The Beginning
It was the first night of Summer, Spike didn't go to school, but Twilight did give him a vacation from work this time of year, and there was no way he was gonna waste it, or at the very least he was gonna waste it his way, he had planed to stay in his room, but Twilight was having a sleep over, and they had started playing music from some stupid colt band, naturally he had fled the castle to spare his ears, as he walked he looked to the stars, the girls where celebrating to defeat of some chimera that had rampaged threw town. Spike sighed
"I wish I could be brave like them, but all I did was run and hide" Spike closed his eyes and sighed once more "I wish I could help them out" he opened them and saw a shooting star "wow....WHOA!" Spike yelped as the star suddenly acted like it had hit an invisible wall and ricocheted down to earth, in a flash of light a crater was formed 20 feet in front of Spike. Spike was silent for a second, then ran to the crater and looked in to see a stage metal orb. before he could do more it opened up to reveal a cool looking watch.
"Whoa!" Spike said as he made his way into the crater and reached for it, his hand stopped when he realized it might not be smart to touch some weird space watch, but too late, the Watch moved on its own and clamped down on Spikes' wrist, Spike did the reasonable thing, he freaked out 'GEA!! GET OFF!!! GET OFF, GET OFF, GET OFF!!" After a good minute of freaking, Spike calmed down...
"OK, so maybe if I hit this button it might co..." the Watches top popped up and showed a black figure on the dial, Spike looked at it for a second then sighed "I know I'm gonna regret this, but I'm just too curious" Spike pressed down on the dial and was blinded by green light, when he opened his eyes he found
"I'm now on fire, good thing I'm a dragon, I'll just....no....no I'm not on fire...I'M MADE OF FIRE!!!" Spike looked around at his new body. As he looked around he held out his hand and shot jets of fire out of his palms.
"Dude! this is so cool, I look and sound like some weird monster dude!!" the symbol on his chest suddenly beeped and talked to him.
"Incorrect, Current Alien Species: Pyronite. Home Planet: The Star Pyros" Heatblast looked down at the symbol.
"So are you alive or something?" The Symbol did not reply "Weird...everything about this is weird and cool at the same time" he looked around and was just about to turn around and go back to the castle to tell Twilight when he heard a familiar Scream "That was Apple Bloom!" Heatblast turned and ran in the direction of the scream and ended up at the edge of Sweet apple acres. in front of him, a small group of Timber Wolves where attempting to get at Apple Bloom and Big Mac, Big Mac was fighting them off with a Shovel, but they were closing in
"Hold on" Heatblast said as he jumped into action and punched one of the Wolves on the top of its head, it turned and snarled, but instantly whimpered at the living Fire in front of it, it ran back and as soon as all the Timberwolves noticed all they turned tail and ran as fast as they could. "hu..Guess they're scared of Me" Heatblast remarked as he looked at the stunned duo in front of him "You two all right?" after a second Apple bloom looked at him and asked, "Are you a superhero?" Big mac cut her off "Doesn't matter, if it weren't for you me and my sister would be dog food" Heatblast smiled and after thinking for a second he said "No problem, I just um...crashed here, but I'm Glad I could help" and with that he turned and with his palms down, Blasted off into the night. "Wow," Apple Bloom said as she and Big Mac hurried home "That guy was cool"
Heatblast flew back to the field he had found the watch when the symbol on his chest turned red and with a loud beep and a flash of red, He was Spike again. He was Silent for a second then looked at the now red watch and said "Look's Like my wish came true"
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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You want to avoid putting parentheses like this in. It pulls someone out of the story, which is not good at all
a bit fast, like the sudden knowledge of his powers when he decided to FLY AWAY, and definitely lacks descriptions, like what Cloverleaf pointed out, but other than that, I'm enjoying it so far
I'll like to take a guess on why you swapped three of aliens out. 1 Upgrade because the tech level of Equestria as a planet is very low so Upgrade doesn't have anything to truly work with. 2 Ripjaws because there ain't too many locations with a lot of water in Equestria and you can't rely on rain because the Pegasus control it. 3 Graymatter because Spike is already very small against a lot of the villain cast and he lived with Twilight for a good chunk of his life so of course she's going to teach him a lot whether he wants to or not so Spike is already intelligent (not Graymatter smart but still smart) and Graymatter's hyperintelligence makes him difficult to write at times.
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Three swings Three hits