The life of Zesty Zapwing

by mrturbodk

The Growing Up

Growing up

It has been a few days after the balloon crash and the discovery of the foal known as Zesty Zapwing.

All attempt to discover the foals true identity via hospital records and birth certificates have been fruitless, the foal is simply a mystery .. or maybe he was simply born at home .. but since the 2 ponies in the balloon crash was both burned and mangled beyond recognition, it would be very hard if at all possible to find out more.

for now at least, the Alicorn foal was doing well in the local hospital wing for routine observations.

The staff at the hospital all looked in on the little foal from time to time, and everyone seemed to be at awe from what can only be described at slumbering talents. many times they would get a light Zap as his Alicorn powers was finding roots in his body, sending small lightnings around his wings and mane and sometimes his tail. Of course the staff recorded everything they noticed about the foal and soon had to divide their findings into more than one journal.

The journals now read Zesty health and Zesty powers .. and apparently there was much going on inside the foal ..

Many a time, the tiny foal would cry, quite possibly for his parents, but it always managed to settle back in with kind nurture from the nurses, and it seemed as if he got extra happy about visits from a certain silver-maned pony.

The other journal, Zesty Powers, was also being filled slowly from the foals seemingly unconscious acts of power.

Already added was the greenish force field seen in the Everfree forest along with the small zaps of lightning visually sparkling along wings, mane and tail. and it seemed like the force field was a built-in defense mechanism, possibly inherited from his parents.

One incident of force field occurred when the doc tried to take a blood sample from the foal, apparently the foal saw the needle and WHOMP, force field time .. after some reassurance from the nurses, the field did go down, but it was added to the list of specials in the powers journal.

Meanwhile, as the foal was cared for in the hospital, an examination was taking place of the balloon remnants and the 2 pony bodies, presenting some results.

The balloon remnants held no clues, as it was a generic built model available in massive numbers all over Equestria.

The half mangled pony discovered turned out to be of female Zebra relations, but not just that, Unicorn Zebra even. one would think that this would narrow the search, but no. No known Unicorn Zebras was found inside Equestria, deepening the mystery.

The same was true for the headless pony, who's head was dropped from one of the Everfree forest carnivores. remnants of a horn was found in the skull base, but this one turned out to be a male Unicorn. but due to the extent of the damage to the 2 bodies, it was impossible to tell anything of where they might have come from. the mystery deepen further.

It was possible to collect small remnants of blood from both corpses, and when magically compared to the foals bloodworks, it was a match. one mystery down, the corpses was mother and father of the foal.

No pony has to this day come up with a reason for the 2 ponies, the male Unicorn and the female Zebra Unicorn, as to how they could have produced a Alicorn offspring, but maybe, just maybe, it could be a Pegasy gene from long ago, or Alicorn gene .. to this day, none knows.

About a week later, a Earth pony out by the crash site reported having found a chest of bits n valuables, believed to have been on-board the balloon, no hint of any location they could have come from though. The chest itself was charred n burnt, and broken apart at the crash. it could not help in finding out more info either.

The Earth pony delivered the chest and contents to city hall, who locked it up until further investigations was over, the pony did receive a finders fee, and word is that it helped the pony's family out of a economical crisis, seeing as their Apples wasn't quite enough to go around this year.

Meanwhile, there was debate about what to do with the young foal, should he be put in foster care or would some pony take care of him. Eventually, the same Earth pony that found the foal was selected to take care of him in the beginning.

There was talk of some familys having only tried to get nursing of the foal to get at the riches of the chest, and some accused the silver-maned pony of the same, but what she did next shut that rumor down fast. She deposited the chest in it's entirety into a locked account, from which it said that not until the foals 18 year birthday would access be given, unless in xtreme conditions. Many saw it as pure hearted care taking and the rumor was long gone.

The Silver-maned Earth pony mare, being in her 20's, then did another surprise move, by running for Mayor position. Many thought this was a bit much for her to handle, but despite odds, and some common reason, she managed to gain the voters ears and was eventually voted in as Mayor of ponyville. Storys about her achievement went wide n far, and over time, she helped Ponyville become the town it is to this day, bustling with happy ponys of all kinds and a healthy economy, very low crime rate and of course, home of the 6 ponies with the Elements of Harmony.

Long before that though, she was first and foremost Zesty's caretaker, and it wasn't long before Zesty started to grow up in the secure town of Ponyville, he started school and made friends and was also slowly beginning to get a little control over his abilitys.

only very rarely would someone tease him, but when they did, they would, quite literally, get the ZAP of their lives.

The teachers, knowing full well that it was in teasing self defense, would reprimand both partys on separate accounts. The teasers would be told off teasing and Zesty would yet again be told to try and control his powers.

Those was the days where he would come home to his home with the Mayor, knowing all to well that she would already know of his school activitys due to her strong connections with the school. but unlike the teachers at school, guardian Mayor mom would listen to him and afterwards, usually shower him with love to make him feel better.

One would think that living in Ponyville was all joy and no stress, but there was times where the Mayor had to go away for extended periods of time, and thus Zesty would be temporarily living with one of his classmates familys for a while.

But at that turned out, was only for the better.

being about same age as our famous heroes as fillys, Zesty had a brief living with all 5 familys among other familys in Ponyville. While each stay only lasted at mostly a few months, he each time got accepted into the family as one of their own. And he started to learn traits from all the familys.

Among other traits learned was honesty from the Apples family, Generosity from Rarity's family, also kindness towards all as he later spend time with Fluttershy, he came to love music and secretly had a crush on Octavia, but then again, who didnt. Partying and pranks was always done with Pinkie and Rainbow of course, those 2 would get Zesty into some hot water but was always there to help as well.

One day, while in the care of the Apples, Zesty came home, spread his wings and flew up to the barn hayloft, his private little hideout, which Applejack knew all to well, since it was her safe-place as well. but today it was different. The reason, a female rejection ...

As Zesty could feel a torrent of emotions go through his body, he thought it safe to distance himself a bit from his caretakers, as his powers could sometimes go a bit nuts in such a situation. Little did he know, he was right.

As he felt rejected and was crying, he could hear her words in his head spinning ..

"You're just a multicolored freak, be gone with you" ..

Rejection turned to anger of the filly and suddenly he lost his cool over his powers, violently zapping lightnings around his wings. He exploded in a hissyfit of very loud proportions, loud enough to get the attention of Applejack, helping buckin apples a field over .. just as Applejack heard the burst of emotions, she saw something else of horror. It was a large lightning bolt, and it was coming from the barn hayloft.

After the outburst, Zesty fell exhausted to the floor of the hayloft, remarkably he managed to not set the whole barn ablaze, even though being only feet from the hay storage. He could hear Applejack running to him, crying out his name. Moments later she appeared by his side, out of breath and staring at the black part of the loft and a big charred hole in the ceiling beneath Zesty who was crying on the floor.

*pant pant* .. "Zesty, you alright ?!?, what happend ??" Applejack asked, looking wildly at the slumped down Alicorn, "oh dear me, Zesty ??"

"I.. sorry.. lost control" was all Zesty was able to blurt out between sobs

Applejack didn't waste a second, she promptly lay besides Zesty and tried her best to comfort him

"there there" Applejack said "what in Equestria got you so riled up anyways ??"

Zesty looked up at Applejack, tears free flowing from both the chock of his powers and the burning of the rejection at school.

"I tried talking to her, but" Zesty stammered out between sobs "she just said i was a multicolored freak !!" and burst out into yet another wild crying fit.

"there there" said Applejack in her most comforting voice "if that filly couldn't see past your brilliant colors, she's no good for you anyways"

Zesty looked Applejack as best he could in her eyes, tears was obscuring his vision of sight, but he could swear that he saw a golden ring above his head.

Applejack could be very comforting when she wanted to be and it wasn't long before Zesty was calmed down to the point where he suddenly realized something important.

"Applejack, i think i just did something amazing" Zesty suddenly exclaimed and without warning to Applejack, jumped out the hayloft window. Before Applejack could even muster a yell to stop, Zesty was out in the air, spreading his wings and actually glided down to the ground safely.

If there was a award for the biggest drop-jaw in history, Applejack won it right then and there. Still unable to fathom what she just saw, she halfway ran, halfway stumbled down the stairs into the barn and out the door, aiming straight for Zesty.

Zesty was himself in his own little happy place and watched Applejack sprint towards him, only Applejack forgot to stop and tackled Zesty to the ground in a heap of Earth pony, Alicorn and a apple stack which was behind Zesty.

"Dont you EVER do something that wreck less again, you could have gotten seriously hurt !!" Applejack was shouting at Zesty at a hoofs distance. Zesty looked scared up into Applejack's eyes, he had never seen her that mad.

Then, it happened .. Applejack just hugged Zesty and started bawling out. Suddenly, the roles had reversed, now he had to comfort her.

"I'm sorry, i didn't, i .. i" Zesty started "I didn't mean to upset you, honest"

Applejack regained herself a bit, "Dont you know how devastated we would all be if you got hurt, think next time you dolt" she winched at him.

The 2 ponies comforted each other and soon they got a bit back to normal, and walked inside to explain for the Apple family what had happened.

After Zesty and Applejack explained everything, all that the rest of the Apple family could say was that Zesty shouldn't worry about the barn, it could be fixed and he would help doing the fixing.

Racing outside to try his flying again, he found that he could only set off and glide, but apparently it was enough to get him started on more adventures of his youth, certainly Rainbow and Fluttershy was happy to get a new flying friend to train flying with.

A while passed by and with skills and knowledge increasing almost daily, Zesty was soaring high .. emotionally and literally ..

Comments

[Distrance]

Incoming alicorn shit storm.

[ButtEater9]

First of all, your description has a bunch of errors in it. Aside from your lack of capitalization, you prefaced airballoon with 'a', when it should be 'an'. You also used remenish, which isn't even a word.

Now, on to the story itself:

-capitalization issues. While you do remember to begin every sentence with a capital here, you have some words capitalized that probably shouldn't be. Pegasus and Unicorn shouldn't be capitalized (you wouldn't capitalize human), and neither should Smoke.

-spelling issues. Ponies is the plural form of pony, not ponys. 'n' is not a proper substitute for 'and' in literature. Recognition and recognizable, not regocnition and regocnizable. Most of these should be easily picked up by a spellchecking program. There are more spelling issues in the second chapter, but I don't feel like pointing them all out.

-you don't need to include a recap in your second chapter. I'm sure your readers will be able to remember what happened so far, and if they can't, they can just read the first chapter again - it's not even 1000 words. You also don't really need the "to be continued" at the end.

-your character seems like a Mary Sue. Aside from the whole alicorn thing, as well as the odd color scheme and dead parents, he's apparently good friends with all the mane six. If I had a nickel for every time I saw a story that had a character with those exact same traits, I'd have quite a bit.

-there are some things that don't quite seem to make sense. Why was Applejack so concerned about him going out the window? He's a fucking alicorn; he has wings. Also, why would he stay with Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash's families? They both come from Cloudsdale, and while Fluttershy may have stayed in Ponyville when she got her cutie mark, I'm sure her parents wouldn't have.

-your writing style is pretty bad. I can't even tell what perspective you're writing from most of the time, and you switch between past and present tenses too much. I'm not the best at giving advice on writing styles, so I'll leave it at that.

Overall, you need to work on your story more. Make an effort to fix the spelling and grammar; the rest probably can't be fixed without restarting the story completely. The story does have potential, but it failed to interest me enough to read any more of it.

[mrturbodk]

899717 why thank you

[mrturbodk]

899751 -- english is not my first language, i'm from Denmark and this is my first story.

[ButtEater9]

899862 Ah, my apologies. I didn't realize that English wasn't your first language.

[mrturbodk]

900803 -- no worrys, constructive critisism is good n all that. i did get high marks for english though way back in school, a refresher course might help.

but to those who sees this as a way to get at me, all i gotta say is .. haters gonna hate .. cause i aint halting .. not aimed at anyone.