Previous Chapters Next
Close
Puberty?4,911 words
Diplomacy?4,471 words
Secrecy?6,069 words
Sorcery?6,570 words

Diplomacy?

Chapter 2: Diplomacy?

Rumble sat slumped in his upholstered chair at halfway along the long mahogany dining table, uncomfortable in a surrounding of extreme comfort. He used the sterling silver fork, one of the ten placed to his left arranged by size, to stir around the meal presented to him on fine china. The meal contained a bland, pasty mound of some type of tofu delicacy, intricately stacked micro sized greens, and a mysterious, gooey substance called roe. It was hard for Rumble to believe that only a week ago he had been eating oat nuggets with sugar-laden orange juice.

"So, Prince Rumble," said Princess Celestia on her end of the table. "How are you enjoying royal living so far?"

"Uh, I guess." Rumble muttered, avoiding eye contact. "It's just not what I'm used to. You two don't feel a bit weird living with all this...rich stuff?"

"NONSENSE, Prince Rumble!" blurted Princess Luna on the other side. "Monarchs are deserving of a lavish lifestyle!"

"Well, as much as I do get tired of luxury," admitted Celestia. "Happy princesses do make a happy country. I am certain you will come to realize that soon enough."

"That's something else I've been kinda wondering." Rumble said. "Am I really able to run all of Equestria? I mean, isn't a prince just, like, a face for the crowd?"

"In truth, the care of Equestria is a massive burden to place in the hooves of a prince." Celestia said. "Especially one as young as yourself. And after all, you are the first one we've had."

"Wait a minute, what about Prince Blueblood?" asked Rumble.

Celestia's eyes went wide in sudden realization. "Ugh, I keep forgetting about that nephew of mine." She sulked into her hooves. "Fortunately he is residing on one of his private islands indefinitely, lest we'd have to suffer his presence."

"Do not speak ill of Prince Blueblood, Tia!" objected Luna. "Why, he is making tremendous strides in maintaining international relations for Equestria."

"Gambling with the Duke of Prance does not count as international relations." Celestia discerned.

"Man this is too much to take." Rumble rested his head in his hooves.

"You must dispel your nerves, Prince Rumble." Luna then levitated his crystal glass and began pouring into it. "Here, partake in some pinot noir!"

"Luna, I keep telling you he shouldn't be drinking wine!" scorned Celestia.

"But tis a fine vintage!" retorted Luna. "You doth said it yourself, we must give Prince Rumble the full royal treatment. That beith said, we cannot continue to let him reside in our guest house. We must build him his own room in the castle post haste!"

"But I don't want to live in the castle!" frowned Rumble. "I don't want to live like a prince! I just want to go home! This was a big mistake. I shouldn't have agreed to this."

"Rumble, I understand this is a huge adjustment for you." Celestia approached and consoled him. "But Princess Luna and I only want you to be comfortable and happy. We would never want to put you in a position that's too much for a child to handle. And of course, we'll allow you to go back to Ponyville to live with your brother if you want."

"Really? You will?" Rumble looked up at her.

"Absolutely!" smiled Celestia. "And you can always talk to Twilight if you still have questions about being an alicorn. She might even show you some magic!"

"Well, I don't know about that." Rumble shrugged. "But thanks for letting me know, Princess. I just didn't want to feel like I'm being trapped in some impossible fate."

"Not at all." Celestia assured. "Twilight herself was faced with many changes when she was in your position."

"If it's alright, Princess Celestia, do you think I can stay in the guest house for another night?" asked Rumble. "I guess it is pretty cozy."

"You're always welcome to, Rumble." Celestia said as she took his leftovers and exited the dining room. "After all, a prince can come and go as he pleases."

"Thank you!"

"Oh well," sighed Luna. "And I was ever so hoping to make renovations to the castle."

"Princess Luna," asked Rumble. "Can I have some more of that peanut noir?"

That night, Rumble lay asleep in the guest bedroom of Canterlot Castle, amidst the calm of night in the royal garden outside. He had finally begun sleeping soundly knowing that his new role as prince would not deter him from his normal life. This moment of peace however was shattered by the intrusion of one of his new fellow monarchs.

"PRINCE RUMBLE, ARISE AND SHINE!" blurted Luna as she magically levitated the colt out of bed.

Rumble shook his head and yelped as he was jerked awake. He flapped his wings rapidly, seeing that he was in the air but couldn't move. At that point, he was sure he was about to meet his demise, until Luna finally set him standing on the floor. Rumble darted his head around, still panicked, when his face was pelted with clothes.

"You must prepare thyself, young stallion!" said Luna as she dug through a closet and levitated thick winter garments over to him. "Your first official task as prince has come!"

"Princess Luna, what are you talking about?!" asked Rumble, rubbing his eyes.

"Dress warmly, Prince Rumble!" Luna beamed at him. "We are off to Yakyakistan!"

"Yakyakistan?!" repeated Rumble. "W-w-what for?!"

"Our ambassadors have informed us that the yak chieftains wish to establish a trade deal with Equestria." Luna explained. "And they have requested your presence, upon hearing of your new coronation!"

Rumble stared into space for a moment, before turning to crawl back beneath his bed covers, shielding himself from the world. "This is a bad dream! This is all just a bad dream!"

"Fret not, dear Prince Rumble!" grinned Luna. "For you are very much awake! And you are on the precipice of proving thyself as a proud diplomat of Equestria!"

"But I don't wanna be a diplomat!" argued Rumble, in an extremely whiny tone.

Luna then looked concerned. "I sense you are unnerved by this formidable call to duty, Prince Rumble." She said. "But I promise, nothing of great strain will be asked of you. It is a simple negotiation mission."

Rumble peaked out from the covers. "Simple? I don't know anything about negotiating stuff!...Except for those Wonderbolt trading cards I got from Scootaloo. I really fleeced her on that deal."

"Rest assured, you will learn much on this journey for economic growth." Luna smiled. "And I shall accompany you throughout our welcome in Yakyakistan to bestow you with the wisdom you will need."

"I don't know." Rumble complained. "Don't the yaks live like half a world away?"

"Nay, tis more like five eighths of a world away for our trip." Luna shrugged.

"...That sounds like we're taking the long way there!" blurted Rumble.

"For sooth! Even princesses enjoy frequent flyer miles!" She then trotted out of the guest room. "Let us away, Prince Rumble! We depart in one hour!"

"The sun's not even up yet!" Rumble shouted after her. "Does your sister even know about this?! Ugh, I hope the yaks have oat nuggets."

Frigid winds buffeted the royal airplane at high speeds as it soared over the harsh territory of Yakyakistan. The roar of the twin propellers echoed off the side of the towering mountains which seemed to pierce the heavens through the clouds. Eventually, through the blistering snow and wind, the plane descended upon a small, ramshackle airstrip perched on a precarious mountainside cliff. The aircraft landed with a screech before rolling to a halt. Soon after Luna and Rumble exited the plane through steps outside, along with an entourage of royal guards.

"Good gracious, I have yet to accustom myself to these new-fangled flying machines!" sulked Luna as she descended the stairs. "I at least hope you enjoyed the flight, Prince Rumble."

Rumble was unable to reply, too busy vomiting behind the stairs as a result of twenty hours of motion sickness and a dose of cosmic radiation.

"Princess Luna! I was told you were coming!"

From across the airfield came a pale green stallion striding up to the prince and princess. He sported a wool beanie with ear flaps and an overstuffed hiking backpack with a visible rolled up tent and sleeping bag. His unkempt blonde mane shagged over his eyes.

"Ah, you must be our fair guide, good sir." Princess Luna greeted him in a regal posture.

"Totally, Your Highness." The hiking pony smiled and bowed to her. "My name's Carabiner, and I'm here to help you get acquainted with the Yak Chieftains. I'm sure they're stoked to meet you."

"Yes, well, I too look forward to forging history with this trade agreement." Luna replied.

Carabiner then looked down at the colt beside her. "No way! You must be the new prince! Awesome! You must feel pretty lucky, lil' dude."

"Yeah, I'm counting my freaking blessings." Rumble muttered.

"If you'll follow me, I'll take you to where you'll be staying with the chieftains." Carabiner said. "I'll take you through town. It's totally rad."

"Yea, the elevation of this kingdom is quite radical." Luna remarked as they followed the guide.

Rumble shivered and zipped up his parka, putting aside his disdain to venture into this strange land.

The capital city of Yakhmandu served as a gem in the snowy peaks of the Crystal Mountains. An air of spirituality hung all around this ethereal kingdom, with the sound of monks emitting droning chants resonating throughout the steep mountain passes. And this strong spirituality was seen in the plentiful art and architecture of the city, showing the yaks' devotion to numerous incarnations of their deities. Of course, despite the religious aura, it was just like any bustling city.
Herds of yaks lumbered through the streets, some merchants carrying supplies to sell at their stands, others monks carrying the weight of their devotion. But they were not the only species roaming the tightly-knit districts. A sizable amount of ponies were seen wandering about; they were backpackers and other travelers admiring the alluring culture of the yaks in traditional eateries and gift shops meant for the tourist kind. Yet only recently had the yaks allowed ponyfolk to freely travel throughout their land, after centuries of sealing off their borders. This made the importance of Luna and Rumble's trade mission all the more significant.
Rumble looked around the traffic-choked streets nervously, having never been surrounded by so much activity, let alone in another country. The pungent aromas of exotic foods and earshot ramblings in a foreign language were nearly overloading his senses. He would have liked to embrace the experience, if he was not there under the severe peer pressure of a moon princess.

"Hey, keep up, lil' dude!" said Carabiner, leading the way through the crowds. "You must be pretty anxious about being in a different land, huh?"

"I guess so." Rumble admitted, sheepishly.

"Don't sweat it, brah." Carabiner replied. "The people of Yakyakistan are totally peaceful and welcoming. You really gotta take in all the culture and spirituality and stuff. But just remember, when you meet the chieftains, whatever you do, don't cheese 'em off, m'kay? If you make the yak leaders mad, you're gonna have a bad time."

Rumble gulped. He remembered hearing something similar from his older brother, who once told him about not stalling while flying through a downdraft. It was a broken leg that he would never forget.

Before too long, the three of them, seven including the guards, came upon the gate to an ornate palace in the center of Yakhmandu. At an opening in a long white wall, a pair of yak guards clad in iron armor opened the heavy wooden doors revealing a long stone courtyard. Standing gaunt on the other side was Yakhmandu Palace, complete with high sloping white walls and red, shingled roofs gilded and supported with copper. Rumble looked ahead in amazement at how the yaks could accomplish such architecture on top of a mountain. But as they approached the red copper front doors, he knew full well that he was just moving from one castle to another.
The doors then opened outward, and a group of yaks in regal garb lumbered outside, followed by more palace guards. The yak chieftains presented themselves in elaborate robes and headdresses of vibrant reds and yellows, and jewelry of gold and topaz hanging from their horns. One of these decorated yaks approached Princess Luna.

"Yaks welcome you to yak capital, Moon Princess!" the burly bovine bellowed.

"WE ARE VERILY HONORED TO BE GRACED BY THY PRESENCE, NOBLE YAKS." Luna greeted in her usual manner. "Allow us to introduce Equestria's newest dignitary, Prince Rumble."

"Um, eh...hello." Rumble said and bowed shakily.

The yak chieftain lowered his heavy head down to Rumble. Behind the fur that shagged over were two judgmental eyes sizing up the scrappy colt. A puff of air from his snorting nostrils hit Rumble's face, blowing back the hood of his parka. It took every bit of restraint for Rumble not to run back to the plane.

"Pony prince is small and weak!" the chieftain remarked. "Yaks make him stronger with bountiful feast!"

"We would be delighted to take part in thy local fare." Luna smiled.

"Food? Finally!" beamed Rumble. "I'm starving! The in-flight meal tasted like-" He was interrupted by a firm nudge from Luna's hoof, urging him to keep his composure around the chieftains. "I mean, thank you, uh, good sir." He said meagerly with a bow.

After all formalities, and an extensive tour of the palace that nearly put Rumble to sleep, the yaks welcomed their guests to their royal dining hall. The three ponies were seated beside the host end of the table, where a gilded chair awaited its most celebrated occupant. The rest of the low table, only a foot off the floor, was surrounded by silk seat cushions, on which the yaks planted their hefty flanks. Rumble was not expecting to eat so low off the ground, having barely been able to reach up across the table at Canterlot Castle.
He waited with increasing impatience, staring at the covered platters that had been prepared on the table. But he promised to keep calm until the highest leader of Yakyakistan arrived.

A yak squire stood by an open door near the vacant end of the table. "Presenting wise holy leader of Yakyakistan!" he announced. "The Dalai Yaka!"

BWONG!

The crash of a gong startled Rumble as the star host entered the room. The Dalai Yaka slowly wobbled into the dining hall with the squire helping him stay balanced. His grayed fur had grown longer than his younger compatriots, and his smell even muskier. He featured a salmon colored robe with a large medallion depicting many yak religious symbols. It took almost a minute for his to finally sit down; the Yaka may have been very elderly, but his reincarnated soul was ageless.

"What's a Dolly Yaka?" Rumble whispered to Luna.

"The Dalai Yaka is the holy leader of all yakkind." She replied discretely. "While the chieftains all rule Yakyakistan in a political sense, even they all answer to the divine wisdom of the Yaka. It is said that his soul hath been reincarnated seventy-eight and a half times."

The Dalai Yaka sneezed, coughed and mumbled into his robe, in that order.

"Have you met him before?" Rumble asked Carabiner.

"Oh yeah, totally." He answered. "The Yaka is a super chill guy. Just don't speak out of turn to him. Only the chieftains can ask for his words of enlightenment. That, and he wouldn't understand what you're saying 'cause he's half deaf."

"So why are we whispering?" asked Rumble.

"You're the one whispering, dude. I mean, Prince Rumble." Carabiner said.

"Ka chayaka duhak!" the Dalai Yaka blurted in a strained old voice.

"Dalai Yaka says feast begin now!" the squire said.

The silver covers were lifted off the table. There sat heaping platters of momo dumplings and steaming bowls of tsampa noodles served in a thukpa broth. To drink included ginseng tea and thick butter milk. The yak politicians immediately dug into the hearty, savory hunks of dried tofu simmered in a spicy mustard stew, gnawing into the meal with voracity. Princess Luna, of course, ate from her plate with her usual grace and demeanor, then happily levitated some portions onto Rumble's.
The colt stared down with hesitation at the samples of yak cuisine. The strange combination of pungent aromas told his nose to relay a message to his mouth not to let any of it through. Even so, he committed to his obligation and slowly forked off a piece of dumpling. The taste was surprisingly spicy from a various mix of herbs and sauces, completely overtaking the blandness of the dough. Officially all five of his senses had been taken through new experiences.

"THIS STEW IS MAGNIFICENT." Luna said to one of the chieftains across from her. "If this be but a small taste of yak wears, then t'will a grand opportunity to open trade with Equestria!"

"Ponies drive hard bargain!" one of the yaks spewed chunks of food as he spoke. "Not satisfied with trade deal!"

"Oh dear," said Luna, taken aback. "Are thou quite certain, sir yak? I assure that Equestria's gala apples are in plentiful supply and will, without nary a doubt, be well worth medicinal herbs."

"Herbs harvested from highest mountaintops in Yakyakistan during low wind!" another diplomat replied. "Production costs skyrocket! Apples grow anywhere, any time!"

"Unfair trade!" a third chimed in, spewing entire noodles across the tabletop. "Ponies add more to deal! If ponies not meet yak demands, Yaks destroy!"

"Yes, yes, of course, message receiveth!" interjected Luna sheepishly. "Surely Equestria has more to offer in reciprocation for the industrious yak kingdom. What else wouldst thou request? Carrots? Oats? Internet capable electronics?"

"Yaks request trade of Equestrian opals!" a yak demanded.

"Opals?!" Luna blinked. "I fret to inform you, good sir yaks, that our opal veins have recently shown indication of drying up. Furthermore, their location within the southern Badlands put our miners at grave risk."

"Only equal trade for herbs!" retorted a yak.

"Dear oh dear," sulked Luna. "Mayhaps there be a better deal we can agree to."

Rumble continued to toss around the morsels on his plate, focusing to actually ignore the high-stakes trade debate before him. Suddenly, he felt a dumpling impact his forehead and watched it land onto his meal. Alerted, Rumble looked across the table. There sat a young female yak, about his age, snickering at him and playing with her food. Quickly came a projectile of some bitter paste flung from her spoon into Rumble's eye. The prince glared as he took this as a sign of war and prepared a catapult fork of tofu. But he held back as he remembered Carabiner's advice.

"If you make the yaks mad, you're gonna have a bad time. Bad time. Bad time Bad time."

Shaking off his annoyance, Rumble kept on with choking down his meal. He considered starting a food fight with a chieftain's daughter would not look good for foreign relations. But just as he felt at peace again, he was struck once again by a noodle to the ear. Surely enough, the little yakess was giggling at his humiliation. It appeared that the girl's father next to her was paying zero attention to his daughter's antics, embroiled in the adult conversation with Luna and the rest of the yaks. Rumble could only give the young yak a menacing look hoping she would cease. Clearly she had not had enough fun at his expense. The onslaught continued. The Dalai Yaka, meanwhile, seemed to have fallen sleep mid meal.

"Are thou certain we cannot arrange something else?" asked Luna to the chieftains. "We will happily trade our gala apples, beech wood and cosmetics for eventual shipment. But alas I cannot stretch my offer further. We are but still asking for your medicinal herbs only."

"Uh, Princess Luna? Your Majesty? Ma'am?" piped up Carabiner. "Maybe you should, like, consider the yak chieftain's point. Uh, like, maybe giving them opals won't be so bad, brah."

"With much due respect for our hosts, sir guide," said Luna. "I must stay firm about refusing opal trade. It simply cannot be done."

"Trade still not equal!" argued the yak girl's father. "Pony princess refuse to meet demand! Yaks dest-"

"Excuseth me," interjected Luna firmly. "But we hath been more than reasonable when discussions of this deal first commenced. However, if my word is not to your trust, perhaps Prince Rumble can convince thou to compromise."

"Huh? Wha?" Rumble looked up at Luna, still being pelted with food.

"Puny pony prince still young!" said the same yak. "Knows nothing of trade!"

"Nay, for Prince Rumble is far intelligent for his age!" Luna replied sheepishly, then lowered her voice toward Rumble. "Come now, Prince Rumble. Persuade our benefactors to settle for our current offer. Helpeth me out here!"

"Uh, er, I-I-I'm not sure." Rumble stammered, his breath quickening. "What was the part about the-" Despite his attempt to throw his hat into the ring, Rumble was yet again assaulted with dinner from the young yak, whose father was still neglectfully oblivious.

"Yaks' patience wears thin!" snorted the father.

Rumble continued to trip on his words, darting his head between the heated debate between high-status adults, and the immature yakling spoiling her dinner onto his face. The tension mounted exponentially, both in the dining room and in Rumble's mind. After nearly twisted his neck while darting, something finally snapped and Rumble stood on his cushion, grabbing a bowl of stew.

"Alright! Ya know what?!" he blurted suddenly. "Somepony is going to get a face full of this slop if somepony doesn't start acting like a rational adult!" He turned towards his assailant. "And it ain't gonna be my face anymore!"

The yakling slouched down in her cushion, feeling ashamed of her childish taunting. But as a cold silence chilled the air, each one of the adult yaks turned his head toward Rumble. In that moment, they looked ready to stampede, staring not just daggers, but swords, axes and scimitars at him.

"Oh man," gulped Carabiner. "You're in for a world of hurt, lil' dude."

Rumble's face drooped in a feeling of certain doom. The yak father across from Luna stood up from his cushion, nearly knocking up his side of the table. Snorting plumes of air out of his nostrils, the chieftain took in a draw of air for several seconds, before letting his booming voice loose.

"YAKS DESTRO-"

"HUH! Hapa khanuka cha kapa! HUH!" a wheeze suddenly came from the now awakened Dalai Yaka. The rest of the yaks and their guests all turned towards him, with the enraged father now sitting back down obediently. Everypony listened as the Yaka heaved himself up from his chair. "Hapa ku HAAAA chukachka! Yaka tu hayaka kana yakpa!" he announced in great flair.

"Dalai Yaka say he have enough with petty argument!" the squire translated.

"Kapta!" the Yaka exclaimed, now gesturing a withered hoof toward Rumble. "Yaka huhaka chachukana ku kapa tu! Shaku ha yaka KAAAAA tu chapkanu!"

"Dalai Yaka wishes to speak with pony prince in private!" said the squire.

"Me?! But why?!" quivered Rumble.

"You better go with it, dude." Carabiner said to him. "I've never seen the Yaka want to speak with an outsider before. This is totally the chance of a lifetime!"

"Kayacha huka!" the Yaka beckoned the colt.

With a slight shake rippling through his body, Rumble slowly walked over to the Dalai Yaka's side and followed the frail yak elder into the room he first appeared from. Luna, Carabiner and the chieftains looked amongst each other with uncertainty about what judgment would befall the young Prince from the holy leader of Yakyakistan.

Nearly three hours passed and the diplomatic party were still seated at the dining table, with mere scraps of food left on the platters. They had already finished off third cups of butter tea and their bowls of fruit yogurt for dessert. But still, the Dalai Yaka had not yet returned from his unknown conversation with Rumble. It was starting to be suspected that the colt had been tossed off a cliff.
But finally, after the long stretch of cold awkwardness, the far door opened at last and the two of them reentered the dining hall. Only this time, both the yaka and Rumble looked at peace. In fact, they were laughing wildly as they entered, as if they were old buddies coming from a long day of catching up. The Yaka put his hoof over Rumble's shoulder and announced to the others.

"Kachula ta kapka! Huka yana ku chata yaka! Ha ha ha ha ha!" the geezer bellowed as he continued to laugh and stumble over with Rumble.

"Dalai Yaka says pony prince is of pure spirit!" the squire interpreted. "Like one of many yak gods reborn!"

"Kutu kancha yakutu akta tu chak yap!" the Yaka said gleefully as he sat down. "Chu yakanku ta chapaku! Kata yuka ta chanchachka!"

"Dalai Yaka in good mood!" said the squire. "Trade deal will be settled by pony princess!"

At that moment, the yak chieftains began murmuring to each other in a surprised hush. After brief deliberation, the chieftain who fathered the little yak girl next to him stood and faced Luna. "Very well!" he announced. "Dalai Yaka's word is law! If Dalai Yaka happy, all yaks happy! Yaks agree to ponies' offer!"

"YAKS AGREE!!!" the other chieftains stood and boomed in unison.

Luna shook her head in astonishment then faced Rumble. "My good Prince, what on the moon hath happened between you and the Dalai Yaka?"

"Yeah, dude!" said Carabiner. "It's like your his best bro now!"

Rumble was still chuckling, a faint scent of dubious liquor on his breath. "Oh man, it was great!" he guffawed. "The Yaka is such a cool guy. We spent the whole time talking in his meditation room. I told him stories from school and he told about prophetic wisdom he learned from speaking to the heavens. And then, it was crazy! He taught me how to meditate and helped me find my center! And before I know it, I'm closing my eyes and gazing into this higher plain of enlightenment! And suddenly all my chakras and stuff are aligned! And when I finally opened my eyes, I felt totally...fine..."

"Whoa." Carabiner blinked. "So what did he say after that?"

Rumble stared into space, remembering the ominous words of his new friend. "Well, he told me...that when I die...on my deathbed...I will receive total consciousness...So I got that going for me...which is nice."

1,716 views