A Pony Displaced: Homeward

by NoLongerSober

Bonus Chapter - A Royal Hearth's Warming

The Hearth’s Warming spirit was in full swing at the manor. While a light snow was blowing outside, everyone was having a good time chatting amongst themselves in the warm interior of the home.

While Barrier was taking a sip of eggnog, still uncertain on whether or not to add brandy to the drink, he looked upon the joyous looks of all within the living room.

As he walked past Verdant and Erica standing by one of the windows, he overheard a bit of their conversation.

“How bad can Mistletoe really be when she sees someone under mistletoe?” the shamrock stallion asked as he stared out at the falling snow.

“Believe me when I say gender, species and consent don’t mean much when she spots someone under mistletoe. She will force them to play tonsil hockey with her.” Erica shuddered as she recalled one particular past Hearth’s Warming. “I swear, at least three quarters of the adults in Vanhoover have gotten mono from her. I have no idea why this time of year turns her so damn nuts.”

Barrier winced at Erica’s words and turned his attention to the conversation going on between Forge, Gem, Hatty, and Snow as they laid on the floor, huddled around a board game.

“I really doubt you could do it that fast,” Snow said before tossing a pair of dice towards the board. “Eleven.”

“Oh, I totally can,” Hatty replied as he stood up before reaching under his wing to reveal a smoke bomb. “Check this out! It’s morphin’ time!”

Tossing the small orb onto the floor, the space around the board was quickly engulfed in a purple smoke. Once the smoke had cleared, Snow and Forge were rather surprised to see that Hat Trick was now fully garbed in his Pony Rangers outfit.

Winter Gem chuckled at the slack-jawed look on Snow’s face. “It took him over two months to get that good at this trick. At any rate, move your piece, Snow.”

“Make sure you don’t leave any scorch marks or chemical residue on the floor, Hatty,” Barrier said as Hatty pulled the plastic helmet off his head. “Otherwise, I’ll make you clean it up with your tongue.”

“Noted,” Hatty said as he laid back down in front of the board. Only then did Snow rapidly shake his head and move his piece, a silver chariot, around the game board.

The charcoal unicorn made his way over to the couch, where Daring was reading a story to Wind Whistler while she sat on her mother’s lap.

“‘Oh, how sweet! Look what they got you!’ The foolish Wrench said as he pulled the present the rangers left from the box, not paying any mind to the spherical device’s beeping or the timer counting down. When Sledge and Poisandra ceased their arguing, they looked at the gift he held and much to their horror, recognized what it was. ‘Ah! It’s a bomb!’ they screamed just before it went off, destroying them and the ship while the rangers flew away to enjoy a Happy Hearth’s Warming.” Daring dramatically said as she read the tale aloud to the widely grinning filly.

“That’s awesome!” Windy shouted excitedly as she hopped in her mother’s lap. “I hope the bomb killed them off permanently this time!”

“...at least it’s tamer than what I grew up with I guess,” Barrier murmured to himself before a sound made his ears stand at attention. A series of knocks had come from the front door.

“I’ll get it,” Barrier said as his horn glowed brighter before teleporting to the front door. When he opened the door, he was so shocked by what he saw that he nearly lost control of his magic and dropped his eggnog.

“‘Sup, homies?” Princess Luna, draped in a dark blue and black scarf said from beside her sister, who was draped in a two-tone purple scarf.

“Happy Hearth’s Warming Eve, Barrier,” Celestia said as she looked down at the stunned stallion. “May we come inside?”

“Um… certainly, Princess,” Barrier said as he stepped back so that the massive mares could step inside. It was only then that Barrier spotted the suitcases and animal cages behind them. “This is certainly a surprise. Might I ask what brings you out here?”

A faint scarlet crossed Luna’s face as she levitated one of the pet cages over to her face. “Yes, well, it turns out Tibbles somehow managed to start a large fire in the palace living quarters, so everypony living in them had to leave immediately, ourselves included.”

“Tibbles?” Barrier asked as he looked into the pet cage and spotted an opossum scratching its ear.

“Tiberius, or Tibbles for short,” Luna replied. “He’s my pet opossum and it seems he has an interest in fire that I only recently learned about.”

“I know this is quite the odd situation, Barrier, but may we... crash here?” Celestia bashfully asked as her suitcases and birdcage floated inside.

“Princess, don’t you have rooms available exclusively to you at various hotels throughout the kingdom?” Barrier asked the elder alicorn as she rubbed the back of her neck in embarrassment.

“Well, sadly, that’s not an option for us.” Celestia seemed to be deeply interested in examining every last detail of the ceiling, not meeting Barrier’s eye. “We graciously offered our private rooms to those who are temporarily displaced because of this.”

“Bullshit!” Luna coughed into a forehoof. “Burnt bridges.” (Cough) “Ruined toilets.” (Cough) “Can never go back.” (Cough)

Celestia’s right eye twitched as she looked down at her little sister, who merely stuck her tongue out at her.

“...Right...” Barrier said before taking a long sip of his eggnog. “Princess Celestia can have my room while Luna takes the guest room upstairs. I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“Oh, no need for that, Barrier,” Luna replied as she walked past him towards the living room. “I can take the couch while Celestia takes the guest room.”

“That sounds like a good plan to me,” Celestia chipped in as she followed Luna into the living room. “Happy Hearth’s Warming Eve, everypony… Oh, I mean everycreature.”

“Hmm, Barrier,” Luna whispered quietly to Barrier as he walked up to her side, giving Erica a hard look. “Are you aware there’s a griffin in your house?”

“Really? And here I thought Erica was a donkey.” Barrier rolled his eyes while Celestia gave a quiet titter at his sarcastic remark. “She’s Verdant’s girlfriend and the two of them made a bunch of hot chicken and bacon sandwiches if you’d like some.”

“I’ll pass,” Celestia politely said. “I’m trying to watch what I eat this time of year.”

“Which is why you had eleven fruit cakes,” Luna softly muttered, forcing Barrier to bite his lip. “When it comes to me and those sandwiches, I’d hit it.”

The gathered ponies in the living room gave the midnight blue mare a series of looks. Verdant, Swift, Erica, Forge, Snow and Fleet all gave her looks of shock and horror while Daring, Gem and Windy looked like they were on the verge of collapsing into a laughing fit. Hatty’s face remained unreadable thanks to his helmet.

“Um, your highness,” Erica softly said as she held up a talon. “I’m pretty sure that ‘I’d hit it’ doesn’t mean what you think it means.”

“Oh?” Luna arched an eyebrow as she approached Erica and Verdant. The griffin nervously swallowed as the mare, a full head taller than her, was now gazing down at her. “And what pray tell does ‘I’d hit it’ mean in modern terms?”

“Well…” Erica moved closer to the princess’s ear and whispered into it.

Luna’s eyes briefly widened before she let out a sigh of annoyance. “Motherfucker,” she muttered as Erica pulled away. “Well, at least I’ve made progress when it comes to modern linguistics.”

“You certainly have, your highness,” Verdant said as he gave her a bow. “You’ve improved greatly since Nightmare Night.”

“No need to be so formal, Verdant,” Luna said with a casual wave of her hoof before her horn started to glow, making a sandwich from the kitchen float over to her.

“I find there’s no need for a pony who’s been inside me to refer to me by my title when addressing me in a casual setting,” Luna said in a quieter tone before taking a bite of the sandwich, savoring the taste of the chicken, bacon, cheese and honey mustard.

“I’m... gonna assume you’re referring to the whole Butterfly Island thing,” Erica said as Verdant looked away, trying to hide the blush on his face.

“Hmm…” Luna cheerfully hummed as she enjoyed the taste of her sandwich before swallowing. “Well, it seems the two of you are quite good when it comes to making these kinds of foods. Perhaps I shall have Griffin foods more often. Most ponies balk at such meals in this day and age.”

“Thank you, Princess,” Erica said as she gave a quick bow, fanning her wings against the floor. “I used my dad’s recipe for the honey mustard.”

“It’s simply excellent,” Luna said before slowly and carefully examining the hen’s appearance. “Getting back to our previous subject on linguistics, do either of you speak Prench?”

“No, I’d say I know more Neighponese than Prench,” Verdant replied.

“While I was taught it in school, I wasn’t really good at it and I’ve forgotten most of it due to never needing it.” Erica said as she sat down and sheepishly poked her two index talons together.

“Well, perhaps you’ll still be able to answer my next question.” A sultry grin then crossed Luna’s muzzle. “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?”

The pair’s stunned faces instantly turned scarlet before Erica’s wings quickly sprung up, knocking Verdant over.

***

“So, Barrier, how’s your holiday season been?” Celestia asked as her sister wandered over towards Verdant and Erica.

“Pretty good,” Barrier replied before taking a sip of his eggnog. “Thankfully, we avoided a shopping rush by getting our gifts for each other about a month ahead of time.”

“Ah, always good to avoid the hustle and bustle,” Celestia said before offering the stallion a smile.

“Begging your pardon, Princess, but I wonder why you’d choose to visit us instead of Twilight for a place to crash for the holidays.” Barrier took another pleasant swig of his drink, savoring the taste. “After all, Ponyville is a lot closer to Canterlot than Vanhoover.”

“True, but there would be some problems with that,” Celestia replied as she opened up the cage at her side, which led to Philomena dashing out from it. Celestia then held out a foreleg, giving the phoenix a place to perch.

“Firstly, Ponyville is not exactly the most comfortable around the two of us.” Celestia gave a warm smile to Philomena as she started to preen her own wings. “They were rather high strung when I went there for tea and you know what happened on Nightmare Night.”

“Yes, I recall what happened then,” Barrier said before taking another sip, polishing off his eggnog. “Any other reason?”

“Other than I worry Twilight would panic herself into a heart attack trying to get her house set up and making sure every last detail was absolutely perfect while getting gifts for Luna, our pets and I, nope. Not at all.” Celestia’s remark drew a chuckle from the onyx coated stallion.

“True. Very true.” Barrier started to make his way to the fridge. “Would you like some eggnog? It’s non-alcoholic.”

“Well, I think I’ll have just the one,” Celestia answered as Barrier opened the fridge.

***

After a few party games and Celestia drinking every last drop of eggnog remaining in the house, everyone save for Barrier all went upstairs.

Barrier went to his bedroom, but stayed awake with a book to keep him company. Nearly an hour later, he set the book aside and turned out the lights.

A few moments before he could settle in to sleep, a loud creaking came from above. Just as he turned his head toward the ceiling, it widely split open before dumping Princess Celestia on top of him.

The princess’s fall was too quick for him to bring up a shield, so he found his entire head engulfed by the princess’s generous rump.

Quickly looking about the darkened room, Celestia was rather embarrassed by what had just occurred.

“Sorry, everypony!” she bashfully called out as she looked up to the hole she’d made. She was rather glad the darkness hid her crimson face. “I was just looking for the bathroom. I didn’t think something like this would happen.”

“I told you you had too many fruit cakes, Sister!” Luna’s voice came from the upper floor, making Celestia’s face grow even redder.

The alabaster alicorn let out an exasperated sigh. “How could this get any worse?”

The princess was rather shocked when she suddenly felt something upon her rump. A pair of hooves pressing into it from below.

With a shriek, she leapt off. With what little moonlight was pouring into the room, she spotted Barrier was laying on the now flattened bed.

“Oh dear Faust, I’m so sorry, Barrier!” Celestia was rather certain that by this point, her embarrassment had turned her entire body pink. “I swear, I’ll pay for all the damages I’ve caused.”

“It’s fine.” Barrier dismissively waved his hoof before sighing. “At least the bed’s still usable and whoever’s room that is up there should be able to jump over the hole to leave their room.”

“Are you two okay down there?” Forge’s voice came from above.

“Yes, Forge, we are,” Barrier replied before looking towards the embarrassed princess and rose from the bed. “Also, if you still need a bathroom, my personal bathroom’s directly behind you.”

“Yes… Thank you, Barrier,” Celestia said before quickly turning away and pushing open the bathroom door, flicking on the light as she went.

Glad the princess didn’t see the salute I was giving her in the darkness. Barrier sighed before slowly making his way from his dimly lit bedroom to the slightly brighter kitchen, running a hoof over his muzzle and wincing slightly. Not too badly injured. A pain killer and a bit of water should do it.

His horn briefly glowed as he pulled open a cupboard door. To his annoyance, instead of a collection of cups and plates on shelves, he spotted the Pink Devil with a smile and pastel colored cannon pointed directly at him.

Barrier did nothing to move away, only letting out an exhausted sigh. “Lemme guess. Knot Cannon?”

“Yeppers!” Pinkie cheerfully replied before pulling a string on the cannon, launching a bundle of tied ropes at the annoyed stallion.

After the ropes had landed on him, Barrier lightly blew a strand out of his eyes. “Could you please pass me the headache medication and a glass?”

“Sure thing,” Pinkie said before reaching to the side and pulling out an empty glass and a pill bottle. “Happy Hearth’s Warming.”

“Happy Hearth’s Warming to you too, Pinkie,” Barrier said before closing the door in front of her. “Note to self. Restock the booze once the stores reopen.”

Author's Note:

Alticron: Happy Holidays, everyone! I hope you're doing well this time of year and made this as a little treat for all of you.

While I don't have a new character show up here, I do mention Mistletoe and you remember her sister, Candy Cane, right?

Well, in the end, she made an agreement with her sister and Candy's the one that changed her hairstyle. And now, you get to see it.

Well, since 2020 hasn't been great, I'm gonna give you a second dose of holiday cheer.

Comments

[Amos Anon]

“...at least it’s tamer than what I grew up with I guess,” Barrier murmured to himself before a sound made his ears stand at attention. A series of knocks had come from the front door.

Makes me wonder what they'd think of Wonky Donkey.