Some of bronies wake up in the land of... Black Ops? Where are the ponies? Oh yeah, they're ponies.
A bunch of bronies wake up to find themselves in the world of Black Ops, now I know you're ready to throw the banhammer at me, but they wake up to find themselves as well... their favorite pony! Hilarity, and pineapples, ensue, and many inside jokes will be had.
*NOTE* This was made specifically for the guys at the my-little-clan site, so anyone else almost certainly wont get the jokes, but there is still the basic concepts of humor and randomness, because some of them said it might do well here, well here you go! Try not to be too harsh with the ratings, but whatever
*EDIT* Holy crap! I did not think this would go over as well as it has, I underestimate the love and tolerance of the Brony community time and time again! Well if you like it so much, I guess i'll keep writing!
I don't own anything but this story, I don't own My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, nor do I own Call of Duty: Black ops, nope nothin but this story. K? Cool.
Guns, Ponies, & Pineapples: A Story Of Nonsense Chapter 1: Don't Worry, We Respawn
We are soldiers, trained to kill and nothing else. Deadly efficiency matched only by their lack of remorse, born & bred for this sole- “What the...?”
*Error: Lost connection to host*
“Seriously? I can't even monologue without this game lagging out on me? Whatever, screw that I'm goin' to sleep.” *snooze* *snooze* *snooze* *creak* “...ugh, what was-” *Crack* “.........uh, whoop-” *CRASH*
-----
In the midst of a noisy but seemingly desolate arctic research center, lay an unconscious midnight blue alicorn. But, as empty as the immediate area seems to be, a certain pink earth pony approached from no particular direction. “...Hey Blaze, you all right?” said the pink pony, “...Yeah he's fine... Hey who're you callin' a camper!”
The alicorn got up shakily with no real awareness about him, “Argh, what the heck is going on here?” Wait, that voice... Oatmeal? Am I dreaming? “Uhh, hey O-oatmeal, this a dream or what? Wait if it's a dream, who can I trust?”
“Yeah, obviously in dreams you can think this much and say what you want coherently when you want to, so if I were you I'd get behind cover.” the one known as 'Oatmeal' told the alicorn, somehow being both more careful and more sporadic in his movement. “Oh, and hi.”
Wow, warm welcomes all around “Ok, wait, where are you?” the blue alicorn, referred to by Oatmeal as 'Blaze', looked around confused, completely ignoring two important things: the fact that he was just looking at the pink pony talking to him, and the fact that a pink pony was talking to him.
“Right in front of you, I know you just woke up but come on.” Oatmeal grew an annoyed expression on his face, and with good reason.
“But, b-but all that's in front of me is-”
“Oh yeah, forgot about that, before I say anything else, you might wanna listen to this: Yes, I am Pinkie Pie. Yes, you're a pony too, in fact, you kinda look like Luna.” as he said this, Blaze's expression changed to a mix of worry, excitement, and hunger. He tried to form words, but after they both noticed it wasn't working, Oatmeal continued, “No, this isn't a dream, at least that seems unlikely, I've been here for a little and then you come in all unconscious and whatnot. Any questions?”
Blaze tried to deadpan at the question, but his face refused to change from excited hunger, “A lot, but I doubt you have the answers, so I'll ask this, how do you know it's me?”
“Oh that's easy, your gamertag.” said Oatmeal matter-of-factly.
“Oh yeah, silly me- wait what!?” Why does my back feel so weird?
“Yeah, gamertags, and with that we can assume we're in some sort of game, seems to me like we're in a shooter of sorts.”
“You know, at this point I wonder why I'm still trying to make sense of all this...” You know, it's rather odd neither of these guys have been shot yet, it's amazing! Ahem, sorry, back to the story. “Wait a minute, you said I look like Luna right?”
“Yeah.”
“As in wings?”
“And a horn.”
“And the whole 'Royal figure'?”
“This conversation is starting to feel uncomfortable, but yes.” Throughout this inquiry Oatmeal had indeed gotten more and more worried. Not just because of the topic of questions, but also the bright, flashing red light that would've easily distracted small kittens if there were any in the immediate area.
“Oh no, I didn't mean anything like that! It's just... that’s REALLY AWESOME and what's that beeping noise? Oatmeal? Why are you backing-” *BOOM*
[DCRD]ChocoCloud21 >Semtex> [MLP]BlazeHydra
-----
Sweet Celestia my head, uuuugh, at least that narrows the list of games we could be in... wait, I just blew up, and I'm still alive, oh yeah I forgot nothing makes sense anymore and-
A yellow pegasus that was crouched behind some sort of box turned around and, to his surprise, found another pony looking rather unaware of his current situation. “Hey! Whatsup, umm...” the pegasus looked for Blaze's gamertag, “...oh Blaze it's you! How long have you been here?”
Blaze got up, in the same unaware fashion he's been in this whole story so far, that's gonna be a problem sooner or later. “Not very long... uh... Fluttershy? Oh, right, gamertag...” He looked above the pegasus' head, “Hm... oh! Hey Flippper! Yeah, just got here like a couple minutes ago, aaand got blown up.”
Flippper tried to empathize, but sounded a little distracted since he was focused in his scope, trying to take a few shots towards a grounded satellite dish. “Aw, that sucks, but I think that happens to everyone when they first get here, it's just a part of getting your awareness back.”
“Well yeah I guess it's hard not to get killed when you just wake up...” Blaze started looking around for once, trying to gather himself.
“Well I was thinking more along getting blown up specifically, but yeah that too.” Flippper chuckled to himself before turning back to his scope. “I guess you haven't found your gun yet have you?”
“Gun?” Blaze seemed to snap out of some trance, “Oh yeah! Man I'm gonna need one of those huh? Where do I get one anyway?”
“Menu,” He began in a confused tone, “I still don't quite get how it works, you just have to think about it, a lot.”
“Well I'll try... hmm, grrr, hnnnnnngggg!” Flippper grew concerned at the questionable noises taking place behind him. “There!” What the heck is that feeling on my back? “Oh yeah! Wings! Totally forgot about those!”
At this point Flippper was completely confused and concerned, and turned around momentarily, “...what?”
Blaze smiled sheepishly “Umm, just, thinking out loud, heh heh. Ok so picking a gun...” He made a groan of frustrated realization as he started to deduce his situation. “Great. Lemme guess, we're in Black Ops.”
Flippper answered without looking away from his scope “That's what it looks like to me.”
“And we start with no money.”
“Pretty sure.”
“At level one.”
“That’s the conclusion I came to...” He took a few more shots at a nearby window before an iconic guitar riff played from the background, “YES promotion! Aww yeah level 5! Custom classes here I come!”
“Well congrats, but you seem to do well with that Dragonuv.”
“Hah, haha, yeah...” He reloaded and sighed, “man I hate this gun.”
Blaze picked up a MP5k and continued to look around “So, do you know who else is here?” he asked, right before a thunderclap of bullets and rage crashed against their eardrums.
[MLP]Scramjet747 >AK74u> [MLP]Tehqman24
“CELESTIADAMNIT IF I HAD FINGERS YOU'D SO BE DEAD!!”
Flippper almost dropped his weapon in shock “Looks like Tehqman's here too, somewhere.”
Blaze started to canter towards a tower surrounded by bushes & rocks, AKA camp-city. “Well, I'd better go find him, or Oatmeal, or anypony for that matter. Comin' with?”
“I would, but I actually found a good spot to snipe, so I'll pass.”
“But didn't I spawn right next to you?”
“Yeah, so?”
“...You know spawn points switch, right?”
Flippper got up and switched to his pistol “...Good point.”
-----
“Wow, Tehq, today’s just not your day is it?” said Blaze, walking through a vantage section of the map, higher up and near the edge.
“Says the guy who can't get a kill,” retorted a sea foam green unicorn, mockingly “...besides its this freakin' Olympia, it just decides to have no range the entire match.”
“Why don't you try the MP5?” Blaze gestured his weapon towards the unicorn.
The unicorn, 'Tehqman' as he was called, pushed the outstretched SMG back in Blaze's hooves, “Not everyone plays like you, Blaze.”
Blaze shrugged “Well, I can't argue with that, though still I'd wait until the Stakeout before going shotgunning, ya know?” He snickered at the Tehqman's Olympia, earning him a piercing glare from it's wielder, so he tried to change the subject before he would be turned to teamkill “What map is this anyway? Hmm, snowy, trees, its big... looks like-”
“Array?” Flippper chimed in, feeling a bit bored from all the trotting.
Tehqman facehoofed “That's what I was afraid of.”
A familiar voice echoed from not too far away, “Hey guys! Wait up!!”
Blaze turned around to see a blur of pink bounding toward him, “Oh look it's Oatmeal! I was just gonna go looking for you, what is it?”
“Something awesome! Guess what I just found out?” Oatmeal reached into his pocket...
“What?”
...and took out some kind of yellow... green... wtf is that a fruit!? “Friendly fire is on!”
“How is that...” Just as he was about to finish that sentence, Blaze noticed just what Oatmeal was holding in his hoof, “oh no, no, nononononononono! NOOOOOOO!!”
Yeah, so about me not owning anything but this story, you remember that right? You know, not Black Ops, not Friendship is Magic, just this story. Yeah, ring any bells? Sweet.
Guns, Ponies & Pineapples: A Story Of Nonsense Chapter 2: How ‘Bout Dat Lobby Scene?
Here we have a couple ponies, a little less than 10 of them, in a room with seemingly nothing in it but chairs, really nice chairs. Some are doing there own thing, while others grouped together with what I can only assume are their friends. One particular group, one with a blue unicorn surrounded by others chatting away even though the look on the pony’s face clearly lacked any kind of interest. Then we have these 4, which is where our journey begins... wait, what do you mean this is the second chapter? So when did we do the first one? No I didn’t get any memo! I’m bucking narrative text I don’t have a mailbox! Whatever, no, whatever! Just start the damn story!
It only took one look at the scoreboard for Tehqman to break into uncontrollable laughter “Pfft, nice score Blaze! BAHHAAHAHA!”
“Yeah, keep laughing assist-master...” said Blaze, in the most sarcastic voice he could muster under his embarrassment.
“Woah, if I had a score of ZERO, I wouldn’t be talking.” Tehqman returned, in a tone of sarcasm that beat Blaze’s by a mile.
“Yes you would!”
Oatmeal quickly cut in, if only for the sake of the story running itself out, and managed to snap his... hooves... getting their attention “All right, break it up! Blaze, I can tell you’re still confused, you did say you had more questions, still think I can’t help?”
Blaze quickly backed away from Oatmeal, flashbacks of about 5 minutes ago already rearing in his mind, “I’m seriously scared to go near you, but you do seem to know your way around, so I’ll just have to settle with not looking you in the eye.”
“Really? Was it that bad?”
The question really didn’t have to be answered.
“Right... sorry about the whole ‘pineapple’ thing, but in my defense you did say they were favorite fruit!”
Blaze shuddered, reminding himself never to mention favorite objects to Oatmeal ever again, “...Ignoring that, apology accepted. Now why is it you’re so calm in a place like this?”
“Well, I’m not sure actually...” *Gasp* are we gonna have a flashback!? No? ...aw, lame. “...it may be a side effect of looking like Pinkie Pie. As soon as I ended up here, it never really crossed my mind to question any of it, honestly. I just kinda rolled with it, and then other people started showing up. Some got up and rolled with it like I did, others seemed just... confused the whole time, kinda like you were!”
Blaze’s face switched between annoyance and confusion for a little, and finally stopped at quizzical, “So would that mean everyone has a character influence?”
“That’d be my guess.”
“Not true!” Tehqman quickly cut in, challengingly, “I feel the same as before, except I really wanna get back home so I can play my guitar. WITH MY FINGERS.” Awkward silence. It stayed until Tehqman got the courage to try talking again, “Wait that didn’t come out right.”
This was the most confused Blaze had ever been the entire day, if we can measure time the same way in this world, which we probably can’t, so whatever, “How could that have possibly come out right?”
Flippper’s face had been getting increasingly agitated as the conversation lengthened, so he decided to address them at a volume somewhere between a scared statement and an excited whisper “Hey! You mind quieting down a little, I’m trying to focus on my classes!”
“The quietest one here is you,” Blaze quickly responded, and then immediately turned back to Oatmeal. Flippper simply returned to his classes “...I see where the character influence came in there. Hmm, hey Tehqman, you see that pony across the room?” He pointed across the room, if you could call it that, it didn’t look like it had any walls, at a stallion with an air of regalia that just screamed ‘rock-star’.
Tehqman squinted at the figure, but it didn’t ring any bells for him at the moment, “Yeah, what about him?”
“Doesn’t he look familiar, I swear I’ve seen a dude that looks just like him.” Blaze began to muse at the thought of recognizing someone in pony form, and quickly disregarded this thought.
“Hold on, let me try my super-ultra falcon vision... hmm...” Tehqman squinted again, this time... doing absolutely nothing different. Oatmeal noticed this and challenged Tehqman on his claim.
“Falcon vision? Since when did you have falcon vision? Nonetheless the super-ultra version, that’s not even patented yet!” OMC, if only you could see the hoof gestures he was making, it was hilarious!
“I dunno, I just thought that if nothing else makes sense, maybe now I have super ultra falcon vision.”
As much sense as that statement made, Oatmeal still had to ask, “Well do you have falcon vision?”
“I’m thinking, I’m thinking!”
Blaze quickly joined in on the inquisition.’Cuz you know, nobody expects the inquisition, “Why do you have to think?”
He was right. Tehqman didn’t have to think. Realizing this defeat, he decided maybe common sense was the way to go this time, “...no”
Blaze knew that was gonna be the answer, but it annoyed him no less “Well that’s just great,” he turned back to the one sucked in his class making, even though he’s had enough time to make 10 classes by now, “...yo Flipper! You done making precious classes yet?”
“Almost...” said Flippper, intent on making the best classes ever, all using rifles.
“Seriously? How many cod-points do you have? Besides, I got a question.”
Flippper’s agitated face turned on a dime straight to guilt “Oh, I’m sorry! Go ahead and ask.”
Blaze flared his wings “Well, seeing as how you’re a pegasus too, you have to have this weird feeling on your back too, right?”
“Well, the way I see it is like wearing glasses.” He flared his wings as well to emphasize, “Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it in a little bit,” Flippper looked slightly away from Blaze as he understood the serious implications and consequences of what he was about to say “...unless you mean that tingling feeling...”
Blaze sighed in relief, “Yeah! That’s the word I was looking for, it’s tingly! Like some kind of sensation, you know?”
And then Flippper was concerned “Wait, how long has your back felt like that?”
“Since I got here, why?” Blaze cocked his head about 63.75% of a nose to the left, roughly speaking.
“Um, can you turn just a little to the left, thanks-” He tried to cover his mouth with his hoof and his face flushed, “...oh.”
The emphasis on ‘oh’ was all Blaze needed to hear to know something was amiss “What is it? ...ah, I see, heh heh, awkward...”
Oh, hey awkward silence, you come here often?
“I noticed earlier, but I thought it was just because you were still in shock, have you tried folding your wings at all?”
“No, actually. I keep forgetting I have them, I forget about the horn too,” he saw Flippper trying to stifle a laugh, and was quickly on the defensive, “it’s a lot to get used to ok?”
Flippper managed to calm himself “No, no I understand, I forget sometimes too, not very often though. Is that everything?”
“It is now.” He was almost speaking under his breath.
“Well then, my classes await!”
“Thanks, that makes me feel good about myself.” The sarcasm in his voice was palpable.
“I aim to please.” And said sarcasm was reflected off the invincible mirror that was Flippper.
-----
“Hm... Firing Range, or Havanna? These are the worst maps ever! Screw that, random!”
Most of the group were curious, but Tehqman was the one to ask, “What’s your problem with Firing Range Blaze? It seems like fun times to me.”
Blaze rolled his eyes “Right, fun times.” Tehqman returned the gesture. “Anyways, we should go and see if there’s anyone else we know in here.”
Oatmeal pointed in a general direction that had ponies in it, “Found one.”
“How do you know?” Flippper was either too skeptical or too scared to want to walk over there, either way he didn’t wanna do it.
Oatmeal got lucky, looking over where he pointed, he actually recognized somepony over there, “Light blue coat, and a cape. Yeah, I’d recognize that combo anywhere.”
Tehqman walked up, ready and confident “Well, I could try my falcon vision again-”
Oatmeal stopped him in his tracks, refusing to go through that again, “OR we could, I don’t know, WALK up to them and LOOK at their gamertag. And if that one got stuck with Trixie, then I’ve a good idea of who they might be...” so they all made there way to the group of ponies huddled around this Trixie character.
-----
The blue pony with the cape has already been fed up for a lifetime, not just in one day, in one sitting, “...listen, Edwin doesn’t know how many times he’s told you already, but Edwin is using his magic to make ART, not some kind of magicianery! Edwin doesn’t even think that’s a real word!” sadly, Edwin was right, but that wont stop anyone from saying it.
As soon as they were within speaking range, Oatmeal began in a tone that only rivals should share “Ho-ho, Edwin! Turnin’ tricks again, I see. In public? Have you no shame?”
“Wha- E- tha- who- Shut up! E-edwin doesn’t know what you’re talking about!” this was obviously wrong, but honestly, who did he think he was fooling?
Oatmeal continued in the same cocky voice “Riiight, and I suppose you’re calling this magicianery ‘art’ too?”
Edwin saw where this was going, and hope was growing dim, “That’s not a word! Of all the lobbies to be stuck in...”
“Aw, you’re not happy to be with a few fellow colleagues?” he countered Edwin’s combined anger and misery with more incessant mockery.
Edwin mused and dreaded at the word ‘colleagues’, especially the ‘s’, “That depends, how many of you are there?”
“Well, there’s me, Blaze, Flippper, & Tehqman...”
And that was the straw to break the camels back, “Then no!”
Tehqman’s ears were pretty damn near bleeding right now, but he decided to best Edwin’s volume anyway “For Celestia’s sake Edwin, we’re right in front of you! Tone it down!”
Edwin sighed in resignation, but the combination of him generally not wanting to be here and the recurring third person speech made it hard to detect any real empathy, “Sorry, it’s just that Edwin can’t get a moments peace without being bothered about his magic or cape.”
Flippper tried to break the tensity, but I don’t think it worked, “Well it is pretty flashy...”
“Really, it’s just a cloth with some stars on it, what is with people around here?” ...yeah it didn’t work.
Flippper eyed Edwin’s cape jokingly, “I meant your magic, but if you’re gonna be that self conscious about it, I can take that cape off your hooves-”
He sensed the humor in Flippper’s body language, but took the comment as serious as possible as he nightmared in his head about losing his security blank- I mean cape “NEVER!!”
Blaze looked at the lobby timer and knew this had to stop soon “...Well, now that we’ve all gotten acquainted, why don’t we start getting ready for the match, shall we?”
Oatmeal agreed, “Sounds like a plan to me, lets see... Grid... Grid?”
“I guess random came through for me, yes!” Blaze pumped his hoof and even went out for a bro-hoof, but to no avail.
“Well, it looks like FFA, this’ll be interesting...” Tehqman eyed the clock, dreading the upcoming match, and his extra 15 assists at the end.
Ok, here's the deal: I don't own My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Call of Duty (C)(R)(TM) Black Ops, Sports Center or Geico insurance, so don't sue my flank to the moon!
Guns, Pineapples, & Ponies: A Story of Nonsense Chapter 3: Spoiler - Someone dies alot
It was quiet all around the snow lacing of the gray-scale office buildings that just so happen to be in a factory zone, next to some... trees? Whatever, anyways it was quiet, too quiet... oh who am I kidding, the state of this match would make Discord's mama cry. Let's take a look at the last couple kills so far, shall we?
Tehqman re-spawned for about the fifth time this minute. "Oh what the buck! How is that even possible!?"
Oatmeal turned around, dodging a random spray of bullets not really aimed at anything specific as he did so. "I dunno, last time I checked bullets didn't bounce off walls, are you using rubber rounds again?"
"Yeah I don't think- wait AGAIN!? I never used rubber bullets before! You know I have the perfect chance to kill you right now so watch it!"
Just to taunt him, Oatmeal lowered his weapon before speaking again, "You and what mustache? But anyway can you do me a favor? You see that C4 over there?"
Tehqman turned a full 720 degrees and blinked at the yellow & black explosive with googly eyes taped to it, poor thing must be a Geico commercial reject. "Yeah why? I'm not dumb enough to walk over-"
[MLP]McSqueakers >M14> [MLP]Tehqman24
"Thanks!"
-----
Meanwhile, far and away from the chain of sonic rainbooms occurring just outside of the map, a possible alliance was forming. BlazeHydra and Edwin were staked out behind some desks and file cabinets, peering down a hallway when Blaze decided talking now totally wouldn't blow their cover. And so he did. "Hey Edwin, how come you put a dual mag on your Enfield if you have sleight of hand? Why not an ACOG sight since you're camping here?"
In his head, Edwin secretly took that advice to heart, but the Great and Powerful Edwin was not going to be made a fool of! "Well, you see, one can never reload TOO fast, Edwin just thought this fact out a bit farther than you have."
Blaze turned his head, perplexed "But if you reload so fast-" he sneezed. "If you reload so fast, why don't you run outside a little? The Enfield IS a bull pup, you know?"
Edwin grew agitated at the alicorn's constant questioning of his superior tactics, "Well if you're so smart, why don't you get an Enfield and- wait a sec, why are we talking to each other?" Edwin glared at Blaze, who immediately came to the same realization.
"Oh buck."
Blaze ran at full speed, dipping and ducking from clip after clip of Enfield rounds, coming from a rather ticked periwinkle unicorn. It seemed as if he was getting away, until... "Man I miss my Marathon Pro..."
[G&PT]EdwinprGTR >Enfield> [MLP]BlazeHydra
Even after his success, there was a serious drawback, Edwin was now standing in the center of absolutely no-where, stray of any kind of cover. He stood there, looking for somewhere to hide, but little did he know, he only had about 4 seconds to run, and those seconds were just... about...
[MLP]Xlilflippper >Headshot> [G&PT]EdwinprGTR
...spent.
Flippper sighed and reloaded "Heh, I guess the Dragonuv's ok."
Blaze ran up to Flippper and did the whole 'speed racer' spiel before catching his breath to ask him. "Holy Celestia Flippper, where'd you learn to snipe like THAT!?
"Umm... just practice I guess..." said Flippper, all the while not moving from his perch on the very top of one of the trees. While doing a handstand. On his gun.
A few more ponies walked up to him, completely putting the match on hold to wonder at Flippper's seemingly impossible sniping stance, before Tehqman spoke up again. "How is any of that remotely possible?"
"Oh that's easy, I'm a pegasus remember?" he said while flapping his wings at a methodical and hypnotizing pace, everything on his body moving with a purpose. Makes you wonder just how much practice he was talking about.
-----
The match was coming to an end, a few minutes left and somepony was already about 10 kills away from victory. But what was about to happen changed everyone's lives FOREVERRRRR!
[MLP]PRiMEeNiGMA has joined the game
A stocky red stallion spawned in one of the empty buildings, picked up his Famas, and walked outside. By Celestia's beard, the last few minutes of this match were something else! I don't think I can narrate this intensity, we need John Madden, STAT!
"Alright, narrator guy, let's take a look at Prime's kills play by play! So you see him walk out the front door, mostly because there wasn't a back, haha see! But he walked out, sees 2 other guys and BAM double kill! turns around sees more enemies, and we got one, two, three, can he go for the Multi? OOOHH had to reload! That's a missed opportunity right there if I've ever seen one, but it doesn't matter, he walks right back out and stacks 3 more! His score is skyrocketing! He's climbing, 4th... 3rd... second! He's on second with just a couple more seconds left, just 2 more kills, and a whole group in the lab! He's goin' for it, fighting for the kill and BOOM TOUGH ACTIN' TINACTIN ooooohhh barely missed a tie for first place, and he had that guy too but ran out of time, so close! Well, there's the play-by-play, back to you Narrator!"
Wow... how long has he been here? I was just joking when I called for him, I'll have to remember that for next time. Well anyway thanks for watching, this has been Sports Center, brought to you by Dr. Scouter! Dr. Scouter, over 9000 natural flavors going right to your liver!
(A/N: Wow, really short chapter this time around, but I did want to get this out quicker because of how long it took me to put up chapter 2. Besides, I'll probably extend this later if I can get any ideas, but since this one was so short, I'll include a little present to get in the holiday spirit. A preview of an upcoming chapter, definitely not chapter 4 though.)
He made a quick survey of his surroundings. To his left, another F-15 with a familiar insignia of 3 balloons. To his right, a sinking frigate that seems to be rather on fire, to say the least. And above him was... the ocean? Right, he forgot to re-adjust his flight path after dodging that last missile. A bit peeved for no one telling him he was upside down, the robust crimson stallion turned on the intercom.
PRiME: Hey, anyone on? Oats: Radio on. Blaze: Affirmative. PRiME: Uhh, do you have any idea how we can all pilot these 2-person planes all by ourselves? Oats: Y'know, that's a good question, one I have no answer for. Blaze: Yeah I have no idea either. Hey whats that? PRiME: Whats what? Blaze: I'm reading multiple signatures, give me a sec... I've got visual. Its... no way! Oats: I'm getting readings too, can you spot their emblems? Blaze: Yeah, I see their emblems alright. I must be seeing things, that's the Southern Cross! PRiME: How are they here? What time zone are we in? Whatever, maintain radio silence unless addressed, and hold your fire until they're confirmed hostile, maybe we can make some powerful allies.
All three of them lowered their velocity and didn't say a word for a good minute or so, and so did the other squadron, for a while, it was stalemate. That is, until a missile from unknown origin came flying right towards the other squad. Their deft flying skills were expertly shown in their evasive maneuvers, but the 3 ERAF pilots didn't have much time to gawk in amazement, they knew this had serious repercussions just waiting to happen.
Blaze: Buck! We need better radars, where'd that missile come from!? Oats: The heck if I know, but we got bigger problems, look! PRiME: Crap, we're out-numbered... alright, scatter, now! Take 'em out one by one and then we can worry about stray missiles!
Speaking of powerful allies, these 3 pilots needed to find some soon, because they were about to do battle with the famed-and-feared 207th Tactical Fighter 'Gryphus' Squadron of the Aurelian Air Force...
(A/N: Don't worry, it's not THAT serious, but it might take 2 chapters, even though this was just meant to take a side chapter. But yeah, not exactly random, if at all, but hopefully a good read if you like ponies in planes, or if you want a story like this except with a little more... story, but I digress! Here's to hoping this comes out well!)
Guys you gotta help me hide this from SOPA! If they find out I made references to Call of Duty: Black Ops AND My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, I’m so dead! I don’t any of that, ok! Nothin’!
Guns, Ponies & Pineapples: A Story Of Nonsense Chapter 4: Waiting To Balance Teams
The 6 ponies all returned, one being noticeably quieter than the others, this one was a more sturdy crimson stallion, I remember John Madden calling him ‘Prime’, so we’ll roll with that until further notice. Blaze turned to Oatmeal, said something to him that probably doesn’t matter, then turned to Prime.
“Jeez, Prime! How long have you been here? You got a Famas already?” the alicorn fawned over Prime’s weapon, to which he responded rather calmly.
“I’d be glad to tell ya if I knew, but I don’t level very fast so if you guys aren’t very high then I musta gotten here a might bit before the rest of ya.” Flippper couldn’t help but chuckle at Prime’s accent being doubled by his host stallion’s vocal chords. Hoping to keep Prime from noticing, Blaze continued to inquire Prime, thinking maybe he had some more answers since he’s been here longer.
“Hmm... whats with the clan tag? What does ‘x73x’ mean? If you don’t mind me asking.” Blaze was worried this question would result in a life story, but calmed down as he realized he had pretty much nothing better to do.
Prime looked up and snickered, “Oh that? Don’t worry, I get that question alot, it’s actually really simple.” And with that, Prime pointed his hoof at a random player in the lobby, and shot 73 Sonic Rainbooms at said player, either removing him from the lobby or ultimately destroying his very existence.
[AERO]TheSTyler was kicked
Or both.
While everypony in a 5 criggen radius tried to recover, Oatmeal walked in from- wait, wasn’t Oatmeal standing right next to Blaze? Ugh, I don’t feel like dealing with this again, forget it! Just keep the story going. So Oatmeal walked and looked pretty hyped up on cupcakes for some reason. “Hey guys check this out!” and with that Blaze shuffled and backed away anxiously.
Rather opposingly to Blaze’s actions, Tehqman leaned closer to the raving pink pony curiously, “What is it? Did they finally patent Super Hawk Vision?”
Oatmeal deadpanned at Tehqman and HOLY CRAP LOOK AT THAT SEMI-COLON!
;
Man that is one smart author for using semi-colons, but yeah Oatmeal was talking.
“Uh, no. But I did find out that cutty marks are buttons!” he pointed at his flank and Edwin walked up very confused from the last paragraph.
“Wait, don’t you mean ‘cutie mark’?” Edwin asked, all the while ignoring the exploding Draconiquis, and the light blue mare with 2-tone white and blue mane spawning in the lobby.
Oatmeal turned around, scratched his head and turned back to Edwin, “Same difference. Besides, I think our cutie marks act as the PS button, try it!” he pressed his hoof against the 3 balloons emblazoned on his fur, and a light-bulb appeared over his head.
Soon, everyone had light-bulbs over their heads, and while they were all busy in their menus exploring, Blaze noticed the envelope symbol on the upper right corner of the screen and went to his inbox. There, he noticed he had gotten a letter from a ‘jaczrwild3’:
Subject: Bored! Message: im tired of lobby hopping, and i see ur online, so invite me!
Seeing this as an opportunity to get the rest of the clan together, Blaze quickly invited jacz, hoping he would get here before the match started, or at least still be online since he got this message a while ago.
-----
As the next match went up for voting, Edwin, Prime, and a few others were busy with small talk, hoping to keep themselves busy.
“So Edwin assumes the other clan is going over well?” Edwin asked Prime, actually eager to hear the endeavors of another group that his friend was in.
Prime stretched his hooves before answering, sitting for this long can really take something out of you. “Well, it’s been mostly smooth, activity’s overall pretty high. They’re a more serious group than you guys, though. I like bein’ able to play with you guys and just kinda mess around, y’know?”
Edwin laughed, “Yep, we tend to be very lighthearted to the point where it’s just silly, it’s hard to find anywhere else though, that’s why I love it.” And right then, another pony spawned in the lobby. A cyan pegasus with a full spectrum mane, well not full spectrum, I mean c’mon, wheres the indigo? But you get the idea, and Oatmeal was the first to point it out.
“Hey look! That player looks like Rainbow Dash! Maybe it’s another clan member!” Oatmeal started to spin-dash before Tehqman quickly stopped him.
“Oatmeal that’s not Rainbow Dash, that’s a puberty chart, those are 2 different things!” said Tehqman, voice shaking in fear of Oatmeal’s sanity.
“Oh...” was all the pink pony could say before he looked 167% of a degree to the left, “Wait there is a pony, for real this time guys!”
Before anyone could try his claim, he was already rolling at top speed towards the possible imposter of Rainbow Dash. By the time everyone else got there, Oatmeal was already chatting away with the pegasus, but both of them looked exited, so there was little tension for the others.
“Hey, it’s jacz!” Oatmeal said, full of excitement and sugar. Flippper looked up and saw the gamertag was indeed ‘[MLP]jaczrwild3’ and were quickly busy away talking about what was most likely ponies. And so it was, Flippper, Jacz, Tehqman, and Edwin were perfectly content in their conversation waiting for the match to start, while the rest were more or less actually thinking about the upcoming match, in a little group of their own.
“Great, so it’s Search & Destroy on either map, so I guess it’s just between WMD and Jungle, and there’s no way I’m dealing with a sniper like Flippper on Jungle.” Blaze said as he marked his vote on WMD.
“Yeah you got a point there, but what if he’s on our team?” said Oatmeal, marking his vote on Jungle.
“I’d rather not take that chance.” Prime said, raising WMD’s vote count another above Jungle’s. “Well I guess that’s it then, S&D on WMD. Since that’s over, I need ta ask you two somethin’.”
Oatmeal, somewhat disappointed in the map choice, humored Prime’s curiosity “What is it? You can ask me anything!”
“Well, it’s just that, y’all are guys, right?” Prime could feel the hair raising on his back as he asked this, contemplating the outcome of this conversation.
“Well, I am!” Shouted Oatmeal, a little louder than usual, even for him.
“As far as I’m aware of, yes.” Blaze said, starting to look at the other group across the lobby.
“Well, if that's the case, then...” Prime stopped for a moment, making sure he knew he was ready to hear the answer to this “...then why’re all of ya mares but me?”
Blaze and Oatmeal tried to come up with an answer, but Blaze’s response would have to suffice “Well it seems to me that we’re characters we like, so gender doesn’t really matter. Besides, you know I’m a guy so keep your eyes off my flank, got it?” as Blaze huffed, Oatmeal couldn’t help his uncontrollable laughter, nor did he want to.
Prime’s face flushed instantly “I wasn’t going to anyway! Thanks for the nightmare fuel, argh...” as the map choice locked in, the 3 looked towards the leader-boards and realized evil lurking within them.
“Um... I don’t know if you guys noticed, but we’re out numbered.” Oatmeal said very flatly.
“No, verily!? Well, no matter, we can still do it. I wouldn’t suggest planting any bombs though, not with Flippper and Edwin on over-watch. Wait, how did we get split up anyway?”
Oatmeal decided that answering this simple question would be much better than taking the pineapple back out, “That’s easy, we aren’t in a party, it’s just a massive coincidence that we’re here together, that’s all.” Blaze didn’t have any time to feel stupid before he heard a very familiar voice echoing across the lobby.
“Ha! Prepare to LOSE Blaze! Especially now that you can’t steal all my kills!” Tehqman shouted extremely confidently from his group.
“You do realize everyone steals your kills Tehq, not just me.” Blaze said, none to threatened by Tehqman’s claims, but still threatened by all the other players on the opposing team.
“He makes a good point, they have 2 campers, 2 strikers, and a wildcard on their team.” Prime said, readying his Famas.
“Wow, that makes me feel confident, oh well...” said Blaze as he reloaded his MP5.
“It’ll be fine, this just shows how much we’ll have to try, besides who cares who wins, this is gonna be awesome!” Oatmeal said, trying to tape a reflex sight to his ballistic knife.
“Uh... you need some help with that, Oatmeal?” Blaze said, looking rather quizzically at the contraption Oatmeal was failing to make.
Oatmeal stared at Blaze unexpectantly “Ask yourself something: Do you really think you can help me with this?”
Blaze sat down, “Good point.”
Prime was the next to walk up to Oatmeal’s frustrations, “Why don’t ya just tie the knife to your gun?”
“But I don’t have any string.” Oatmeal said sadly, his ears flopping to some non-existent beat.
“You could just use the tape.” Prime said matter-of-factually.
“Oh yeah...” Oatmeal seemed in a trance as he said this “...like a bayonet! But what about my reflex sight, I spent good money on this y’know!”
Prime had the perfect answer to this question as well, “Just put it on your primary weapon.”
Oatmeal threw away the reflex sight “Nah, I prefer iron-sights on my M14.”
Blaze shot up at the sight of this “I thought you just said- OW!” he didn’t realize Oatmeal threw the attachment upward. And with that, the lobby timer was up, and the match ready to begin. With Blaze, Prime, and Oatmeal still outnumbered can they pull off a win in Search & Destroy? Should you care? I sure hope so, ‘cuz if not, well I’m out of a job now aren’t I? So yeah you’d better care, I know where you live. Well I can probably find out if I try, but chances are I wont, so... see ya!
Ok, riddle me this, do I look like Hasbro? Do I look like Treyarch of Activision? How about Capcom? Yeah, didn't think so, so don't give me crap about copyrights, lest Luna have to shiv a filly!
Guns, Ponies, & Pineapples: A Story of Nonsense Chapter 5: They've Found the Killstreaks, Celestia Help Us All
Loading game components...
---Round 1---
Search & Destroy! said an extremely manly voice, hey why can't I sound that manly? How much does that guy even get paid anyway? I should go ask him after this, but anyway the teams spawned on their respective sides of the map. It was another snowbound area, but this time there were 3 major buildings: one near the north spawn where the team of 5 were, another closer to the center of the map, and next to it was a more or less shed-like building, running along the western edge, connected to a series of walls that divided the map somewhat into sections. As the match started, the 4 on the southern spawn of the map quickly found cover as they tried to form a gameplan. Well, 3 of them were anyway.
"Ok, we may be outnumbered, but we can still get the jump on 'em." Said an overconfident pink pony, "Besides, maybe that other pony is really awes-"
[MLP]Xlilflippper >>L96A1>> [2th]xX1337DentistXx
Oatmeal didn't bother continuing his train of thought.
"How... the buck... did Flippper get a L96!?" Blaze said as he proceeded to flip out, probably giving away all their positions.
"That doesn't matter! Right now they might be closing in on us as we speak, so we need a plan." Prime said, ever so calmly, tapping into his inner commander as a few other players could be seen creeping into the corner of his eye, "Blaze, scout the perimeter. Oatmeal, take the bomb. Move from buildings and stay away from open areas, Flippper has the outdoors secured as long as he's up there."
"Right, wilco!" Blaze said as he dashed off into the shed area, and noticed as soon as he got there someone poked their head over a pile of metal bars. He managed to avoid a spray of bullets as he took cover behind a forklift. "Hmm... that looked like Jacz, no doubt he's using a SMG too. If I'm lucky he's using dual wield, either way burst fire should put me at a slight advantage WOAH WHAT THE B-" was the last Prime and Oatmeal heard from Blaze for the rest of that round.
[MLP]Tehqman24 >>Stakeout>> [MLP]BlazeHydra
"Heh, you think he likes the new shotty?" asked the iridescent les- I mean cyan pegasus in a fool-hearty tone.
"I know I do!" was all the minty-green unicorn could say as he reloaded his newly acquired weapon. "Alright Jacz, your turn to take point."
The pegasus' arrogance almost instantaneously faded as he shifted nervously "W-what? We just started, do we seriously have to do this now?"
Tehqman's face grew annoyed quickly, "I thought we agreed, switch roles between kills! I know I agreed with someone..." he said, as he stood in plain sight for someone say, on point A?
"Perfect..." said Oatmeal, M14 in hoof, laying prone right behind bomb site A, just out of sight of Flippper's sniper. "Prime, cover me. I'm lining them up as we speak."
It took a while for the colt to say anything, in fact Oatmeal was about to ask him again right before he responded. "Uh... I got some problems of my own right now... I'll get back to ya...
[MLP]PRiME_ENiGMA >>Famas>> [DCRD]ChocoCloud21
...in a sec... oh jeez where'd this come from!" Prime said as a frag rolled in his general direction. Acting on instinct, he decided to try a throw back, even though at his distance it would've been better to run. The grenade got about halfway to the building Prime threw it towards before it went off, dealing a good amount of health off of him.
Right as the grenade exploded, a certain overconfident caped unicorn slid out from the doorway to face Prime, "Ha! Edwin has you now!" he said in an enragingly condescending voice. In one fell spray, whatever was left of Prime's flagging health was there no more.
[TG&P]EdwinprGTR >>Enfield>> [MLP]PRiME_ENiGMA
"Never-mind, I got it then..." a very focused Oatmeal said, lining up his iron-sights with Tehqman, also noting that he has a good shot at Jacz as well. He had time for 4 well placed shots before Flippper noticed where he was.
[MLP]McSqueakers >>M14>> [MLP]Tehqman24
2 body shots and Tehqman was down, and another hit Jacz clean in the leg, causing him to flinch and recoil, dodging the second bullet while doing so. "Great, someone's running around half dead and probably knows where I am, and who knows where Flippper could be right now!" he said, sprinting to the building right next to point A, the same building Edwin is in. With the room cleared, a panting pink party pony creeped his way down the steps, making enough noise for some unicorn of the magician variety to take notice.
Without a moments notice, Edwin heard the steps, but no, he didn't decide to check his back, or move at all. Instead, Edwin decided to monologue. "What's this? Edwin hears something, is someone attempting to assassinate Edwin? Well, whoever you are, you should know that the great and powerful Edwin always comes prepared!" and with that, Edwin raised his hoof so that Oatmeal could clearly see the yellow clicker in said hoof. And then Oatmeal heard a very distinct clicking sound right as he noted the flashing red light below the staircase.
Oatmeal clenched. He heard the explosion. But... the round didn't end? Somehow surviving the imminent explosion, Oatmeal opened his eyes "Huh? Oh yeah, flak jacket." and then took a nice, long look at Edwin, giving just enough time to turn around and see how he failed.
[MLP]McSqueakers >>M14>> [TG&P]EdwinprGTR [MLP]jaczrwild3 >>Semtex>> Mistakes Were Made
You're the only one left! "...The buck?" was all Oatmeal could say, just walking out confused, trying to find out what the buck just happened, when all of a sudden...
[MLP]Xlilflippper >>Claymore>> [MLP]McSqueakers
Black Ops Wins "Was there ever any doubt?" "How did your claymore get me before you did? I was right under you for a while." "Oh, you were? I didn't notice, I'm sorry..." "C'mon, hurry up, I wanna buy the grip for my new Stakeout!" "...Shut up." ---Round 2---
Make this quick and clean! As soon as the match started Blaze, Oatmeal, and Prime immediately took cover behind the nearest wall and watched as a spray of bullets covered the opening in said wall, as well as something else...
"Ok, that's DEFINITELY not making this easier!" Blaze panicked, just after witnessing the death of his team-mate as soon as the match started.
"Calm down!" Prime said, gripping the shaking alicorn's shoulder, "We already know their game. Just stay behind cover and plant at A." As Blaze calmed down, Prime kept his weapon aimed down the western shed, posing as an over-watch for Blaze as he made his way down the corridor next to it. Oatmeal decided to take a different approach, going through the opposite side of the map, and unfortunately, running into a bit more opposition.
Edwin jumped out from behind an oil container Oatmeal was approaching, a look of cold vengeance on his face. "Oho! So you think you can make a foal of Edwin and get away with it unscathed? Well, you've got ano-"
[MLP]McSqueakers >>Knife>> [TG&P]EdwinprGTR
"Ha! No commando my left flank..." Oatmeal chuckled to himself, basking in the glory of his victory, but only momentarily as he knew someone had to be paying attention to their mini-map. So he continued on his way to point A, hoping that Flippper would make the same mistake twice.
"Yo Flip, any sign of 'em yet?" Jacz asked, fiddling with his Skorpions, and coming quite close to making a few more mistakes.
"Um... no, not yet. H-hey, Jacz?" whispered Flippper from atop the tower next to the northern spawn building, turning away from his scope just long enough for Oatmeal to slip right under bomb site A again. "What happened? You know, near the end of last round..."
Jacz smiled sheepishly "Oh, that? Well I wanted to fire a semtex by sticking it to a LAW rocket. But instead of it launching, it just kinda... blew up, heh heh..." his ears perked, and he stood up immediately, "Flip, check the ground! I hear gunfire!"
Flippper had already quickly examined most of the area he could see before finding Tehqman in a tight spot, "Oh no, Tehqman tried charging the spawn, and it's not looking well..."
Jacz was standing on the railing with his wings flared by now "Don't worry! I can fly right to him and back him up! Thank Celestia for these wings." He jumped right down... and fell. He managed to slow his descent by haphazardly flailing his wings, but he still took a crap-load of damage. Oh yeah, and it looked pretty painful too... "Ow... so much for wings... well at least I'm down here. Now I can work on saving Tehqman!"
"Or not... hey Flip, listen change of plan. Tehq's down but while I'm down here I'm gonna secure the perimeter. Cover me ok? Flip?"
[MLP]PRiME_ENiGMA >>Famas>> [MLP]Xlilflippper [MLP]McSqueakers planted the bomb
We've planted the bomb! "All it takes is a well placed burst. Gets 'em every time..." Prime muttered to himself, quite content with his team's current advantage. Now with Flippper out of the way, he felt much safer as he made his way down the center of the map, proceeding to keep an eye on the bomb to make sure it goes off. That's how it would've went at least, except Prime was taking fire!
Pull through, you're the last one! Shooting from behind, Jacz was entirely in Prime's weak-spot. Closing in as fast as he could while maintaining a constant stream of fire on Prime, resulting in a quick, clean kill. Hm, why does that sound familiar?
[MLP]jaczrwild3 >>Skorpions>> [MLP]PRiME_ENiGMA
"Aw, too bad. Next time, try to be a bit quieter." Jacz mocked, his ego getting the better of him just as a pink blur flashed from behind the bomb site.
"Peekaboo!" Oatmeal yelled, unleashing a full M14 clip at Jacz, managing to hook him in the leg, again, and making him double over into prone, avoiding all the other bullets and imminent doom. Again. "Oh, you've got to be kidding me!" crouching back behind cover, Oatmeal resolved to a much more precise attack than spray-and-pray: lobbing grenades.
Still in prone, Jacz crawled towards the bomb site, dodging grenades coming in from angles that shouldn't exist, until he was right on the other side of the bomb site. He was contemplating defusing the bomb while the agitated pink opponent was distracted, until he caught sight of another player creeping in from atop the northern hill. "Uh oh, at this range he'll get me for sure! Wait a sec... oh yeah, how could I forget!"
As Blaze readied his sights, dead on Jacz, preparing to-
[MLP]jaczrwild3 >>LAW>> [MLP]BlazeHydra
...actually, forget I said anything.
Complete the mission, you're the only one left! "Huh?" Oatmeal said, turning his head to the left a tad, completely not deaf from a rocket launcher going off next to him. But right after turning to Jacz, he was completely dead from dual Skorpions to the face.
"No way! Awww yeah! Lone wolf, took out the whole team! Oh man, MVP here I come! Whoooo!!" Jacz boasted, he did this for a good 45 seconds, and managed to get on the complete opposite side of the map compared to where the LIVE bomb was. But no worries, right? He's still got a good 23 seconds, and he can defuse that bomb in 10 seconds flat, he can still pull this off, right? Right? *BOOM*
Everyone stared at Jacz for a few moments when the match started, and Tehqman was the first to come forward. "Friendly fire off? *sigh* Just come charge the spawn with me." He said before leaving, Zap-apple jelly donut in hoof. He was followed out unceremoniously by Jacz, trying not to look anyone in the eye.
[MLP]Steveo8178 joined the game
"Hey did you see that? Somepony joined! The teams'll be even next round, yes!" Blaze nearly exploded twice in excitement, before Prime pulled his head back below cover, saving him from what almost certainly would've been a headshot.
"Ah, don't worry about that now! We've got this round in the bag!" Oatmeal said as he pulled a Hind out of his... pocket? Anyways, he was beaming with pride at his latest conquest of the 4th wall, while everyone else was all but speechless at the sight.
"There are so many things here that shouldn't be justifiable, and yet they are." Prime said, barely able to form words with his mouth still agape at the massive helo sitting before him, "How did you get this? You need like, 10 kills for one of those!"
"Actually, 10 kills gets you a pilot for one of these..." said Oatmeal matter-of-factly, "...and since that's obviously not happening, I'll need a volunteer." He said, locking his gaze upon Blaze, who, within much reason, backed up as if Oatmeal was sitting next to an oven large enough to fit a pony.
"W-what!? Oh, nononono! You remember what happened in Battlefield 3 right?" Blaze signaled for a flashback, and to no avail once again.
"Um... no?" said Oatmeal. Without a flashback, there was nothing to jog his memory.
[2th]xX1337DentistXx >>Commando>> [MLP]Tehqman24
"Well, if you don't remember, then I don't see why not!" Blaze said, putting the oh-so valid facts together as he boarded the cockpit of the helicopter. "So wait, how do you fly one of these?"
[2th]xX1337DentistXx >>Commando>> [MLP]EdwinprGTR
Oatmeal turned away from the gunner seat towards Blaze, "Oh that's simple! The green lever controls altitude, that Street Fighter Joystick (c) controls everything else. All the other buttons do things that autopilot does anyway, so don't worry about those!"
Blaze stared quizzically at the controls "Well that's not very efficient..." he said to himself, getting a feel for the controls, "...ok so he said this green lever is for altitude, so I'll just give that a nudge up here, and... alright! We're in the sky!" getting in the air had convinced Blaze that the REA should their drafters to his doorstep, but just after hitting 700 ft, the helicopter started BARREL ROLLING UNCONTROLLABLY OH SWEET CELESTIA HELP! "What is happening!? This shouldn't be possible!" Blaze yelled, worried he could see a few cracks in the very fabric of reality, wait nevermind that's just the windshield.
[2th]xX1337DentistXx planted the bomb [2th]xX1337DentistXx >>Commando>> [DCRD]ChocoCloud21
The bomb has been planted! "Oh come on!" Jacz said. Ever since the match started he's been running to or from something, and now this. Not to mention the helicopter owning every scientists' soul right above him, and then he looked up. "What the buck... should I shoot it?" he was asking himself, but his immediate shock caused him to lose all control of his volume, and Flippper ended up hearing his query.
"Yes shoot it! It's trying to kill me!" Flippper said, trying to find cover in his high altitude vantage point, now not so very advantageous. While Flippper couldn't find cover, he could still make a few key shots, which is exactly what he did.
"Dammit Blaze, will you stop getting shot! You're getting blood all over the interior, the re-sale value is gonna plummet at this rate!" Oatmeal whined, if you didn't know him, you'd swear he was a Rarity fan.
Blaze snapped at Oatmeal, "Well excuse me! Whenever you're ready to take the wheel, I'd be happy to move!"
"Are you crazy!? I don't know how to fly one of those things!" Oatmeal stared at Blaze as if he was insane, who was quick to return the gesture.
Blaze looked back at the controls, frantically trying to make something happen, "So you're telling me that you had no idea this whole time and- oh buck..."
[MLP]Xlilflippper >>L96A1>> [MLP]BlazeHydra
The helicopter continued spinning, and Oatmeal continued trying to shoot at Flippper, not doing too well either. But Flippper had other plans, his anxious expression made a full 540 to pure, plasma-shattering rage, and bad-flank music began playing from every possible direction, resemblent of the cage Flippper had his victims in as he stared their very souls to submission. "I HAVE HAD ENOUGH! I'M TIRED OF THESE STUPID LITTLE PELLETS FLAKING OFF MY FUR! YOU! YOU DUMB HELICOPTER! I SWEAR TO CELESTIA IF YOU DON'T STOP SPINNING AND MAKING ALL THAT NOISE I WILL FLY UP THERE AND TEAR YOU 5 NEW PROPELLERS TO SPIN WITH DO YOU HEAR ME!?"
The helicopter stopped. It stopped everything. It stopped spinning, it stopped it's engines because they made noise. Out of sheer terror the helicopter couldn't explode because that would be too loud, so it made the most silent implosion imaginable, and then some, taking Oatmeal with it.
Flippper sat, satisfied and content in the new found silence, "Ah, much better..." *BOOM*
Spetznaz Wins "Aw, there was way more time on that bomb!" "How the buck am I at the bottom!?" "Yeah I don't think the re-sale is lookin' too good now..." "I'm scared..." "Well that was boring, I couldn't find anybody." ---Switching Sides---
Guess who's back! Guess who still doesn't own MLP or Black Ops! This guy!
Guns, Pineapples, & Ponies: A Story of Nonsense Chapter 6: Trying New Things
Loading match components...
---Round 4---
Defend the objectives!
Blaze checked the leaderboards, an iconic lightbulb over his head "Hey! What the buck!?" he said, alerting the other members of his team, although probably used to his outbursts by now, "Why is Steveo on the other team? Now it's six against four!"
"Gee, thanks Treyarch..." Prime said, rolling his eyes. He was walking towards a two tiered, windowed building when he turned around, "Hey, Oatmeal? You think you can take overwatch on A?"
Oatmeal yawned "Hm? Yeah sure, just let me set my motion sensor..." he said as he planted the battered looking white canister behind the building, just around the corner a few feet away from point A before climbing the ladder set just in front of the spawn.
Tehqman looked around, noticing the five other players on his team, "Hmm... one, two, three, four, five... uh, hey Steveo? What comes after five?"
A blond maned pony with an orange coat tipped his stetson upward and looked toward Tehqman before sighing in a combination of resignation and disbelief, "Six, Tehq. It goes like 'four, five, six'."
Tehqman stared in awe for a few moments, trying to piece together this revelation before finally speaking, "Holy crap! We got a two man advantage!"
[MLP]BlazeHydra >>MP5>> [MLP]Tehqman24
"Aw buck! They advance fast! Or is it just Blaze?" Edwin said, tossing a miscellaneous item in Blaze's general direction. It proved enough of a distraction for Edwin to make a getaway, but ended up being another loss for the team.
[MLP]BlazeHydra >>MP5>> [DCRD]ChocoCloud21
Scanning the area for any other enemies, Blaze and Jacz caught sight of eachother and exchanged glares for quite some time, neither of them raising their gun, as if trying to shoot lasers out of their eyes. Sadly, this wasn't zombies and there weren't gonna be lasers any time soon. They continued staring intensely for a good 3 minutes.
[MLP]xlilflippper >>L96A1>> [MLP]BlazeHydra
"Hey Jacz!" yelled Flipper from atop a satellite dish that really shouldn't be accessible, but wings and horns really break this game, don't they? Anyways Flipper was yelling, rather annoyed as well, "Try pulling the trigger next time! It works better!" he mocked, Jacz took nothing of it and walked towards the cowboy looking pony, mumbling something to himself about the tears of an overlord or something.
"Hey Steveo, I don't have much time to explain, so I'll make this quick." Jacz said, attempting to reload his weapon, just to realize he didn't shoot any bullets yet, "So pretty much we've been waking up as ponies, pretty sweet, eh? But apparently we're stuck in a PS3 together, because somehow we can access the PS menu and everything, but it's complicated. By the way, did you bring the jar of tears?"
Steveo nodded slowly, trying to process everything he was just told, although you wouldn't be able to tell from the look on his face, a perfect portrayal of general disinterest. "Uh, sure. And yeah I got a jar of tears in my pocket, give me a sec..." he said, pulling a jar out his... pocket... I will never understand how that works.
Jacz unsealed the jar and brought it close to his muzzle, only to toss it aside moments later, "Are you kidding me!? Those aren't tears! They smell like tap water!"
"Wha? Tap water doesn't have a scent!" Steveo retorted.
"Exactly!" Jacz snapped back just after saying that, hearing gunfire inching closer to him. "Crap! Running out of time. Listen, grab a gun, and kill people. We're playing search & destroy, don't worry getting shot doesn't hurt, they feel like nerf darts actually."
"Wait, where do I get a-" as he was speaking, a HS-10 and a Kiparis generated in his hooves, "...well, this is nice."
Jacz stared. He stared at Steveo, and looked rather confused. Then he looked depressed, and not long after enraged, "Lucky bastard! That's not even possible! How could you-" now, as he was speaking, he noticed one of his hooves move involuntarily, and the other get heavier. He looked down and saw he had two different weapons now: a PM63 and a Mac-11. He stared at his own hooves for a while, and could only say one thing before running off like a giddy school girl, "Eat your heart out, Blaze!" Steveo followed Jacz to A, while Edwin decided to take a different route, a very different route.
The bomb has been planted! Oatmeal almost stood up. Prime got pretty jumpy as well, especially since he just saw Edwin run past him. But, that was just the thing, Edwin ran past him, as if he didn't even notice him or Oatmeal as he planted at A.
"Uh... ok? Cover me Oats, I'll defuse." Prime said, walking rather befuzzled to the objective and proceeded to disarm the explosive. *BOOM*
"MWAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHA! Haha... ha? Why hasn't the match ended?" Edwin pondered, he did kill the last of the remaining force, didn't he?
[2th]xX1337DentistXx >>Knife>> [MLP]EdwinprGTR
Apparently not.
"Aw crap! B is gonna have to wait! C'mon we gotta get there before A is disarmed!" Jacz bellowed, almost loud enough to pinpoint his location, but getting his general direction was good enough. He led Steveo through what quite possibly could have been the longest route to objective A in the universe. They had to traverse the entirety of Grid's perimeter to get there. Oh, and let me remind you this match is taking place on WMD. Needless to say they ran out of time by the time they got back to the correct map. *BOOM*
Spetznaz Wins "Eheh heh, so I might've gotten a little lost..." "A little? Yeah, right." "Oh, lookie! A killstreak!" "Killstreaks? Psh, how nooby." "Oh hush, Mr. MLG." ---Round 5---
Guns, Pineapples, and Ponies will be back after these short messages!
Fuck you Baltimare! If you're dumb enough to buy a new carriage this weekend, you're a big enough shmuck to come to Buck Hell's Carriages! Bad deals! Carriages that break down! See! If you think you're gonna find a bargain at Big Buck's, you can kiss my flank! It's our belief that you're such a stupid filly-fooler you'll fall for this bullshit, guaranteed! If you find a better deal, shove it up your ugly flank! You heard us right, shove it up your ugly flank! Bring your tray, bring your timer, bring your wife, we'll fuck her! That's right, we'll fuck your wife! Because at Big Buck Hell's, you're fucked six ways from sunday! Take a hike, to Big Buck Hell's, home of Challenge Pissing! That's right, Challenge Pissing! How does it work? If you can piss six feet into the air straight up and not get wet, you'll get NO down payment! Don't wait! Don't delay! Don't fuck with us! Or we'll rip your nuts off! Only at Big Buck Hell's! The only dealer that tells you to fuck off! Hurry up asshole! This event ends a MINUTE after you write us a check! And you'd better not bounce, or you're a dead mother bucker! Go to hell! Pick Buck Hell's carriages, the filthiest, and most exclusive home of the meanest sons of bitches in the state of Mareyland! Guaranteed!
-----
Are you a stallion, but you're turned off by monster trucks? Have you ever watched the Bridges of Madison County? Have you forgotten how to scratch yourself? If so, talk to your doctor, because you could be one of the ten million colts suffering in silence from the condition known as Coltopause. Coltopause afflicts stallions over the age of 40, and is one of the leading causes of depression, the loss of stallionliness, and the popularity of movies starring Owen Wilson. But there is hope: Girlycoltnomore. Girlycoltnomore has been scientifically, and clinically proven to increase stallionliness. Talk to your doctor to see if Girlycoltnomore is right for you. Girlycoltnomore should only be used as directed by your physician. Possible side effects include death, sudden loss of hooves, temporary disembowelment, rage, clammy hooves, loss of hoof hair, hearing voices, busy signals, extreme attraction to squirrels, and fear of elevators. Girlycoltnomore is not for stallions who are pregnant or who may become pregnant. Do not take Girlycoltnomore if you have hooves, or if you are taking any other medicine. So talk to your doctor, and call 1-800-BANANAS now for a free trial. Girlycoltnomore, also available in a topical creme. But that's just wrong.
-----
Hi! I'm Tim! Love Macintosh computer software but hate reasonable prices? The I've got news for you, jerk! PANIC SALE!
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We're so busy working on new software, we haven't even realized how stupid this is. PANIC SALE?
What's on the menu Garzone? PANIC SALE...
How about Transmit? Only the number one FTP client in the WHOLE FREAKIN' GALAXY! All aboard! ......But tha- *HONK HONK* There's also Candybar, it'll change your stupid icons for you! And what about Unison? You can discuss some of your favorite topics with some of the friendliest people in cyberspace! What's that? You build websites? Now that's what I'm talkin' about! You're gonna love Coda, now YOU'RE gonna build a website, and YOU'RE gonna have a good time! ......Awesome! None of the profit goes to charity, and these're bonafide, fully paid licenses! You'll even get discounts on future updates! Try that with burritos, no way amigo! You've only got three days to take advantage of this amazing offer! And if you're not interested... well then I'm sorry you've wasted your time... P-P-P-PANIC SALE!
We're now back with- oh shit they already started!
---Black Ops Wins--- "Oh god is she gone!?" "What the hell happened!? "I really don't wanna know..." "Where the hell is my... oh god." [r4p3]Molestia69 disconnected
---Round 6---
Spare no one!
"Don't worry guys, I got just the thing to secure a victory!" Blaze said, pulling out a rather futuristic looking walkie-talkie, "Hello? Base, come in... yeah... uh-huh... no, this is Blaze... yeah, can I get a small Delta squad? What do you mean they start at medium!? Well what can I get with 20 bucks?"
Prime looked absolutely bewildered at Blaze's conversation, "Uh... Blaze?"
Said alicorn didn't make much of the situation, probably because he was the one causing it, and simply held a hoof up to Prime "Just a sec! N-no not you! So yeah, all I got is 20... a GIGN squad? What, no way! Look, those guys are french, man, FRENCH! Wait, what? Riot shields? Hm, well can I at least get a roster? Hm.. mhm... really?"
[MLP]Xlilflippper >>L96A1>> [2th]xX1337DentistXx
Remembering the match had actually started, Oatmeal & Prime had decided Blaze was a lost cause and that it'd be best to just try and hunt down the other team themselves.
"Yeah, small GIGN squad... well how much is rush delivery? Yeah, no thanks... so a few minutes then? Well that doesn't sound too bad..."
---A few minutes later---
"Where the buck is my support!?" Blaze said, well more like screamed as he was being shot at be at least 3 ponies, a Pikachu, and a regiment of soldiers from International Civil War III. He didn't remember seeing his allies die on the kill-feed, but they sure weren't anywhere to be found, I wonder where they are anyway?
"Huh... where is everypony?" a highly confused Oatmeal asked, "I mean, there has to be at least 8 of us, but I onlt see you and me!"
Oatmeal's crimson companion had a suspicious looking bag of McDonald's when he replied, "Beats me. Hey, you hear that? Sounds like gunfire..." Prime said, analyzing the distance to where the sounds were coming from, all the while slurping his delicious, and nutritious chocolate milkshake! Oh, wait, nevermind, that's just a cup of barbeque sauce.
Acorde a Fabio, si una persona ese mandas- I mean, Oatmeal turned back to Prime and said "Gunfire? In Call of Duty? ...Nah! But man! There's no one here! It's times like this when I wish this game was rated AO..."
Prime quickly recoiled, "What?"
"What?"
They decided to approach the source of the ensuing gunfight. In an extremely awkward silence.
-----
The bullets were getting through. Blaze was on the verge of religious song and dance, but fortunately he was still expecting a delivery. And here it came. From over a building Blaze spotted some kind of aircraft, he suspected it was just a spy plane, that is, until he noticed it was headed directly for his position, and that the pilot had jumped out of the plane.
Jacz saw the plane heading for him a bit too late, after noticing all his comrades sprinting away from his growing shadow, he looked up, "...Is this some kind of cruel joke?"
Out from the plane fell an armored pony, straight onto the ground in front of Blaze with a resounding *THUD*, and got up like it was nothing.
"How are you not dead..." Blaze asked, that was going to be the only thing he asked the apparent unicorn. But then the fallen pony with the somehow warm, summer-y white coat, unfurled its wings. "...and who are you?"
"Riot shields, dude, they really work!" the cream white alicorn stated, "So, now that that's out of the way... um, whats happening?"
Blaze was getting more and more used to this world by the minute, and was quick to enlighten this newcomer, "Uh, looks like Celestia... I'm gonna take a wild guess and say... Vamp?"
And apparently he was, because he was quick to respond, "How'd you know? Wait... that voice..."
"It's me, Blaze. Now long story short, we're ponies in Black Ops. I have no idea why, I just know we are, and there doesn't seem to be much of a consequential system, so... have fun! But, weren't there supposed to be three of you? Where's the rest of ya?"
Vamp started to ponder that while some indistinguishable figure approached from behind, probably holding some sort of weapon. You know kids these days. "You know, I have no i-" before he could finish his thought, a car came crashing through the wall behind them, running over whoever was behind Vamp and destroying it's engine in the process.
"Crap! The engine's shot!" said the driver of the jeep-looking vehicle, a somewhat smaller white and brown earth pony.
"Don't worry! Someone cover me while I repair the engine!" another white pony said as he hopped out of the passenger seat, pulling out a blowtorch and using it on the front of the jeep, emitting an electric blue glow, much like the color of said pony's mane.
Vamp looked at Blaze, who looked at Steveo, who shot at Blaze, so he decided to look back at Vamp, who started yelling at the pony repairing the jeep, "Cover you with what!? We're surrounded!"
The other white pony looked back, still repairing the jeep, "Oh, I don't know, maybe your RIOT SHIELD!"
Vamp looked over his shoulder, staring at his rectangular piece of super plastic, "Oh, right. Hey! You have a riot shield too!" he said, propping himself in front of the engineer pony, who was just about finished soldering an engine back together with a blowtorch somehow.
"I can't hold two things at once..." the pony said, who actually sounds surprisingly... well, not surprised about the situation he's in, along with the driver.
Speaking of the driver, something in his mind possessed him to respond to the repair pony's comment, "I know Jacz can..." was all he felt he needed to say, and with that, leaned back in his seat while he waited for the repair to finish.
"Done." The repair pony said flatly, possibly in response to the driver's comment, and hopped back into the passenger seat, "Alright get in! Oh buck there's only room for one more."
Before Blaze could make an argument about him and Vamp having wings, Vamp jumped onto the gunner seat and mocked him, "Ha! Called it! So sorry, but sucks to be y-"
[MLP]Tehqman24 >>Stakeout>> [GIGN]vampader2
And just like that, there was suddenly enough room for all of them! So Blaze took a seat on the gunner and nonchalantly gunned down Tehq and tried to do the same to others, but they quickly fleed.
[MLP]BlazeHydra >>Growler ITV>> [MLP]Tehqman24
"Drive!" Blaze yelled, after getting far away enough from where they thought the enemy team was, he wanted to get to know his new team mates while they were alive, "You got a name?" he asked.
"Swagalicious." The driver said as sunglasses materialized on his face.
"Oh hey Leo, glad to see you here..." Blaze said, "...and you?" he turned towards the one in the passenger seat with the static mane, in color and style, as he asked.
"Name's Vegas. MLG extraordinaire. That's all you need to know." He said, an air of seriousness around him, that is, until he got sniped, or as he would say, 'lagged'.
[MLP]Xlilflippper >>L96A1>> [GIGN]VegasSubie
"Uh oh." Was all Blaze could say before he saw Prime & Oatmeal, when an idea came to him.
"So I was wondering if you weren't busy after the match-" and then there was a jeep driving towards Oatmeal.
"Get in!" Said Blaze as he jumped out of the vehicle. Without a second thought they both got in, even though everything in their minds were telling them this was a horrible idea. And after they were in, and Blaze was off and away, Leo noticed figures in the distance and turned on the radio...
---Intense Scene Mode Activated---
POV>>Leo --Radio on! --Alright! One, two, three enemies spotted! --I know there's a sniper somewhere, lets do this!
POV>>Oatmeal --What the hell is happening!? --Wrong game! Wrong Game! --VATS ACTIVATED --What game am I even playing anymore!?
POV>>Steveo --Truck! Coming this way! --Heh, come at me truck, I got a shotgun AND a SMG, I'm gonna kill one of ya! --RAAAAAAAAAAAHHH *GASP*
STEVEO DOWN
POV>>Leo --Everybody out! Last stop! --Cover, cover, I need some! Here! --Buck! Taking fire! But where is he!? --Oh shit, there's two of 'em! --Team stay on your-
LEO DOWN
POV>>Flip --One down, three to go... --Found one! --Alright! Now just- --Someone's in here with me...
PRIME DOWN
POV>>Blaze --Crap... he knows I'm here... --Just wait for him, creep slowly... --...Edwin is here too! --Buck, turn around! Turn around! --Ha! You thought you were just gonna knife me like that!
BLAZE DOWN
POV>>Flip --You let your pride get the better of you, Blaze. --Alright, go search for Oatmeal, chances are he's right below us. --W-where'd you come from!?
POV>>Edwin VS Oatmeal --Flip? Flip! Damnit! --Just you and me now... --How did you get where he is!? --Easy. I'm Pinkie Pie. --Wait... if you're where he was, then... --Yeah. Run. --Shit! Cover, cover! --Heh! Get your knife outta my face! --Hm? You said something about cover? --Aw, and here I thought you were listening to what I was saying! --Either way, you can't get away with just knife kills! --Oh, and Edwin? Wanna learn a neat trick we use in CoD? --What's that? --Martyrdom!
EDWIN DOWN
---END---
And with that, Oatmeal had but a few moments to bask in his glorious triumph in his knife battle with Edwin before the match officially ended, but the match didn't end. Instead, everything just faded to black, no leader board, no post match screen, so it looks like they wont be going back to the lobby after this...
At least, not the Black Ops lobby...
returning to lobby?
(A/N: Thanks for being so patient with me for the latest chapter! No, the series is most definitely NOT ending, I'm just getting started! And what did you think of the ISM (intense scene mode)? I want to clarify the franticness in some parts of my stories, but I really want feedback to help me do it RIGHT, 'cuz I don't want to end up taking away from the reading experience! Hopefully I can update a bit more often the next couple chapters for my stories in general, but don't hold me against that...)