Guns, Pineapples, & Ponies: A Story of Nonsense

by BlazeHydra

Chapter 4

Guys you gotta help me hide this from SOPA! If they find out I made references to Call of Duty: Black Ops AND My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, I’m so dead! I don’t any of that, ok! Nothin’!

Guns, Ponies & Pineapples: A Story Of Nonsense
Chapter 4: Waiting To Balance Teams

The 6 ponies all returned, one being noticeably quieter than the others, this one was a more sturdy crimson stallion, I remember John Madden calling him ‘Prime’, so we’ll roll with that until further notice. Blaze turned to Oatmeal, said something to him that probably doesn’t matter, then turned to Prime.

“Jeez, Prime! How long have you been here? You got a Famas already?” the alicorn fawned over Prime’s weapon, to which he responded rather calmly.

“I’d be glad to tell ya if I knew, but I don’t level very fast so if you guys aren’t very high then I musta gotten here a might bit before the rest of ya.” Flippper couldn’t help but chuckle at Prime’s accent being doubled by his host stallion’s vocal chords. Hoping to keep Prime from noticing, Blaze continued to inquire Prime, thinking maybe he had some more answers since he’s been here longer.

“Hmm... whats with the clan tag? What does ‘x73x’ mean? If you don’t mind me asking.” Blaze was worried this question would result in a life story, but calmed down as he realized he had pretty much nothing better to do.

Prime looked up and snickered, “Oh that? Don’t worry, I get that question alot, it’s actually really simple.” And with that, Prime pointed his hoof at a random player in the lobby, and shot 73 Sonic Rainbooms at said player, either removing him from the lobby or ultimately destroying his very existence.

[AERO]TheSTyler was kicked

Or both.

While everypony in a 5 criggen radius tried to recover, Oatmeal walked in from- wait, wasn’t Oatmeal standing right next to Blaze? Ugh, I don’t feel like dealing with this again, forget it! Just keep the story going. So Oatmeal walked and looked pretty hyped up on cupcakes for some reason. “Hey guys check this out!” and with that Blaze shuffled and backed away anxiously.

Rather opposingly to Blaze’s actions, Tehqman leaned closer to the raving pink pony curiously, “What is it? Did they finally patent Super Hawk Vision?”

Oatmeal deadpanned at Tehqman and HOLY CRAP LOOK AT THAT SEMI-COLON!

;

Man that is one smart author for using semi-colons, but yeah Oatmeal was talking.

“Uh, no. But I did find out that cutty marks are buttons!” he pointed at his flank and Edwin walked up very confused from the last paragraph.

“Wait, don’t you mean ‘cutie mark’?” Edwin asked, all the while ignoring the exploding Draconiquis, and the light blue mare with 2-tone white and blue mane spawning in the lobby.

Oatmeal turned around, scratched his head and turned back to Edwin, “Same difference. Besides, I think our cutie marks act as the PS button, try it!” he pressed his hoof against the 3 balloons emblazoned on his fur, and a light-bulb appeared over his head.

Soon, everyone had light-bulbs over their heads, and while they were all busy in their menus exploring, Blaze noticed the envelope symbol on the upper right corner of the screen and went to his inbox. There, he noticed he had gotten a letter from a ‘jaczrwild3’:

Subject: Bored!
Message: im tired of lobby hopping, and i see ur online, so invite me!

Seeing this as an opportunity to get the rest of the clan together, Blaze quickly invited jacz, hoping he would get here before the match started, or at least still be online since he got this message a while ago.

-----

As the next match went up for voting, Edwin, Prime, and a few others were busy with small talk, hoping to keep themselves busy.

“So Edwin assumes the other clan is going over well?” Edwin asked Prime, actually eager to hear the endeavors of another group that his friend was in.

Prime stretched his hooves before answering, sitting for this long can really take something out of you. “Well, it’s been mostly smooth, activity’s overall pretty high. They’re a more serious group than you guys, though. I like bein’ able to play with you guys and just kinda mess around, y’know?”

Edwin laughed, “Yep, we tend to be very lighthearted to the point where it’s just silly, it’s hard to find anywhere else though, that’s why I love it.” And right then, another pony spawned in the lobby. A cyan pegasus with a full spectrum mane, well not full spectrum, I mean c’mon, wheres the indigo? But you get the idea, and Oatmeal was the first to point it out.

“Hey look! That player looks like Rainbow Dash! Maybe it’s another clan member!” Oatmeal started to spin-dash before Tehqman quickly stopped him.

“Oatmeal that’s not Rainbow Dash, that’s a puberty chart, those are 2 different things!” said Tehqman, voice shaking in fear of Oatmeal’s sanity.

“Oh...” was all the pink pony could say before he looked 167% of a degree to the left, “Wait there is a pony, for real this time guys!”

Before anyone could try his claim, he was already rolling at top speed towards the possible imposter of Rainbow Dash. By the time everyone else got there, Oatmeal was already chatting away with the pegasus, but both of them looked exited, so there was little tension for the others.

“Hey, it’s jacz!” Oatmeal said, full of excitement and sugar. Flippper looked up and saw the gamertag was indeed ‘[MLP]jaczrwild3’ and were quickly busy away talking about what was most likely ponies. And so it was, Flippper, Jacz, Tehqman, and Edwin were perfectly content in their conversation waiting for the match to start, while the rest were more or less actually thinking about the upcoming match, in a little group of their own.

“Great, so it’s Search & Destroy on either map, so I guess it’s just between WMD and Jungle, and there’s no way I’m dealing with a sniper like Flippper on Jungle.” Blaze said as he marked his vote on WMD.

“Yeah you got a point there, but what if he’s on our team?” said Oatmeal, marking his vote on Jungle.

“I’d rather not take that chance.” Prime said, raising WMD’s vote count another above Jungle’s. “Well I guess that’s it then, S&D on WMD. Since that’s over, I need ta ask you two somethin’.”

Oatmeal, somewhat disappointed in the map choice, humored Prime’s curiosity “What is it? You can ask me anything!”

“Well, it’s just that, y’all are guys, right?” Prime could feel the hair raising on his back as he asked this, contemplating the outcome of this conversation.

“Well, I am!” Shouted Oatmeal, a little louder than usual, even for him.

“As far as I’m aware of, yes.” Blaze said, starting to look at the other group across the lobby.

“Well, if that's the case, then...” Prime stopped for a moment, making sure he knew he was ready to hear the answer to this “...then why’re all of ya mares but me?”

Blaze and Oatmeal tried to come up with an answer, but Blaze’s response would have to suffice “Well it seems to me that we’re characters we like, so gender doesn’t really matter. Besides, you know I’m a guy so keep your eyes off my flank, got it?” as Blaze huffed, Oatmeal couldn’t help his uncontrollable laughter, nor did he want to.

Prime’s face flushed instantly “I wasn’t going to anyway! Thanks for the nightmare fuel, argh...” as the map choice locked in, the 3 looked towards the leader-boards and realized evil lurking within them.

“Um... I don’t know if you guys noticed, but we’re out numbered.” Oatmeal said very flatly.

“No, verily!? Well, no matter, we can still do it. I wouldn’t suggest planting any bombs though, not with Flippper and Edwin on over-watch. Wait, how did we get split up anyway?”

Oatmeal decided that answering this simple question would be much better than taking the pineapple back out, “That’s easy, we aren’t in a party, it’s just a massive coincidence that we’re here together, that’s all.” Blaze didn’t have any time to feel stupid before he heard a very familiar voice echoing across the lobby.

“Ha! Prepare to LOSE Blaze! Especially now that you can’t steal all my kills!” Tehqman shouted extremely confidently from his group.

“You do realize everyone steals your kills Tehq, not just me.” Blaze said, none to threatened by Tehqman’s claims, but still threatened by all the other players on the opposing team.

“He makes a good point, they have 2 campers, 2 strikers, and a wildcard on their team.” Prime said, readying his Famas.

“Wow, that makes me feel confident, oh well...” said Blaze as he reloaded his MP5.

“It’ll be fine, this just shows how much we’ll have to try, besides who cares who wins, this is gonna be awesome!” Oatmeal said, trying to tape a reflex sight to his ballistic knife.

“Uh... you need some help with that, Oatmeal?” Blaze said, looking rather quizzically at the contraption Oatmeal was failing to make.

Oatmeal stared at Blaze unexpectantly “Ask yourself something: Do you really think you can help me with this?”

Blaze sat down, “Good point.”

Prime was the next to walk up to Oatmeal’s frustrations, “Why don’t ya just tie the knife to your gun?”

“But I don’t have any string.” Oatmeal said sadly, his ears flopping to some non-existent beat.

“You could just use the tape.” Prime said matter-of-factually.

“Oh yeah...” Oatmeal seemed in a trance as he said this “...like a bayonet! But what about my reflex sight, I spent good money on this y’know!”

Prime had the perfect answer to this question as well, “Just put it on your primary weapon.”

Oatmeal threw away the reflex sight “Nah, I prefer iron-sights on my M14.”

Blaze shot up at the sight of this “I thought you just said- OW!” he didn’t realize Oatmeal threw the attachment upward. And with that, the lobby timer was up, and the match ready to begin. With Blaze, Prime, and Oatmeal still outnumbered can they pull off a win in Search & Destroy? Should you care? I sure hope so, ‘cuz if not, well I’m out of a job now aren’t I? So yeah you’d better care, I know where you live. Well I can probably find out if I try, but chances are I wont, so... see ya!

*Resetting Scores*

[MLP]xlilflippper---------------Score: 0000
[MLP]jaczrwild3---------------Score: 0000
[TG&P]EdwinprGTR---------------Score: 0000
[MLP]Tehqman24---------------Score: 0000
[DCRD]ChocoCloud21---------------Score: 0000

[MLP]McSqueakers---------------Score: 0000
[MLP]BlazeHydra---------------Score: 0000
[x73x]PRiME_ENiGMA---------------Score: 0000
[2th]xX1337DentistXx---------------Score: 0000

Players: 9/12

*Loading match components*

Comments

Horrible, horrible spelling error in the description.

[BlazeHydra]

93348
OMG I HATE THAT
I tried so hard to avoid stuff like that sorry! Fixed!

[ForlanceAbice]

Tch, I can totally see this becoming popular.
Perhaps even some Romance. We've already had the Mane 6 do everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE including themselves,
so perhaps it could be done in a non serious fashion? I am also expecting that their respective character personality traits will become more noticeable in the future, such as Rainbow Dash/Jazc being cocky arrogant, rushing into things at super speed, perhaps even doing a Sonic Rainbomb.
Or perhaps Vinyl Scratch deafen everypony and disorient them with her music, like a stun grenade.

Or perhaps, being slowly sucked into their respective characters, or failing that, become something new altogether.
Not to mention their Cutie Marks, since they are supposed to represent a special talent.
I sincerely doubt that you would be able to raise the moon, even if you tried as Luna, but you probably got some other special talent
hidden away.

Now then, all we need somepony who is chick- I mean Scootaloo to be a chicken.
Also, is Trollestia behind any of this? Or has Ditzy Doo done clunkeed them eh?
Also looking forward for Big Mac to obtain a Smarty Pants doll.
Hehehe. I will laugh when that happens, possibly with a broken spleen.

[BlazeHydra]

96143
...
......
GENIUS! I never thought of some of that! I am trying to bring the character traits in gradually, but reminders are always helpful! And yeah, tried raising the moon once, I have no idea how she can do that everyday! She must work out alot, maybe I can do it if I go on the moon zombie map...

i like it!! but dont get all the inside jokes.

[BlazeHydra]

97904
Sup vamp! Well some of them can be found in the forums, others were heat of the moment things, sometimes you just gotta be there i guess

[The Pwn Machine]

Blaze, this is awesome, plain and simple. I wish I found this earlier, and I hope it isn't dead, because I don't want writing talent like this to go away!