Iron Mountain

by computerneek

Failing 103

I’m still not sure exactly what happened in the Princesses’ dining room. As soon as I made my announcement to them, both comsets went off the air in a burst of static, alongside a blaze of purple light, visible to the naked eye in daylight from 93.47 kilometers away. I doublecheck my AM screens, widen their bands a bit, and light up a few more, just to be sure. I also pour 90% of current mana production into the reinforcement of my (now active) battlescreens, something my design cores offered only 3.91 seconds ago- the moment before I made the revelation.

The guard actually opens the door this time. “Everything okay in…”

He pauses, his eyes growing wide, and withdraws, closing the door swiftly. It takes him almost three full hours to regain his professional stance. Exactly what had he seen?

Two princesses appear on the dark side of the moon in a blaze of light- and collapse instantly onto the cold, hard stone, breathing heavily.

“Th-th-that…” Celestia stutters.

Luna spends a few more seconds recuperating before she responds, brushing soot out of her mane. “What exactly did you do with that teapot?”

Ninety-eight. I’m still not sure how Twilight thinks an axe might help restore her magic.

Ninety-nine. Only reason I haven’t invoked the remote shutoff on her comset is ‘cause she’s interesting.

One hundred. Somehow, death by Hellbore doesn’t sound like a solution for a living mare.

One oh- No, that’s a duplicate of #47: Have Pinkie slam her castle door in her face thirty times fast.

One oh one. Unearth my aft hull by her hoofpower alone, there to claim the magic crystal hidden underneath.

One oh two. Unearth me, so I can join her in the library to find a solution. Yes, my nanites distracted her flawlessly during her scans of the surrounding terrain, before the Elements were reclaimed.

One oh- Nope, repeat of #3, which she’s tried twice and mentioned 493 times: Use the Elements to restore her magic. Only, she can’t seem to activate them without her magic.

One oh-

“... But we’ve already tried that, maybe if I could find a spell to fix my magic…” Twilight’s unbroken monologue finally draws to a close as she breaks out an advanced magic book to locate the spell with which she could restore her power to function.

“Highscore! One hundred and three different ways to- or not to- restore your magic!”

“A hundred and three? But I brainstormed for HOURS!”

“And repeated yourself fourteen thousand, two hundred eighteen times.”

“Did not!”

“Did to, I counted. I believe the record holder is using the Elements to restore your power-”

“Wow, good idea!”

“-which has been tried twice and mentioned four hundred ninety four times, and also holds the record- at eighteen- for the number of times it was mentioned in a row.”

Twilight’s jaw cycles open and shut again several times. “I wasn’t that bad!”

Spike stretches himself, yawning loudly. “Were too,” he mumbles, heading for the kitchen.

“Was not!”

“Were too…” His voice disappears as he disappears around the corner.

Clink-clink-clink.

Twilight’s eyes widen momentarily, a look of pure terror taking over her face. She starts whirling back towards her friends even as she responds to Spike’s retreating tail. “WAS NOOoooo...t?”

Pinkie Pie screams out her laughter for the entire town to hear.

Rainbow Dash blinks twice, and bursts out laughing as well. “You should see your face!”

The other three are no exceptions, all laughing crazy- except Fluttershy, who’s snickering behind a hoof.

Only, she had already been snickering before she turned. And, if she recalls correctly, that triple-click feature functions so fast it’s done before she even hears the third tap. Which means, of course, Zeus probably already has permanent recordings of her no doubt laughable situation.

“How bad?” Applejack asks, between snickers.

“Uh-” Twilight blushes. “Not very?”

A raised eyebrow and a com call later, Applejack begins laughing. “Eighteen times in a row!? That is a new record! … wait, what?” She pauses, staring at the floor for a few seconds. “You’re telling me it’s a record high ratio of new ideas to repeat ideas of one to a hun’red ‘n forty?!?”

Spike sticks his head back into the room. “What? … I guess she wasn’t that bad after all.”

Everypony stares at him. “What?” Applejack asks.

Twilight, her blush standing out like a red-face on a purple alicorn, faceplants the floor- and ignores the piercing pain when her horn strikes the aforementioned surface. “I’m not proud of that.”

“It’s better than normal,” Spike laughs. “One to two hundred indeed!”

“HEY!” Fragments of crystal flooring fly as she yanks her head back up.

Even Fluttershy breaks out laughing- but Zeus remains courteously silent.

---

“Halt.”

Discord pauses in front of the pegasus guard. “I felt something weird in their dining room.”

The guard raises an eyebrow, and shares a glance with his companion. “Please wait here,” he says, and disappears through the door into Canterlot Castle’s private sectors. Shortly, he emerges with another guard, this one visibly shaken.

Discord raises an eyebrow at the broken professionalism, before catching it short of the ceiling when he hears the alarms ringing through the castle. He remains silent, though.

The new guard steels his nerves. “If you would follow me, Sir?”

At this, Discord nods solemnly, following the guard through the door and down the short stretch of hallway to the dining room. When the door is finally opens, Discord is forced to pick his jaw up off the floor. He certainly hadn’t expected that.

“Ah, um, that would explain the feeling.” He glances down at the guard, considering for a second- and grimaces. While he could certainly sow chaos by withholding the warning, this could kill ponies, and he wouldn’t want that. Especially not now that he has friends like Twilight Sparkle- or dear Fluttershy. “This is… actually, even I can’t quite do this, it’s a unique Alicorn power. Be careful- it is deadly to anything that isn’t an Alicorn, even myself.”

The door shortly lands shut. “We’ll keep it locked, then,” the Guard captain says, trotting up behind him after giving the signal to close the door. “Do you know where they’ve gone?”

At this, Discord contemplates his next action. He could sow chaos either way, he decides. If he tells them where the Princesses are, everypony will panic. If he doesn’t, the chaos might last longer- and be more destructive. However, his friends, the Elements- or, since they have their stones back, probably ‘Element Bearers’- will be disappointed in him if he doesn’t tell. He’d hate to disappoint Fluttershy.

Only, as he looks back at the closed door as if tracing the spell, he realizes the chaos caused by telling the guards could very easily get ponies killed. Thus, if he takes word to Princess Twilight and friends independently, after telling the Guards he can’t find them… He dons a puzzled expression.

“I’m afraid not,” he replies. Next, he more truthfully adds that “I’m afraid I can’t trace that kind of magic.”

Almost ten minutes later, he manages to escape the castle without looking suspicious. It just wouldn’t do to ignite that kind of curiosity amidst the budding chaos. His new destination, though, he doesn’t need to be quite so careful about… Oh but wait, Twilight is in the middle of one of her brainstorming rants. He shrugs, completely invisible, and settles down to wait it out. He starts a tally of how many fresh ideas she comes up with, but falls asleep before he hits thirteen- and after a whopping eighty repeats. What on Equis is a ‘nanite’ anyways…?

Author's Note:

Ack! Another shortie! Oh well, I'm kinda nasty at SoL anyways... Might even get away with another SoL chapter before I nuke Equestria with the next plot progression point!

... No, that iswas not a spoiler.

Comments

[LostArchivist]

Lol. What did they even do?

Very good noodle-incident writing.

[tsaukpaetra]

Celestia and Luna had a foal?