The title is not capitalized and the description is a run-on sentence, that doesn't bode well for the rest of the story.

As I seat on my observation desk I look at my butler as he says that this mission could be my last.

* As I sat at my observation desk, I looked over at my butler as he told me that my next mission could be my last.

"Sir we don't know anything about this world every time we send a space drone though that portal it gets destroyed. So we don't know where you are going to land even if you do land that is".

* "Sir, we know nothing about this new world. Every time we send a drone through the portal, it's destroyed. We have no idea where you'd end up landing, if you managed to land at all, that is."

I look at butler than at the portal then I start to realize my options one I could listen to the advice of the man who trained me to be a super hero sorta. Or I go though a portal to a new world full of unknowns. I never listened to butler anyway so I go with option two.

* I continued to stare at my butler as I listed off the potential actions I could take in my head. I could listen to the advice of a man who has been faithful to me for countless years, or I could dive head-first into a world of unknown. I decided two go with option two, as bad decisions made for better stories.

"Butler come down how many times have I traveled to other worlds".

* "Butler, calm down. How many times have I traveled to another world?"

"Counting now the number would be 120,000 but each time you only stay there for two days. Which dose not give our research teams time to gather information about the world so what will be different this time".

* If we count this journey, it would be approximately one hundred and twenty-thousand trips, though each time you visit a new world, you only stay in the for roughly two days, which does not give our teams enough time to gather adequate information.

I'd keep going, but revising every single sentence would be absolutely draining, you see where I'm going with this regardless.

My story my not be the greatest one out there but I am trying my best I thank you for pointing out my flaws of my story. But not everyone on fimfic is looking for the best formatted story. They are looking for a story that has a good storyline. And also this is the first story that I am writing on a public cite. So yes it may not be great but I am doing the best I can. So you could help me with formatting my story. Or you could not that is your choice. So yes I am not focused on formatting the story. But I am focused on the storyline.

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There are several factors that encompass the making of a good story, and plot is just one factor to consider when it comes down to actually writing said story.

The problem I have is that your prose is lacking, and it takes away from what I could potentially gain whilst reading your story. If you don't improve the story's structure, then the plotline becomes null and void.

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Click on the arrow next to my comment to reply to me properly so that I can receive a notification when you respond.

And yes, the closer your conversation is to real life, the more people will relate to the story. Avoid using dialogue attribution adverbs, add action in dialogue, replace exposition with narrative or internal thought.

I won't delve into the philosophy of story-building, but that's the start of it I think.

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Thanks for the help I will start chapter seven now