Christmas was now over and the end of the year was approaching, and soon New Year’s Eve celebration would be upon them. That time of the year where everypony would celebrate the ending year as well as welcoming the new. All of Equestria would celebrate all night long with their friends, families and lovers, and then they would sleep during the day of the first day of the New Year. It was least to say one of Luna’s favoured days of the year.
Several days had now passed by since the grand Christmas Eve celebration where Luna and Twilight had shared their rather unique experience with each other and most of the ponydom to behold. Ever since their little ‘collision’ Twilight had been sleeping alongside Luna inside her bedchambers within the celestial castle and Celestia had been very busy with all the preparations for both Christmas Eve and now New Year’s Eve that she hadn’t really have had the time to oblige the two about their newfound relationship.
Celestia was sitting at the dining table early morning at New Year’s Day, but she wasn’t alone; at the other end of the long majestic marble table were the two newly formed lovebirds, giggling and teasing each other as they were both sharing one chair and one plate of breakfast. Celestia couldn’t help herself and lifted an eyebrow at the sight before her. Twilight was ‘trying’ to feed Luna a spoon of soup, it had looked so ridiculous that even the two of them had burst out into laughter as Luna made a slurpy sound when trying to sip the soup out of the spoon.
After the laughter died down somewhat Luna had apparently felt a little ‘fishy’ as she began to nuzzle her new found love’s neck and started to lick her from all the way over to her bottom cheek, earning her a soft moan from the lavender mare and a obvious blush from her sister across the table.
This was almost like a live presentation, Celestia thought for the briefest of moments while she looked away. That was really no way for a royalty to act in public, then again they were as home as they could get, but Luna probably didn’t care where they were or how many saw them, she sure hadn’t at the Christmas celebration where the whole ponydom had come to learn of their little ‘secret’ that really wasn’t so much of a secret these days. Knowing Luna she would most likely just ignore everypony else and ignore how ignorant the world could be of love.
Celestia looked back at the two, now a huge grin were plastered on Luna’s face, as if she was challenging Twilight to do something, which she also did, well beside blushing that is. She glommed the other mare forcefully and they both fell to the floor. Celestia on reaction tilted her head so she could see what they were doing on the floor from the table frame. And there they lied, kissing each other on the mouth. She looked back up with narrow eyes, now she was sort of becoming jealous of the two mares; it had been ages since she had been snuggling around with someone else in such a love-struck way.
At first Celestia had just thought that it was merely a phase or something, where the young lovers just had let their hormones run wild, uncontrollable for the two inexperienced mares, so she hadn’t said a word to the two mares about their very uncommon relationship they now shared with each other as she thought it would soon come to a end on its own. But after watching the two of them so closely over the last several days Celestia had sort of come to terms with that this might not just be a little silly game of tag and superficial feelings. She had seen them sharing and caring for each other, not even for a moment did she hear either argue with the other and they were almost inseparable and when she had been listening to them in the night, not once had she heard them do any of the ‘naughty stuff’. It always sounded like they told each other stories from their lives.
She had heard Luna tell Twilight about her imprisonment inside of the moon for a millennium, which had in turn reminded Celestia of sadder times, where she had been so lonely and so troubled that she had been forced to banish her younger sister. But she had found some comfort in that Luna had told her faithful student that it hadn’t been as bad as some might think, after all she had been sleeping for all those many years in peace and quiet. She had also told Twilight that Celestia was the one who had really been suffering by being forced to banish her little sister and to endure all of those centuries on her own, which had brought a joyful tear to Celestia’s eye.
Celestia had already made her preparations for their presumable breakup with comforting words for the two of them so either wouldn’t be to hurt and hopefully could still remain friends. But as Celestia saw them now with open eyes and with an open heart, she truly felt like there would never be a need for it.
The lovely pair had grown on her, even if most would say how wrong it was, it still felt right to the solar goddess. She had always thought that relationships like these were built on lust and/or admiration, but Twilight and Luna had opened her eyes and her heart, she saw nothing between them other than care for each other, like they were handling another part of themselves or perhaps even their soul, as if it was as fragile as the most delicate glass that existed.
But as Celestia’s own personal displeasure of the two had turned into love and care, she had instead now become worried of what others might think or even worse do against them. Surely no one would dare to lay a hoof against the goddess of the night, being the strongest pony in all of Equestria beside herself, but Twilight? Well she had become a national hero of the land by saving it more than once, so surely no one would do anything against her either. So maybe everything would be okay? Celestia couldn’t really tell, only time could, but for now her curiosity had gotten the better of her and she really wanted to be there for the two of them, supporting them if so needed. So she decided to approach Twilight about the matter, because even though Luna was still far older than her; Twilight was still the one most socially experienced of the two, even though she was still a socially awkward unicorn.
Celestia rose from her chair and slowly walked over to the ball of fur rolling back and forth over the white marble floor, nuzzling and making sloppy wet kissing noises. Celestia coughed “I’m sorry, but can I borrow Twilight for a little while?” She asked the blur of fur.
They suddenly stopped fooling around and Luna quickly got up on all four. “Sure!” Luna simply replied in an overzealous tone.
The sun goddess just looked at her, but as nothing happened she felt like she had to try a little harder to tell her sister what she really meant. “I mean alone.” Celestia told Luna, telling her the point was that Luna was suppose to go elsewhere while she had a little talk with her faithful student.
“Oh, right.” Luna said a bit embarrassed that she hadn’t caught on with her sister’s subtle hint. “I’ll wait for you in ‘our’ bedchambers.” Luna told Twilight with a wink and a soft kiss on the cheek before bouncing away; leaving the two of them behind, one more taken aback than the other.
“Sooo….” Celestia started out after her sister had left the dining hall, she was a little unsure of how to start a conversation with her prized student about her newfound marefriend.
“I’m guessing you want to talk about me and Luna?” Twilight asked the princess, saving her from her loss of words.
“Yeah…” Celestia replied mildly.
After a few minutes of complete silence, Twilight merely tilted her head; giving Celestia a sign to go on.
This felt really awkward to Celestia; she almost felt like she was Twilight’s student and didn’t know anything about anything. “How are you and my sister holding up?” She finally asked, saying the only words she could come up with.
“Well…” Twilight started, looking thoughtful. “Okay, I guess, I can’t really say that I’ve tried something like this before…” She trailed off, not really sure how to explain, so she decided to change the subject a little. “I was pretty embarrassed when I found out that Luna had merely been pulling a prank on me when she kissed me, I had no idea that there was mistletoe. I thought that your sister kissed me because she really liked me and well I do like Luna so… yeah. But I’m glad I misunderstood her gesture, or else I probably wouldn’t be here right now, then I would most likely have been in Ponyville again.”
Celestia just smiled. “Well she does seem happy but nonetheless I’m still a little concerned, not many would approve of your relationship, but it probably helps with her being a goddess and you, well being the hero of Equestria and my most prized student.”
Twilight looked a little puzzled at her. “I haven’t really thought about it like that and I’m not really sure that I care about what others think of us, well beside my friends that is, I’m a little scared of what my they think of it. I haven’t heard a word from any of them since that day.”
“Have you tried to talk to them?” Celestia asked.
“No, not yet at least, as you probably know I haven’t been to Ponyville for several days and I haven’t had the courage to write any of them.”
“I see…” Celestia looked thoughtful for a moment. “Didn’t you have plans to spend New Year’s Eve with them?” She then asked.
“Yes, but-”
“No ‘buts’.” Celestia cut her off. “Your friends saw you leaving that evening with Luna, so they might think that you have shunned them.” Celestia told her still socially inexperienced student.
“Shunned? Why would they think that?” Twilight asked her sun goddess and mentor.
“Well, try to look at it from their perspective my sweet Twilight Sparkle. You came together to the party and then left off with a princess and they haven’t heard a word from you ever since. What would you think if any of your friends did something like that, in particularly when you all had planned to spend Christmas Eve together?”
“Oh…” Was all Twilight said, she could see where Celestia was going with this, her friends might think that she would rather be with Luna than with them and perhaps they even thought that Twilight didn’t want to see them anymore now that she had friends in ‘higher places’.
“You should travel back to Ponyville this evening and greet them and spend New Year’s Eve with all of them.” Celestia told her with a soft smile. “Perhaps you should consider taking Luna along with you, so you can introduce her to your friends, hopefully if they get to learn to know each other, they will also be much more acceptable of your newfound relationship if you do so, I’m sure of it.”
Twilight thought the idea through, it seemed smart enough to do so, but she still felt a lack of courage to face them. But as many thoughts ran around her brain and collided with one and another Celestia suddenly spoke again, breaking Twilights thought pattern.
“Twilight, tell me how you feel about the relationship you now share with my sister, I’ve been dying to know all about it!” Celestia exclaimed. She held a hoof to her mouth, that had come out a little more happy joy joy fangirl like than she had really wanted it to, perhaps she was a little more eager about her sister getting a marefriend than she had previously thought.
Twilight began to flush and started to smile shyly at what Celestia asked of her, but nonetheless she would try her best to answer. “As much joy as I feel being with Luna…” She paused for a moment frowning a bit and noticed Celestia’s face turn into one of concern. “I also feel an almost equal amount of fear of being with her, I’m terrible afraid.” Twilight told her.
“Afraid?” Celestia asked with surprise in her voice, and here she had thought that whatever was going on between the goddess of the night and her student was nothing but good times, so if Twilight really had been nervous this whole time she was quite talented at keeping it hidden from her surroundings. But right now Twilight acutely seemed pretty distressed, almost as if self-doubt were eating her up from the inside. Celestia frowned at this she didn’t hope that her words now had made Twilight unsure of her relationship with Luna. Celestia bit her bottom lip in bitterness, not too long ago she would have wanted nothing less than Twilight and Luna to see that this wasn’t ‘love’ and breakup so they instead could go and date some colts, she felt stupid, judgmental and short-sighted, she felt as if she was some sort of anti-Amor/Cupid for ever having thoughts like that and now she would make up for it by being super supportive and becoming their guardian angel.
“I’m afraid that I’ve forced myself onto Luna and that her feelings for me might not be the same as mine.” Twilight looked to the floor as she continued to talk. “I mean, I’ve just gave her something that she probably never felt before, not that I have felt something like this either but I’m unsure if her feelings for me are truly the same or that she is just really happy that someone has accepted her like I have.” She trailed off, not really certain how to describe her feelings.
Celestia wasn’t sure if she should smile or giggle at this, this was truly Twilight’s ‘first love’ and thoughts like these were perfectly normal for mares and colts alike. As clever as Twilight is she probably didn’t even for a moment consider that Luna might feel exactly the same towards Twilight as Twilight feel towards her.
The solar princess wasn’t really too sure if what she was about to say should just be left unsaid but she felt really horrible about her earlier thoughts so she had to come to terms with Twilight and her little sister. “As ashamed I feel about saying this, a few days ago I would probably have been pretty happy hearing these words but now I…” Celestia came to a short hold as she noticed how Twilight’s expression had turned from one of confusion and fear into one that looked like she was disgusted by Celestia’s short comings. Celestia’s heart broke a little by the sight, but she had to finish what she had started or else Twilight may just come to hate her instead and that was something the celestial princess simply couldn’t live with. “I’m sorry Twilight, please forgive me for my ignorant thoughts.” Celestia told her student as she lowered her head in shame; she was caught by surprise when she suddenly found the lavender mare around her neck, nuzzling her bottom cheek.
“I’m so happy that you approve of us even though the very idea had shaken you to the core of your being.” Twilight told her beloved mentor, just for a tiny moment she had felt anger towards the alicorn but she knew that Celestia always meant well, so she would always forgive her!
Celestia smiled and a small tear ran from her left eye as she felt a brick fell from her heart. After they had shared their embrace Twilight got back to the white marble floor before Celestia continued. “I don’t think you should worry too much about that my sweet. I’ve haven’t seen Luna so joyful since she was just a small filly.” She told her student getting back to the real topic at hoof. “My advice to you Twilight would be that you should have a talk with Luna about it, she is after all the one that knows her own feelings best, but I’ll say this much: she and I have a special connection to each other, both being alicorns and blood related sisters and I can say with a 99 percent chance of truth that in her heart she does not think of you as a hindrance in any way, there definitely is a flame in there just for you.” She ensured her little faithful student. “You’re both walking in unknown territory, but if you explore it together I’m sure you’ll overcome any obstacle that may rise in your way.”
“Thank you Celestia.” Twilight told her happily, she felt really good about herself now. “You’ll have to excuse me, I need to find Luna and tell her I’m going to Ponyville to get my friends back!” She told her mentor with a soft honest smile.
“Of course Twilight, I understand. I’ll see you again in the new year, take care my faithful student and be safe.”
But before Twilight got to make her getaway, Celestia gave her a light peck on her cheek. Twilight was startled, never in her life had Celestia ever kissed her on the cheek, in a matter of fact she had never kissed her anywhere! Twilight wasn’t really sure what to say, but she felt very special! Celestia giggled softly and reminded her that she was going somewhere, which made Twilight leave quickly, heading towards the lunar bedchamber.
Twilight Sparkle made her way through the castle and now stood outside the door to Luna’s bedchamber; she greeted the two batpony guards Luna had outside her chamber before she knocked softly on the door and awaited permission from inside to enter. She heard Luna’s soft voice from behind the door asking who it was.
“It’s Twilight.” Twilight told the wooden door that was the only thing that kept the two apart for the moment. A few seconds went by before the door opened and Luna stuck out her head with a greeting smile on her face.
“Miss Sparkle, you do know that you can just enter without asking for permission.” Luna told her lover with kind words and a small giggle, finding Twilight a bit silly at times.
“I know,” Twilight replied. “But I don’t feel too good about doing it after all I’m only a guest here.”
“Aw… you sweet little thing, so modest!” The lunar goddess teased her. “Come in, come in!” She moved to the side so Twilight could get past her, checking out her rump as she went by. “My, my….” Was all Twilight heard from behind her before Luna closed the door, leaving them alone in her quarters.
Now they lay in Luna’s humongous bed cuddling with each other. Twilight had no idea how Luna could sleep comfortably in such a big bed, if she had such a big bed and slept alone in it she would feel even more lonely at night than she already felt, she was happy that Spike was sleeping in her room as well, it took away some of her loneliness, but with Luna by her side she never felt alone.
“What did my sister want from you?” Luna asked her lover curiously.
“She asked me about us.” Twilight simply told her.
“Oh...” Was all of a reply Twilight got at first. “I had been wondering a little if she wouldn’t say a thing at all.” She told her. “I thought she would have some sort of meltdown.” She teased Twilight with a giggle.
“Well I guess you could say that.” They both giggled softly.
Twilight laid her head at Luna’s chest listening to her soft heart beat. “Do you think they hate me now because I’m with another mare?” She unexpectedly asked, catching Luna a little off-guard.
Luna was a little unsure what to say, she was pretty sure that the lavender mare was referring to her friends in Ponyville. “Well, I don’t really know your friends my sweet Twilight, I’ve only met some of them very briefly but no, I do not believe so. They already accepted you as their friend back then and you’re still the same pony now that you were several days ago, correct?”
“Yes, but-“
“No ‘buts’.” Luna cut her off. Twilight couldn’t help herself but to roll her eyes at what Luna had just said, it hadn’t been even been half an hour since Celestia had said exactly the same thing. “I know you feel a bit embarrassed about this whole thing, but keeping yourself distant from your friends is not the answer, and I know that you know this better than I.” She told her bedmate. “Perhaps it would be wise of you to go greet them this New Year’s Eve? Isn’t it that time of the year where friends get together and enjoy the last holiday of the year, talking about all the things they have learned and witnessed together, both good and bad?”
Celestia’s prized student felt all fuzzy inside, it was nice to know that both of the celestial sisters cared so much for her and it was reassuring that they both seem to think of the same solution to Twilight’s problem at hoof. “Celestia said the same thing.” Twilight told Luna, while still listening to her heart, burrowing her head into Luna’s dark blue coat. “But I would feel better if you would come with me.” She said with a low voice as if her request was the most embarrassing one could ask of.
“I’m sorry my love but I couldn’t quite hear what you said.” Luna teased her poor marefriend.
“You meanie.” Was all she got as a reply from the mare on her chest which made her laugh softly.
“I would be delighted to join you and your friends for this last day of the year.” She told Twilight as she caressed her lover’s back. “So when are we leaving?”
Twilight looked thoughtful for a moment. “Soon I guess, I mean it does take a while to get there by chariot.”
“Or…” Luna said with a sly smile. “We could cuddle some more and then I could teleport us there just in time?”
“Oh…” Twilight said with a wry smile. “I like idea way better!”
-
Later that day all of Twilight’s friends had gathered at the square of Ponyville just as they had planned, but like they had assumed Twilight was nowhere to be seen.
“I guess Twilight really has abandoned us.” Applejack said to the other mares with a frown.
“Maybe she was just a little late?” Fluttershy suggested.
“Now what would make you say that sugarcube?” Applejack asked curiously.
“Well, she just came out of nowhere.” Fluttershy replied as she pointed forward, all the others looked at where she was pointing and true enough there stood Twilight and somepony else but none of them beside Fluttershy noticed anypony else than Twilight.
“Well, hello there sugarcube. Good to see that you still could find the time for us simple pony flock.” Applejack told Twilight sarcastically.
“Yeah, now that you’re with your little Miss Moonie you don’t need us anymore?!” Pinkie Pie yelled angrily and clearly at the point of breaking into a cry.
“Yeah! You’re the worst, miss goody two-shoes!” Rainbow Dash huffed at her, probably not even sure of what she was trying to get at.
“It isn’t like that!” Twilight yelled, her eyes starting to water at her friends scorning words. “I was just really scared that you guys wouldn’t like me anymore…”
“Why Twilight! Now you’re just downright insulting us!“ Rarity told her harshly. “You are our friend and we would never judge you just because you’re a hopeless little dreary.” Rarity finished with a soft smile and teary eyes.
Luna didn’t say a word, it was quite obvious to her that none of them had noticed her or just didn’t care at the moment, but what happened next was one of the cutest things she had ever seen. All of the six mares were more or less crying and ran for each other like some overdramatic love scene and then they were embracing each other letting out sobs. They all apologized to each other, her friends for saying such rude things and Twilight for letting her friends out in the cold in fear of rejection.
“Sorry that I bailed out on you guys on Christmas Eve.” Twilight sobbed.
“Don’t beat yourself up there sugarcube.” Applejack told Twilight as the group hug came to a steady end. “We don’t hate you for that we were just a little surprised that’s all.”
“So how was it spending Xmas with your little princess?” Dash asked with a lustful voice and with a wink, earning a blush from both Twilight and Luna which they all still seemed to either have forgotten about or not noticed.
“I never knew cuddling would feel that good! I’ve read about it in some of my books but the words used to describe it didn’t come anywhere close! It’s like you get hooked on some sort of drug that your body can’t live without!” Twilight replied a little more openly than she would have had thought she ever would. Luna bushed even deeper at this, had she too forgotten that she was right next to her?!
“Cuddling? Oh, my naive little Twilight still so young and fragile.” Dash told her as she put one of her pegasus wing around Twilight. “You do know when lovers get together they usually embark on something a little more… uhm… ‘private’ than mere cuddling.” She said quite forwardly.
But before Twilight could respond; Luna cut in. “Oh, my! Look at the time! We might miss the fireworks!” Luna lied, trying to distract them from the topic at hoof and also feeling a little out of place about how at least one of Twilight’s friends instantly thought that they had ventured into such sexual acts as their first thought.
“Oh my gosh! Already?!” Pinkie Pie yelled in panic and vanished into thin air. The others ran off as well, but not before telling Twilight that they would meet up again at the small hill overlooking Ponyville.
Twilight turned to face Luna. “It’s not that late yet.” She told her.
“Well I guess they needed a head start.” Luna said teasingly.
“Oh you…” Twilight said with a smirk and gave Luna a light peck on the cheek. “You’re such a naughty, naughty goddess.”
-
A few hours later Twilight, Luna and all of her friends were sitting on the soft cool grass toasting and drinking on a small hill with a great view over Ponyville and the big beautiful night sky, not a single cloud could be found and all of the stars shined so brightly, all while waiting as midnight approached so that the true party could begin, as Pinkie Pie had put it.
Luna snuck up to Twilight handing her a drink with her magic, Twilight tore her eyes from Luna’s skies and smiled at her appreciatively. Twilight looked back towards the night sky once more. “Such a beautiful night we’re having tonight.” She told her marefriend.
“Only the best of nights for the most special of events and only for the most stunning pony in all of Equestria to behold.” She told her lavender lover as she sat down next to her, taking a short sip from her own drink.
“You should become a poet.” Twilight teased Luna who in turn giggled softly.
A still breeze flew by and Luna noticed Twilight shiver from the cold and without a moment’s thought she wrapped one of her wings around Twilight’s form and dragged her into her lap, where she then wrapped her other wing around her trapping Twilight within her lap inside of her wings.
Twilight blushed at the sudden show of affection but she couldn’t help nuzzle Luna under her chin, she felt quite embarrassed by the position she found herself in, it was as if she was a little foal that a mother would hold to shield her from all the bad things they world could throw at her child, taking all the pain but letting none of it get to her little star. And then she could have sworn she heard an ‘aww’ in the background, which only made her feel even more embarrassed but she couldn’t deny that this was the best feeling she had ever felt!
She heard a loud bang followed by cheers, she opened her eyes to see that the fireworks had started, which means it must be midnight now! She looked at the stars and saw a magnificent display of stars and explosions mixed together in a stunning beauty.
“Happy New Year’s Eve Twilight Sparkle.”
“Happy New Year’s Eve Luna.” Twilight replied as she kissed the mare of the moon, a deep and passionate kiss, being the first kiss of a new year, they both could only wonder what magical things they would experience together in the coming year.
THE END!
awesome.
you have appeased the readers
92990
It was hard work when your heart really wasn't into it : /
So this will most likely be the last request thing I ever do, I much rather write some of the stuff that I find interesting than what others may find interesting :D but nonetheless I hope you and the others will enjoy it ^__^
93000
That's how my "all's fair in love and star dust" fic turned out to be. I had a plan to stop it, but the people wanted it to be continued and it turned out pretty terrible xD So I know where you're coming from on that.
93000
Not that this was terrible! That's just how mine ended up because of it.
Great story overall.
Nice work on this. I want to say thanks for adding a second chapter to this even though you weren't too fond of it. Hopefully the masses are pleased and you can get back to working more on stories you feel more enthusastic about writing.
93002
Well, I can relate with why people want a story they read being finished, I'm the same, it sucks so bad when you read something that you like and then the writer is like... "OMFG I can't write this shit no more!" Which is why I probably prefer the finished stories, beside the fact that I'm terrible impatience :3
93024
Yeah... like I told someone else; my heart really wasn't into this story and I pretty much only wrote the second chapter because so many wanted me too... and I have to be honest I've only watched around 12 episodes or so of the show itself so when it comes to the characters I'm pretty much at bare bottom... I've seemed to figure out Twilight somewhat, probably because I myself are socially awkward and because I'm also quite the nerd and well Luna she had like... 1 episode (beside the Nightmare Moon two-parter)? And even for her I just made up my own personality, so yeah... could have been a lot better than what it was, no doubt that but I would have to watch a lot of episodes to get their personalties right. And Pinkie being angry? Can I excuse myself by saying she is very random? :P
93000
i have to say i like this second part more than the first
and to think that you didn't realy wanted to write it
93035
Thank you kindly <3 but i have learned my lesson with this one, don't write of the sake of others, it just won't become as good as the things that you feel and care for :) well... not that the things that you feel and care for will become instantly 'good' but at least you'll feel good about it and then when you a good comment it only makes it all the better :3
But nonetheless thank you for reading and thank you for your comment, can you have a nice New Year's Eve with your friends and family.
93048
Well... I guess I can explain that really... when I wrote the first chapter I just wrote the kissing scene and nothing else, but then I looked at it and was like "Hm... no one is going to read 300 words about kissing under a mistletoe..." and then I had to add a story which I had no notes for or any ideas of what to do with. The second chapter on the other hand I had a background story (chapter one) and I had taken some notes from both the comments and what I had of ideas for the story.
So all in all, chapter two was more thought-out than anything in chapter one as :|
93000>>93054
Yes, well... I could tell that you weren't really into this chapter from the writing, and I'll be honest, I had to stop halfway through. Sorry.
93104
Its okay mate ^__^ at least this is behind me now and I can move forward with my more beloved stories <3
DwEw and PvsP daddy is comming back! :3
final chapter (of this god awful story), enjoy! <3 <---- this is the only words in the whole fic i didn't like
And now that it is completed i can finally fav it.
not to be rude, but there were MANY mistakes - they sent shivers down my spine, tbh...
93138
Aww... that was pretty sweet <3 I'm sorry... there was just so many things I disliked about it myself that made me kind of hate it now matter how good or how poor it really became and I'm really looking forward to get back to my stories that means something to me :) but nonetheless thank you! *brony hug*
93177
You're too kind my good sir :) *brofive* for you mate!
93319
Love you too buddy <3 but in all fairness those come more easily when one does not have his heart in his work, making this story really thought me a lot of stuff as being a writer and I kind of understand now why so many sequels usually suck so bad compared to the original.
luve it!!!
96300
Sorry, I didn't leave anything positive...
All I corrected was just grammatical/spelling crud. The actual content of the story was cute and pleasant.
96311
That's okay, it is still quite useful to me when I can't spell that good myself, would love to have an editor that could do something like that before I post my stories. But I've decided to delete the comment with your grammatical / spelling curd, so it doesn't take up all that space xD but I copied it all in a text file so I can take a closer look at it and patch it up a bit :)
But I'm glad you like it nonetheless ^__^
I am content thank you this was every bit as perfect as I hoped it would be
It's very good..........but there's an error in continuity. You said that Luna met already met the mane 6, however right after that you said she didn't. It's still really good.
It's very good..........but there's an error in continuity. You said that Luna had already met the mane 6, however right after that you said she didn't meet them. It's still really good.
Given that English is not you first language, I can forgive all the errors. With that said, I loved this. Good job.
Cute story Twiluna is best! Except for maybe Twilestia
I picked out a few of the major corrections you could do:
thoughts like these were perfectly normal for mare and clots alike
CLOTS. Hey, I know the mane 6 are all awesome and all mares, but that's just no excuse for implying that colts are idiots
“You do know when lovers get together they usually embark on something a little more… uhm… ‘secretly’ than mere cuddling.”
By 'secretly' you probably mean 'private'. 'adventurous' is another possibility.
Finally, everytime that you should use 'wrap' or 'wrapped', you are using 'warp' or 'warped'. It's almost as hilariously strange to read as 'CLOTS', for a native english speaker
Hey, would you like it if I fixed up some of the grammatical/spelling mistakes in this? Because I think it's a great story but the errors sort of take away from the story, as other people have also pointed out. I would be willing to look through and send you the edited chapters of this story if you want.
507065
it has been fixed! sorry about the delay xD
Oh the emotion in this story, I'm pretty happy with it and I'm glad you did a great job.
926875
the backstory of this story was rather silly... i wrote a little kissing scene between luna and twilight under a mistletoe and that "somehow" ended up becoming this.. XD
but eh... the idea was that twilight already had a crush on luna and luna just kissed her because she wanted to try out that whole tradition thing... and well... then one thing lead to the other <3
Very cute story I loved it! hahaha, although there were quite a few spots in the story that jumped out with grammar errors.
I'm just wondering if you happen to have an editor? Because they stand out so much to me and I'm sure if you went through it quickly you could see them through and correct them. They mainly consist of the wrong grammar such as "meet" instead of the needed "met".
Just a little heads up to it is all. Very good story otherwise, although in some spots it was a little rushed and you could put in the inbetween time that could have extended the story and made a more solid foundation for it all. But again good story for what is there Keep writing
1898948
It's always good to hear that some people likes it, personally i didn't like the 2nd chapter to much, it felt way to forced because i didn't really have any drive to write it when i wrote it :/ which by the way was a year ago, so for editing? well... it just feels kinda pointless at this point, i would be glad if you could mention a few of my errors so i can go fix em, but for you to waste time editing a story i have no interest in at this point? i don't think you nor anyone else should do that :) maybe some day i'll take interest in patching this up but that isn't today, i got so many other stories i need to finish that i much rather spend my time on, but thanks a lot for the offer <3
1905434 Here are your corrections ^.^
All Corrections will be in ()
Chapter one
“Oh, I just wanted to take a small trip around ponyville, to kill time and enjoy the new snow!” Twilight cheerfully replied to her sheepish assistance (Assistant)
“Ah’ll go with the egghead on this one.” Applejack agreed with Twilight(,) earning narrow eyes from Twilight(her). (You need to add a coma and change second Twilight to her)
At the sight of the castle Rarity froze at the spot, remembering her encounter with the noble self-obsessed jerk prince Blueblood, surely he would also attend this part(y)
Chapter 2
Twilight began to flush and started too(to) smile shyly at what Celestia asked of her,
related sisters and I can say with a 99 %(percent) chance of truth that in her (always try to use words in a story, unless it is written in a context within the story. like if they were reading a book with that in it. Without words people may think of you as a bit lazy)
But before Twilight got to make her getaway, Celestia gave her a light peck on her check(cheek)
“Well I guess you could say that.” They both giggle(giggled) softly
“Well, I don’t really know your friends my sweet Twilight, I’ve only meet(met) some of them very briefly but no
“Oh mah(my) gosh! Already?!” Pinkie Pie yelled in panic(I don't believe pinkie talks like that... ever.)
your second chapter is a little rushed yes, but not too much, and you also have a very nice ending to it. I very much liked it. Happy writing!
1905937 thank you for your assist <3
1939101anytime
aww that was nice read, thank you
3119030 Thank you ^_^
this was so CUTE i love it
It's really, really hard to decide how to vote for this story.
The first chapter was awesome. It was funny, it was cute, it was entertaining. I would instantly up-vote it. The second chapter started out well, but somehow... from there on further, it got worse. One can only imagine how old Celestia is. With such an age there comes experience and wisdom, inevitably. I seriously can't imagine her being intolerant. I also can't imagine her changing her mind on a subject that important within mere days. I can't imagine her falling for gossip like Rarity would. Or being lectured and feeling unsure. Okay, maybe she could feel unsure. Hell, I bet she is at some times. But I can't really believe that she would show that. Ever. So, the portrayal of Celestia felt... just bad. Out of character, somehow.
And then there was that scene where Twilight returned to Ponyville. And... here friends were yelling at her? Actually being angry? Actually believing, the would abandon them? Again, that just seems to be horribly out of character for... well... all of them. I can see them asking her what got into her, curiously. Or even concerned. I can see Fluttershy asking if there was an accident of some sort. Or Rainbow asking, if she had to pass another test - maybe even with a smirk on her face. But angrily yelling at her and accusing her of abandoning them... without even considering other theories? No. No way.
And than there was that point of 'what will my friends think about my marefriend?' - that line somehow just disappeared into thin air. They simply overlook Luna and when she speaks up, nopony says anything. At all. It just feels like there's something missing.
With that amount of bad character-portrayal, the second chapter feels horribly rushed. The first one perfectly lined out that it could've been better, so one simply has to ask: Why? Why did the second one turned out to be... like that?
I'm sorry.
5352926 Yeah... I regret ever making the 2nd chapter... it was forced, it was stupid and pointless... it was one of those "I just had to do it but I didn't feel like doing it" you know? I have considered deleting it for two years now >_> I should probably delete it... but at least I learned something from it: don't write something you don't feel like writing! it will turn out shitty in the end >_> so you should honestly just ignore the last chapter... what do you think regarding deleting it? Maybe I should and then repost it or something... I dunno...
EDIT: you're not the only one who really disliked the 2nd chapter, heck, i disliked it, my editor disliked it... so it was bad before it even got uploaded here >_<
5360467
I don't know. Deleting it feels like... taking a finished picture and ripping one half off because it doesn't seem to fit. Maybe it really doesn't fit, but it was a part of a whole once nonetheless.
As I said - the beginning of the second chapter was good. I have a really difficult time to decide what I should say now. There are two contradicting ideas:
1) Rewrite it. The beginning was good, try to find the point where it started to go downhill and cut it at that point, outlining something new to continue and wrap things up. Then again, I'm forced to recall something one of my math-teachers once told me, a pretty wise piece of advise too: If your calculation is wrong, don't try to find the mistake and fix it. It will only get worse. Start over again.
2) Delete it. It is a solid option, I won't argue. But it just... doesn't feel right. I don't consider myself an author, but I do write... quite a lot. Creative work is always the process of forming something out of thin air, out of merely more than an idea. It's simply wrong - in my understanding - to rip those pieces out of it that doesn't 'flatter' you.
Although I'm not feeling comfortable with either of those 'solutions', I'd rather try the first one, searching for a good point to break the shell and trying to rewrite it somehow than just abandoning a piece of my own creation. Because, to be honest, even if it isn't your masterpiece, it did something worth noticing, worth considering while making this decision: It helped you learn, improve. And for that reason alone, it doesn't deserve to be abandoned.
It's really tough decision, I have to admit. And I'm really sorry, but I can't do much more than give you my opinion, advice at best.
5812498 Thank you ^^ I still dislike my 2nd chapter though... I had no passion when I wrote that... I should have left it at the 1st chapter :I
Twilight it's called oxytocin. aka the "cuddle chemical" it is more prominate in the early stages of a relationship and levels increase when touching or even being near the object of your affection.
SO CUTE I LOVE IT SOOOOO MUCH