Karma

by Chemtest

Hunting

Turner sighs, “Okay... okay. You definitely seem different, so I’m not going to say this is all a lie.”

Silver smiles, “Good, we need to focus on more important matters. The one who caused this, we need to find them.”

Turner looks around them, at the destroyed town, “You are very right.”

Silver looks as well, “We need someone who can track magic. Where is Princess Twilight?”

Turner shakes his head, “In a coma from the damage you did to her. She’s not going to be available for a while. No, we need to find a tracker.”

Dinky jumps into the conversation, “Oh, I can try!”

Silver shakes his head, “You are fire magic, not tracking. Save the magic until our next fight.”

Their conversation is interrupted as they hear footsteps approaching. They all look over, and a human walks closer.

The human appears to wear simple clothing. It walks up to Silver, and points, “Silver, follow.”

All of them take a surprised step back. Turner shouts, “He just talked!”

Silver looks at the human closer, noticing that the circle in the man’s eyes is broken. It circles around, yet ends before it touches the other end.

Silver looks at the others, “That spell that kept humans animalistic, I believe it might be breaking.”

Turner looks at him, “How did you come to this conclusion?”

Silver smiles, “One, this is a human who is speaking, so it must be. Two, the circle in his eye is broken. If the circle represents the magic on humans, than it would make sense. The circle represents control from someone with a circle Cutie Mark, and the humans we fought had a star in their eyes. So, the one controller of them must have a star Cutie Mark. Three, the eyes are the major difference between me and them. I must have done something in Canterlot to slightly break the spell over them.”

Turner nods slightly, “Perhaps that is true. You did use a lot of magical energy up there. Perhaps this human is connected to the ones who caused this attack?”

The human puts a hand on Silver’s shoulder, “Silver follow.”

Silver holds up a hand, “Just a second.” He looks back at Turner, “The human might be connected, I’ll follow him. You accompany me.”

The human pulls, “Silver follow! No pony!”

Silver sighs, and nods, “I will, just give me one more second.” He looks at the others, “Follow far behind me.”

The human pulls Silver once again, and Silver pulls his arm free.

The man begins to run off to the west, and Silver jogs after.

Turner begins after them, until he hears the flap of wings, “Dinky!”

Dinky looks up, and smiles, “Mommy, you’re fine!”

Derpy lands, slightly stumbling from her injured leg, “Oh Celestia, Dinky, what are you doing out here?”

Dinky laughs, “Oh, we defeated the two humans!”

Derpy looks up, “You and Mister Turner?”

Dinky shakes her head, “No, me and Grey. He came back, and he’s better!”

Turner nods, “She is correct, Derpy. She and him defeated the two troublemakers. Now, we were about to track down the one who caused this mess.”

Derpy shakes her head, “Not with Dinky, you’re not! Do you even know what danger could be out there?”

Turner nods, “Plenty of it, Derpy, but look at your daughter. She is no normal filly, she is a master mage. She managed to defeat the two who caused this, she managed to defeat Kendrick when he defeated the entire Guard. There may be danger, Derpy, but Dinky is more dangerous and brilliant than it. Plus, she has me and Silver, she’ll be fine.”

Derpy looks down at her daughter, and sighs, “I can’t just let you go so young. If she is going somewhere, I’m coming with.”

Turner shakes his head, “Derpy, you are injured. You need to rest.”

Derpy shakes her head back, “I need to protect Dinky, Mister Turner. I trust you fully, you’ve helped us so many times in the past, but I need to do this.”

Turner looks at her for another second, before sighing, “We need to set off, then. They are going at a jog, so we need to walk pretty fast.” Turner smiles, “Oh, and don’t call me Mister Turner. If you are traveling with me, call me the Doctor.”

Derpy smiles, “Let’s set off, than, Doctor.”

Comments

[ThePonyWriterThing]

I know for a fact any story I would write with my current skill would be worse but this story completely breaks all my immersion with how quick everything is happening and how chill every character is about 'Silver' somehow doing two complete 180s?

No I won't keep reading... But on a positive note I will say that you are good at writing and defiantly would be a really great writer if you had a tad more skill/practice. (Note that I don't know if you have other stories and if they are better.) I definitely would read more of your stuff If you patched up and made a couple scenes a tad slower.

[Chemtest]

9858328
Well, I’m not going to beg for you to come back, but I will offer some explanation. Yes, things are a bit rushed, you are right and I won’t argue that.

Now, there is an in universe explanation for them being quickly accepting of Silver’s story. In spoilers for obvious reasons. So, Silver and Turner/Doctor have access to time travel. So, sometime in the future, they go back to Turner in the past and tell him about the situation so that present Silver won’t have to. They did the same with Derpy, Silver explaining the situation to her (though she doesn’t believe him as much). Dinky is, well, Dinky. She doesn’t really need to be told, she’s a filly of action. She sees her best friend back on his feet and protecting her, and she’ll go right along with it.

[ThePonyWriterThing]

9859488
Alright thanks for clearing things up!
I guess I was a bit harsh but things did seem a bit odd... I might come back and read more of this (Despite what I previously said) as you seem like a pretty cool author that has tons of room to improve

[Chemtest]

9859503
Oh no, you were completely right with what you said in the end. After all, the main criticism that things seem a bit rushed is something I will easily agree with. My writing style makes it so longer stories are harder to do, although I have been getting better. Also, in the end, this is a rewrite of a previous story, so I struggle to find new conflicts to happen.