Mommy Dash

by Noratcat

Bonus Chapter

The tree branch creaked audibly under his tiny weight. Gale could feel the wind currents changing, something his mo...”she” taught him. It was important to know which direction the wind went when you flew. Not only was it smart, but the better you could show off your moves. Flyers of all ages benefited from that information and Gale soaked up anything flying related.

Presently, he didn't feel much like it. Today had started out so well for it was special: his birthday; or rather “hatchday”. Much more appropriate for somepony (or somegriffon) who came from an egg. Gale uncurled himself slightly, sadly staring down at his talons. How could he not have seen the signs before? He knew he was a griffon, but never paid that much mind. Until today that is.

“There you are!”

Gale didn't budge from his spot even as the branch shook with the added weight. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a hint of orange. Furthering up, it extended to a teenaged pegasus mare with a purple colored mane.

“Everypony's been looking for you!”

Gale still didn't move nor turn his head. “Leave me alone Scootaloo.” He muttered.

“Is this about the hoof noogie?” Scootaloo asked. Gale's lack of reply only furthered her belief. “Look I was just messing with you alright?”

“It's not about the stupid noogie!” Gale snapped. As much as he hated his annual birthday “gifts” from Scootaloo, they were not enough to make him feel this way.

Scootaloo still lay confused on the other hoof. “Whatever's up with you, let's fly down and talk to your mom about it.”

The moment he heard it, Gale hid his head further into his talons. Peeking down at him, Scootaloo noticed something shimmering within Gale's eyes.

“You don't have to keep pretending. I'm not stupid.” Gale spat almost distastefully.

“Pretend? Wha?”

“I heard her talking!” Gale's last snapped brought them back to light, and Scootaloo listened well.

XXX

“Come on say it!”

Gale grunted painfully as he felt the hard sole press into his scalp. “Uncle!” He cried not wanting to endure any more of this.

“What was that?”

“Uncle!”

“I can't hear you.”

“Uncle!!”

Scootaloo flashed a cocky self assured smirk. “That's more like it.”

The mare released the grifflet from her wrapped grip. A few feathers fell out of place as he rubbed his sore scalp.

“Oh lighten up pipsqueak. I'm just messing with you.” Scootaloo joked.

“Don't call me that!” Gale snapped. Turning his head around, the young griffon's face turned red with disgruntlement.Nevertheless, the mare rubbed her hoof into Gale's head once more, further infuriating him.

“Catch you later Pipsqueck.”

Scootaloo trotted off, likely to join her friends Apple Bloom and Sweetiebell. Gale fashioned his bangs back into their original (and preferred style). It did nothing to drain the color from his face. One could see red even under all the white. It was like this every year. Scootaloo would always bestow a hoof noogie as a “gift” despite his protests. Other than that detail, so far his day was going swell. It was his birthday after all. The party was in full swing at Sugar Cube Corner. Some party music played through the gramophone while guests were chatting and having fun. Pinkie Pie had pulled out all the stops for this shindig, for she knew how a child's mind worked. But the real pony to thank for all this was Rainbow Dash, his mother. Everything she had set up to make sure her son had the best birthday of his young life; it was like that every year.

Momentarily he felt elated to be here, but there was still the matter of Scootaloo. Childish impulses compelled him to look for Rainbow Dash to once again tattle on his sometimes babysitter.

“Mom!” Gale called, but the noise of the party guests drowned out his voice.

When something failed, it was best to take matters into your own hooves, or talons. Gale began to search out for that particular rainbow hued mane. Mom always made everything better. The presents he had received were great, but his mother was his best friend practically. Most boys would probably be embarrassed about being with their mothers, but that was because their mothers were not the fastest pony in Equestria. Dull did not fit in her definition. To Gale, she was the very symbol of awesomeness.

“I said no such thing!”

Gale briefly halted recognizing the voice.

“Come on Rarity, you said that I wouldn't be able to do it.”

That voice caused Gale to perk up. Slowly he crept towards the source until he noticed a shade of rainbow and violet manes. One side belonged to the white coated Rarity. Or miss Rarity as Gale called her. He did know his manners after all, that and she was one of his mother's friends. Speaking of which, the rainbow mane belonged to the cyan pegasus, the fastest in the world (least in his mind), Rainbow Dash.

Gale nearly leapt happily towards his mother, partly to thank her for the party, and partly to complain about Scootaloo again. Not that it would do any good for him, his mother and Scootaloo were practically sisters to one another, and Dash didn't see much wrong with the light teasing. Truthfully Scootaloo was never an outright bully to Gale, but that didn't mean Gale had to like it.

“No, I merely believed you wouldn't be the best mother figure. I didn't say you couldn't do it.” Rarity argued.

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Same thing.”

An argument? Gale had heard those before. Frankly for some reason, Gale liked them a bit. Least when his mother argued with somepony. Smirking, Gale made himself comfortable, hiding from the two mares.

“I admit, you've raised Gale into a fine young,” Rarity's voice trailed off, “What do you call a young griffon?”

“Does it matter? He's a great kid!” Rainbow Dash remarked with pride.

Griffon, that was what Gale was. Gale had never understood it; why his mother was a pony and he a griffon. Usually he had never paid it much attention, but there was always something nagging at the back of his mind. To him it was obvious, yet the bond with his mother overpowered it.

“Well he certainly does take after you,” Gale beamed proudly, “even if he is adopted.”

Adopted...

Adopted....

Adopted.........

One tiny singular word echoed throughout his avian skull. Reaction slowed time causing everypony to halt. All there was were Gale, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash. What happened next was the first thing Gale could think of: He ran.

XXX

“Seriously? You're just figuring this out now?” Scootaloo asked disbelievingly.

Gale kept his distance not addressing her a gaze.

“I mean how could you not see it? Look at you your,” Scootaloo reconsidered her words as she noticed Gale's forming tears, “Alright maybe you didn't know but-.”

“I did know.” Gale interrupted.

Scootaloo nearly fell out of the tree from surprise. “Then why are you crying?”

“I don't know!” Gale snapped. “I just heard it and ran and,” Gale buried his head sobbing fully, “I just didn't want to hear it. Sometimes I thought about it but I always ignored it. I-I-I don-”

“Gale it's okay.”

Gale sniffled feeling a hoof upon his shoulder. Uncurling, Gale stared up with his golden eyes now shiny from the tears. The whole issue confused her. Gale obviously knew though didn't want to talk about it. Understandable as the bond he and Rainbow Dash shared was strong. It made her wonder? Did Gale know anything about his real mother? Scootaloo honestly didn't hold much knowledge on her idol's former friend. Abandoning an unhatched child seemed heartless to her.

“Fine you're adopted, but that doesn't change things.” Scootaloo assured. Gale didn't turn away. “Your real mom gave you up sure, but you still have a mom who loves you a lot.”

Gale cast his head down looking rather guilty.

“Right now she's looking for you like mad. You're everything to her kid.”

If Gale wasn't guilty before he was now.

“Why don't we come down and go see her hmm?”

Scootaloo flapped her wings and descended down. While landing she stared up at Gale and he stared back. So many things ran through him but whatever they were would be too much to jot down. Flapping his own wings, he landed beside the pegasus.

“Ow!” Gale cried as a sharp pain shot through his shoulder.

“That's for making me worry too.” Scootaloo smirked.

The pain quickly subsiding, Gale smirked right back at her. It was time to go home, a mother was waiting for her baby to return.

Author's Note:

Okay. Just to let everyone know. I actually wrote this a long time ago. This chapter I mean. It was present on the fan fiction.net and Deviant Art versions of the story. I've decided until now to post it here. It is an addition of the story and I felt it was better to post it. Now as some of you may or may not know. I actually deleted this story. Also on fanficiton.net and Deviant Art. My reasoning? I hated the story, and I felt ashamed of it.

The reason I felt ashamed of this story, was because honestly, I didn't like the criticism given on it. Frankly, everyone poked a lot of holes in the story saying there were numerous problems with it, and implying I wasn't a great writer. They said I was good, but implied I wasn't great. And I've been writing for years and it was really disheartening to hear. Yet, they still said this story was good. That baffled me why? I mean if a story has as numerous problems as this one, why would they consider it good? I still don't understand how this story became so popular.

Now what spurred me to post this again was a fan of it. I showed this story or rather the files of it to a fan on Facebook. They had never read it before and after they read it, they posted a rather lengthy review on googledocs. And you know what? The review actually made me smile. They felt I should repost this story and so I did. Now do I still hate the story? Yes I do but not as much as I used to. Do I still think it's the worst thing I've ever written? Yes I do. After seeing all of the criticism on it I can easily tell it's the worst thing I've ever written. Do I still think this story is beneath anyone who is more popular than myself? A little. To be honest it depends on the story. I have another mlp story called Apple Bloom, and I actually like it. A popular person likes it and I have no problem with them liking it. I used to, but after I stopped being jealous of them, I was fine with them liking it (Apple Bloom). I find that if I hate the story, I have a problem with people liking it, especially popular people.

Well anyway, that's the end of my thoughts. I'm sure some of you would like a sequel to Mommy Dash. One person suggested I have Gale become friends with the children of the mane 6. To be honest. I don't want to write a sequel. Especially with an idea like that. I'm sure others can make it good. But experience shows I am not very good at writing My Little Pony stories, so I don't think I would be able to do it justice. Plus I imagine plenty of people would be there to poke holes in it telling me I'm good but not great, and honestly, I don't want to go through that again.

Well read and just read I guess.

Comments

[Night Spinner]

Well, for what's it's worth. I enjoyed the story and thought the writing was fine.

[Chaos da FaceWhacker]

You my friend are great.Stop pulling yourself down.Seriously.331 LIKES!!!I ended up deleting my first story because I left it up for a while and out of 6 people,1 made it all the way through.This is one of the best stories I've seen.

- FaceWhacker

[Noratcat]

6997775 I hate it because the people who said they liked it pointed out numerous errors and generally implied it was a clunky awkward story. And they still said they liked it. That confused the living heck out of me.

[Grahf]

6998586 think of it this way some of the best movies have glaring plot holes that people will point out but still love the movie regardless.

[Seether00]

Well I liked the story. Gale was cute. I'm not sure what people were saying because I didn't read the other comments, but know that I faved this story from it's first publication.

[Noratcat]

6998724 I'm actually surprised you like this story considering your stories are way more popular than mine and the fact you have more watchers than me.

[Seether00]

6999912

Well, keep in mind that I'm super biased towards stories starring griffons. Griffons are best race.

[Noratcat]

6999945 Okay I guess so. But this story is pretty low quality. So I think this story isn't worthy to be viewed by the higher up writers.

[Dark Chocolate]

I mean this in the nicest way possible:
You're acting like a child and it's pathetic. Stop whinning about your story and just take the compliment. Almost anyone here would kill to have the "fanbase" and positive reinforcement you got. You literally have ZERO reason to act the way you're acting. If you don't like your story, then fix it. But sitting there complaining about how it sucks to the people who've "Favorited your story from day one" is ridiculous! I mean if you're going to act like a child, then have the fortitude to just not reply man. I mean my story, that I've worked on for months, has a ratio of 3 likes to every dislike and I cherish every compliment I get! If you don't know how to make your story better, then go to my blog about making your story better and study it.

[Noratcat]

7001033 Okay fine. I guess I could start taking the compliments more. I just honestly feel like if I like this story, then I will be giving in to the negative comments it received. It would be like I am accepting the fact I am clunky and awkward. And honestly, it does weird me out when someone better than me likes my story. It just is so intimidating, especially from knowing the fact they have more success than me. As for making the story better? Well, people pointed out some solid criticisms about the plot and characterization. Can you even improve something like that?

[Dark Chocolate]

7001110 You have no way of knowing why they even disliked your story. It can be from.jealoisy or they could dislike it just because it doesn't have Luna getting plowed on the roof of a castle like mine does. You never know. You will never write a story everyone likes unless you have the power of the Dazzlings. There will always be criticism but it doesn't mean your story is bad. Every story has something that can be added to it or taken away. Don't take it all so personally.

[Dark Chocolate]

*spoilers*
I both like and dislike Scootaloo’s and Gale’s interactions with eachother. While it’s nice seeing him with a pseudo half sister, I feel really bad for the little guy.
Aw man, Gale finally asking about his mom. I was always kinda wondering when that was gonna come up lol. I’m curious how Rainbow Dash is gonna break it to him. I mean is she really gonna tell him his mom straight abandoned him?
Initially I didn’t like fast forwarding a few years, but it’s interesting following Gale instead of Dash. I love the change in narrative !