The tale of Frost, Peppermint Frost

by Peppermint Frost

Old Times

A young mare walked around a dark bedroom, which was faintly lit by a few rays of golden light piercing through half-closed curtains. She eventually settled herself on a bed and reached out for an album on her desk.

Her house, which was beside the Crystal Empire, was quite like a library, with book shelves in many corners. In her study, books could quite often be seen on the floor and on furniture. Stacks of papers and files were also among the mess. Occasionally, a few strange objects would be brought, and she would spend hours studying them.

Peppermint sighed. Time had really flown over the years. Her hoof softly turned over the pages of the album, until she stopped at a worn out photo filling the whole page. It was an old photograph, on the day she graduated from Magic school, posing with all her classmates. Her former teacher, Princess Celestia was also standing there, and so was her mother, who was putting a hoof around the mint-blue mare. A tear splattered over the photo cover, and Peppermint wiped it away and smiled vaguely.

But soon enough, that feeling was washed away with grief and anger. She scowled, and slammed the album before tossing it on the bed with her magic. Then, she threw her saddlebag over her back before leaving her house. She looked at the meadow in front of her and took a deep breath.

---

"Hey Twilight!" Pinkie exclaimed as she bounced into Twilight's room. "Whatcha looking at?"

"Oh, just rummaging through an old photo album Pinkie," Twilight sighed. "A yearbook from the wonderful days I had spent at Magic school."

Pinkie stared at the current page Twilight was in. "Oooh, who is she?" She asked, pointing to a large photo that looked more creased then the rest.

"Well, the ponies standing next to Princess Celestia are my old classmates: You know Moon Dancer, Minuette, Twinkleshine and Lemon Hearts and I." She smiled, before pointing to a different pony. "And the last mare is Peppermint, but we call her Icicle."

"I don't think I've ever seen her before," Pinkie said as she pointed towards the turquoise pony in the photo.

"Oh, Icicle moved away from Canterlot," Twilight sighed sadly. "Somewhere near the Crystal Empire, she'd said before leaving. We all miss her."

"I'm really sorry about that Twilight."

Twilight smiled. "You know what Pinkie, I've been sitting inside here long enough. It's a nice day, we should be outdoors. Why don't we head to Sweet Apple Acres and get some cider?"

"Sure thing, Twilight! Oh wait- I've got freshly baked vanilla-caramel cupcakes, we could eat them on the way there!"

"Pinkie, where'd you- Oh never mind."

Author's Note:

Rewrote again, and more on the past coming later.

Comments

[DeshLune]

Another chapter done, another chapter closer to the end (until more chapters come out). Like many things I have something to say about this one; redundant word choice, and characterization; honestly, I don't have too much to... complain about. This chapter has shown to be much better in some regards.

Let's cover word choice and why I added redundant to it. "Her house, which was quite next to the Crystal Empire, was quite like a library--" This part of the writing is the thing that falls under my focus the most; "was quite" is added in such a redundant (able to be omitted without loss of meaning) choice, that it has become a distraction. I had to go back and reread the sentence to make sure I read it correctly. It messes with the flow of the story's structure that it would only be beneficial to change it. Something along the way of: "Her house, which rested near the Crystal Empire, was much like a library--" that is just one variation that could help improve it. Try different things, but remember to keep things natural.

Next up is one that will be... difficult to talk about, characterization; mostly it has to deal with the dialogue between Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle about the time at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. It doesn't quite read right. I didn't get too much sense of emotion behind it (I'm not saying it is bare), yet it also doesn't play out how the characters would really be talking -- Twilight is a grammar-horse, and Pinkie is an upbeat happy-go-lucky type. Twilight's lines would read as being grammatically correct (in speech) and Pinkie... well... Pinkie is Pinkie (I'm sorry that I can't help too much with her). I'll rewrite one of the lines that stick out the most:

"That's Princess Celestia, and beside her is Moon Dancer, me, Minuette, Twinkleshine, Lemon Hearts and Icicle."

"That would be Moondancer, Minuette, Twinkleshine, Lemon Hearts, Icicle, and I; along with Princess Celestia of course."

It is clear and to the point. The type of thing that Twilight would under normal circumstances use; also she knows Pinkie would know the Princess, everypony knows the Princess. Depending on when this takes place, she may or may not know that Pinkie knows the others, it all depends on when this takes place in canon (the series).

I'm just going to make the assumption that "Icicle" would be Peppermint. Anyway, I am wondering what happened at the school that would cause such a turn of events to unfold for this chapter. I am also expecting (perhaps hoping is a better word) that Twilight visits with her old classmate. Before I leave, I better mention this: titles will have the first and last words capitalized along with any important words in-between (or you could go with all as some people do). Until the next chapter.