A Time to Think

by The Sonic Mage

Chapter 14: Bed Bound

Had she done this before? Had she been here before? No, she had definitely been here before. But had she done this before? Chrysalis couldn’t seem to answer her own questions. All she seemed to do effectively was lay in bed and stare at the ceiling of the room. She couldn’t bring herself to sleep, eat, drink, let alone move. In what seemed like an eternity ago, she remembered days when her head was filled with the angry, spiteful voice of Thorax, as he berated her for all her faults. Now, all she could think of were the kind words, the reassurance he offered to her, the asking of her opinion, and the general, uncompromising respect he showed her. If she had the power to choose between Thorax’s rage and his kindness, Chrysalis preferred the former of the two. She could understand him being mad, she could understand him being spiteful. But by no means could she understand him showing her mercy.

Most of all, one phrased was repeated in her mind more than any other: “You’re our mother.” Why had he said that? Aside from a few very rare exceptions spread out across hundreds of years of their history, Changeling Monarchs had no blood relation to the subjects they ruled over. So why would he call her “mother”? The question went round and round her mind endlessly.

Then, for a moment, she thought: did they consider her a mother in an “honorary family member” way. She carried that train of thought.

Changeling rulers were comparable to parents or guardians by duty. They aided in the raising of some of the new born nymphs, provided for their subjects (as if they were children), and had a greater presence in the Hive social dynamic and interacted with their subjects more than most Monarchs. By that logic, Thorax would be sort of like a “Father” to the Hive by duty, or at least a caretaker. And that would also make her the former “Mother of the Hive” by duty(A twisted, terrible, tyrannical mother, but still). Was that it? Was that the logic behind it all?

‘No, no, no, no, no. This has to be a mistake. It must be…’

‘It better be.’

Chrysalis remained still, only hearing the voices running around her head.

Suddenly there was something else.

At first she thought it was just the sounds of memories getting jumbled together. But it wasn’t. It was the faint echo of a voice. A new voice. One she didn’t recognize.

‘Ru…ru…ru…’

The echo was saying something, but she couldn’t figure out what it was. She tried to pinpoint where in her mind the voice was coming from. Nothing.

‘Maybe I’m going mad…’ She thought.

Every time she tried to divert her mind, it would just go right back to her activities from the past few weeks. She wanted to hate herself, at this point, she wanted everyone to hate her for all she had done. Yet time and time again, those around her seemed to tell her that “everything’s ok, we still care”.

At some point, Thorax had taken Chrysalis to see a musical. She couldn’t remember all the details. Something about a guy who was a revolutionary, and at some point a treasury secretary. It was fuzzy. What she did remember very well, was the part where the main character was shot and killed in a magic duel by the pony that used to be his friend.

She felt like she was living that moment. That one, singular moment. Like she and Thorax were in a duel. Like she had shot at him with intentions to kill. Like Thorax was intentionally wasting his opportunity to attack, in order to spare her.

It made her feel sick inside.

She was selfish, she never did the right thing. She was brash, arrogant, and impulsive. Why would nobody see that. Why would nobody see that she was a terrible “parent”.

She curled up into a ball on her bed, tears coming into her eyes, as rocked back and forward. Only a few words left her lips.

“I’m not a good parent. I’m not a good parent. I’m not a good parent. I’m not a good parent.”

Author's Note:

I made another reference in this chapter.
Hopefully some one gets it.

Also, Loveless, do tell me if I implemented the logic we discussed well in this chapter.
I will preform edits if necessary.

Comments

[Macdaverin]

Aww, poor Chrissie.

[Loveless]

You did well, dear. Thank you for using my theory. Now, my ship can continue. (Father and Mother of the hive)

[MLP-Violet-Star]

Pretty sure the musical is a Hamilton ref. Nice fic!

[The Sonic Mage]

9556700
Oh my god, someone got it!
Yes!
Thank you, friend!