It has been 6 months since their time at Camp Everfree, unfortunately a new threat appears, one much more dangerous than anything they have ever faced.
1.- The narration makes the pacing feel broken, although
It seems spiky hair is the key to power for these Saiyans, that Goku, Sunset told me about also had spiky hair.
This legit felt like something Pinkie Pie would say.
2.- Those power levels man, I understand if you want to make Pinkie Pie so strong for whatever secret you hold but 2 million is way to high, it makes the rush of seeing this fights gone because we now know there's no way for Pinkie to lose, it feels that there's no risk of losing to the Saiyans and that there's no way to defeat her now.
3.- We don't have much descriptions for the fight scenes, making it feel very empty, it would help you a lot is these fights are told in third person instead of first person.
8619964 Sorry, but I am just going to go with so it's consistant, I have another story with several chapter written as a sequels so I'll just go with it.
8619920 2 The problem is not she's going to lose the problem is there is going to be nothing to stop when she wins, she is not exactly using common sense anymore, this is kinda like Pinkmena instead of Pinkie in a way.
4 I might try that in the next story for future fight scenes, it is juts me trying to keep the entire story in a single perspective because changing perspctives is a problem in a story.
8620620 Wouldn't it be weird to change prespectives mid story and I am not rewriting mutiple chapters in the second story to make it 3rd person. I may consider changing that in the 3rd story in this universe.
Not necessarily, it depends on how you control the focus. If you use a third person perspective you can talk about a character and, in the middle of it, change it to another character without losing the focus on the story, at the same time, it allows you to show about the story in a wider manner to the audience.
8621147 What I meant was I already wrote several chapters in first person, I don't want to have change all the tensing for several chapters. Still I may consdier third person for the final chapter of story 2 in this series and all subsequent stories in this series.
8621147 Also it's easier to set up twists in first person rather than third person as more things will be missed from a single characters perspective and I want surprises for the characters to be surprises for the readers as well.
Uhm...
1.- The narration makes the pacing feel broken, although
This legit felt like something Pinkie Pie would say.
2.- Those power levels man, I understand if you want to make Pinkie Pie so strong for whatever secret you hold but 2 million is way to high, it makes the rush of seeing this fights gone because we now know there's no way for Pinkie to lose, it feels that there's no risk of losing to the Saiyans and that there's no way to defeat her now.
3.- We don't have much descriptions for the fight scenes, making it feel very empty, it would help you a lot is these fights are told in third person instead of first person.
Will other Dragon Ball characters appear? Also, the Do in Daring Do only has one o in it.
8619964
Sorry, but I am just going to go with so it's consistant, I have another story with several chapter written as a sequels so
I'll just go with it.
8619920
2 The problem is not she's going to lose the problem is there is going to be nothing to stop when she wins, she is not exactly using common sense anymore, this is kinda like Pinkmena instead of Pinkie in a way.
4 I might try that in the next story for future fight scenes, it is juts me trying to keep the entire story in a single perspective because changing perspctives is a problem in a story.
8620311
4.- That's why 3rd person perspective its better to narrate in its entirety, it gives more freedom to narrate a story without changing perspectives.
8620620
Wouldn't it be weird to change prespectives mid story and I am not rewriting mutiple chapters in the second story to make it 3rd person. I may consider changing that in the 3rd story in this universe.
8620630
Not necessarily, it depends on how you control the focus. If you use a third person perspective you can talk about a character and, in the middle of it, change it to another character without losing the focus on the story, at the same time, it allows you to show about the story in a wider manner to the audience.
8621147
What I meant was I already wrote several chapters in first person, I don't want to have change all the tensing for several chapters. Still I may consdier third person for the final chapter of story 2 in this series and all subsequent stories in this series.
8621147
Also it's easier to set up twists in first person rather than third person as more things will be missed from a single characters perspective and I want surprises for the characters to be surprises for the readers as well.