I'm in Love with the Mailmare

by brycewhalen

Chapter 5

“Everyone get on the ground!” one of the two thugs shouted. He fired eight more shots into the ceiling with his automatic rifle. Everyone in the restaurant but me got on the ground while Thug #2 closed the door behind him. They were both wearing black clothes with ski masks hiding their face. At least they weren’t stupid.

I rose from my seat. “Hey! Just who the-” I was cut off by Ditzy grabbing my arm and pulling me to the ground. “Hey…” Ditzy’s eyes were closed shut. I could feel her fear. I decided to cooperate with her and just lay on the ground next to her, doing my best to comfort her.

“Okay, assholes,” Thug #1 addressed the restaurant.

Sure. You rob a restaurant and we’re the assholes. Makes sense.

“Let’s make this nice and easy. Put all of your money in the bag and nobody gets shot. If anyone calls the cops,” he grabs the man behind the podium, “Mr. Fancy-Stache here gets a bullet through the brain.”

No! Not Mr. Fancy-Stache!

Thug #2 began walking around the restaurant with a pillow case. As he neared each table, everyone put their bits into the bag. One lady didn’t have any bit on her, so Thug #2 pistol whipped her with gun.

“What do you mean you ain’t got any bits!?” His voice was pretty ragged and hoarse.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t have any bits.”

“Shut up!” Thug #2 hits her with the gun again and she lets out a scream. “If you ain’t got any bits, then maybe that necklace is worth something.” He gets down closer to the woman.

She grabs hold of the medallion on the golden chain around her neck. “No, please no! This belonged to my father! Please, no!” The man yanks the necklace off her neck as she begins to cry.

He fires his pistol into the ceiling. “What the fuck did I just say!? Shut your fucking mouth lady!” Tears roll down her cheeks as she tries to hold in her cries.

My blood began to boil. It enrages me that some people can be so heartless and cruel to others. I was about get up and give them a piece of mind when I heard a whimper. It wasn’t coming from the woman though. It was coming from Ditzy. Her eyes were closed shut and tears flowed from them. She let out small whimpers until they turned into small cries.

Thug #2 turned to our direction. “Who the fuck was that?” He looks at us. “Hey pal, quiet down your girl before I do.” He aims the gun at Ditzy, which only makes her cry louder. “Ay Girly, I said shut up!” Everything he says makes Ditzy’s cries louder and me angrier. “I said SHUT UP!!”

Everyone looks away as the sound of gunfire fills the room. As they look back upon the scene, they see me standing in front of the man with the pistol and Ditzy still crying on the ground. The man begins to look up at the towering man before him that he shot in the kidney. His eyes met mine. He winced as he saw the rage burning in my eyes.

“Just who the fuck,” my hand grips the side of a table. “DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!?!?” I lifted the table off the ground and smashed it over his head. The table exploded, slivers of wood going everywhere, as Thug #2 flew through the air, landing at the feet of Thug #1, who was standing by the podium with the rifle aimed at the head of Mr. Fancy-Stache.

“What the fu-” His sentence was cut short due to his face being interrupted by my fist. He hit the wall behind him and Mr. Fancy-Stache stumbled behind me.

“Do you know how much courage I had to build up to ask this ‘Girly’ out? And here you two fuckers are, fucking up my date!!” I screamed at them at the top of my lung. Groans of pain weren’t the answer to my question. I picked both of the thugs of the ground by their masks, slammed their heads together, and threw them through the door. Through the door. Through. The door also exploded into slivers of wood that went everywhere. Before I finished, I turned to face the people in the restaurant. “Someone call the police.” I turned back to where the door was. “Before we need to call the morgue.”

The thugs were not out on the street for all to see. Thug #2 was knocked out while Thug #1 was still letting out moans.

“Hey, assholes!” I screamed at them. “What makes you think that you’re so much better than us that you get to take what we worked all day for!?” Thug #1 looked at me inching towards him. He quickly pulled himself backwards with fear in his eyes.

He grabs his gun and aims it at me. “Stay back!” The shear fright in his voice was so satisfying. I still inched ever closer to him with a wicked smile on my face. Something about getting violent gave me a sadistic satisfaction. I hated it, hurting others is not what I like to do, but I loved it, putting others in their place. “I said stay back… or I’ll shoot!” The rifle shook in his hands.

“I’d like to see you try.” My smile grew wider. He did as commanded and fired three shots came out of the barrel before he flinched in pain.

He looked at his leg to find it bleeding from the bullets he fired. “What.. What the fuck!?”

“Surprised?” He fired his gun at me again. The bullets moved in slow motion as they came at me. Each bullet that came at me was caught my magical field. With wicked fast circular movements of my body, I sent the bullets back to the sender. They hit Thug #1 in his shoulder and two into his friend’s torso.

Side track time-As a member of the Royal Guard, I was required to learn a form of fighting. I decided to go with Baguazhang. This form of martial arts is sometimes called circle walking. Most of the movements involved in Baguazhang revolve around circular movement. This combined with my magic, is almost enough to stop any assailant, whether in a fist fight or with a gun.

Back to the action. The thug fired continually at me, too scared to realize that his bullets weren’t hitting. Every time a bullet came near, I either dodged it or sent it back at him. Three seconds later his magazine was empty. He continued to back away.

“Aww, all out of ammo are we?” I said in a mocking tone. Not knowing what else to do, he threw his gun at me and hightailed it out of there. Unfortunately for him, I had magic. I grabbed him in a field of magic and threw him in my direction. As he zoomed towards me I pulled a fist back. When he came into range, I threw it right into his gut. The thug let out a moan before he passed out.

I stared at the two unconscious bodies on the ground in front of me. With the threat gone and everyone unharmed, my blood simmered down and I returned to my normal self. “I really didn’t want to do that,” I said, rubbing that back of my head. As I heard the sirens in the distance I returned to the inside of the restaurant, where I was greeted with shouts of joy and thanks. A warm feeling rested inside of me now.

I returned to my date who was sitting on the ground with a few tears in her eyes. I got down next to her to continue comforting her. “Are you alright?” She stared at me for a second, then wrapped her arms around me.

“What do you mean ‘am I alright’? What about you!?” She began crying. "You have a bullet in you!"

...Holy shit, I do! I forgot all about how Thug #2 shot me. I let out a small chuckle. "You mean this?" I use my magic to remove the bullet from my kidney. Bad idea. I begin to bleed profusely. I cover the wound with my hand and a small glow radiates from my hand. I may be a great fighter but I'm also a healer. Within seconds, my wound was gone.

“ See, I’m fine,” I said in gentle tone. Ditzy wraps her arms around me and begins crying into my chest. Sometimes, I feel like a tissue. At least I'm a sexy tissue. I return her hug and continue to comfort her.

We sat their embracing each other until the police arrived. They handcuffed the two unconscious thugs and took them to the prison. Several officers asked the restaurant goers what happened and they told them the amazing story of how I took them out single handedly. The officers gave me their praise and I did my best not to brag.

After the police have left and things got as calm as they could have gotten, I took Ditzy’s hand, led her to an unoccupied table and shouted “Hey Waiter! I think I’ll have the spaghetti!"

We really hit it off after the whole robbery thing. I found out Ditzy’s birthday was coming soon, she really likes muffins, and she is also 25. I began wondering if I should ask her when she had Dinky, but I decided to let her tell me on her own. The best part of the dinner was that it was free. We didn’t have to spend a bit on anything. I felt kind of bad because I broke a table and the front door, but they denied every offer I gave them.

Currently, I am walking Ditzy home as it is the gentlemanly thing to do. The walk to her house was beautiful. The night sky was dotted with bright stars and the moon was shining brightly. We stopped outside the walkway of her house.

“Well Ditzy, here you are. I had a lovely time tonight.” I give her a warm smile.

“I had a great time too. Thank you for walking me home and, umm…” Her face turned red and she looked away.

“Is something wrong?” I was still concerned for her. Then, without notice, she leaned forward and kissed me. Right on the lips. I felt a mixed feeling of shock and awe. Here she was, Ditzy, the girl of my dreams, giving me my first kiss. Yeah, I’m 25 and I never kissed a girl before, fuck off. I wanted this moment to never end.

Sadly it did, as she pulled away with the biggest smile on her face. “Thank you for saving my life today.” I would have replied but I was still in shock from the kiss. She ran to her door and walked in. Before closing it, Ditzy turned around and said, “Bye.” All I could do was lift my hand up and wave. As she closed her door, I remained standing still.

After a couple moments passed, I snapped back to reality. A huge grin appeared on my face as shock and awe turned into pure happiness and excitement. I did my little jig and chanted “Yes, yes, yes,” silently. At the end of my dance I struck a pose and teleported myself home.

I missed my house by about twenty feet and was in the front yard. I didn’t care though. I was in bliss. As I neared the front door, I heard the sound of the TV. I opened the door and who else would be sitting on my couch watching my TV but the goddess of the sun, Princess Celestia.

“Greetings, Scales. How are you doing this evening?” Princess Celestia said in her normal calming voice. She was wearing a white sun dress (I see what she did there) and white high heeled shoes. Her hair had shades of green, pink, and blue that, as always, blew in my air conditioner’s wind. Seriously, that hair annoyed me. Stay down you stupid, glorious hair!

Now when most people find Celestia sitting on their couch when they come home, they would bow and ask her if she needed anything. I’m not most people. I knew she wanted me to do something. Something being anything from changing her cat’s kitty litter to going to Tartarus, hogtieing Cerberus, and bringing him to her alive. My bliss went away. I let out a sigh and replied nonchalantly, “It’s all good. Met a girl, asked her out on a date, the place got robbed, I stopped them. You know. The usual.” I walked past her to the kitchen. I was thirsty.

“So I heard. You seem to be doing rather well since you retired.” I hated how she put the emphasis on ‘retired’.

“Yep. Just fine.” I grabbed a carton of milk from the fridge.

“I assume you know why I’m here?”

“You want me to hogtie Cerberus and bring him back to you alive, right?” I take a gulp from the milk carton.

Celestia chuckled. “No, nothing so extreme. I came here to offer you your job back.”

“Celestia, I would love to take my job back, but I really like it here. Canterlot doesn’t have what I need and Ponyville does. I wouldn’t have been able to save anyone tonight if I wasn’t here, obviously. Ponyville needs me and I need it. Sorry Celestia, but I’m going to have to decline.” I take another gulp.

“Who said you would be coming back to Canterlot?” I almost choked on the milk. Milk is now all over the floor.

“What?”

“I don’t need you back in Canterlot. There are hundreds of guards there. Ponyville is in need of protecting and you are the one what can do it.”

“What exactly are you getting at?”

Celestia gets a wide smile, noting my curiosity. “I want to hire you as Ponyville’s protector.”

I ponder this for a moment. I am what Ponyville basically needs. A protector. One to stop all things wrong. I sigh, knowing that she won. “Okay Princess. I’ll do it.”

She rises from the couch. “Perfect.” She snaps her fingers and a suit of armor appears on my coffee table. It’s the armor I wore before retirement. It was actually the exact pair. The helmet had that scale on the back that I etched into it. “You start in one week.”

“One week? Why not now?”

“Because the dragon migration is starting soon and they’ll be flying over Ponyville in one week. You need to make sure no one gets eaten.”

“Ah, I see… wait, what?”

Author's Note: Thanks again to my editor. And again thank all of you for reading my fanfic. I never actually thought it would be good. I'll try to get at least two more chapters before school starts on August 20th.

Comments

[HungryPony]

Since when do dragons eat humans ?

[Jaffaarchfiend]

1060258 Go read classic literature on the subject of dragons. They constantly do the whole eating humans thing (least in the western hemisphere variety of dragons)

[bahatumay]

These guards get some awesome training.

1060258
Dragons have ALWAYS eaten humans.
Thus the phrase, "Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy, and taste good with ketchup."

[ddiablo2008]

cant wait till the next chapter

[chavis54]

1060258since that movie with the dragon hunters who were a scam

[Pony Knight]

well thats awesome

[Pegasister131]

oh yeah.. i forgot he had magic

[Sweetapplejacker]

YES SOMEONE WHO FINALLY KNOWS ABOUT Baguazhang. I DONT FEEL LIKE IM A IDOIT FOR TRYING TO LEARN IT!!!