Comma's between the first and second Wait, and one between wait and I, and just incase, I'd personally add First behind up.
Fortunately Applebloom
Comma after 'fortunately'.
After her shower
Should be a comma after 'shower', I think.
Rainbow Dash perused for the both of them
Not entirely sure what you mean by Perused. Perhaps you meant to put 'ordered'?
What's really wrong baby?
Comma after, 'wrong'
You're nervous about the sleep over this weekend aren't you?
Comma after weekend. Also Sleepover is one word, not two.
the breif scuffle they evaporated as they finished their meal.
Umm... I think the main characters just died from eating STEAMED HAMS. I Think you should put 'had' between 'they' and 'evaporated', just so no one else gets interally STEAMED by the HAMS. I'm sorry, I couldn't resist, Seymour.
when they finish
Finished would probably be more appropriate. Also, comma after Finished.
Applejack and Rainbow Dash quietly begin to make their way back.
Begin should be began, I believe. Alright, that's all I found, but there's probably more, but I'm just gonna leave those for anyone who wants points.
8849810 Wow that was a lot. The only one I didn't change was the perused one. That was teh right word. Since Rainbow Dash is going to order for Applejack anyway, Applejack didn't bother with looking at the menu so Rainbow Dash was looking to find something for both of them. All of that other stuff was right though. I'm going to award you a whopping 750,000 bonus points.
One more mistake I found was this one, and I think it's kinda funny.
Fortunately, Applebloom was good enough to design,
I think 'to', needs to be 'with', in this case, but when I first read it, I thought it meant AJ and RD were designing a lifesize wooden model of Applebloom to use during their relationship. You can probably guess how confused I was.
8854797 The sentence is correct the way it is. The emphasis in that sentence is on the word was. Fortunately, Applebloom was good enough to design. Meant to be read like Aj and RD weren't that great, but Applebloom was. Difficulty of text is people don't always read it with the intonation you intended.
Nice little chapter, Time to do an error check.
Comma's between the first and second Wait, and one between wait and I, and just incase, I'd personally add First behind up.
Comma after 'fortunately'.
Should be a comma after 'shower', I think.
Not entirely sure what you mean by Perused. Perhaps you meant to put 'ordered'?
Comma after, 'wrong'
Comma after weekend. Also Sleepover is one word, not two.
Umm... I think the main characters just died from eating STEAMED HAMS. I Think you should put 'had' between 'they' and 'evaporated', just so no one else gets interally STEAMED by the HAMS. I'm sorry, I couldn't resist, Seymour.
Finished would probably be more appropriate. Also, comma after Finished.
Begin should be began, I believe.
Alright, that's all I found, but there's probably more, but I'm just gonna leave those for anyone who wants points.
8849810
Wow that was a lot. The only one I didn't change was the perused one. That was teh right word. Since Rainbow Dash is going to order for Applejack anyway, Applejack didn't bother with looking at the menu so Rainbow Dash was looking to find something for both of them. All of that other stuff was right though. I'm going to award you a whopping 750,000 bonus points.
8854538
One more mistake I found was this one, and I think it's kinda funny.
I think 'to', needs to be 'with', in this case, but when I first read it, I thought it meant AJ and RD were designing a lifesize wooden model of Applebloom to use during their relationship. You can probably guess how confused I was.
8854797
The sentence is correct the way it is. The emphasis in that sentence is on the word was. Fortunately, Applebloom was good enough to design. Meant to be read like Aj and RD weren't that great, but Applebloom was. Difficulty of text is people don't always read it with the intonation you intended.