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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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be careful with what you wish for, any chance we can go back to the part where NIGHTMARE FUCKING MOON didn't show up and wreck the hero's collective shits. If not then I'm looking forward to the story of how she had enough humans to form an army along with arm them to be able to be a threat and is this season 1 nightmare moon or did something corrupt luna into her. Maybe celestia is corrupted as well. Everything I know about this story just got flipped upside down.
9812484
Afraid not. Honestly it was only a matter of time.
Yeah! All twenty of them!
Great questions! Thanks!
Really? What did you think was going to happen when they opened the portal?
Hmm...
Meadowsweet, if there's one thing I can say about you, it's that at least your moronic nature is consistent....
Lol
9812536
I thought they'd open the portal, some comedy scenes occur and then shit goes sideways. I didn't see that you didn't have the mane6 tag which should've warned me it wasn't going to go that way and that it was probably going to get darker. The bits of comedy through me off.
9812595
She is pretty consistent, at that.
9812606
The stories I like most are a clever balance of comedy and tragedy. There's a reason Greek theater features both the smiling and the crying mask, after all. Just remember, it's always darkest before the dawn.
Alllright, comments on... this chapter!
"So ponies can violate relativity, it seems. The relativistic forces accelerating me to 11% the speed of light should have torn me into plasma in a fraction of an instant."
...I can think of, um. Several things potentially wrong with that, but Meadowsweet isn't a physicist and I don't have experience with their magic, so. :D
"this final relationship I manage to heal"
Hm. That sounds... final...
...Weeeeell, Artemis's spouse doesn't seem to be particularly keen on communication before extramarital sex either.
"“You’re gonna get another jerk boyfriend!” I tell her, with a totally sane smile."
I cannot imagine why Brian's a little less than thrilled with this plan. :D
"a jostle her side to"
"a jostle to her side to"?
"To power whatever this place was before a military installation"
Didn't we establish it was a sawmill at one point?
"So we do have some nice heating inside the buildings."
...
Um.
So... what exactly is filling that pipeline, then? I assumed they were on local power, generators and perhaps oil-fired heat, if it wasn't just electric.
I suppose maybe it's still hooked up to some tanks somewhere, and the military are preventing anyone unauthorized from using it... though that may involve just chasing and keeping people out of the service area. I wonder just how much elsewhere is being requisitioned or imposed to run this place?
Though I also got the impression this place was pretty far out and isolated to run a pipeline to. ...Hm. And a sawmill would potentially have scrap wood for heating, too (example), which could actually mean solid-fuel heating. Of course, that might have been taken out in a renovation, but then unless there was an intermediate stage, the gas pipeline would have been for the military installation.
Just what is this place?
...Or is this one of those things I think I recall you mentioning where you don't actually have a clever explanation and just didn't think it through? Or... what? What's going on here, please?
I suspect this is indeed on of those things you just threw in as a detail without much supporting it, but it unfortunately seems to have quite tripped me up rather than passing in the background. Kind of want to stop reading now until this is cleared up, but for all sorts of reasons I don't think that's a good idea, so for now trying to move on.
"yeah, you. uh..."
"yeah, you. Uh..."?
"a arm and leg lock that"
"an arm and leg lock that"?
"as their horn’s glow flows"
"as their horns' glow flows"?
"above the sealed cassette tape"
Still haven't gotten any explanation for or elaboration on that, as I recall...
...Did Meadowsweet just never even ask why the portal to Equestria was inside a cassette tape?
"could do is run away"
"could do was run away"?
"stand by the fare in view"
"stand by the fire in view"?
"I plea to her"
"I plead to her"?
"The vast majority of it is undoubtedly, definitely blue."
[looks up a picture]
...Huh. Well, would you look at that, it is!
(Interesting cultural/biological details in this bit, by the way!)
Well, that was quite a swerve. :D
Questions...
"Who were you looking for? Celestia?"
"What did you have against us?"
"Why me?"
...And that seems to be all I'm thinking of at the moment for this.
Still, got the chapter done! Thanks!
9813045
I think the phrase "without teleporting" should be implied at the end of that statement. For all her idiocy, Meadowsweet's actually pretty smart.
And then against all odds it somehow works!
Meadowsweet didn't realize it, but she sort of unconsciously figured out how to turn Brian's problem with awful boyfriends into a strength.
Hey if I can't remember, how is she supposed to?![:facehoof:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/facehoof.png)
The compressor station, of course!
...okay you do make a good point, there.
Yes.
Isn't it great? Poor color profiled Twilight. ♥
Just a bit!![:applejackconfused:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/applejackconfused.png)
No problem! Thanks for the questions!
"Why me?" what, though? Twilight didn't pick Meadowsweet for anything special, did she?
9813106
Well, there's also the question of what's doing the tearing. If the acceleration was evenly spread and done in a vacuum, as far as I can tell, there'd be one. In this situation, then, it seems like it'd more more the air doing the tearing.
:D
Ah. It was in... Bearding the Lion, looks like. It's showing up there now in a search of the FIMFiction version, at least.
...Okay, and the compressor station is getting gas to compress from...?
Oh, thanks!
...Oh Meadowsweet. :D
Hm, actually, "Where did the portal come from, and why was it inside a cassette tape?" is probably something that could be added to the list of Questions for Twilight.
:D
But also aye. :)
A little bit! :D
Ah, thanks, and you're welcome. :)
Well, that's just it: did she? Maybe later-to-be-known-as-Meadowsweet was literally just the first person Twilight happened to run into; certainly that's what she presented it as, but she was also lying about a lot at that point. We also don't know how long she'd been on Earth before that meeting.
Oh, yes, and if this doesn't fall under the same question "What did you do with my name, and why?"
9813184
The forces on your own molecules would be immense if you accelerated that fast. You'd be squashed into a pancake probably thin enough to reduce your molecules to plasma.
Definitely a good question! Incidentally, even if Meadowsweet doesn't ask them directly right now, they might get answered in other ways as the story progresses. So if it looks like I leave you hanging, just hold tight, then yell at me for doing so once the chapter is over if I haven't addressed that.
Oh! Yeah that is a good question.
Noted!
9813988
I mean, if you put a pony on a couch and accelerated the couch, sure. If, however, the acceleration is fully evenly distributed, so that no part is from this experiencing acceleration relative to any other part, as far as I can tell nothing would happen? Am I missing something?
Hah, thanks and thanks, though I might skip the yelling. :D
Ah, thanks.
Aaand thanks. :)
This could use a tragedy tag. It would appear that nothing is going to improve, and all attempts are futile. This tale sure frames it that way, in spite of all the jokes and smut. Even if she had a mission and real motives for what she did, Twilight Sparkle clearly had a sadistic streak, as she deliberately left most people on earth suddenly and without warning in awkward positions and hanging dry.
Not nearly as bad as PAP where literally everyone on Earth disappeared save a few dozen sealed off in lead underground, and less than a dozen reappeared in a matter of minutes in a slowly but surely increasing rate. And it sounds like the lot of them are lined up for slaughter, no mercy.
It sounds like she’s the lesser of two evils, as she will recklessly endanger everyone on earth who might not be in the best position for a sudden irreversible change, and save other lives from illness by pure accident, and bring industry to a grinding halt, cutting most people off from the world at large. And Nightmare Moon wants to kill them all.
Also, I wonder what may happen to anyone on earth who might be pregnant at the time the global change happened. The story goes to great length that no man is any more or less likely to lose his penis than the next here, it’s a large unbiased roulette. The same goes for women without children: each one has an equal chance to remain female or swap as the next by pure chance. Are pregnant ones exempt?
9814268
The site didn't allow me to apply both the Comedy and Tragedy tag, so I had to settle for Comedy and Dark.
Meadowsweet is pretty frustratingly incompetent, I suppose. Or at least she has been...
Mmm... steak...
That's certainly not how she would see it!
That's a good question! I'm sure Meadowsweet would be very interested in the answer to that.
9814108
I suppose you're right. I was not thinking about the very hard to imagine scenario where all your molecules just spontaneously decide to accelerate at the same acceleration without being pushed by other molecules. It's interestingly peculiar, at least. Not sure it's a good idea for me to put a physics lecture into my chapter though.
9814429
I edited: Motive and streak.
9814429
"I suppose you're right. I was not thinking about the very hard to imagine scenario where all your molecules just spontaneously decide to accelerate at the same acceleration without being pushed by other molecules. It's interestingly peculiar, at least."
...Huh. Really? But it has a lot less complexity than a situation where there is differential acceleration.
Glad you're finding it interesting, though!
"Not sure it's a good idea for me to put a physics lecture into my chapter though."
Yeah, probably, particularly given our narrator. :D
9814446
Well, I agree either way.
9814792
It's an impossible scenario, since in reality force can't just teleport in and accelerate things. It has to come from a direction. We've never seen anything like that ever happen, so it's hard to think about.
Yeah I'm vaguely interested in physics, but mostly just how to keep my stories believable.
9818846
Well, sort of. Consider, for example, a piece of iron placed near an electromagnet with relative positions and sizes such that, when the electromagnet is on, the field in the area of the iron is approximately uniform. The activation of the electromagnet will then produce a force on the iron distributed approximately evenly throughout the iron.
Or just the more common example of gravity, in fact: a palm-sized stone of uniform density will experience gravitational interaction with the close and immensely more massive Earth as a force distributed approximately evenly throughout its volume.
We can also conduct thought experiments of a "Ignoring how this could happen, if it did, what would be the results?" variety.
After all, that we don't have spherical chickens doesn't mean they aren't easier to work with.
Fair enough. :)
And I think you do a pretty good job at that, at least in the ones I've read.
9818942
Oh so acceleration like falling, yeah that makes sense.
9820279
Right.
How did you do this to me ferret? I came knowing this had shameless smut in it and having read some other, less smutty stuff of yours, I was desperately hoping you had put in some good world building and a story to follow.
And you bloody did, and now I'm hooked.
Eagerly awaiting new additions to this story, smut or not smut.
P.S. The smut is good, if a bit repetitive.
9852808
There's nothing more wonderful than singing beautiful music together, knowing you can rely on each other to join in the song...
9852872
If someone got molestia'd as a child in real life, it like... gives them flashbacks to those uncomfortable moments, or something. Doesn't matter if the characters are children or not, since said someone only cares about their own experience. I don't know, I just add a warning when asked.
9853325
You're supposed to ask Twilight questions, not me!
And yes, I try to change it up as much as possible, but sex itself is kind of appealing in its simple, repetitive nature, and I'm prone to forgetting that I wrote something 2 paragraphs back, thinking "What a brilliant idea I've never had before!" twice in rapid succession. You should see the massive amounts of stuff I cut out for brevity's sake.
As for how I did it, I'm just writing... the story that I want to read. It's easy to write good smut, if you just write your great idea for a story and don't filter out any of the opportunities for lewd stuff. Though uh... it might be a while from now before Meadowsweet gets laid again. Either way, thanks so much for reading, and for your praise!![:rainbowkiss:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowkiss.png)
9855040
It's not necessarily a bad thing at all! (The sex scenes being repetitive) Just I know in writing it's not usually a good idea to repeat yourself.
I'm one of those 'weird' people who is really into romance/love, like the strong emotional pull people have towards each other, not the hollywood idea of 'love' so seeing the characters getting the way they do emotionally, weather it's by Twilight's design (or the species) or not is really nice to me.
9855234
I like the sort of love that judges based on what things are, rather than on abstract cultural norms. I think Hollywood frames it as cold and emotionless to treat a physical act like a physical act, because if you give sex supernatural, abstract significance, then people can convince you not to fuck someone, without showing any evidence that doing so would bring you or your partner to harm. You see, it's not safe to fuck them, because they're not married to you yet, because they're not ambitious enough, because they're bad influences, because they're inexperienced, because they're not the same culture as your parents: abstract, nebulous reasons that pretty much boil down to jerks trying to scare us away from fucking each other, because that way it's more likely they're going to be the only choice we have.
I don't see a lot of people writing stories like that, and wanted there to exist some story along those lines. So that's why this story's hella lewd. I may or may not be using Meadowsweet as a lovable punching bag in order to deconstruct what people think sex should be about.
Well. I've been lured in by the succulent promise of more of your character writing. That said, this story has the unholy Trinity of mature, sex, and human.
A'ight so I was lookin' at that thar busted upvote coun'er and I was thunkin' mebbe it's busted, but i think these 'ere tags're the prollem. Try jigglin' them a lil lower from the top o' the descritchin mebbe? And that ">opinions".... L-lewd!
9884281
I know! It's awful and shameless and I love it so much.![:rainbowlaugh:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowlaugh.png)
>implying implications
Could do that, yeah.
9884843
But the mood whiplash is the fun part! Just when you're rolling your eyes at yet another cutesie story about cuddle wuddles, bam, Twilight's pinning him to the couch. Then just when you're getting disgusted by yet another brony who thinks he's so great that he's the only one who can care for his waifu, bam! She wrecks him and cheeses out! Then just when you think it's all about oh what a QT I am oh how will I ever manage all this sex, bam. Now it's a TCB humans first brutal fic! Then bam! Twilight is good again, because the other one was an impostor but???? And by then I'm just grinning like an idiot, waiting for the next bam.
And the best thing about it is you know that somehow, some way, it's all got to make sense. It doesn't just go lolrandom and never speak of it again. Twilight's romance of Aaron has long term effects on Meadowsweet that keep cropping up, and her struggle with a very valid fear of the government keeps happening, instead of just forgetting that she had guns held to her face just from trying not to starve to death. The prototypical shock fic would have Twilight cheese out for no reason after screwing him over, and then end, but this one doesn't. Twilight keeps coming back.
Yeah, I... obviously can understand why people would hate this fic. But I don't want another story about a pony who came in from the cold! I want something magnificent! So I just... don't know how to make it more widely appealing, without removing the part of it that I like most of all.
That's because these characters are OCs, and I suck at characterizing OCs. But I didn't want to write about Canon Pony's Big Adventure again. I think it's kind of cool how Meadowsweet starts out less well-rounded, and then starts growing more complex as the story progresses and she has to deal with the consequences of some very bad (or good) choices. But it's true she's/he's kind of... shallow at the beginning.
How would the story be better, if there was less mood whiplash? Like, when Twilight seduces Aaron, if they just like, cuddle or something, I can't think of a way to write that that wouldn't be lame.
9886016
I figure a few of those dislikes came from someone reading the tags only and thinking "Ew Gross Taboo TF Man Bad." :P
As far as the mood whiplash, it's always a struggle to engage with a story that pulls a >subverting expectations a la SW: The Last Jedi. Not to say that's what's going on here, because you DO do a good job of following up on each whiplash instance, but it does make it a difficult story to follow. In most stories there's a consistent mood or theme or atmosphere or even character and that makes them easy to follow and get into. That's not the case here, and it throws me off each time it happens.
I'm actually finding it difficult to properly express. You can't allow foreshadowing for Evil Twilight, or it wouldn't have the impact that you clearly want it to have, so your hands are tied there.... In most stories with a bunch of twists, there's usually some amount of hinting or foreshadowing so readers aren't having to jump over sharks in order to follow along. Is that something that would work, if mood whiplash is part of the goal? Honestly, this is something I'll have to spend some time considering. I'm still working my way through it, though.
I think it might be better if there was more buildup, and more time spent letting events play out? It might be hard to satisfy me specifically, though, because I'm a sucker for LONG slow-burn romance. I mean shit like The Mare Who Once Lived On The Moon or The Enchanted Library. But we went from Cute to XXX in the span of a couple chapters, plus the Second Betrayal, and I'm used to relationships having a bit more buildup than that. And to some degree I'm still not sure what the hell Twilight's goals are, here. She's a villain, but beyond her actions there's nothing to understand, and even her actions don't make much sense towards a coherent goal. It's all a matter of "OOPS! Turns out she's evil! Oh and you're a pony now, pervert." and "Double oops! She's still Evil Again! Shame on you!" The most insight we have, or I have from my point in the story, are the letter she sent to the police, and "You're not her." Oh, and everyone is pony. Not much to go on, but maybe I'm missing something. I still have a couple chapters to go, after all.
Kinda feel like I'm not properly expressing my discontent, though.
9886678
Well it's a relief to know I'm not the only one having difficulty!
What I've tried to do is introduce foreshadowing in the vaguely unsettling sense of "Something isn't right here." Like when Twilight woke up and couldn't believe that anyone would ever save her. And when Aaron first called her "Twilie." Even when Twilight comes back, I was trying to make it obvious that she's struggling to do the right thing, such as how deceptive she is in rescuing Mira, doing things as a matter of course, that a good pony wouldn't even have considered. She has an outright screaming emotional breakdown, and then just... gets ahold of herself with a worrying amount of restraint. So it shouldn't have been a surprise that she flipped out once she didn't need to keep up the act. But it still should have been a surprise how much she flipped out.
The story is already 316,080 words long. That's Fountainhead level, and I'm only like a third of the way through! I don't know how much more buildup I can do! Plus there's the fact that I don't want to spend a lot of time on the uncomfortable parts of the stories, like where Meadowsweet and Co are holed up in that house in Minnesota with absolutely no idea what to do. It's important for that stuff to be in the story, but I really wanted to get into how people were dealing with being ponies for a while.
One thing that probably needs more buildup is the big spell that turns everyone into ponies. I had a hard time building up to that, since Twilight was more concerned with training them to cast it than telling them about what they'd be casting. Plus she was rushed at the end thanks to Dawn, so the progression towards casting it was supposed to seem a little sudden and hurried. So I dunno what exactly to do about it. Would rather write new chapters anyway.
So um... Meadowsweet and Twilight never broke up. Just thought you might want that pointed out. Meadowsweet's been having sex and learning how to love others, but that doesn't mean she isn't... drawn to Twilight, slowly but surely. It's true I couldn't care less about restraining the sex, since the real world is such a sad miserable place where we deny each others the most basic pleasures our whole lives for some ideal that only exists in a bible. I don't feel like stories have to reinforce that, and it's okay for characters to actually... give in to their urges. That doesn't mean they're not developing relationships slowly and with great difficulty. Just that they're having actual sex along the way.
I hope it's coming across that Twilight is horrible and wrong for accusing them of being idiots for not figuring it out. The rest of the story is so sympathetic towards these "perverts," I can't imagine anyone would think the author was using Twilight as a mouthpiece there. I meant her to sound kind of... unhinged and desperate, rather than actually righteous or justified. Not even she agrees with herself; she's just speaking from the hatred that burns within her.
Do continue, if you would. Chapter 32 is... a big turning point. So I hope to hear what you think, by then.