The awakening of a pony named Idol Hooves Part 1 (Proof read by Vdrake)
I found the tension of anger and displeasure playing the chords of my heart again today.
This feeling of frustration has grown since the wedding two weeks ago, and I’ve been feeling restless everyday since. Feelings and urges I only ever tasted or heard about began surfacing with such intensity I almost requested a day off to gather myself.
Topaz is at a lost as well, but has been unable to fully assist me beyond mere listening and offering possible solutions. She’s been dealing with her own problems as of late involving Nymph and her mother. Upon further inquire and to my horror learned of Nymph’s accidental reveal to Viridian, and while she has assumed the incident a dream, as been unwilling to visit.
All of this only compounded until it sat unsecured upon my shoulders, and I am terrified of it all. Terrified of this unknown and what it could bring on my family.
Just two weeks prior I wouldn’t have described my living arrangement with Topaz and Nymph in that way. We have been roommates, landlord and tenant that interacted on a regular basis, but now I couldn’t see us as anything else. How much they mean to me.
Order above, how can I juggle all these conflicting sensations while trying to make sound and logical decisions without compromising the integrity of my station?
“Sergeant Hooves! I must speak with you!”
This request came in between fits of aggressive knocking and repeating the statement.
I rubbed sides of my head In preparation to meet the pony I’ve become acquainted with for the past 12 days. I may find her approach somewhat irritating, but I can’t deny the drive she exhibits in her daily duties is noteworthy. A green recruit in terms of years, but a vulnerable veteran when it comes to work ethic.
I rubbed the sides of my head one more time.
‘Order, what’s happening to me?’ I asked myself while the tingling of magic flowed over me, replacing the hated changeling with the form everypony knew.
“Enter.” I commanded, wincing at how rude it sounded.
The door opened with the politeness of a foal eating free sweets.
A single mare strolled in, her armor holding none of the shine of a properly cared for armor set. The look reminded me of a stage prop than guard armor, but I knew the condition was more from a lack of time because of the constant field use.
She stalled just short of my desk, not even bothering to offer me a salute.
“Sergeant Hooves! I might have found more changelings!”
She told me, nearly leaning on my desk in a manner that weeks ago would have earned the mare a recap of the Guard Manual. Now, I couldn’t even bring myself to address her behavior, instead I raise a hoof in a flicking manner.
She caught the meaning and took a step back from the desk, returning to an ‘at ease’ posture. Even without sampling her emotions, the tension rolling off her was like a fog, thick and heavy; she stood in the midst of this fog, waiting for the word I couldn’t give.
Her assumption of changelings still lingering in Canterlot while justifiable were completely unfounded. My own searches, and those of the few exiles that called Canterlot home had turned up no changelings from the hive; it doesn’t mean there aren’t any, but the likelihood was very low.
Now to change the conversation.
“Private Running Wild. When was your last day off?” I asked, watching as her muzzle shifted between a look I would call disbelief and maybe betrayal.
Actually, the spicy flavor I was tasting told me it was more likely anger than betrayal.
“But Sergeant!” She abandoned her position to invade my space until her muzzle was only a hoof away. “Changelings are still roaming Equestria. Maybe even Canterlot itself and you want me to take a break?”
“Yes.” I reached out with my hoof and gently pushed her back until she got the hint and got off my desk.“Take a break Running, you’ve earned it.”
“But Idol!” She tried to argue, but quickly stopped that by raising my hoof again.
“Private Wild. You were one of the first to respond during the invasion and have selflessly worked nonstop since.” her jaw muscles tighten as she fought the urge to speak as her eyes followed my hoof, watching as I opened the top drawer of my desk.
I felt her surprise first before seeing her eyes widened as I placed a little white box on the desk. The little box held no markings except for one emblem on top, a sword with two crossed spears behind it.Her reaction only told me she knew what the box meant and what it was likely within.
She deserved it and I was happy to be the one to present it.
“The Princesses hope you will enjoy your three days of leave Specialist Wild.”
I could see the conflict racking her body as she battled the urge to reach for the box that held the marks of her advancement, all while trying to maintain whatever imagine she was trying to project.
“...cept this.” Running found her voice, and to her credit fell in line with the personality I’ve come to know. Still, my orders were clear and as a guard in her highness’ service, we all had to do our duty.
“Declining is well within your right Running…”I stole a glance at the complimentary clock my office provided “...if you hurry, you could make the ending of Day court.”
“Whoa whoa, What!?”
I nodded as I motioned toward the little box.
“To contest your promotion and forced leave of absence in the pony.”
Her mouth fell open as she forsook her already relaxed stance. I waited quietly to give Running a chance to speak up about the opportunity when she suddenly lurched forward and snatched the box from my desk.
“I accept their highnesses’ most gracious generosity.” She said while giving a salute, box still in hoof.
“Good. I was worried I would have to write a letter.” That sparked her interested just as I was told it would, now to cook while the burner was still hot.
“What letter?”
“I can’t say without violating my orders, but all I can say is the princesses have taken notice of your dedication.”
The admission wasn’t what Running had expected to hear as her stance tightened up enough to pass a basic inspection. Feeling the air also told me that the lingering spice in the air had tapered off to a mild mix of agitation and possibly glee?
“When should I report back Sergeant Hooves?”
“You’re to return this Thursday for your next duty assignment, but given the workload there's a chance you might have to wait until Monday.” She looked ready to say something else, but resigned to a more formal reply.
“Thank you Sergeant . The princesses too.”
“With your new found free time, would you be interested in some suggestions? I hear the Canterlot Symphony is performing an original performance…”
My time in this city has exposed me to a world no changeling would ever know. One of these was the privilege to witness the day transitioning into the restless night.
Her highnesses have always been generous to let me witness this process; I have made the utmost effort to return every evening just to watch this quick, simple, and purely breathtaking display of divinity. The princesses had even extend an invite to Topaz and Nymph one time, but unfortunately nothing came of it.
Topaz claiming the university demanding too much of her time until a replacement Headmare can be found, while Nymph never really expressed interest. A shame, but maybe for the best.
I watched as Celestia’s sun finally reached the limit of its intended trajectory, and on agreement with Luna, in the next seven minutes would retire to allowing the moon its chance to shine.
With Princess Luna’s return, the whole exchange evolved into something more than the changing of day into night- it became about the two sisters. Celestia and Luna, from my own observations would meet ten minutes early to trade secrets and gossip they had gathered from the castle staff.
Watching from my spot on the grass, I had previously attributed this daily meeting was to keep current with what little time they had. This belief, like everything else these past two weeks had been altered. To watch their highnesses now, I have come to understand this transition is more than a duty, but an opportunity to share their time with a loved one.
The sky lost its extraordinary blue hue in favor of the subtle oranges and violets that marked the end of another day and the beginning of a new night. Princess Celestia even seemed a bit happier tonight than the previous days by how she slightly bounced back and forth between her left and right hooves.
Princess Luna wasn’t as..bubbly, but her mane shone with a fine brilliance a master craftspony could only dream of creating.
“Idol.” I looked up to find the gazes of Celestia and Luna. The transfer of duties having been completed while I was retrospecting, they were now focused on me.
“Yes, your Highnesses.” I found my legs and came to attention, giving off the practiced salute sharpened over a decade of refinement. The two shared a look I learned meant plotting minds in motion.
“At ease, Sergeant Hooves.” Celestia returned the salute, doing nothing to hide her smirk at the use of my new title. The act held no ill intent, but I found the strangest feeling forming in the pit of my chest, similar to how I might compress clay into a ball before shaping it.
I felt my magic instinctively acting own its own, a changeling trait that helped with blending in. I knew it was happening but I didn’t know what exactly the magic was doing until Princess Luna pointed at me.
“His fur is bristling sister!”
That grabbed my attention, and suddenly I was back in the courtyard closest to Luna’s tower. I found night had fallen and my lieges were watching me with an unfamiliarity that left me feeling worse than before.
“I didn’t mean to, your highnesses. I..I don’t know what took hold of me.”
I truly didn’t, and that worried me. Yet, to my continued amazement of the extent of pony kindness, the princesses neither sneered or take great offence to my display of defiance. Instead, they expressed a great deal of concern which I’m not worthy of receiving.
“Idol.” I gulped at Celestia’s use of my name as she took a step forward. “Are you feeling well?”
I wanted to tell her yes just to ease her worry, to see her happy and radiant smile once more. As a guard, this logic suited my duty well, but to do so would mean to lie and betray the trust the princesses placed in all of their guards.
I couldn’t rightly justify such a lie.
“I’m unsure your highness...Celestia, and Luna.” Why I used their names I have no explanation for it, other than it felt right. They shared a look before moving closer until they were standing in front of me.
“Tell us, what ails thee friend?” Luna asked.
To the untrained, her muzzle retained the air of authority that commanded complete subjugation, no questions. My time spent in her service gave me a certain knowledge only a select few were privy to, her facial features were off slightly and not nearly as sharp.
She was truly worried for my well being, and as unworthy I considered myself found the sentiment comforting.
“What ‘ails’ me I can’t fathom beyond mere speculation.” Thinking back, I did notice symptoms manifesting just over one week ago.
My admission left the sisters pondering what it could be.
I had similar thoughts the moment I began noticing the changes, mostly if it were contagious. Worried about it possibly spreading I suggested Topaz and Nymph stay at Virdian’s place so I may confine myself within my chambers. To my surprise, and fear they did not. Worried for my well being at a lack for their own.
Later that night, I asked Topaz if their refusal was partly due Virdian’s fright during the invasion…
“Perhaps it’s fatigue from his duties, Celestia? He continuously does more than a single pony ought to do with so little rest.”
“True sister, but Idol has always been reserve to a fault. Maybe, I shouldn’t have rushed such a responsibility on you so quickly.”
“Neither princesses,” I stated. Neither of them were responsible, and therefore didn’t need the blame. “Physically, I am fine. Mentally I am not sure.”
This sent them into a quiet discussion behind Luna’s left wing. I couldn't hear what was being discussed since it is a private conversation and I wasn’t invited. But by how much they kept peeking at me from behind Luna’s wing left me wondering what I did to deserve this much attention.
Maybe my condition was a possible security threat?
The thought made sense with Captain Shining Armor and Princess Cadance away on their honeymoon; eating honey under moonlight did sound appealing to me, but I didn’t recall seeing them bringing any honey. Maybe it’s a place that serves honey only at night?
“It’s decided than?”
“Yes, sister. I’ll began the arrangements immediately.”
My wanderings ending, I found myself back in the courtyard with the princesses. Luna was taking flight as Celestia took one step closer to me.. what was that?
“You’re tense Idol.” Indeed I was.
Perplexed as I was, I wouldn’t show any disrespect to her highness and so I forced myself to relax. What caused this reaction from me?
“Idol.” Celestia said once more, her tone heavier than before.
“Princess, I’m sorry! I meant no disrespect by…” Her magic clamped my mouth shut.
“Idol.” I felt all tension and emotions leaving me in that moment. Celestia must have noticed this change, for head tilted slightly to the left before stopping her magic.
Silence reigned for a period, and for the first time since my exile I was thankful for it; with this sudden incursion of emotions infiltrating every fiber of my being, I couldn’t think or act properly without second guessing myself.
Weeks before, I was a simple guard doing my duty to the best of my abilities, but now my thoughts ran amok at the slightest unknown. Before It was about molding clay and...
“...ys off.”
“I’m sorry princess?”
“I said, by my decree, you’re to take the next three days off.” her knowing smile in full view.
I didn’t..couldn’t say anything.
Years in her service left me conditioned into a routine I found comforting in a world all too ‘free’. Receiving a day off was to forfeit one’s self to the chaos of creating your own order. A task had (to a great extent) avoided so well during my enlistment, and suddenly in one year took almost seven days off.
Without the constant clarification of a duty roster, my mind wandered more often than I would like. Random thoughts like taking Nymph to school or how many cups of the caffeinated drink known as coffee I could drink in one sitting?
“Perhaps I would resume my clay work? Maybe. Perhaps I should wait until another time, or at least until…I’m wondering again.”
I stood at attention and gave the princess a salute.
“By your command, Princess.” I dropped the salute and nearly fell over in shock when she came closer and pressed her cheek against mine.
“It’s for your own good.” She whispered to me, before retreating back. “Luna needs to see you before you retire for the night.”
“Thank..you.” I squeaked out, Celestia gave me the smallest of smiles and a nod before turning to take flight as well.
“You’re a good pony, Idol. You have many friends and loved ones willing to stand by you if needed.” And then she took flight, leaving me alone with my thoughts in the courtyard.
“Friends?”
The concept was Princess Celestia’s favorite topic to lecture, and frequently discussed it with individuals given the proper moment. Her student had taken well to Celestia’s subject, so much so, Twilight wrote weekly about her discoveries in the field of friendship.
Scholarly discussion between two ponies is fine, but coupled with a closeness usually reserved for family renewed talks of a possible lineage between the two. I knew this wasn’t true but how young Twilight idolized her teacher and Celestia doing nothing to quell these rumors didn’t help.
I’m rambling again.
“I shouldn’t keep Luna waiting any longer.”
An idea and desire struck me that moment. One I never done myself but heard before to express their displeasure or annoyance of a given situation.Following the traditions of the ponies, I forced a huff of air into my lungs in preparation.
Planting my forehooves half a hoof further apart than normal, I exhaled the air from my lungs, by saying the sacred words reserved only for the most special of circumstances.
“Buck me.”
The security around Luna’s hall had nearly doubled since The Queen’s failed usurpation.
Since my temporary command of the Day Guard(based on experience) I had tried my hoof at increasing security measures without compromising our operational effectiveness. One of these measures were to stagger the Day Guard so half would begin just after breakfast.
This was dropped after a three day trail.
To the Night Guard’s credit, they rose to the task admirably given their lower recruitment pool. This meant all available ponies have been performing double shifts more frequently than their Solar counterparts, partly because of Princess Luna’s guilt.
This guilt is partly my fault since it was my idea to expose her highness to that parchment and quill adventure simulation. Because of this, I offered my services.
Her reaction wasn’t ‘royal’ like, but I felt more than enough sincerity from her to know my help was certainly welcomed. Since that day, I’ve walked the line between Day and Night so frequently I found myself equally welcomed in both Guards.
This unnatural enlistment I found myself a part of didn’t conflict with my normal routine, but instead supplemented my duties with an occasional request or need from me. It was by Luna’s request I was walking these halls, trying my best not to disturb the mares and stallions enduring their long shifts.
I nodded at two thestrals I met twice prior as we passed, lethargy weighing down their wings and shoulders as they staggered to each leg. I noted similar postures from the ponies having to stand guard trying to fight off the mischief of stillness.
Now, I made a great effort not to disturb the Night Guard while they worked, but like many experiences in life, there were always exceptions.
She had heard my hoofsteps long before I made the turn, and as per ritual established two weeks prior she shook her head left to right; as per ritual, I showed my appreciation with a nod before continuing on.
‘There’s always tomorrow.’ I told myself, as per ritual.
I had attributed Mothchaser’s disappearance to an increased workload, but for the last few days I began pondering the possibility she was avoiding me. Each night I hope to speak with her, and each night became a repeat of the previous.
‘Why would Mothchaser be avoiding me?’ I found the thought troubling in several layers, each more unsettling than the last.
Maybe she had discovered I’m a changeling and was hunting me? I swivelled my head back and to my trepidation didn’t find the threastal mare I had just greeted, but an empty hall.
Where did everypony go?
Why was it so dark…
Was it because I turned down her sock?
This whole having feelings business is too complicated for my understanding. How Cadance found enjoyment in its intricate workings of love and its cohorts I couldn’t comprehend. It’s one of the many reasons I found the routine of the guard to be comforting in a world in constant flux.
The weighted hoof of a Night Guard had planted itself firmly on my own chest plate, forcing me to a complete stop; once I had done so did the threstal stallion lower his hoof down. I glanced to his partner for the night, who only gave me a side glance before resuming her own duties.
“Hello Sergeant Hooves. We weren’t expecting you so soon after your promotion. Are you here to see her highness?” spoke the stallion.
“Weighted Wings, Evening Flame.” I nodded to each before addressing the question. ”I am indeed.”
They shared a look before returning their attention to me. I found myself unable to stand still as the pair studied me for any hint of falsehoods in my questioning and mannerisms...
“You seem jumpy? Are you alright?” Weighted asked with some concern, while his partner remained stoic, but alert.
“I’m feeling feeble as of late.” I told them, sad at having revealed a weakness of mine.
“Sick?” Weighted glanced to his partner and wife who returned the glance before staring straight ahead once more.
I nodded as a need to find and hug Topaz and Nymph consumed my thoughts. These urges for physical displays of affection, like everything else wrong with me were becoming more frequent. It was taking more and more to fight the urge to reach out and wrap my legs around the stallion’s withers.
Thanks to my training I prevailed and only gave him a nod of confirmation.
“Princess Luna believes she can combat this affliction, and has requested my presence.”
They offered me a moment of silence to silently review my statement,and I was thankful for it. I didn’t want to discuss this any more than I had to while I fought to maintain control. It was Evening Flame that broke this pax by knocking twice, pausing for two and a half seconds, and knocking once more before opening the door.
“Go.” She commanded. The word barely a higher pitch than a whisper.
I waited until Weighted gave me his own consent to proceed.
Before heading in, the urge from earlier to reach out and hug them came back, and this time I didn’t fight it. I compromised, and placed a hoof on his shoulder.To his credit, he didn’t flinch from the unexpected contact.
“Thank you. Both of you.”
“You are most welcome Idol. Flame and I wish you well.”
I returned the words of good fortune and was about to leave when Flame ‘spoke’.
“She’s hurt Idol. Speak to her.” My instinct told me it was one of the princesses, but the longer I thought about Flame’s words I found myself knowing that wasn’t the case.
I felt guilt and stupidity once I realized who that mare is.
“I will Flame.”
“Go.”
And I did just that.
In the two weeks since my last duty assignment (guarding her door), Princess Luna’s room had undergone some renovations.
Magic infused candles that had once lined the upper length of the walls had been replaced with the modern convenience of magic bulbs. Four of these magic bulbs were the expensive variety that allows a pony to adjust the light’s brightness and dimness with a dial. These lighting devices while common in higher institutes like Celestia’s School for the Gifted, and Canterlot University- Canterlot Castle has largely fallen behind.
Ironically, the ‘old fashioned’ princess is the one keeping up with the times.
The few candles not replaced were relocated to a chandelier now hanging over the table, but not our table. This new table resembled a desk missing the upper storage compartment, and was carved from a mountain. The actual table and legs were roughly the thickness of a Minotaur's bicep.
Ignoring the massive ornate moon carved in the center, in the correct lighting, a pony could see original star configurations etched into the sides of each leg. I moved closer until I was standing next to it, mesmerized by its size and the craftwork that went into the creation of this example.
“It arrived a fore night ago.” I turned to the corner nearest the door and found Luna as she separated herself from shadows.
I fought the urge to shiver wondering if she had taught the thestral this or learned it from them? Why would a thestral need such a skill...
“You shiver Knight Hooves. Should we light a fire?” Indeed I was.
“I..a glass of water will suffice.” It wasn’t the temperature that bothered me, but I couldn’t bother her over trivial matters.
Her ears perked up, but her face remained unchanged as she processed my request before levitating a pitcher and a glass onto the table. She extended a hoof towards the table as two pillows fell on opposite ends.
“Please, let us continue in some comfort. Dost thee fancy some nourishment before we start?”
“Thank you Luna, but the water is more than enough for me.” and I really mean it.
“Very well Idol. Let us proceed.”
Following her lead, I took the pillow closest to the pitcher and glass, as Luna took the one across. A muffled hissing captured my attention and found three pieces of parchment, a jar of ink and a quill that resembled one of Philomena’s feathers carefully levitating to the table.
Luna wetted the quill tip with her tongue before dipping it into the ink; wiping the excess off on the jar before scribing something onto the parchment with an elegance only a princess could achieve. I only heard my worried breathing as the quill floated over the parchment with a swiftness and quietness..well...unheard of.
“Idol.” The quill stopped, and she looked up. “Explain to us, when did the symptoms first manifest?” She dipped the quill in the ink once more as I went over the details in my head.
“To start your highness…”
“Please Idol, Luna is acceptable.” I wanted to fight it, but held my tongue and continued.
“To start..Luna. I found myself noticing three days after our session, around the second lunch call, I was eating…” I stopped when she tapped a hoof against the table” It was lunchtime.”
“And how did you notice...” she twirled her left hoof in thought for a moment before placing back down. “...notice this aliment. In our vision, your health seems fine, but Celestia notes an increase in your emotional state.”
“I found the food..lacking.” There was a snapping, and thought I might have popped the pillow, but realized pillows don’t pop. They spill.
“Pardon us.” Luna asked as she discarded the quill somewhere to her left. “Thy taste were hampered…” she said more than asked, before searching for a quill not snapped in two.
“The food tasted bland. I tasted something other than love…”
“Tis our understanding Guard food is made with love, as it is made with good food.”
That remark caught me by surprise. In all my spent time with Luna, I’d never heard much in form of comedy. Usually, the jokes were reserved for me because of my quirks or the other guards tell me. But what made her comedic statement vastly different was how I felt the sensation that follows after drinking one of those fizzy drinks.
I lost control of the breathing after that as my chest began hurting. To my horror and slight amusement found it enjoyable as my chest inflated and deflated so rapidly I couldn’t breath.
Instead of panic, the princess followed suite and joined me.
“You jest with Us!” I noted the mirth in her voice carried as she batted a wing at me.I tried to affirm that I had enjoyed the mild attack of our food, but found the formation of words difficult when having muscle convulsions.
“Our jab was not funny, but nonetheless we appreciate the gesture.” I was trying to control my laughter using the breathing technique Topaz showed me.
“Breathe in. breathe out.” I mentally recited the chant as I fought to regain control of my mind and body.
The exercise itself didn’t provide any real benefits, instead acted like a checkpoint slowing down my body while providing a focus for me latch onto.
This distraction was greatly needed and became a therapeutic like massage for my mind, washing away the stress and uneasiness that had largely been left unchecked. This isn't to say I had done nothing to curve its accumulation, far from it.
Many activities that have been praised for their relaxing nature, like going with co-workers for a drink or taking Nymph to the park I partook in.
A drink with my fellow guards did little besides drain my bit pouch and provide me with knowledge about them I shouldn’t be privy to. While escorting Nymph to the park wasn’t exciting, it did dig up questions and allegations from the parks residents I couldn’t answer. Claiming your ‘niece’ dyed her fur every day isn’t the best excuse given how expensive certain dyes are to buy, especially for a foal.
What I found to be the biggest surprise this time was how well I was feeling.
A little bit of laughter followed by a soothing chant and suddenly, I found my ability to think. If laughter really is the best medicine, than I may have to seek out the pink baker and in the pony and thank her for my earlier diagnosis of needing more smiles.
“You’re welcome!”
I cease everything in that split second.
The shroud dulling my senses during my trance was removed, returning me Luna’s bedroom. A changeling’s greatest asset was their ability sense raw emotions of another creature, whether it was for collecting love or gauging a potential threat
I was feeling a desire to lash out and crush, and to my surprise was coming from the other end of the table.
Her highness still sat across from me with another broken quill in her magic, while her muzzle had been contorted into a shape I guess could be agitation… scratch that.
IT WAS RAGE. The feeling so thick with intent I was almost choking on it, making it harder to keep the fin along my neck from rising in respo… oh.
“You…” I gulped just in time, for a second later I felt the crushing sensation of Luna’s cold magic around my neck.
“You who haunt their dreams and stalk their shadows!"
“Wai…” The magic clamped harder around my throat, cutting off my ability to speak.
“Silence.” Luna commanded.
Rising from her pillow, Luna cautiously moved around the table one leg at a time. Her eyes in constant motion looking for any hints of a potential ambush that would never come.
I could only watch while her body readied itself to chase after shadows and conjurings of her mind. I tried telling her there is nothing but a lack of light in the corners, but her grip left me capable of little else than some choking but mostly struggling.
Luna leaned in, her muzzle just a nose away from mine…
“You foolish and ill-advised creature…” She backed to watch me as I struggled for bigger gulps of air. While doing so, I tried reaching for her with a hoof but she leaned in to quickly slap it away.
“You nearly ruined my niece’s wedding, but above all…” she pinned my head to the table, I could feel her breath next to my ear as she whispered “...purposely assaulted my little ponies.”
She relaxed her grip around my neck, allowing me some much needed air. Seeing an opportunity to explain myself I tried calling out her.
“Pri..ss…” Luna clamped harder around my neck.
“We are not your Princess, monster!” she emphasized this by pressing my head harder against the table. This table’s resilience is admirable.
While making my acquaintance with the table, I noted the princess left my side for the comfort of her own. It wasn’t the way Luna walked but how she presented herself in this manner, and for the second time in my life I felt fear.
The first, hearing that the Queen had summoned me. The second time…
Her highness Luna radiated with an anger never seen before. Wisps of silver hued magic leap off her withers and wings while her mane had taken on a form more like Celestia’s mane.
Instead of the singular cloud of endless energy, her mane split, parted, and levitated individual strands high into the air; no single strand of mane touched or intertwined with another, each keeping to their space as threads of magic traveled the length.
Intimidation more than trepidation held my tongue as I did my best to ignore the unsettling rage directed at me. I had given up on doing anything that the princess may take offence to: breathing was high on the list at the moment.
I felt my carapace rattle as Luna peered into my very being with those voidless eyes.
“You will tell us everything before we enact judgement. Dost thee understand?”
I tried to answer, but resorted to nodding yes when the magic around my neck silence my attempt.
“Good.”
Her magic loosen up allowing me my desperate gulps of air and enough movement to sit up. I matched her gaze with my own, just with less hate and more fear, before telling Luna everything. My life in the hive: meeting topaz, joining the guard, my fears, my regrets, but above all my secrets.
All of them, the ones Topaz knew about and the ones she didn’t.
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I noticed several incorrect tenses, some missing and stray punctuation, and a few other errors.
Off the top of my head, "Topaz is at a lost as well" should be "loss", there was an "exchanged" that should just be an "exchange", and a stray ")".
In terms of content, this is probably going to go well for Idol and poorly for Luna. After all, he can prove he is who he says he is, and Luna assaulted him for being himself.
Oh I look forward to the next part
Thinking about it, could the Queen's Orders have been expunged?
9848279
Thank you for the feed back, your observation was one Vdrake noticed as well. I’ll be making rounds on this chapter again over the next couple of days.
9848330
It’s not that the orders have been expunged but severely weakened.
You're ending it there!?
this is a great continuation from the last chapter great job Luna would be the disciplinary pony and would be best to bring judgment upon idol and will be the most merciful. good job,
The truth will (eventually) set you free (maybe)!
What a cliff, we nearly dove right off it!
Poor Idol, so conflicted, such mess.
Keep going! ;)
so Idol is truly found out.
the next part is going to be super interesting.
Nhuu! I should have stopped reading until last chapter. Danmit! Now I want to dig up the next one somehow.
In addition to the other errors already noted (especially incorrect tenses):
"become acquaintanced with" should be "become acquainted with".
"complementary" should almost certainly be "complimentary" meaning "included" or "free", as "complementary" means "complements" or "goes well with".
“Whoa whoa, What!?” I nodded as I motioned toward the little box. - this needs a line break, as it otherwise suggests that Idol is the speaker.
"as she forsaken" should be "as she forsook", if you really want to use the archaic term.
"this moment everyday" should be "this moment every day".
"To watch their highness’ now" should be "To watch their highnesses now" (plural, not possessive).
"I looked up to and find the gazes of Celestia and Luna." - delete "and"
"The transfer of duties having been completed while I was retrospecting, and were now focused on me." - replace "and" with "they"
"A blinked for clarity" should be "I blinked for clarity".
"my chargers were watching me" - "chargers" should be "lieges" (not "charges", since he owes them his fealty.)
"partly do Virdian’s fright" should be "partly due to Viridian's fright".
"a quieted discussion behind Luna left wing." should be "a quiet discussion" and "behind Luna's left wing."
"failed usurp" should be "failed usurpation".
"This unnatural enlistment I found myself apart of" should be "a part of" - "apart of" has the exact opposite meaning to the one intended!
"I had contributed Mothchaser’s disappearance" should be "attributed", as "contributed" indicates that Idol is the cause.
"swilved" should be "swivelled".
"tredipadation" should be "trepidation".
"threastal" should be "thestral".
"love and is cohorts" should be "love and its cohorts".
"clean the air" should be "clear the air".
"combat this infliction" should be "combat this affliction", unless Idol knows that the ailment was done to him purposely.
"discuss this anymore than I had to" should be "discuss this any more than I had to".
"barely a pitch higher than a whisper" should probably be "barely pitched higher than a whisper", as "pitched" can be used metaphorically to indicate volume but "a pitch" would normally only indicate a note.
"the expensive one" should be "the expensive ones" plural.
"brightness and dimness of with a dial" - delete "of".
"tunneling into my forethought" should be "tunneling into my thoughts".
"Does thee fancy" should be "Dost thee fancy".
"Thank Luna" should be "Thank you Luna".
"and found three pieces of parchment, jar of ink and a quill" should be "and I found three pieces" and "a jar of ink".
"leavitating" should be "levitating".
"I expected a princess could only achieve" should be "I expected only a princess could achieve"
"you’re health" should be "your health"
"You jest us!" should be "You jest with Us!"
"she batted a wing at us." should be "she batted a wing at me." There's only one pony present other than Luna: Idol, and he's not royal.
"set across me" should be "sat across from me".
"amateurishly shaped that looked like rage" should be "amateurishly shaped to look like rage"
"readyed" should be "readied".
"princess monster" should be "Princess, monster!", although Luna is being a bit of a princess monster in this scene. :)
"pressing my harder" should be "pressing my head harder".
"her mane taken on a form" should be "her mane had taken on a form"
"Do thee understand" should be "Dost thee understand"
"resorted to nodded yes" should be "resorted to nodding yes".
Are you sure this was proofread? :)
9851783
Well done Xanni.
9851783
Thank you for the edits. You didn't have to, but its much appreciated.
For Luna's speech, I (Vdrake as well) envision Luna able to speak the modern language very well but lapses into a hybrid of old and modern when comfortable. This is mostly in private settings.
9853018
Sure, but it should at least be gramatically correct!
9848716
Hopefully the freedom won't be his head from the rest of his body, ack!
Still, Luna seems to be the one that would be best to be the impartial judge of Idol's fate. And despite the rocky start, I think she would also realize that having, effectively, a double agent would be a boon that will probably not happen again if she casts him to the abyss. And through Idol, they might also "recruit" or at least patriate the other willing exiles to Equestria's flag.
Oh yes, but oh no.
ooooh... [bleep!].