Black and Blue and Bloodied

by Sixes_And_Sevens

Blacklisted

Blueblood sat in his study, sulking. How dare that violet-maned peasant insult him in such a way? Even after he had been so kind as to let her continue basking in his presence, despite all of her errors of courtesy. Who did she think she was?

He let that thought rattle around in his mind for a long moment. Who was she? He never had gotten her name. Why had Auntie invited her? He considered this carefully. He had never seen her at any social functions before tonight. Perhaps she was some uppity ‘modern’ noble, some nouveau riche? No. She didn’t strike him as the ‘wealthy industrialist tycoon’ sort of pony. So, who was she? Why was she important enough to be invited to the Grand Galloping Gala? The gentle clopping of hooves outside his doorway told him that he was very likely about to find out.

The door opened, and Aunt Celestia stuck her head in. “Knock, knock,” she said playfully.

“Ah. Good evening, Auntie. I see you are in better spirits?”

“Very much so, Blueblood. You see, I unexpectedly ran into a very old friend of mine.” She paused and looked him in the eyes. “Very old.”

Blueblood wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that. “I’m… glad to hear that?”

Celestia smiled. “Would you like to meet him?”

“Well, I—”

“Good. Doctor, would you come in, please?”

A grumpy-looking green earth pony stormed in. “Celestia, would you please explain to me what’s going on?”

Prince Blueblood glared at him. “Mind your manners,” he barked. “Address the Princess with the respect she deserves!”

The newcomer looked at him with a mixture of horror and disgust. “Please tell me this is your idea of a joke,” he groaned.

“No… but I’m laughing anyway,” she admitted with a twinkle in her eye.

“Auntie, who is this pony? What is he talking about?”

“‘Old on. Celly, can I talk with you a moment? In private?”

The alicorn sighed. “Wait out in the hallway, Doctor. I’ve already promised Blueblood a little chat, and I’ve kept him waiting long enough.”

Blueblood looked on smugly as that “doctor” fellow sputtered impotently for a moment before storming back out into the corridor.

The smug look quickly vanished when he saw how his aunt was staring at him. All of her usual warmth was gone from her eyes. “Blueblood,” she began, “I believe that I promised you a little chat about the behavior of some of the guests at the Gala. I’d like to begin by hearing your side of the story.”

Blueblood composed himself. He hadn’t expected this opening. “Well,” he began, “to start with, there was that farm mare. The orange one, selling peasant carnival fare. Can you believe that she had the nerve to sell that tripe to me? My refined palate deserves nothing less than the finest of cuisines.”

The princess nodded. “Go on,” she said.

“Well, then there was that nightmare in pink. Really, I’m not sure how much she had drunk, but it must have been a great deal. Honestly, convincing the orchestra to play— what was that composition?”

“The Pony Pokey, I believe,” Celestia replied.

“Well, quite. Then there was that terrifying yellow pegasus. I believe her actions more than speak for themselves.”

“Mm-hm,” Celestia said.

“But the worst of all of them was that horrid unicorn. She followed me around all evening like a lovesick puppy, and refused to even show me the courtesy I was due as her prince without serious prompting. She wouldn’t hold open the door for me, she didn’t want to pay for our repast at that awful farm hick’s booth, and she yelled at me, Auntie! As though I was the one at fault!”

Celestia nodded. “I see. Would you like me to give you their names, these ponies who ruined your evening so?”

Blueblood nodded. “Rather!”

“Well, the first one— the farm hick, you called her? That was Applejack, the bearer of the Element of Honesty.”

Blueblood blinked. “...Oh.”

“Then, the pink mare— who is normally like that, actually— is called Pinkie Pie, the bearer of Laughter. The terrifying pegasus was Fluttershy, the bearer of Kindness. And lastly, the unicorn who merely wanted a romantic evening, was Rarity, the bearer of Generosity. It was just her misfortune that she chanced to pick you,” Celestia said mildly. “I suppose it could have been worse. At least you wouldn't have taken advantage of her naivety as some others might.”

“Ah,” said Blueblood slowly. “I’m... in trouble, aren’t I?”

“Good to know that you’re still in possession of enough brain cells to know that, at least,” the princess said briskly. “You’ll need to recognize it often enough where you’re going.”

“Why? What are you going to do?” Blueblood asked, cringing.

“As it happens, the Doctor is in need of a travelling companion. You will be that companion. If he asks you for assistance, you will give it to him. If he asks you to jump, you should already be in the air. And if he says that you should run, then run.” She paused. “That last one is really very important, you may want to write it down.”

“But— but— why?” Blueblood asked. “I’ll apologize to all of those mares! I swear I will!”

Celestia shook her head sadly. “If this was the only offense, I might let it go at that,” she said. “But for the past several years, you’ve been nothing but a royal pain.” She paused for a moment and snickered at her own pun. “That was quite good, I think. I didn’t even do that on purpose.”

“Um,” said Blueblood.

“As I was saying,” Celestia said, composing herself once more, “you’ve insulted more or less everypony in Canterlot, and a good few outside it. Your drunken antics have made you into a laughingstock. I don’t believe I mentioned it at the time, but you’ve nearly caused several international incidents.”

He blinked in shock. “Such as?”

“Such as the time you tried to suggest a menage-a-trois with the Griffonian and Timbucktooan ambassadors?” Celestia suggested. “Both of whom were married, I might add.”

“...I don’t remember that…” Blueblood said, flushing.

“No, I didn’t think you would,” she agreed. “You were exceedingly drunk at the time. I had to convince them that you were the court jester.”

“You WHAT?”

“It wasn’t really that difficult,” she added. “You make enough of a fool of yourself as it is.”

Blueblood winced. “...Fine. What does this ‘Doctor’ want me to do?”

“Well, he doesn’t really want you at all,” Celestia replied. “It’s going to take everything I’ve got to convince him to take you with him. But your job as his companion is more or less as follows; one, get into trouble.”

Blueblood blinked. “What?”

“Speaking from experience, it’s going to happen anyway, so it may as well be in the job description. I should probably specify, don’t get into trouble with the Doctor. Basically anypony else you meet, fine, but try to do as he tells you. Two, tell him off when he does something stupid.”

“Won’t that get me into trouble with him?” Blueblood pointed out.

“Yes, but it’s much less trouble than you’ll be in if he does do something stupid, like blowing up a planet.”

He stared, aghast. “I beg your pardon?”

“Three, prepare to be amazed. You’re in for the trip of a lifetime.”

“Blowing up a planet?”

“Oh, yes,” Celestia replied, trotting out the door. “He never let Luna or I do it, so I don’t see why he should get special treatment.”

She glanced back one last time, lit her horn, and summoned a suitcase to fall at Blueblood's hooves. Her last sight before she shut the door was his face, ashen and deeply afraid.

Comments

[Edguy0009]

This should be interesting.

[Coyote de La Mancha]

(((bouncy)))

[SunflowerSwirl]

“Oh, yes,” Celestia replied, trotting out the door. “He never let Luna or I do it, so I don’t see why he should get special treatment.”

So Celestia was restricted to blowing up small castles because of the Doctor...
Blueblood will probably not come out of this the same, but he probably will do what he's good for Celestia, or to save their lives. I can wait, but don't want to wait for Blueblood to be instructed to do something odd.

[cogwheelbrain]

Doc can be a jerk sometimes, but I'm not sure he deserves this.