My Yellow Diary
My Yellow Diary
Written By: Vessel
Categories: Tragedy, Sad, Dark
Rated: T (border-lining on M)
Summary: A joke gone horribly wrong. False accusations left and right within the majority. Three broken victims left in the aftermath. (Deconstruction Fic)
It is night time. I sit in front of a lake, keeping myself almost completely still as the chilly breeze caresses my face. It blows, billowing the strands of my mane and fur ever so slightly. I can feel my skin riddled with goosebumps, my body shivering constantly in an attempt to generate heat. The blades of the grass tickle my haunches, making the cold even worse than it was before. It doesn't help that I'm still somewhat soaked to the bone, the water clinging onto me even as it's slowly dripping down to the grass underneath me. I can barely even see the moon-lit sky under my matted bangs. I can hear the crickets chirping, their soundscape dominating everything else I could've heard at that time.
Do you have a good visual of that? Do you have all of that in your heads?
Good, because I'm about to tell you a story of how I got here.
It all started several months ago... I think. Or maybe it was years? Now that I think about it, time seems to fly by in moments like this. A few minutes can seem like hours. A few hours can seem like days. A few days can seem like months, and a few months can seem like years. It goes on and on and on without end. Though you may be young, it's as if your body has reached its natural limit. You can't bring yourself to lift a hoof, take one more step in any direction, and you're just wondering when you are finally going to collapse. It scares me to think that it only took a minute for me to lose my perception of time.
But in any case, it was a long while back, when Rainbow Dash and I were still pulling pranks on the folk of Ponyville. It was a deep contrast to what it is now. The day was bright, and there wasn't a cloud in the sky to be seen for miles. Though the heat was too much for most, it was never enough to keep us down. On the contrary, we were quite happy and jovial thanks to anticipation of our upcoming prank. Each day within the week, we selected one of our closest friends to be the victims of a really fun prank, including each other, of course. We were always careful around Fluttershy, knowing how scared she could get in the face of a particularly nasty surprise. This pattern would exist every other week in order for preparation and planning purposes.
The most recent victim we had was Applejack. The plan we had was perfect for the situation. See, she was going to have this big sale of Zap Apples the next day to everypony, and she had the stash hidden within that large barn of hers. Before you ask, no, we weren't going to steal them. We knew better than actually ruining the hard work of someone else just for fun. That would have been mean and inconsiderate. So, we settled on performing what we had done last week – painting the apples. This time, however, we were going to paint the multicolored Zap Apples red so that Applejack wouldn't tell the difference between them and her regular apples unless she washed them off in water. She as well as her customers would get a good laugh out of it.
We waited until the dead of night fell. We snuck into the barn with the designated red paint that I had bought and carefully worked on each individual apple. It was hard, considering every little spot had to be covered and the layer of paint was perfectly even. We also had to make sure we spilled as little paint as possible, as we didn't want to clean up too much. On top of that, we did get side-tracked by our own occasional chatter and laughter about what was going to happen. But we didn't care. It was all for fun, and fun could not be had if our prank was exposed too quickly. So we made sure to cover every base before we sneaked back out to our own homes, eagerly waiting tomorrow for the fruits of our labor.
All in good fun, right? Right.
So, we made sure to hide out somewhere early in the morning where Applejack would set up. I almost burst out in laughter at her grinning face as she helped place the stand with the rest of her family. She wasn't the only one, for just about all of them had varying expressions of amusement. Clearly, they knew what we had done, but chose to leave the apples the way they were for the sake of pranking the customers. Once the sub-victims started showing up, we had to leave since we didn't want any coincidental eye spotting us out. All the while, we couldn't get rid of the grins on our faces, knowing that they would be in for a surprise.
They, as well as us...
It was a few hours later. Five of us minus Applejack were in Twilight's library, with Rainbow Dash and I cheerily bragging about our shenanigans to the rest of the girls. All of them found it humorous, but Twilight and Fluttershy voiced some disapproval of the possibility of us messing around with the Apple Family's sales. We were quick to assure them that it wasn't the case, and it would be found out soon enough that the apples had been painted over. It was enough to soothe that disapproval as well as any nay-say that would've come otherwise.
That was when I experienced the most frightening thing in my life, and when everything began.
When Applejack nearly kicked the door off of its hinges, I was rendered speechless and shocked. But when she stormed in, my heart almost stopped beating at the look at she had directed to Rainbow Dash and I. It wasn't just the simple annoyance or anger that one would have after being subject to a prank they didn't like. No, her narrowed slits of eyes bore into me and my soul could have never been described as simple anger. The curl back of her lip and the baring of her teeth could not be described as simple irritation. The way that her presence seemed to make the temperature drop several degrees could not be described as simple disapproval of our harmless fun. It was a look that I thought could have never existed on the faces of anypony I knew, even if they were furious. At that moment, she looked like a manticore ready to pounce on a rival for daring to step one foot into its territory.
With a Southern accent full of snake venom and a tone that was on the borderline of murderous, she spoke three words to us.
“How could you?”
And I, frightened and naive, answered her.
“What are you talking about, Applejack?”
Had it not been for Rainbow Dash snapping out of her fright and moving quickly to restrain Applejack in that moment, my neck would have been snapped in two.
Applejack explained everything, unleashing both her anger and the ugly truth on all of us. It turned out that the paint that I had gotten wasn't the washable, non-toxic brand I usually bought. It was something that the Apple Family had also been tricked by. When the apple slices were consumed by the unlucky customers, the reports of them being poisoned spread very quickly. They had to be rushed with great haste to the hospital, and each of them were diagnosed with lead poisoning. One of them, a young colt, had died before he could even make it. In addition, the Apple Family was getting sued for invoking the health problems. All of the victims would die later on.
So, long story short, Rainbow Dash and I became mass murderers, and Applejack was the one suffering for it.
After a bunch of screaming and crying, everyone had come to an agreement. Twilight made Rainbow Dash and I promise that we would apologize to all the families for their losses. All of us knew that would never be enough to make up for what everypony lost. But what else could we have done? Somehow find a way to revive all of the ones lost? Even I know that such a thing was “black magic” and considered forbidden by Princess Celestia herself. Even if we could, I don't think it would've lessened their disappointment of our slip-up. It certainly did nothing to appease Applejack, who had forcefully dragged Rainbow Dash for a private talk somewhere else once. Of course, with what had happened with our introduction, it took a lot of convincing to the others to be alone with either one of us. At the same time, no one could blame her for flying off the handle in the state that she was. Thanks to our “harmless fun”, she was getting punished for what we did.
Once Rainbow Dash and Applejack had left, however, neither one of them returned to the library. When the four of us left Twilight's house, I could see a glimpse of Rainbow Dash as she flew away to her house. Even in the dark, I could see that she had never stopped to even look back at where we were. Applejack had not even come within her sight, and we could only guess that she went straight home before any of us could spot her. Either way, it showed that neither one of them would be willing to talk about it. Then again, with guilt placed up on my own shoulders, I don't think I was in the condition to be helping anypony, let alone those two. So I simply trudged on to my home, crawled into my bed, and slept with my nightmares.
Mr. and Ms. Cake never said a thing to me. The twins never paid attention to me.
Morning came all too quickly. It seemed as it would go like any other day. I get up, I make my bed, I clean myself up, and I eat breakfast. That was the usual schtick before I go on any particular trip out of my house, right? But I skipped breakfast and headed straight out of the house, ignoring my growling stomach in the process. I know, quite an unhealthy move on my part. But eating would mean sitting at the table, and sitting at the table would have to face Mr. and Ms. Cake. I couldn't bring myself to do that, not then. But even considering that, I can't help but wonder if it was the right thing to do.
As I walked on towards the stadium where I would make my big speech with Rainbow Dash, I noticed that there were far too many stares on me for comfort. When I looked back, I saw that everypony that had a visual sight of me were giving me nasty glares and harsh stares. There was an expression of every kind, ranging from fury and scorn to disappointment and sadness. But what hurt me the most was the heartbreaking looks that some of the fillies and colts gave me. Although each face varied in type, all of them asked one simple question.
How could you?
And I, saddened and miserable, answered them.
I don't know.
It seemed that they were not innocent enough to be able to hate.
What seemed like an eternity was actually a walk that lasted a minute or two. I reached the stage where a good amount of Ponyville's citizens resided. I did my best to sneak past them. After all, it was bad enough that I had drawn negative attention before I even got there, right? But still, even my efforts were somewhat wasted, as I could still spot a few glares and sneers in my direction. So the length of the walk was dragged on until I actually got to the backstage, where all five of my friends were waiting. Although it relieved my pain somewhat to see all of them, I was very happy to see one in particular.
I can still remember everything about it.
I lunged forward with a squeal of “Dashie!”, embracing her in a hug which was readily returned. When we both pulled away, we took good looks at once another. She looked worse for wear, with bangs underneath lightly bloodshot eyes and a slightly messed-up mane. However, she still wore a smile that told everypony that everything was alright. It was a pleasant sight to see at the time, and I found myself unable to pay attention to anything else.
“Hey, Pinks...” She said in a teasing tone, though the weariness in her voice kept the effect from being considerable enough. “You all right?”
I wanted to tell her that I was more than okay, now that I was with her and with all of my friends. I wanted to agree to her insistence that everything would be all right. But deep down inside, I felt as if that if I dared to speak those words, they would nothing but a lie. Don't get me wrong, I like to make people smile and laugh. I like to keep moods at ease. But lying to anypony would just make it more painful when they found out about it. I don't like lying to my friends under any circumstance. So I hung my head down and let out a heavy sigh.
“No...” I told her. “In fact, I don't think I ever will be...”
“Oh, come on...” She did her best to cheer me up, really she did. “That doesn't sound like the Element of Laughter to me.”
But it just didn't work.
I sat myself down on my haunches, raising one of my forelegs and covering my teary eyes. When I spoke, I could barely keep my own voice together due to the choked sobs threatening to come up. “I must be a really bad Element of Laughter if I can't make myself smile, huh?” I asked, trying to put on my best smile. But it must've come off bad, because it wiped Rainbow Dash's own weary smile right off of her face.
“Pinkie...”
“I'm a terrible pony, Dash!” I couldn't keep it together anymore, so I had let the tears flow freely from my eyes. “I'm the one who just snatched whatever paint can I could find without looking at it first! It's my fault those innocent ponies all got put in the hospital and that innocent colt died! I didn't mean to hurt anyone! I never meant to hurt anyone! But I did! I did!”
It was at that moment where I felt like a filly again. I had fallen down from running too fast, sprained an ankle, was reduced to crying in front of the ones closest to me. But when I really was a filly, my mother or father would rush to my aid. All I needed was a few days of rest and I was back up on my hooves again. But once again, the difference between that type of injury and this one reared its ugly head. This time, no one could hope to heal me, not even myself. Can you imagine what that's like, to feel so helpless in a time where everypony needs you the most?
“We both did.”
The somewhat stern tone Rainbow Dash took with me made me jerk my head up in surprise, but I ended up flinching slightly when I saw her level an equally stern glare at me. “Don't try and pin all of this on yourself.” She told me. “I'm the one who suggested we even do it in the first place, remember? This probably would've never happened if I kept my mouth shut. It's my fault just as much as it's yours!”
“But you aren't terrible ponies!”
It was Fluttershy's voice that made us look upon her with surprise. For a moment, she looked as if she was ready to bolt due to the intensity of our stares. But despite her meekness, she continued to speak and even approach us as she did so. “All you did was make a terrible decision.” She said softly, her eyes wavering. “You had no idea this was going to happen.”
Rarity was up next. “Yes, even though the burden of responsibility falls on you, we won't judge you as terrible.” She told us. “A bad pony would not even have the decency to be regretful about it. Besides...” She gave us an encouraging smile, one that got the message clearer to me than Rainbow Dash's had. “How could we ever call you terrible? You're our friends, and that's something that will never change even if we do.”
“...you girls just had to take the words right out of my mouth, didn't you?” Twilight complained, although smiling as she made her approach, as well. “I guess that leaves me with no alternative, then. Come here!”
With that being said, all five of us crowded together for a group hug, embracing each other as tightly as we could. With their touch, I suddenly found myself being able to breathe easier than before. The smile that appeared on my face was much more genuine, and my troubles were washed away within an instant. At that moment, nothing could take away the elation that they had given me.
Until I looked at Applejack.
There she was, standing away from the group. One of her hooves kept her hat low, the brim shielding her eyes and any expression that could've been made out otherwise. Her face was turned away, almost as if she was ashamed of something. The blanket of emotional warmth couldn't shield me from the cold, lonely aura she was exuding. But despite that, she didn't make one move to try and join us. At the same time, only I seemed to acknowledge her. Why weren't the others paying attention to it?
Unfortunately, I didn't have much time to think about it, as Mayor Mare had interrupted the moment with the notice that it was time for Rainbow Dash and I to step forward.
I could tell you about how extremely nervous I was. But of course, you probably knew that, didn't you? Who wouldn't be when about to face an angry crowd and apologize to said angry crowd? If you aren't, then I really have to give you credit. In fact, maybe you should've been the one to go instead of me – and that's not simply because I was suffering from severe stage fright. Sure, I had a fellow sufferer right beside me and ready to take the pressure if it lessened my own troubled mind. But emotional support can only provide so many barriers.
Which do nothing to prevent physical harm.
As soon as I stepped out from the curtains and onto the stage, something hard crashed into my head, and I instantly fell into the world of unconsciousness.
I don't know how long I had been out. I could barely feel anything, save for the cold wood of the stage itself. Brief trips back to the surface of unconsciousness had told me that the world around me was in chaos. My eyes saw ponies fighting and struggling against one another with punching, kicking, and head-butting in a display of unrestrained violence. My ears heard screaming, but my muffled mind wasn't enough to hear what any of them were actually saying. In one of those fleeting moments of sight, I saw that I had been dragged behind the podium so that I wouldn't become an easy target. When my mind finally got to a point to where it remained stable, I heard Twilight's voice ring out above me, calling for Applejack to help me. Seconds afterwards, my body was lifted onto the said pony's back. They raced off, through the chaos that was unfolding all around us and off to safety.
It seemed as if all six of us had been the target of aggression, from what I was told later. Out of the victims that had been rushed to the hospital, we had gotten the worst out of it. I had taken on a skull fracture thanks to the object that had knocked me out. Applejack had suffered a case of two black eyes and a fracture to her right hind leg. Twilight had her horn nearly chopped off thanks to one of the meaner ones. Fluttershy, thanks to her having not taken part in too much of the fighting, had gotten out with only scratches and slight bruises, nothing too serious. However, she was quite shaken up over what happened – not much of a surprise there. It was nothing compared to Rarity freaking out over her injury... which was nothing more than a lost tooth from being struck in the jaw. She was also freaking out over the fact that it was a stallion that hit her. Though, I can guess why. It'd pretty much be saying “You're ugly enough to get punched in the face”. And for somepony like Rarity, that would be a serious blow to self-esteem.
But Rainbow Dash...
She suffered a concussion, several broken ribs, a wing which had bones snapped and misaligned everywhere, and multiple bruises on her body. She had been beaten to the point of unconsciousness, and the depth she had gone under made it extremely difficult for anyone to bring her back to the surface. The good news out of it was that she would be able to recover to a “stable” extent. But the bad news was that her wing couldn't be reset back to the way it was. It would be a very long time before she ever flew across the skies again... if she would be able to fly at all.
But that wasn't what baffled me.
This was Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash, the pony that rivaled Applejack in terms of toughness and resilience. If anypony messed with her, she'd be able to beat them to a pulp right away. She should have came out of that scuffle, laughing and bragging like she always did. Yet, she had came out with the worst of injuries compared to the rest of us. How could she have allowed herself to get beaten so easily? How could she have made herself look so vulnerable to all of us? It was just something that Rainbow Dash would never be caught doing – looking weak when her friends needed her the most. So what happened?
Then it hit me. Maybe it wasn't enough. Maybe I didn't live up to my expectations as the Element of Laughter, after all. Maybe I was so caught up in my own problems, I just didn't have the time to help Rainbow Dash with hers. If I hadn't been so mopey all the time, she would have been fine. She would have kept her ability to fly, and she wouldn't have been so downhearted as she was. But instead, I abandoned her to pity myself. My selfishness had gotten in the way of our friendship... and now, it cost Rainbow Dash one of her most treasured gifts.
Fluttershy is such a liar.
We spent varying times in the hospital, from a day to several. Rarity and Fluttershy were the first ones out. Applejack, Twilight and I were next to go. However, Rainbow Dash stayed behind due to the extent of her injuries. We each made daily visits in the hopes that she would wake up from her slumber. But despite talking to her, reading her stories, and even shaking her a little from time to time, she didn't stir at all. This was a pattern that continued on for a week. The only one who had not come was Applejack, who had suddenly disappeared once again. Maybe she had already saw how futile our efforts were...
That is, until one day when it was my “turn” to visit. I was sitting by her bedside, a hoof on hers as I stared at her. She seemed to be so peaceful at the time, sleeping soundly while the rest of us worried over whether or not she would actually survive. For a moment, it seemed like she had regained her confidence and her strength, and in that careless moment I allowed myself to actually believe that things were going to be hunky-dory.
That was when she woke up, acknowledging me with a voice that shook me to my core.
“...Pinkie?”
And I, scared and shocked, answered her.
“...yes?”
Had it not been for where we were, it would've actually been funny.
After getting over ourselves, we talked for a brief while. All that time, I was fighting myself to keep from hugging her and accidentally making her bandaged wounds worse. I mean, who wouldn't be extremely happy when seeing their friend wake up from a coma? Who could easily hold themselves back in that situation? But, there were two things that kept me from doing it. One was the fact that she still looked and sounded so weak. I was afraid that if I hugged her, I would've broken her in two. Despite the smile on her face, she conveyed the same weariness that she had given us at that stage. It confirmed my fears – my and our efforts to make her smile had failed.
Another was when I told her about her condition.
You wouldn't believe it with your own eyes, even if you saw it. At first, she was a bit alarmed but certain that I was doing nothing but joking around with her. But when I kept quiet, she started slowly freaking out. Soon, her insisting became pleading and begging, and her nonchalant tone had changed to one of desperation. My heart was breaking, and I was tempted to just leave the room simply because I was unable to console her. The weight of our emotions crashed down when she finally stopped. But in exchange for her silence, we both broke down in tears. In the end, we ended up hugging each other, sobbing on each others' shoulders. It was the only bone that would ever be thrown to either of us.
Nothing eventful came up until nightfall – where one of the strangest things happened to me.
I can't describe it. One moment, I was dreaming. The next, I was wide awake, my eyes shooting open. It was as if I had been shaken awake by somepony else. But there was nopony in the room. The Cakes were fast asleep, and the house was still and quiet. Yet, there was something that had pulled me out of my slumber. As my senses came to, I could feel my body moving out of my bed and out of my room. I was moving on my own, yet at the same time, it felt like every step I took was being taken by somepony else. I remained clueless, even as I walked down the stairs and out the door.
Suddenly, I felt the urge to run. Abruptly, I felt this sudden weight in my chest, my heartbeat picking up speed second by second. My mind had no idea where I was going. But my body clearly knew what it was doing. So unconsciously, I galloped down the path as fast as I could straight to the Everfree Forest. My eyes took in the sights – a full moon beaming overhead, every star shining for everypony to see if they were awake. The chilliness of the air made me shiver and caused goosebumps to form on my skin. With each and every leap of distance cleared, my heart felt as if it would rip out of me at any given minute. Soon, it became very clear what this feeling was.
Apprehension.
I didn't know what. But something really bad had just occurred. Was this my Pinkie Sense telling me? Or was it simply something in the back of my head that I couldn't get rid of? Either way, I knew that for some reason, I was being pulled straight towards the spot where it had happened. Even then, I could not realize how much the ripples within our pond had grown or how many there were on the surface. Even then, I was so blind to the truth until it had struck me right in the head, just like what the angry mobster had thrown.
And before I knew it, there it was.
The pond I am now sitting in front of me was completely clear. There was no sign of lily pads, pond scum, or even any life. All in all, it was something that hadn't been touched by even the insects. At first, I was confused at the lack of activity and the fact that the weight in my chest hadn't gone away. If this was my Pinkie Sense, then why did it take me here? I couldn't see anything wrong with the pond other than its eerie stillness. As I leaned in to take a closer look, I saw something out of the corner of my eye.
A piece of paper – certainly something out of place.
My curiosity getting the better of me, I stuck my hoof in to pull it out and inspect it. Upon peering, I could see that it had writing on it. So of course, I read it.
Dear Friends,
Sorry that I didn't have the time to let any of you visit me when I was awake, with the lucky exception of Pinkie Pie. But as it was, time doesn't wait for anypony, even the fastest flier in all of Equestria! I figured the only way any of you would know that I left is if I left a letter behind. Most likely, Pinkie Pie and her wacky Pinkie sense will find it first.
My heart skipped a beat.
So, yeah. It's been real fun, girls. We hung out, we laughed, we argued, we cried, and we stuck to each other like glue. Once again, I'm real sorry for just up and leaving like I am. But it simply couldn't wait anymore. I'm taking a leave from Ponyville for a while, to pay a visit to Mom and Dad. It's been a while since I've even bothered to see them. Don't know when I'll be back, but I can guarantee that I'll be away for a long time. However, I did make sure to leave you something in the pond. Take a dive and find out what it is!
Your friend,
Rainbow Dash
Now, I can easily say that I'm not much of a swimmer. But in that moment, my curiosity took over, and the wonder of what she had left for us seemed more appealing than my earlier gut feeling. So naturally, I took in a deep breath, braced myself, and plunged straight into the pool. I dog-paddled down to the bottom, my eyes open and trying their best to look through the waters. There was only one thought in my head, and that was the happy anticipation of a surprise. Maybe it would be some sort of scare prank? Or maybe she dropped some sort of weird present!
When I got to the bottom, I was quick to discover that it was neither of these.
When I got to the bottom, all I saw were two magenta eyes staring into my own.
And I screamed.
With newfound energy pumped into my body, I raced back up towards the surface. There was a pain in my chest that was increasing due to the lack of air, and my lungs were begging for release. My eyes were nearly shut, as if what I saw would go away if I just closed off my sight. They didn't open back up even when I burst through the surface of the water and hastily climbed back up onto solid ground. I lay there shivering and cold on the grass for what seemed like forever, not making one attempt to stand back up. Slowly, I rolled onto my back, letting my eyes open to see the moon directly over my head.
For the first time, the timber wolves were not the only ones to howl at the moon.
I didn't care who heard me. I broke down right then and there, sobbing and wailing my heart out. The salt from my tears would've probably been enough to kill the grass underneath me. But I've already killed too many ponies, with a new one now added to the list. I had failed to help her, failed to make her laugh, and failed to cheer her up as I always did. I wasn't there for her when she needed it the most, even when the ripples were at their strongest. By the time I had noticed, it was already too late.
How could you lie to me, Fluttershy?
But, I guess this isn't the time to be pointing hooves at anypony other than myself.
That's why I'm doing this. I'm going to follow her and find her again, wherever she went. I know I won't come back – at least, not as you would've wanted me. But I can't leave her thinking that I abandoned her where she needed me the most. I'll leave behind my own memento, right beside hers if I can. When I see her, I'm going to fall at her hooves and apologize for what I did to her. If her family is there, I'm going to apologize to them for letting their daughter down. Then I'll come back. I don't know how, but I will. So please, all of you, wait for me until I'm done. I'll be back soon.
Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.
Until then, farewell and goodbye.
-Pinkie Pie
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Huh. I wonder what she saw at the bottom.
895063 If you're being serious (it's the internet and sometimes it's hard to tell these things), I would suggest that you read the lines starting 'When I got to the bottom[...]' and then think about it for a bit while re-reading the end of the story. All the information is there.
And to the author, good job. I'm not really a fan of 1st person narrative so I can't offer much comment on the writing, but the story is engaging and your...um...shall we say 'mechanism' for spoilers' sake, for kicking off the plot is very well thought out, if a bit abrupt in how it is unfurled to the reader.
My main question, though, has got to be 'Why on earth is this called My Yellow Diary?
' closely followed by 'Where could you possible go from here?' This seems like a very well executed, self-contained one-shot and I'm curious to see what have left to say with it.
Good work overall, though
Oh, also, I'm assuming the 'deconstruction' bit of RD's sexuality is going to come later cos, y'know, right here and now that boat seems to have sailed, if you know what I mean.
895126 I was being serious, and I'm also kind of an idiot.
895156 That's cool, I wasn't trying to sound insulting. I was mainly just protecting myself from looking like a moron; I'm easily trolled
But yeah, the answer's subtle, but it's there.
WHY RAINBOW WHY? COME BACK!
895126 Thank you very much for the criticism! It means a lot to me.
The title itself is a derivation from the term "yellow journalism", which is a type of journalism that can be exaggerated to ridiculous levels. It's a reference to the interpretation that Pinkie Pie, in the state of mood that she's in, may or may not be exaggerating the actual feelings of everyone involved within the situation. The belief that she's a horrible pony because she made an error in judgement that ultimately led to the demise of several innocent lives, and when she found herself unable to help Rainbow Dash snap out of it in time are two of the most prominent examples. It is also an implication at a "behind the scenes" fact - something that will indeed come in a later chapter. The first-person POV was meant to emphasize the reader's inability to tell what Pinkie is thinking and what's actually taking place.
"Where can I possibly go from here?" That too shall be explained in a later chapter.
So do stick around, would you kindly?
Wow great story
I mean, you explained allot of emotion in not that many words and I think you did a awesome job!
I really like it so far! I think you also took a quite grimdark turn with this story, due to the whole massacre and injuries and such.
Especially the ending was grimdarky, but one thing:
Really? WHY RD?
895202 Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against RD. Matter of fact, she's one of my favorite out of the Mane 6. But, she just happened to fit perfectly for this particular story.
...I didn't mean anything by it! Honest!
895198 Oh right? Well, 'Today I learned' etc.
Yeah, I think I'll my eye on this, see where-
>would you kindly?
Oh god dammit.
895242
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/begins crying.
I never cry at stories. The only other story I've ever cried at was A Rose Reverie, by Josh Meihaus. That... those magenta eyes. That... how could Rainbow Dash do that? Say she was going to visit her... oh. I get it now. But leaving a "surprise" at the bottom of the lake? That was just... just painful. And Pinkie, leaving too? Who wants to guess next comes Applejack? And Fluttershy? Then Rarity? It's all falling apart
Geez why was everypony so quick to judge Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash, yes one colt died and several other ponies were hospitalized but they said they were sorry, geez appearntly the townspeople or ponies in this case learned nothing from Zecora, don't judge others based on apperances!
897001
You actually cried? I'm sorry... -hugs-
897164 Actually, all of those ponies also died later on in the hospital, hence the reason why Pinkie Pie referred to herself and Rainbow dash as "mass murderers".
897189 All the same Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash felt gulity about it and WERE going to apologize before some stupid pony started a fight, and Applejack appearntly held a grudge, I think Twilight should contact Princess Celestia about this!
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned that ponies will go to any lengths to end their suffering. Today, two of my friends ended their sufferings, without coming to us. We could've helped. We would've helped. But they didn't see an alternative. Why? Why, Princess Celestia? Why would they leave us here? The both of them? How could they do this to us, and just leave us here? Why were they so greedy?
Your Faithful Student,
Twilight Sparkle
That'd be a great letter.
897287 ...oh Celestia, you may just given me a new idea...
897354
/feels honored.
If I can give a great writer like you an idea, I have to good at something
How did RD manage to stay at the bottom of the pond
900971 I'll let you think about it. And I'll give you a hint: on her own, she'd be floating...
901447 OH BOY!!! She brought a friend?? Oh, wait...
Wow. This is...I really just don't know what to say. I expected it to be sad but not...this.
You've done an amazing job with the emotions and things here, and I really can't wait to see what happens with the later chapters. You're writing is awesome. Your plot so far is fantastic. And how, at the end, we discover that we are, in fact, reading Pinkies letter is just...so sad. The fact that Apple Jack saved her should have let her know that she was forgiven somewhat, in the very least. I'm left with so many questions though. What is Apple Jack going to think, is she going to blame herself? What about Fluttershy when she sees that Pinkie blamed her? Or Princess Celestia, when she discovers what happened, whenever that may be. I just...I'm eagerly waiting for the rest of the story. Keep up the amazing work.
(Oh, and I don't expect you to answer those questions or anything, since they'll probably be revieled in the story, just letting you know where my thoughts are).
902409 Out of the many comments on here, I think I like yours the best. I always love the ones that ask the hard-hitting, armor-piercing questions that make me stop and think.
I can tell you this: I don't actually plan for Celestia to have a role in this story. As for Fluttershy, her particular role is debatable. I am still leaning towards her sticking to being a simple background character, but now that you mention her, I can't help but get ideas. Maybe she'll come in, maybe not. I'll have to decide on it. Everything else will be answered in due time.
RD KILLED VINYL SCRATCH AND DROWNED HER
M NINGT SHYAMYLAHN BITCH
loljk
I'm sorry
I'm a tryhard comedian. Just pretend I'm not here and we can move on.
902578
Now it's time for me to ask an annoying question: Do you know how often you'll update? I know it won't be like...every day or so just because of how emotional the writing seems like it is going to get, but maybe ever week or every two weeks? I think this might just be my favorite story here so far. It's just so...awesome. I do hope it gets updated soon!
*nudges and whispers* Use Fluttershy
But in all seriousness, thank you.
914541 I'm hoping I can finish up the "Closure" Ending in the next few days, actually.
914559
That would be great! I'm looking forward to it.
This even inspired me to write a very sad story.
914777
Really? I actually inspired another to write? That makes me happy I helped another out. 
914792
Me too! :) It's only my second story on here though. But yeah, I took a small part of your plot...or I guess plot idea...or whatever. and then with a comment I also read here made a story. It just hit me. So I guess I owe you a double thank you. One for writing this story and letting me read it, the other for inspiring me.
Please continue this
958547 Not to worry, I will. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my--
OH GOD WHY
Nice fic though, I thought it was a little more 'sad' than 'dark'.
897287 The letter should have been in response to the townsponies still holding a grudge even when Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash WERE going to apologize, yes sorry doesn't fix the problem but what would you rather have them do apologize and have them try to patch things up or just assume that just because one prank of theirs backfired and killed some ponies that they are murderers and deserve to be punished, I don't know about you but I do know that Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash have been in town for years and pulled dozens of harmless pranks before that alone should be proof that they never meant to harm anypony but no everypony except for Fluttershy, Rarity, and Twilight focus on the fact that several ponies died, yes it was a terrible thing but looking back on it and holding a grudge doesn't help matters nor does it bring the dead back to life, heck that itself is actually confirmed to be an illegal act of magic, but alas the townsponies for whatever reason seem to think that becasue of what Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash did that violence is the only answer, for that all those ponies should be thrown in the dungeons or banished to the moon until they learn their lesson.
(I apologize for the rant but it's just something that really bugs me, I mean really whatever happened to love and tolerance!)
qualification: you're one of the best ponyfic writers
the good: you have a pretty good grasp of pinkie's voice and a GREAT grasp of dash's. you mostly gave each scene its due, though it felt rushed around the middle after fluttershy's "lie" and before dash woke up. i like how dash didn't fight back and that pinkie didn't realize that. and pinkie's reaction to the note was spot on, and swimming down to the bottom of the lake was actually chilling.
the bad: lead paint? really? now there's a plot device that reveals itself as one to the naked eye. the story that you meant to be focused just felt encumbering; i wanted to know more about the world. i could have used a scene of walking through the hospital apologizing to families of victims like you hinted at in the scene where applejack tells them what happened. some things you were shooting for didn't work: there's no sense of unreliable narrator because the actions that i now realize, after reading your comment, you were intending to come across as doubtable (e.g. "readily returned hug") just read straight in context. also, the ending (which you left ambiguous in order to make multiple endings) was just annoying as it prevented this story from standing alone as a journal entry/note. overall, it seems like a premature concept you stretched out too far, and the quality of the writing didn't merit the length.
it's nice to see skilled writing in the pony universe; unfortunately, that bumps it up a level and makes me judge it more harshly. i'm not downvoting this, but i didn't like it.
Rainbow's suicide note is the most horrible thing I've ever seen... Why did she have to say there was a "suprise" in the pond? That scared the kittens out of me. But Ilike ti!
And that's one of the reasons me and sun butt do not see eye to eye.
895181
Yeah we make rainbow fans cry on the daily.