Chapter 5
Pocornia slammed the door behind her, quickly locking it. She walked to the center of her home’s living room then collapsed upon a rough bed of white carpeting, holding a picture frame against her chest fur. “Just...breathe…” she told herself. “I got it back...that’s what matters.”
“Ki, Kitty!” Pocornia called “C’mere Kitty!”
Pocornia’s pet spider crawled up to her, awaiting a command.
“Go up stairs and web up my bedroom windows and hurry!” Pocornia instructed.
Her pet spider crawled upstairs to her room, leaving her alone. She raised the picture frame she held to eye level, studying every detail of Sapphire Shore’s complexion. The way her fur rested against her skin as if it never needed to be brushed and how her golden eyes glistened like stars in the night sky. Pocornia reminisced over the time she learned that Sapphire Shores had a be loud and stand out type of personality. “I’m sorry…” Pocornia mumbled “I’m an awful pony!”
Pocornia shook as she heard the jarring slippery hiss only a snake could emit. Her teary eyes darted to one of the living room windows. She hastily stood up upon seeing a broom, pile of wood planks, nails and a hammer materialize out of thin air. She grabbed those items and quickly used them to board up her home’s windows. She looked back at one window she had boarded up and saw a giant snake pressing it’s table-sized head against a few boards. She ran up to the window and brushed the snakes face with her broom’s prickly bristles, prompting the snake to lurch backward, sneezing loudly.
“No, stay out!” Pocornia shouted with a scowl on her face,intently peering into the snakes orb like eyes.
The snake hissed back at the angry pony then slithered away. Pocornia watched the snake retreat then turned to her front door with construction materials in her hooves. She boarded up her front door then walked to her bedroom and sat down, allowing her pet spider to affectionately crawl onto her lap. “Everything’s okay now.” She said followed by a heavy sigh. “It’s fine...”
Pocornia peered at the gap underneath her door after she heard a soft breeze flow underneath it.
“Popcorn…” Called what sounded like The Dark Pony’s flimsy voice.
“In here!” Pocornia replied.
A black ball appeared in front of Pocornia, The Dark Pony emerging from it. “We must speak…” The Dark Pony stated.
“Uh, okay?” Pocornia replied, silently wondering if the Dark Pony’s presence meant that the snake outside her home had been dealt with.
“I was sent to you...for a reason.” The Dark Pony drew a breath. “And I believe you...have answered my questions.”
Pocornia narrowed her brows. “What are you getting at?” Gently, Pocornia pushed her spider away who rushed under a nearby blanket.
“Popcorn, I serve...a powerful force and sometimes. I am told to find a pony, like you, to test.” The Dark Pony took a long deep breath. “Despite the nature of your transgression...You genuinely sought penance.” The Dark Pony pointed at Pocornia’s scared arm. “Marking yourself...blade unto flesh.”
A strained thoughtful look appeared on Pocornia’s face.
“I think you deserve a second chance, to have your log cabin and Sapphire!”
Pocornia’s mouth dropped, her eyes growing wide. “how?”
“Unfortunately, I cannot tell you how, yet.” The Dark Pony replied.
“What, why!”” Pocornia shouted aggressively. “Your telling me I could fix everything!” Pocornia clenched her teeth, growling her words. “But you won’t tell me how!”
The Dark Pony lowered his head. “My master remains...unconvinced.” He replied “But he will change his mind, given time.”
“Well tell your master!” Pocornia shouted.
“Popcorn!” The Dark Pony interrupted. “You must understand...I am trying to give you a chance...to make a choice other ponies can’t, because unlike you, They did not deserve that chance.” The Dark Pony placed a hoof on Pocornia’s shoulder. “But if you don’t consider the value of your nightmares. You will perish!”
Pocornia nodded agreeingly.
“I have to leave…” The Dark Pony said.
“Wait!” Pocornia cried. “I don’t understand!”
Pocornia grabbed onto The Dark Pony to keep him from teleporting away. “I want to fix everything!” Pocornia pleaded. “I know I have a bad temper sometimes, but I don’t know why I got so mad at her!” Her eyes watered as she made her case. “I’ve never been like that before!” Pocornia shook her head. “Never!”
For a moment, The Dark Pony felt a surreal mix of fear and optimism wash over him. Perhaps, he might be a bit more invested in Pocornia than he realized. “I have to go…”
The Dark Pony pulled away from Pocornia, noticing a sense of need or perhaps desire to understand float behind her eyes.
“Why do you always sound like you’re having trouble breathing?” Pocornia asked.
“I did not get a second chance.” The Dark Pony replied.
“Oh…” Empathically, Pocornia’s ears lowered.
“Work on your log cabin...you’re almost done.” The Dark Pony replied. “Now, I have to go.”
The Dark Pony gradually vanished into a black fog that dispersed into sheer nothingness.
Pocornia sat, brooding on the nature of her conversation with the Dark Pony. Later, she left her room, walking downstairs into her living room. She approached a boarded window then looked outside, her eyes searching for the snake. As she stepped away from the window she saw a growing shadow looking over her. She looked over her shoulder and saw the giant green snake hovering over her, looking down at her with what she interpreted as a menacing if not murderous gaze.
The snake carefully picked the squealing pony up, holding it behind it’s fangs. It could feel it’s lips tingle as the pony tried to squirm out of it’s grasp. The snake slithered back into the forest, taking the pony to a part of the woods it knew the pony would not be familiar with then the snake spat the pony onto the ground.
Pocornia lay on the ground, watching the snake. Suddenly it began to morph in what could only be called a grotesque manner. The snake’s head began to collapse inward toward the body, forming what appeared to be a large dough-ball then the snake’s body began to melt until its entire form liquified. It all made a disgusting noise, she thought, squishy and sick. Unexpectedly, the doughy mush started to take shape. As she watched, an Alicorn formed from the muck, and then changed color. In the place of the snake now stood a dark blue pony, wearing legal attire. It’s horn lit, marking her with its light. Then it spoke.
“I am Luna, Princess of the night. Introduce yourself to me.” The Alicorn said, her voice sounding both loud, regal and royal.
Pocornia lay stiff, choosing not to offer the monarch a response.
“What is your name?” Luna asked, using a low tone of voice to convey mild displeasure. “Why won’t you answer me? You know who I am, don’t you?”
“Yeah, but you stole something that belonged to me. I don’t want to talk to you.” Pocornia replied.
“I needed to lead you away from Father Emerald.” Luna stated.
“Father Emerald?” Pocornia asked.
“Stop…”
Luna looked, seeing The Dark Pony standing a few feet away from her then she returned her gaze to Pocornia. “He is not your friend, I don’t know what he has told you, but he is not your friend!”
A black cloud steamed from The Dark Pony’s body, every hair of his coat stiffening into needles. “Time has not soothed my hatred for you, Luna…”
Luna lit her horn, magical energies sparking off her horn’s tip. “Me and my sister both regret what happened to you, but you have left the living world, be it by your choice or not. You cannot continue to meddle with the living. You must accept your fate!” Luna asserted, her voice sounding loud and clear.
“You two know each other?” Pocornia questioned.
“His name is Father Emerald. What is your name and where do you live?” Luna asked while keeping her eyes on her opponent.
Pocornia heard a twig snap, she looked and saw The Werewolf hiding behind two trees. He held a finger in front of his snout, motioning for Pocornia to be quiet.
“Father Emerald, leave her alone, let her live her life!” Luna pleaded.
“Emerald, shut her up!” Commanded the Werewolf as he dashed towards Pocornia, swooping her up over his shoulders.
“Arrrrrghaaaa!” The Dark Pony screamed, his warcry echoing through the woods. Crackling bolts of lightning shot off his hooves towards Luna, but Luna had already dodged them. She responded by launching black spheres of energy at the Dark Pony that zipped through the air, sounding like nails scratching against a chalkboard.
Pocornia kept trying to wiggle out of the Werewolf’s grasp. “You can’t be a part of this!” The werewolf growled. “Why are they fighting, why can’t I help?” Pocornia replied as she looked over her shoulder, watching a stray bolt of lightning fly over her head only to hit a nearby mound of dirt that exploded on impact. Dirt flew everywhere, covering her and the Werewolf “That’s why!” The Werewolf replied. “You dare threaten me?” Luna yelled at the top of her lungs. “Criminal!” She screamed as she threw bolts of magic at the Dark Pony who was following behind the Werewolf. “Don’t go back to the log cabin!”
“She has to look at the window!” The Werewolf retorted.
Thoughts raced through The Dark Pony’s mind as Luna gave chase to him and his associates. He came to a quick realization then uttered a few magical words, casting a duplication spell himself, The Werewolf and Pocornia. Mirror images of the fleeing trio spawned then ran off in different directions, confusing Luna. Unknowingly, Luna started to follow one of the fake trios, allowing the real trio to escape and return to Pocornia’s log cabin.
The Werewolf carried Pocornia up to her room then laid her down on her rollout mattress. “Look at the window!” He commanded.
Pocornia laid, quietly focusing on the window in her room. She watched as the dark night sky turned violet as the moon descended then the sky turned a crystal blue color and the glorious yellow sun rose. “Uh, was I asleep?” Pocornia asked expecting The Werewolf to answer, but when she turned to look at him. He seemed to have vanished along with The Dark Pony.
“Where did…” Pocornia’s voice trailed off.
Pocornia sat up and looked around for her kitty. It emerged from under a blanket then crawled up onto her shoulder. She coaxed it onto her arm then held it up in front of her face. “Tap once for yes, twice for no.” She said. “Do you remember me telling you to web up my windows?”
The Spider tapped its leg twice.
“Did you ever leave this room after we went to bed?”
The Spider topped its leg twice.
“Did somepony else come in here?”
Oddly, the spider did not respond.
“Did somepony else come in here?” Pocornia asked again.
The spider tapped its leg once.
“Was he a Dark Pony?” The spider tapped it’s leg twice.
Her pet spider’s response confused her thus the conclusion she assumed she would come to became impossible. However she thought she should keep asking her pet questions.
“What about a big furry dog?”
The Spider tapped it’s leg twice.
“Was it a pony who came in here?”
The spider tapped its leg once.
Pocornia was about to ask if an alicorn had entered her room, her pet spider pointed a leg at her. “Was it me?” Pocornia asked as she fearfully leaned back, her eyes widening.
The spider tapped its leg once, yes…
A faint repetitive knocking sound caught Pocornia’s ears. She stood up and went downstairs, opening her front door and saw Fluttershy smiling at her. “Hi Pocornia.” She cooed.
“Oh…Hi.” Pocornia replied.
“Oh, your living room looks lovely.” Fluttershy commented while looking over Pocornia’s shoulder. “I mean I’m sure you’ve decorated a lot of living rooms given your profession, but I really like what you did here.”
Pocorina cocked her head overhead over her shoulder, feeling completely blown away when she saw that her living room’s walls and the ceiling had been repaired. No more chipped paint, cracks, holes or insulation hanging out of the walls, just flat painted surfaces. Also, a comfortable looked couched had been appropriately positioned across from an antique record player placed on top of the fireplace.
“Can I come in, does the record player work?” Fluttershy asked with an enthusiastic smile.
“Um…Yeah I’ll get you a drink.” Pocornia replied, walking to her kitchen with Fluttershy following behind her.
‘Oh my, Pocornia, I should hire you to redo my kitchen.” Fluttershy commented as her eyes surveyed the kitchen. The floor checkered tiling, thin see-through white drapes in the windows and the pristinely painted countertops and cabinets all went together perfectly “Were you going for a colonial look?”
At that point, Pocornia had never felt so confused before in her life. She could not remember having done any work to her log cabin, but to her disbelieve every repair she had planned had been completed. “I’m speechless.” She replied.
“You're just being modest, letting your work speak for itself.” Fluttershy added.
“Kitty!” Pocornia called.
Pocornia’s pet spider emerged from behind a broom and bucket. It crawled up Pocornia’s leg until it reached her arm. She lifted him up to eye level. “At least you look like yourself!”
“Hey, so I don’t have anything planned today which is why I came over. I thought maybe me and you could go into town, but only if you don’t have plans.” Fluttershy cordially explained.
“I...could use a break.” Pocornia replied. “Kitty, I’m going into town for a bit. You have to stay here.” Pocornia said as she carefully placed her kitty on the kitchen counter.
The spider folded its two front legs.
“Okay Fluttershy, lets go!” Pocornia said.
Together the two Pegasi made their way into Ponyville. For a while, they window-shopped then they went inside a fast food place called the Hay Burger. Fluttershy explained to Pocornia that the Hayburger was widely recognized as Ponyville’s second most popular hangout, second only to Sugarcube Corner.
“My other friend Twilight likes to come here.” Fluttershy said after she sipped her drink.
Pocornia took a big bite out of a triple-decker hay burger she ordered then wiped her sauce covered mouth. “I can see why!” Pocornia commented. “Have I met Twilight yet?”
“No, she is the Princess of Friendship so she's usually too busy to hangout.” Fluttershy replied.
“Wait, you know a princess?” Pocornia asked, surprised to hear that from the seemingly shy pegasus.
“Yes, in fact I know all of the princesses and so do my other friends.” Fluttershy replied.
Pocornia screwed her eyes “Who’s the dark one?”
“Princess Luna, why do you ask?” Fluttershy apprehensively responded.
Pocornia’s eyes shifted about as she thought about her recent nightmare. “She is just interesting, is all.”
A long lasting silence engrossed the two ponies. “Sometimes…” Fluttershy said as she leaned forward a bit so other patrons would not hear her. “She enters a pony’s dream and tries to help them with a problem their having.” Fluttershy explained. “She has helped me in the past, did she help you?”
Pocornia sat silently, wondering how The Dark Pony and Princess Luna were connected. Clearly, they knew each other and had a score to settle, but what did that have to do with her. Why was she caught between two combatants?
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Ok, I like this chapter better. More dialogue and exposition between key characters make the reader feel the story is moving forward. That's good!
Fluttershy is here again! Yay!
There are some parts that need a little more work but overall, everything is great. I understood all that was happening without having to reread entire paragraphs this time.
She is actually demanding Pocornia to introduce herself more than just saying/asking considering the tone she used.
Equestria is a diarchy (coregency) not a monarchy, both princesses corule the entire place. To call Princess Luna a monarch is not necessarily correct.
The keyword here is "for" today. If you are asking what the person plans to do today, then "planned for today" apply. If you want to know if they have any plans for today or for tomorrow or next week, then "planned today" is the best formulation. Also, "you and I", not "me and you".
This is how I would fix it.
Ok, transition here is almost non-existent. Lets try to add more flavor.
Transitions, you can make them feel natural by throwing a little conversation every now and then. Give something for the characters to talk/do while moving them from place to place.
I'm just being picky here.
Lastly, the last 2 paragraph sound weird. Try and read the dialogue and actions by yourself and tell me if it does or doesn't sound unnatural and out of order.
These dialogues sound more natural to me. What's your opinion?
At the end of all, it is a nice chapter. I'm having fun reading. Keep up the good work!