Alrighty then where to start where to start? Firstly I loved the attention to detail and the imagery that you used. The flow and pacing of this first chapter were also done well. I was completely invested for most of the read. though the switching of points of view were jarring at the beginning it didn't subtract from the immersion. It was a bit long, but completely okay. I greatly enjoyed it. Leaving us with a somber tone and a sense of suspense before the next chapter. Without reading the next chapter I can't say if that's a pro or a con, but after reading this I'm sure the next chapter will definitely deliver. I did find two mistakes the first is this.
Finally drained, Blue collapsed with a groan, feeling the pain begin to worsen. The adrenaline was wearing off quickly; soon, the pain would he unbearable.
I believe you meant to use "be" instead of "he". The second was when Fluttershy said there was a bad storm ongoing instead of going on. But really that's just a stylistic choice. All in all I could see it. I could hear it, I could read it good job. I look forward to the next chapter.
I really apologise for not returning the favor or replying to you. I got caught up with life stuff and I've been gone a couple months. I'll see if maybe I can get around to checking out one of your stories and giving some feedback.
Nice Work
8684029
Thanks.
8684141
Thanks! Doesn't sound crazy to me.
If this story isn't going to have a happy ending, then why does it have "hope" in the title?
8692620
I didn't say it wouldn't have a happy ending. Lol
Alrighty then where to start where to start? Firstly I loved the attention to detail and the imagery that you used. The flow and pacing of this first chapter were also done well. I was completely invested for most of the read. though the switching of points of view were jarring at the beginning it didn't subtract from the immersion. It was a bit long, but completely okay. I greatly enjoyed it. Leaving us with a somber tone and a sense of suspense before the next chapter. Without reading the next chapter I can't say if that's a pro or a con, but after reading this I'm sure the next chapter will definitely deliver. I did find two mistakes the first is this.
I believe you meant to use "be" instead of "he". The second was when Fluttershy said there was a bad storm ongoing instead of going on. But really that's just a stylistic choice. All in all I could see it. I could hear it, I could read it good job. I look forward to the next chapter.
8705512
I really apologise for not returning the favor or replying to you. I got caught up with life stuff and I've been gone a couple months. I'll see if maybe I can get around to checking out one of your stories and giving some feedback.
Okay, I am hooked! Awesome work!