TMMDW:The Mysterious Mare do Well

by Equinoxx

Episode 11: The feeling of being watched

Winter was rolling around the corner and I could already see Cloudsdale in the distance. I'm honestly just happy for it, I'm hoping to just take a break and relax. But how would I go about that? Well let's see; Pinkie will most definitely be hosting several parties throughout the winter, I could learn more about pony culture and I could just simply have fun.

But I still had to wait until Winter to do all that. Bored, I walked over to the computer. 'I really should give her a name.' I figured. "Hi computer... I'm bored." I stated, getting into and slumping on the chair in front of her.

"I'm afraid I cannot help you with that, but I have some news from Fillydelphia" She responded.

Oh no, news normally means something bad. "What's the news?"

"There has been a string of murders there. i've already looked up who the victims are and they all are mares who are in a relationship."

That was... odd. "Do you have any clue as to why?"

"No." The computer really liked giving me one worded answers.

"Okay then, looks like I'm going to Fillydelphia." I got in my suit, went to the springpad and launched towards Fillydelphia.

---

After a minute of flying through the air, I saw Fillydelphia in the distance. A moment later and I was heading right towards a building. I teleported on top of it right before I went splat, It still hurt though. After I got up I decided to patrol Fillydelphia, I didn't know much about the place, but I was sure that may not be a problem.

What I didn't expect to see on the sidewalks below were dragons! But I noticed that the area looked very... Chinese? I jumped across a few buildings, not wanting to jump to conclusions, and then looked back down at the streets again. This time seeing ponies, and the place looked more like Manehatten.

So... were the dragons supposed to be there? If so then I didn't want to bother them. I never read the MLP comics, so if that's were it's from, I didn't know. I continued my patrol, but little did I know I was being watched... Spooky.

After about half an hour I finished going around Fillydelphia, finding nothing. As I check my surroundings, I noticed a pony watching me from another rooftop. The pony realized that their cover was blown, so they took off. I chased after the pony, now getting a good look at them, unfortunately they were wearing armor, so no clues there.

The armored pony jumped off a building and into an alleyway. Seeing no other way down, I teleport in front of them. "Listen, I'm not here to fight, but could you tell me why you wer- Oh god!" I yelled that last part as I dodged a slash from the sword I didn't know the armored pony had. "Okay, then we're doing this the hard way." I got into a readied stance.

The armored pony charged at me and swung their sword, which I jumped over then hit them in the head with my front hooves. It's then that I notice the sword didn't have a magic aura around it, but that didn't make sense. I had no more time to ponder that as I was struck in the side, sending me into a dumpster. I peeked out of the dumpster, seeing that I was hit by a hammer. Ow, I had no idea where that came from. I jumped out of the trash and shot some concussion spells at the armored pony. The spells just reflected off of their armor.

The hammer morphed into a second sword and they both were pointed at me. "Why are you here?" A robotic voice asked from inside the armor, but I knew it wasn't a robot. It sounded like a voice changer.

"I had a similar question, why don't you answer mine first?" I retorted.

The armor looked like it was giving me a glare. "Fine. I was making sure you weren't going to cause trouble. Now your turn to answer."

"I came here because there has been a string of murders. I just finished patrolling and was about to investigate the latest crime scene." I explained. "Also for the record, you attacked me first."

"Sorry, I just don't like being followed." 'What' Was my valid reaction.

"So you kill ponies who follow you?!" I asked in disbelief.

"... You seemed like you would survive and you did." Was their response.

'Cause that's reasonable. "... anyway, I need to go to the crime scene." I said as my horn started to glow and I turned away, preparing to teleport.

"Actually I was already there." I heard the armored pony say from behind me. I turned around and tilted my head in a questioning manner. "I already investigated the crime scene."

"What did you find?" I asked.

"Follow." They told me as the two swords morphed into a metal platform and the pony stepped onto it. I took a few seconds to blink out of my surprise, then followed them onto the platform. The platform lifted into the air and started flying out of Fillydelphia.

"Woah! I uhh, have a question." I said.

"What is it?" They asked simply.

"How do you control the metal with no magic?" The pony looked at me for a second, then put their focus back on controlling the platform. I guess they don't want to tell me.

"We're here." The platform came to a sudden stop, sending me off it and onto the ground face first. I looked up and around and noticed a bunker-like entrance. The armored pony opened the door without touching it and walked in. I followed. Inside was a stairway leading down. I followed the armored pony down and entered into a large room with a lot of equipment. The pony led me to a table which had some items on it. I noticed a piece of paper with a picture of a hoofprint on it. "I found hoofprints, a lock of hair, and signs of a struggle, as well as magical residue." The armored pony told me.

"What color is the magical residue and the lock of hair?" I asked.

"The magical residue is green and the hair is teal. I haven't had the chance of scanning the hoofprint yet though." The armored pony explained.

"Hmm. If you don't mind, could I teleport the evidence somewhere?" I ask.

"Why?" They turned to me suspiciously.

"Because I have a trusted friend who could use the evidence to find out who the murderer is." I elaborated.

They looked like they were thinking for a few seconds, then said. "Fine, but don't make me regret trusting you."

I nod, then teleport the evidence to The Well for the computer to scan. "It should take until morning." I told the armored pony.

"There's a room here, you can rest in it," The armored pony said as they started to leave.

"Hey!" I called out before they left. "Is there something I could call you by?"

The armored pony turned to me and said one word. "Alloy." They then disappeared up the stairs.

That left me to do some thinking. Alloy seemed trustworthy at least, but I still wanted to keep my guard up. Knowing that we'd continue the investigation tomorrow, I headed to bed.

Roll credits

Author's Note:

To know what is happening in Ponyville head over to The Weathermare episode 4: The black void (part 1)

(This chapter has been slightly edited.)

Comments

[Equinoxx]

Winter was rolling around the corner and I could already see Cloudsdale in the distance. I'm honestly just happy for it, I'm hoping to just take a break and relax. But how would I go about that? Well let's see; Pinkie will most definitely be hosting several parties throughout the winter, I could learn more about pony culture and I could just simply have fun.

Decent start so far, but wait, does Cloudsdale move location throughout the year? Let me check… Huh. Maybe? In Tanks for the Memories it seems to have moved closer to Ponyville to more easily prepare for winter. That implies that it moves wherever it needs to in order to assist in weather manipulation. How interesting. Okay, I’m willing to run with that theory.

Quick note though; Seastar talks about taking a break, but that feels pretty arbitrary. Why not a summer break? Winter is a prime time for crimes to happen. Plus she hasn’t even been MDW for very long yet, does she really need a break this soon? All of this is admittedly a bit of a nitpick, but it just strikes me as a little odd.

" I'm afraid I cannot help you with that, but I have some news from Fillydelphia " She responded.

You say you can’t help with the boredom but then proceed to alleviate it with news of something. Somewhat contradictory dialogue… unless it was intentional?

" There has been a string of murders there. i've already looked up who the victims are and they all are mares who are in a relationship. "

How many? Why have you assumed it’s because of their relationship statuses? Are these the only murders in Fillydelphia recently? More context please. For that matter how did you even look that information up?!

"Okay then, looks like I'm going to Fillydelphia." I got in my suit, went to the springpad and launched towards Fillydelphia.

This reads like a dang comedy sketch! It’s really unintentionally funny.

After a minute of flying through the air, I saw Fillydelphia in the distance. A moment later and I was heading right towards a building. I teleported on top of it right before I went splat, It still hurt though. After I got up I decided to patrol Fillydelphia, I didn't know much about the place, but I was sure that may not be a problem.

A straight minute of soaring through the air?! How’d you maintain that much altitude? Also, I establish that at least some momentum carries through a teleportation, so that amount of speed should have hurt MDW much more. Oh well, inherent issues of this absurd travel method. On another note, that last sentence was structured weirdly, right?

What I didn't expect to see on the sidewalks below were dragons! But I noticed that the area looked very... Chinese? I jumped across a few buildings, not wanting to jump to conclusions, and then looked back down at the streets again. This time seeing ponies, and the place looked more like Manehatten.

Conclusions about what?

So... were the dragons supposed to be there? If so then I didn't want to bother them. I never read the MLP comics, so if that's were it's from, I didn't know. I continued my patrol, but little did I know I was being watched... Spooky.

Kinda odd to immediately assume it’s from the comics and not just a random thing. To be fair though, that is where I got that information from. It must have bled over from what I knew into Seastar’s thought process. It can be hard to separate your knowledge from your character’s sometimes. Also, the ‘spooky’ at the end was so unnecessary. It reeks of “look how quirky my first person narration is!”

The armored pony jumped off a building and into an alleyway. Seeing no other way down, I teleport in front of them. "Listen, I'm not here to fight, but could you tell me why you wer- Oh god!" I yelled that last part as I dodged a slash from the sword I didn't know the armored pony had. "Okay, then we're doing this the hard way." I got into a readied stance.

Why did the armoured pony immediately attack MDW with lethal intent? We find out later that they’re another vigilante. Why would they decide to kill MDW without knowing if she’s a threat? This is egregiously illogical!

The armored pony charged at me and swung their sword, which I jumped over then hit them in the head with my front hooves. It's then that I notice the sword didn't have a magic aura around it, but that didn't make sense. I had no more time to ponder that as I was struck in the side, sending me into a dumpster. I peeked out of the dumpster, seeing that I was hit by a hammer. Ow, I had no idea where that came from. I jumped out of the trash and shot some concussion spells at the armored pony. The spells just reflected off of their armor.

Firstly; I did not establish the fact that the weapons were being telekinetically controlled very well. I mention that there is no magic aura around the objects, but neglect to describe that they are floating. Secondly; why did the armoured pony strike MDW with a hammer? If they had an opening and were willing to kill, why not use the sword?! Oh right, ‘cause then Seastar would be dead and the story would be over.

The hammer morphed into a second sword and they both were pointed at me. "Why are you here?" A robotic voice asked from inside the armor, but I knew it wasn't a robot. It sounded like a voice changer.

Oh so now they decide to talk?! How do you know they’re not an automaton? And what do you mean voice changer? We know voice modulation spells exist, but that necessarily needs someone to have cast it on the armoured pony or enchanted their helmet with it. We’ve established that the pony inside the armour is likely not a unicorn, so they would have needed help to achieve this effect. Pray tell, who helped them with that? No one. I hadn’t planned any explanation for the voice modulation.

"... You seemed like you would survive and you did." Was their response.

I know Seastar is just as baffled by this explanation, but that doesn’t excuse how terribly contrived it is. There was no good reason for the armoured pony to try and kill MDW. The only reason it happened was so I could clumsily shoehorn in a short fight scene. Unfortunately, all it does is make the pony in the armour seem pretty terrible.

"Follow." They told me as the two swords morphed into a metal platform and the pony stepped onto it. I took a few seconds to blink out of my surprise, then followed them onto the platform. The platform lifted into the air and started flying out of Fillydelphia.

And now everything is casual? Ugh. And, Seastar, you saw the metal morphing already when the hammer turned into a second sword. Why are you surprised now?

"How do you control the metal with no magic?" The pony looked at me for a second, then put their focus back on controlling the platform. I guess they don't want to tell me.

This armoured out pony actually seems a lot more like Batman than MDW does at the moment. I know dynamics change depending on who’s interacting with who, but it still seems strange. To be fair though, MDW doesn’t need to act exactly like Batman.

"We're here." The platform came to a sudden stop, sending me off it and onto the ground face first. I looked up and around and noticed a bunker-like entrance. The armored pony opened the door without touching it and walked in. I followed. Inside was a stairway leading down. I followed the armored pony down and entered into a large room with a lot of equipment. The pony led me to a table which had some items on it. I noticed a piece of paper with a picture of a hoofprint on it. "I found hoofprints, a lock of hair, and signs of a struggle, as well as magical residue." The armored pony told me.

Repetition of ‘followed’ and ‘down’. Additionally, did you take all that evidence from the crime scene?! Oy vey, that is so dumb! And did you “scan” the magical residue at the scene? Because I doubt you could transport that.

"The magical residue is green and the hair is teal. I haven't had the chance of scanning the hoofprint yet though." The armored pony explained.

How did you even detect and find out what colour the residue was? And what do you mean “scan the hoofprint”? You can do that without magic? How?!

They looked like they were thinking for a few seconds, then said. "Fine, but don't make me regret trusting you."

I’m surprised you’re even trusting her at all after you tried to KILL HER!

I nod, then teleport the evidence to The Well for the computer to scan. "It should take until morning." I told the armored pony.

You what?! I understand that a few objects might be easier to teleport a long distance than a full living organism, but that still is no small feat! And how does the computer receive the information on the magic residue? Is it described on a note?

That left me to do some thinking. Alloy seemed trustworthy at least, but I still wanted to keep my guard up. Knowing that we'd continue the investigation tomorrow, I headed to bed.

Trustworthy? They tried to kill you the moment you made contact with them! Are you really comfortable with sleeping there?

Pretty meh chapter overall. Not offensively bad, but definitely not good.