe one of my friends would let me stay with them if I needed...' she mused.
It still didn't alleviate her soured mood.
Ignoring that, she focused on trotting towards the library. If ponies wanted to stare at her, that was fine! She didn't care. They could stare all they wanted! Midnight trotted along beside her. Navigating the way to the library from where they landed was made slightly difficult by being unfamiliar with the layout of the town, both since it was night and because she hadn't been in Ponyville that long anyway, but she managed to pull it off.
As she approached the library, her legs slowed down, drawing out her approach. Each step felt like it took longer than the last as she stared at that tree. Through the windows, she saw the flickering orange glow of candles. The glow raced out into the street, fading quickly, but still dancing on the ground as the flame flickered. That warm glow was so familiar, so welcome. It was an old friend of hers, one she had known so well from studying her books. She felt a sense of calm, accompanied by a throb of guilt and loneliness.
But she pressed on. She came to a stop at the door, then knocked. From behind the door, she heard something fall, then there was the sound of something scraping on wood. She couldn't tell if it was hooves or claws. The ground grew in volume, then she heard the sound of the lock being undone, which was followed by the door opening. She hadn't seen an aura envelop the door, but despite that, she was still expecting to see somepony there.
But nopony was there. Instead, she was greeted with Spike's shout of "Twilight!?" and Spike leaping at her, arms outstretched. She felt shock rush over her body, and in an instant, everything was blurred and her eyes burned. The light was so distorted by the tears in her eyes, yet Spike's form was so undeniable. She fell onto her haunches and caught him, enveloping him with her forelegs. He wrapped his claws around her neck and hugged her as tight as he could. His claws dug into her neck, but any discomfort it caused was nothing compared to the joy that she felt from seeing and hugging him again.
She closed her eyes and held him to her chest as tightly as she could. "S-Spike," she croaked.
"Twilight, I-I missed you so much!" Spike called back. "T-they told me th-that Nightmare Moon h-had captured you all and-and that s-she took you! I-I was s-so scared!" was his wail.
She just hugged him tighter as her cheeks warmed and subsequently cooled as the warmth trickled down to her jaw. She couldn't stop herself from nuzzling his scaly cheek, not that she would have stopped herself even if Nightmare Moon was there watching, not even if Nightmare Moon would have released her mentor. She knew it was silly, but she needed this, so, so badly. It was comforting and reassuring to feel his scaly body pressed up against hers, to hold him, and for him to hold her right back.
"It-it's okay, Spike," she stuttered back. A part of her believed it. Another part of her felt that it was a blatant lie. But Spike hugged her tighter, and that's what mattered.
Eventually, it would be okay.
"I-I'm s-so sorry that I-I left you, Sp... ke," she croaked. But there had been perfectly reasonable reasons why she had left him! It was for his own protection. "I-I..." she stopped. Her response died, knowing that, even if she had her reasons, it still hadn't been right.
But he didn't rebuke her. He just hugged her tighter, digging his claws into the back of her neck even more, refusing to let go. "It-it's okay, Twi..." was all he said, in such a small, kind voice.
It broke her heart all the more. She had no will to do anything else. Anything else was pointless. So she just held him and cried. And he just held her and cried.
She didn't know, nor care how long they stayed like that until their tears stopped. Her chest was soaked from Spike's tears, but she didn't care. Midnight had been there the whole time, too, but she didn't care. She lifted a foreleg from Spike's back, then rubbed her eyes. Reluctantly, she lifted her head up and looked down at him. She smiled, even as her sight blurred again. She still couldn't mistake his smile as he looked up at her and let go and slid down her chest. "C... on, Spike... let's go inside..."
He nodded timidly and looked at Midnight. His eyes darted over her, studying her.
She glanced aside at Midnight, who casually said, "Hi."
For a few seconds, she watched the batpony, who smiled at Spike and ignored her. "This is Midnight Edge..." she reluctantly drawled. Slowly, she turned her head back to face Spike. "She's... a batpony, and..." she trailed off as her voice died. How could she just tell Spike everything? How could she just tell Spike that Midnight was a soldier guarding her for Nightmare Moon? How was she supposed to explain to Spike that she was Nightmare Moon's student, now? How would he react?
"Nightmare Moon wants me to protect her," Midnight said casually.
Her vision was still blurry, but it didn't stop her from trying to kill the batpony with a glare. Midnight didn't bother looking at her for it to kill her, though, so her effort ended up being pointless. And that frustrated her.
"T-Twilight?" was Spike's timid call.
Her glare died and her body slumped. She simply didn't have the energy to do anything else except look at Spike now. "It's... it's okay," she offered. She swallowed and licked her lips. "I'm... Nightmare Moon's..." Oh, how she dreaded saying the next part. She couldn't watch his expression, she couldn't bear to see how he would look. She closed her eyes and said, "Student... now..."
Even to her, her voice sounded so hollow, so quiet, spoken as a hushed whisper. Nopony else would have heard it, even with spells designed to pick up on hearing such things. Even with the necklace being right there on her chest, she wasn't sure that her teacher would have heard it, and she hoped Nightmare had not heard it, or at least, her voice when she had said it.
"B-but you're-!?" he sputtered.
She barely managed to cut him off with a hug and, "N-not anymore."
A part of her died when she said that. She had made it real. If it hadn't been real before, it was real now. She couldn't call herself Princess Celestia's Most Faithful Student. She wilted, but Spike didn't say her mentor's name. Spike didn't draw Nightmare's ire, so it was worth it.
She felt Spike's arms wrap around her again. She felt weak. She leaned down and held him again. She wanted to cry. She would have felt better, she knew, but the tears didn't come. There was just a hollow emptiness inside her, and her core was numbed by her admission. She had no idea how long the hug lasted, but Spike was the one who pulled back first. "Let's go inside," was her whisper.
He just nodded timidly, then turned around. His walk back inside looked haunted. It wasn't fair for her to put this on him. She had no choice, but it wasn't fair. She stood up. Her legs trembled, but she managed to head inside, followed by Midnight, who closed the door once inside.
Looking around, the library looked so much better than how she remembered it, but that was because it wasn't filled with ponies who thought libraries were good places for parties. From what she could tell, none of the books had been damaged. Perhaps it was silly, but that made her feel relieved.
But they weren't alone there, either. Even with her eyes falling on the other pony, it took her a second before her mind caught up with what she saw. "Oh..." was all that came out once it finally clicked that somepony else was there.
"Ah, yes... uh, terribly sorry, Twilight..." Rarity drawled, visibly wincing. "I... didn't mean to eavesdrop, but, well..." Her friend forced an apologetic smile.
She grimaced and looked down at the floor. All she could do was nod slowly. She felt like she should have held it against her friend, but at least right now, she just couldn't find it in her to hold that against her.
She heard Midnight walk around casually as if trying to ignore them. She heard Rarity approach her. "Twilight, dear?" she asked.
She nibbled on her raw lip, and the wince was enough to make her look up. Rarity had no malice in her expression, just sympathy. "Are you alright?" was her question.
She shook her head but didn't voice it. No, Nightmare Moon would have heard it, and so she couldn't voice it. Maybe Nightmare Moon wasn't out to get her, but she still didn't trust her.
Rarity hugged her, pulled her close. Even though her chest was damp from Spike's tears, it didn't stop Rarity from hugging her. She lifted her right foreleg and draped it around her friend's neck to return the hug. It wasn't the same as her parents' hug, but it was still a hug from a friend.
"Do you want me to go get the others?" was her friend's soft offer.
She shook her head. "N-no... um... if... you don't mind, you can tell them that... that I'm... here, but... C-can you just... g-give me tod- ...tonight, please? We... we can... talk tomorrow."
Rarity nodded and said, "If you're sure, dear..."
She swallowed and reluctantly pulled out of the hug. Rarity let go and then pulled back. She tried, but she couldn't meet Rarity's gaze. "I've had a long d... night," she said.
"I'll leave you to it, then... unless you want me to stay?" Rarity offered.
She nudged her head side to side.
There was silence for several seconds, then she heard Rarity walk away. She heard Rarity's magic, then the door opened and Rarity walked out, then the door closed.
She was glad Rarity was gone. She already missed her friend.
Being alone probably wasn't good for her right now. But she wasn't alone; Spike was there.
She licked her lips again, then inhaled and lifted her head up. It felt like it took all of her strength to do it, but she did it. She looked around until she found Spike, then asked, "Are you okay?"
He nodded. "Y-yeah... what about..." he trailed off. "Uh, do you want anything? I-I can get you something to ea-"
She smiled but shook her head. "No, thank you," she answered.
He hesitated and watched her. After a few seconds, he ventured, "Um... h-how are... Cadance and Shining?"
"They're okay." But okay was about the extent of what she knew. As with her parents, as with Nightmare Moon, she had taken to avoiding them. And now, just like with Nightmare Moon, just like with her parents, she was that much further away from them. 'Please stay safe...' echoed in her mind.
He nodded timidly.
It had been a long night and it left her drained, or maybe she hadn't slept that well. She wanted to go upstairs, crawl into bed and curl up into a ball under the covers. She felt like she hadn't done much, but she had been awake for a while. And then, this night had lasted for over a month. It had been a long night.
Tomorrow would be better. She could have a night to herself, free from being so close at hoof to Nightmare Moon, even if she was still well within her mentor's grasp. She closed her eyes and told herself, 'She's not going to hurt me,' but she wasn't entirely convinced. Tomorrow, she could see all of her 'friends' again. Tomorrow, she could, perhaps, let her guard down. Maybe tomorrow, she could recover. Maybe tomorrow, the terror, anxiety, fear, and nervousness that plagued her would be distant, just like Nightmare Moon. Maybe tomorrow, she would be able to think without her fears assaulting her from all sides. Tomorrow, distance from Nightmare Moon would be good for her.
And maybe she would sleep peacefully tonight.
'Tomorrow will be better, won't it?' She stopped herself from biting her lip, then swallowed. She mustered her courage, even as in the back of her mind, her thoughts twisted to torment her. It wasn't fair for either of them, especially Spike. She had just come back to see him after a month. "I-I'm just," she hesitated to continue out of fear, but eventually managed to add, "going to go to bed, Spike."
But Spike didn't look hurt by it, despite her fears. She took solace in that and felt relieved. "You'll be here tomorrow, right?" was his worried question.
She smiled at him and nodded. "Of course, Spike," she answered. She could see relief wash over Spike's features. Had he been scared by what she said and she had not noticed it?
She leaned over to him and tenderly brushed her cheek against his head, then stroked the green spines atop his head with a hoof. After a few seconds, she stood back up, still smiling down at him, but the smile was cracking. She hesitated, then looked over at Midnight. Her smile faded as she stared at the batpony. Midnight just walked around the curve of the library, pretty much ignoring everything else as she appeared to study the titles of the books.
She looked back at Spike. "Can you see if we have someplace for her to stay?"
Spike just nodded quickly and replied, "Yeah, there's a guest room I can show her."
"Thank you, Spike," she replied. She watched Spike. She wanted to say something more, but nothing came to her. So she just watched him, drawing the moment out. She looked forward to going to bed, yet at the same time, she dreaded leaving Spike.
With nothing else to say, she looked away from him, then timidly walked to the stairs. Each step felt like she was dismissing him, and it stung at her heart and mind, but what was she to do? And she knew she was being silly. She knew that going to bed so soon after seeing him again wasn't the end of the world.
She stopped at the base of the stairs, closed her eyes, then inhaled as deeply as she could. She held that breath in for a few seconds, then let her chest deflate. She tried to cast those fears and worries out as she exhaled. To an extent, it worked.
She ascended the stairs, and it passed by in a blur. She stared at her bed and studied it. For some reason, it stood out so much in her mind: the covers were a deep blue, speckled with stars and crescent moons. It sent a shiver down her spine. Cautiously, she approached that bed. Timidly, she used her magic to pull the covers back. Tiredly, she crawled into bed.
She curled up into a ball and pulled the covers back over her. She tucked the blanket in around her neck and held herself as small as she could. She laid on her side, staring out of the window. At the very least, eternal night meant that whenever she slept, it was always dark out.
Sometimes, it was just darker than normal.
She felt cold. The blankets and bed didn't help with that, at least not yet. The warmth from her body had been stolen by the cold blankets, and the coldness enveloped her. As time trickled on, the cold faded as her body heat gradually warmed everything, but that warmth seemed distant. It wasn't the same comforting warmth that her parents gave it, nor was it the same comfort as Spike or Rarity's hug.
Staring out the window, she watched the shadows cast by the moonlight elongate. Time past by, but even with her emotional exhaustion, she couldn't sleep. She wasn't certain why, but the isolation she felt was probably the cause. Princess Celestia wasn't there to tell her and make everything okay.
But Nightmare Moon was just a whisper away.
'Would you come, if I asked you to?' drifted through her mind. At the very least, the thought served to distract her from the isolation and cold she felt. At the very least, it gave her something to consider that did not immediately make her overreact.
'Would you come?' she wondered again. She wasn't certain. Thinking back on what Nightmare had said, she knew it would be a tedious waste of her teacher's time. For Nightmare to come to visit her right now would have only served to impose on her. Looking at it that way, there was no way Nightmare would do so. It was unreasonable; her teacher stood to gain nothing from it for herself.
Yet, thinking back on Nightmare's actions left her feeling uncertainty. Nightmare comforted her or at least tried to calm her down so many times. Nightmare did not snap at her. If she were to ask, it made her reason that her teacher may come, and perhaps Nightmare would not chastise her for being so scared, for feeling so isolated from everypony else.
After all, they probably both shared in that feeling of isolation, although the reasons differed.
But maybe Nightmare did have something to gain from it: her trust, or a better relationship with her. But would that be worth the teleport and time spent with her? And then, there were the promises Nightmare made to her.
Considering everything, thinking about it logically, the answer seemed to be 'Yes, you would come if I asked you to.'
And it gave her a sense of bewilderment, to think that Nightmare Moon might be willing to do something like that. But she didn't ask. She kept silent.
She heard the scraping of claws on stairs. She rolled her head back and stared at the doorway. After a few seconds, Spike came into view, anxiously tapping his claws together. "Spike?" she called.
"Um..." was his hesitant acknowledgment. For a few seconds, his head meandered left and right unsurely, then he looked up at her and slowly walked towards the bed. "I-I know that I'm too old for it, but... could I maybe... sleep with you tonight?"
She swallowed and rolled over onto her left side, nodding. Given everything that had happened, it would be welcome. Maybe she would even feel safer. At the very least, she wouldn't feel so alone: Spike would be there with her. It brought a smile to her lips. "Of course, Spike," she whispered. Using her magic, she pulled the covers back. Spike crawled up into bed and scooted back against her chest. She nuzzled him and laid her right foreleg over him, pulling him close.
"Th-thanks, Twilight... um... goodnight," Spike said.
Feeling his warmth against her chest felt wonderful. She felt almost complete. The loneliness had been vanquished, the fear and anxiety retreated. There was a ray of light, piercing through the tempest raging in her mind. "Goodnight, Spike," she whispered back before closing her eyes before drifting off to an almost peaceful slumber.
The last thought in her mind before she drifted into sleep was, 'Tomorrow will be better... I'll see my friends.' She fell asleep with a smile on her lips.
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It almost hurts to see Twilight playing devil's advocate for NMM. While she's not completely off-base, she's also projecting a lot of Celestia onto her sister. She's going to get herself hurt making those kinds of assumptions.
It's good Twilight gets to see her parents, that probably put her mind at ease, knowing they still love her just as much as they always have. And Spike, not gonna lie, I did forget about him a little. But it's good to see he's okay too. Looks like Twilight's fears are not true, which is nice. Of course, we all know there will be a big party next chapter, courtesy of a certain pink pony.
Come on Twilight think! Switch to the other lip.
You misspelt Canterlot here, sorry if I'm being annoying :V