The Multiverse in a Nutshell

by Pennington Inkwell

Iocaine Powder

"What you do not smell is called iocaine powder. It is odorless, tasteless, dissolves instantly in liquid, and is among the more deadly poisons known to man..." The masked man smiled as he held a small container of the powder. His adversary simply hummed with amusement as the masked man removed the goblets from the table and turned to hold them out of sight. A few seconds later, he returned them, making a show of revolving them back and forth between them before finally setting them down. Beside them, Princess Buttercup stoically waited behind her blindfold, refusing to show any sign of weakness

"Alright. Where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun..." The masked man spread his arms wide. "It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right... and who is dead."

"Isis, pause it!"

The movie ground to a halt, and Penn turned to Sunset, smirking at her with that familiar "I know something you don't" smile.

"Alright, Sunset... what do YOU think? Where's the poison?"

"Aw, come ON, Penn! This is the best part!" Missy groaned. "Don't stop it here!"

Sunset gave him an annoyed look. "Yeah, Penn, you're totally ruining the pacing..."

"Missy, you said the sword fight was the best part, too! Oh, come on! It's a fun puzzle, isn't it?" Penn countered, settling back against the pile of pillows and other soft objects they'd piled against the side of the car. "Two drinks... deadly poison... a dashing masked hero and a boisterous, conniving villain locked in a battle to the death with only their honor keeping them to the rules?"

"I don't know if I'd call him a hero... isn't he a pirate?" Sunset asked. "And you BOTH have said we've reached the 'best part' at least three times!"

"Well, at least make a guess!" Penn whined. "It's no fun if you don't at least guess!"

Sunset sighed, but she couldn't stop herself from smiling as she pondered the puzzle. If one of the goblets is poisoned, then...

"It's in HIS glass." She pointed to the masked man.

Penn and Missy both exchanged amused glances that made Sunset instantly certain she was wrong.

"Why do you say that?"

Sunset pointed to Penn. "Because that's what YOU would do."

Penn blinked, taken aback by her statement. "What- what do you mean?"

"Well, when we were in Remnant, your first choice after I got us involved was to find the most dangerous place possible and put yourself there to try and control it..." She pointed to the vigilante on the screen. "So, if it's in his glass, then he's closer to it, he has more control. If Vizzini picks the wrong glass, then there's no problem at all. If Vizzini picks the right glass, then the masked man can just pretend to drink, or drink enough that he doesn't die, just like how you pretended to be focused on fighting Salem in your mind when you were really making your escape!" Sunset blinked as another thought came to her. "Unless... neither of them is poisoned... Then he could pretend to die from the poison and catch Vizzini off-guard the moment he turns his back!"

Penn and Missy both raised their eyebrows in surprise.

"But that would be dishonorable!" Penn cried, his hand flying to his heart in faux horror.

"He's a pirate. Besides, it's just as much if not MORESO a battle of wits to see through a bluff than it is to just win a fifty-fifty chance!" Sunset rolled her eyes. "Isis, start the movie again."

What followed was one of the most convoluted and nonsensical strings of circular logic Sunset had ever heard as Vizzini alternated between one goblet and the other, always coming up with a reason why he could not drink it before coming back to the first. He pointed out an idea very close to Sunset's own, that the stranger might be counting on his physical strength to save him from the poison, before moving on to another reason why he couldn't drink the goblet in front of himself. The man in black simply watched, occasionally adding a small comment to keep the conversation moving.

"You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work."

"It HAS worked, you given EVERYTHING AWAY, I know where the poison is!"

"Then make your choice!"

"I will! And I choose-" Vizzini cut himself off, pointing over the mystery man's shoulder. "What in the world can THAT be?"

"What? Where? I don't see anything..." The man in black turned around to search while Vizzini exchanged the two drinks.

"Oh, well... I could have sworn I saw something. No matter." Vizzini began chuckling to himself at his success.

Sunset couldn't believe that, even in a movie THIS cheesy and cliched, the "hero" would fall for such an obvious trick.

"What's so funny?"

"I'll tell you in a minute. First, let's drink! Me from my glass, and you from yours!"

Tense violins began to rise in the background as the two reached down and raised their drinks, ironically seeming to toast one another's health. Vizzini watched carefully, waiting until he watched the masked man swallow his drink before smiling and taking a sip from his own.

Sunset smiled knowing that, if she was right about the location of the poison, then the "bad guy" had just sealed his fate.

"You guessed wrong." The man in black chuckled softly.

"You only THINK I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny!" Vizzini cheered. "I switched glasses when your back was turned! HAHA, you FOOL!"

Sunset glanced over, spotting Penn chuckling to himself as he quietly mouthed along the words in time with the actor, making it clear he knew the scene by heart.

"You feel victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is 'Never get involved in a land war in Asia.' But only slightly less well known is this: 'Never go in against a Sicilian when DEATH is on the line!' Ahahahaha, ahahahaha, ahahaha-" He froze in place mid-guffaw, his expression not changing an inch as he clearly purposefully rolled to the side and off-camera with a soft thud.

All three of them erupted into laughter at the comical comeuppance and the actor's priceless portrayal, filling the silence as the man in black watched his opponent fall and rushed to the princess's side to remove her blindfold.

"Who are you?" she asked.

"I am no one to be trifled with, that is all you ever need know."

Princess Buttercup glanced at the poisoned picnic, then at Vizzini's motionless body. "To think... all that time it was YOUR cup that was poisoned."

Sunset gave Penn and Missy a smug look. Knew it... she mouthed.

"They were both poisoned. I spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocaine powder."

Sunset's expression fell as she realized she'd been duped right along with Vizzini. Somehow, this was even MORE hilarious to Penn and Missy, who both began guffawing with laughter, up to the point where Missy fell out of her perch on the car's open window and into the backseat. Penn was beating his fist on the ground. Sunset felt herself pouting as she folded her arms over her chest and turned back to the screen Isis was projecting.

"And- and THAT is why The Princess Bride is on my VERY short list of 'Movies Everyone Should See Before They Die!'" Penn forced out the words between rounds of laughter

"It wasn't THAT funny..." she muttered.

"It- it really was! The LOOK on your face was PRICELESS!" Penn wheezed as his laughter finally began to wind down.

"Yeah, yeah I'm sure it was..." Sunset tried to hide her begrudging smirk at seeing her friends so happy. "Just quit laughing at me, would ya? You both already knew the answer!"

Penn and Missy glanced at each other before giving a small shrug and settling back into their seats. "As you wish..." they both said in sync.

Sunset reached over and tossed a handful of popcorn at the two of them."Oh, shut up, you dorks!"

The three of them fell silent, watching the masked man reveal himself as Buttercup's long-lost true love, thought to have died at sea.

"...How long has it been since we did this?" Sunset asked quietly. "I can't remember the last time we had movie night..."

Penn hummed thoughtfully to himself. "Couple of months? That's how long we were in Remnant..."

Sunset sighed. "Feels like longer... I missed this. I missed you guys."

Penn smiled as he sat up to pull a marshmallow away from where it had been cooking by their campfire, making another perfect s'more and passing it to her. "Missed you, too, Sunny..."

Sunset smiled as she bit down into the sugary treat, feeling a wave of nostalgia at the smoky taste of the marshmallow.

"It's nice to have things back to normal..." Missy sighed, leaning out the car window and lightly fanning the two of them with her wings as she tried to regain her previous perch.

"Normal?" Penn raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah! You, me, Sunset, Isis, the open road..." Missy gestured to their campsite. "Come on, for us, this is normal!"

Sunset smirked. "You keep using that word... I do not think it means what you think it means!"

Comments

[Venerable Ro]

Did they ever get back to Coulson with that explanation?

[calinjc]

Nice cool down chapter. We needed one after the insanity that was Remnant.

[Pennington Inkwell]

10204036
i.imgflip.com/3ydyox.jpg

[Raistlin]

Obligatory mention self-proclaimed genius Vizzine willingly inhaled an unknown substance offered by an enemy.

[ShadwSonic]

Knew what was being referenced just from the title... Still get a lot of mileage out of the "mostly dead" concept.

[Venerable Ro]

10204043

Yeah, it turns out that the entire rest of the movie was all just his hallucinations off of powdered mushrooms.

[Boltstrike58]

It'd be funny if the next universe they end up in was the princess bride. I know it won't be, but itd be funny.

[alfonso_rd_33]

11 of every 3 times Penn uses words in meanings that aren't the proper ones.

[TheBruteKiller]

man, The Princess Bride is an absolute cult classic, that should be seen by more people. Fantastic cheesy film.

[prism heart]

Ah, a classic. Please let at least one Rainboom be there.

[Pennington Inkwell]

10204263
The first Rainboom will be found when the identity of Penn's duel spirit partner is revealed.

[lord hades]

His spirit duel partner will be yubel,isn't ?

[Pedroxmv97]

10204042
LOL

[MariusIoannesP]

Sometimes I feel like I'm one of the few people who enjoys the book of The Princess Bride more than the movie. Still seeing the scene featured here play out in the movie is great. It's the punchline that gets me.

[Bluebottle27]

10272505
Out of curiosity, did you get the abridged version or the unabridged? Personally I found the ending of the abridged book version a little too open and ambiguous.