I've always been a fan of ocean fanfics whether it's pirates or just an adventure story. My favorite stories of coarse are about leviathans and I can see that we got something similar here
Along the seas, searching for an answer harken to the call of waves; an you will play with these forces, let it take you along this ride. Harken to the call of adventure, 'til the next divide, that you meet again on this Earth.
Was lured there by your story promotion and I have to say, I surely don't regret it. This was an intriguing chapter with the mystery it proposes, the characters act naturally and the grammar is solid. (I doubt a little the capitalization of captain's title, but oh well.) Gave me a few laughs here and there as well.
To be honest, I'm not sure why are you censoring swear words - those are tough marine ponies, it suits them. Also, the story is already rated mature, so a few words won't really do any damage. Also, why was captain's name took out? That was a little confusing.
Furthermore, the implied identity of Siren Song becomes clear quite soon - I'm not sure for how long you wanted to keep that mystery going, but a part of it disappears half way through the chapter or so.
Anyway, you were asking what might be the cause of the story's low views. I can think of two things:
First, look at the story tags. Adventure, romance, horror, thriller, dark... Quite a mess. The last three are more or less conveying the same. Also, will be romance all that important here? Ask that yourself with each of the tags and try to narrow them down. Readers then get a cleaner picture of what they can expect.
Second, it's an all-OC story. Once the readers open the longer description, they get a "lecture" about Misty and the gang, characters they have never heard of before. After spotting this on the front page, howare the chances they'll read this and not some "more canon" story? I think finding way out of this is hard. You could try and build more of the mystery in the description, without mentioning any names. I also see Twilight in the tags, so maybe you can mention her role in all this.
That's all I wanted to say. Thank you for this chapter, I'm hoping to read the rest soon!
8321262 First off, thank you so much for the feedback! I'll try to address some of the major concerns I see here, and you are free to comment further criticisms from there.
To be honest, I'm not sure why are you censoring swear words - those are tough marine ponies, it suits them. Also, the story is already rated mature, so a few words won't really do any damage.
Initially, I wasn't sure if this would be Teen, at which point the swear words were muted. I'm less cavalier about it later knowing it's hit Mature, but at this first chapter, until I decided to place it on Mature for the more graphic Gore scenes later, I ended up censoring them. I'll go back and edit them in soon.
Also, why was captain's name took out? That was a little confusing.
I honestly couldn't think of one, and ended up keeping it in as a nice sort of blank in Mist's memory. Obviously probably not the best choice, though, but I still have trouble coming up with a name; another one later is simply referred to as "Captain" because I cannot think of a name for him, either.
Furthermore, the implied identity of Siren Song becomes clear quite soon - I'm not sure for how long you wanted to keep that mystery going, but a part of it disappears half way through the chapter or so.
To be honest, part of me is vaguely aware the identity portion may be solved soon by the perceptive reader, though I'm trying to keep it still a "mystery" because of Mist's perspective; spoilers ahead: it'll be clear later, but his head's not exactly in the right place for the majority of the story, and part of it has been done intentionally by the antagonists. Though the other part is motivation, and that takes a bit longer to change (though again, a perceptive reader may spot it quicker than I think).
I also see Twilight in the tags, so maybe you can mention her role in all this.
The main problem I have right now is Twilight's role, while constant for chapters 3 through (the upcoming) 6, is limited to start but comes back later on at a crucial moment. The way it's going right now, approximately 50% of the story won't contain Twilight at all, while the other 25% of the time she plays a major role (think something like a Doctor Who Doctor-lite episode). She's key, but expanding her description and involvement takes away some of the later plot.
8321262 I took a little time to replace the censored swear words and modify the long description. Feedback on the new description would be much appreciated.
8321305 Seems good to me I'd probably cut it after "manned by a single unknown pony" for I don't like all that long descriptions, but that just a matter of taste.
I've always been a fan of ocean fanfics whether it's pirates or just an adventure story. My favorite stories of coarse are about leviathans and I can see that we got something similar here
Not trusting this marine biologist character...
Along the seas, searching for an answer
harken to the call of waves;
an you will play with these forces,
let it take you along this ride.
Harken to the call of adventure,
'til the next divide,
that you meet again on this Earth.
Was lured there by your story promotion and I have to say, I surely don't regret it. This was an intriguing chapter with the mystery it proposes, the characters act naturally and the grammar is solid. (I doubt a little the capitalization of captain's title, but oh well.) Gave me a few laughs here and there as well.
To be honest, I'm not sure why are you censoring swear words - those are tough marine ponies, it suits them. Also, the story is already rated mature, so a few words won't really do any damage.
Also, why was captain's name took out? That was a little confusing.
Furthermore, the implied identity of Siren Song becomes clear quite soon - I'm not sure for how long you wanted to keep that mystery going, but a part of it disappears half way through the chapter or so.
Anyway, you were asking what might be the cause of the story's low views. I can think of two things:
First, look at the story tags. Adventure, romance, horror, thriller, dark... Quite a mess. The last three are more or less conveying the same. Also, will be romance all that important here? Ask that yourself with each of the tags and try to narrow them down. Readers then get a cleaner picture of what they can expect.
Second, it's an all-OC story. Once the readers open the longer description, they get a "lecture" about Misty and the gang, characters they have never heard of before. After spotting this on the front page, howare the chances they'll read this and not some "more canon" story?
I think finding way out of this is hard. You could try and build more of the mystery in the description, without mentioning any names. I also see Twilight in the tags, so maybe you can mention her role in all this.
That's all I wanted to say.
Thank you for this chapter, I'm hoping to read the rest soon!
8321262
First off, thank you so much for the feedback! I'll try to address some of the major concerns I see here, and you are free to comment further criticisms from there.
Initially, I wasn't sure if this would be Teen, at which point the swear words were muted. I'm less cavalier about it later knowing it's hit Mature, but at this first chapter, until I decided to place it on Mature for the more graphic Gore scenes later, I ended up censoring them. I'll go back and edit them in soon.
I honestly couldn't think of one, and ended up keeping it in as a nice sort of blank in Mist's memory. Obviously probably not the best choice, though, but I still have trouble coming up with a name; another one later is simply referred to as "Captain" because I cannot think of a name for him, either.
To be honest, part of me is vaguely aware the identity portion may be solved soon by the perceptive reader, though I'm trying to keep it still a "mystery" because of Mist's perspective; spoilers ahead: it'll be clear later, but his head's not exactly in the right place for the majority of the story, and part of it has been done intentionally by the antagonists. Though the other part is motivation, and that takes a bit longer to change (though again, a perceptive reader may spot it quicker than I think).
The main problem I have right now is Twilight's role, while constant for chapters 3 through (the upcoming) 6, is limited to start but comes back later on at a crucial moment. The way it's going right now, approximately 50% of the story won't contain Twilight at all, while the other 25% of the time she plays a major role (think something like a Doctor Who Doctor-lite episode). She's key, but expanding her description and involvement takes away some of the later plot.
8321262
I took a little time to replace the censored swear words and modify the long description. Feedback on the new description would be much appreciated.
8321305
Seems good to me
I'd probably cut it after "manned by a single unknown pony" for I don't like all that long descriptions, but that just a matter of taste.