Previous Chapters Next
Close
Chapter 1 (rewritten)1,542 words
Chapter 22,642 words
Chapter 31,475 words
Chapter 42,301 words
Chapter 52,016 words
Chapter 62,134 words
Chapter 71,868 words
Chapter 81,462 words
Chapter 91,444 words
Chapter 102,200 words

Chapter 9

Charles Pathfinder - a Gryphon in Canterlot
Chapter 9

The next morning was just as usual. But something was still different. I mean waking up groggy is just usual when you fly that fast. I was greeted by a really happy Free Bird. I mean it is really interesting that you see a mare that happy. It is just a sight for itself. So that means something really really good happened to her. I didn't ask her what happened to her. We just talked about what happened to me when I was in Ponyville. I told her about how frumpy I was at the beginning but then I started opening up to the ponies in this town. I told her about the visit of Zecora I did. I actually told her everything that happened in Ponyville. After that I got into my room and found a scroll with a seal of Princess Luna? I was really surprised. I opened the scroll and started reading.

Dear Charles Pathfinder,

If thou are reading this thou are already back from Ponyville. I hope thou enjoyed you stay in Ponyville. So we asked thou to meet us in Canterlot Castle for a casual get together and talking about different topics and what happened to thou. You should visit us in thee evening.

We hope that thou are going to visit us soon.

Sincerely `Princess of the Night` Luna

I was really surprised that Princess Luna requested me at the Castle. I mean I haven´t seen them in about two or three weeks. I don´t know why she wants to see me as soon as possible.But I decided to go and pay Princess Luna a visit in the afternoon. She is an really interesting pony.

Still I had the rest of the day to with nothing to do then learning maybe getting outside but meh then I have to see the nobility with their nose so stuck up that they could touch the sky. And everypony who have no relations to nobility they feel like they have to look down on them with pity and shame. Thats what I am thinking about those bucking nobles. That´s why I decided to stay in the house and should finish learning. You know repeat all those things that you learned all thise days ago. That´s what I did till it was eight o'clock in the evening. I made myself ready to leave and get to the Royal Sisters Castle. I arrived there after five minutes of flight.

“Halt! Who goes there?” asked one of the leather winged ponies who are the Night Guard of Princess Luna.

“My name is Charles Pathfinder and Princess Luna wanted to talk to me.” I held up the scroll so he could read it.

“Okay you can pass Mr. Pathfinder.” He waved a hoof as a signal and the gate oepened. “Princess Luna is in her private chambers.” he looked to another Lunar Guar and comanded him “Private escort Mr. Pathfinder to Princess Luna´s private chambers.”

“Sir yes Sir!” the private saluted and said “If you would follow me Mr Pathfinder?” and took the lead.

After about 5 minutes of randomly walking in the castle we stood in front of a night blue double door.

“We are there Mr. Pathfinder.” the guard knocked on the door and said “Princess Luna your guest is here.”

“Ah. Come in Charles.” a feminine voice answered. I thought since this is the chambers of Princess Luna it would be Luna herself. I entered the room and the first thing I saw was the nice decorated ceiling. I mean come on nopony has a room decorated light the night sky. This was just stunning. Thats one of the reasons why I like the night better than the day. There are more details than when the sun is out. just imagine the force you need to put every star into its position.

Whatever I was just standing there with my jaw wide open till Princess Luna said “Are you gonna say something or are you gonna stare at my ceiling?”

“I..uh..yeah I wanted to say something else but I just forgot what I wanted to say.” I said while scratching on my head.

“that was the same reaction I had when I entered my dusty old room after a thousand of years of absence.” She giggled at her own remark that she has been Nightmare Moon.

“Yeah it is just so stunning to see the night sky in all its beauty in a room.”

“Oh thank you for the compliment Charles” She blushed slightly. “Whatever how was your week in Ponyville?”

“Hmm my week was okay. At first I didn't want to open up to them because I thought the were like these stuck up noble ponies but after the last day I realised that not every pony is like those nobles. The nobles here don't even know what it means to be noble. I would like to kick their flank and show them how to be noble.” I giggled.

“Nobles thousand years ago were different thats true. They helped everypony in help or need. But that changed in a thousand of years.” She sighed.

“By the way Princess Luna. Your modern Equestrian has improved.” I remarked. Not long ago her Equestrian was like meh. But now I could understand her pretty well.

“You can call me Luna, Charles.” The Princess of the Night commented “At the moment I am just a pony with a horn and some wings with the ability to control the night. I also watch about the dreams of my subjects. But we got a little bit off topic here I think.”

“You could guess that. Whatever I worked and hunted for the most time of the week. I should add learning to that. That was the only things I did till i got to Pinkie pies `Welcome to Ponyville` party. I mean this mare know how to party.” I smiled. “The next day I had to go back here because I finished my job in Ponyville. Maybe I am gonna be there again maybe not.” I remembered these days with a smile that wasn´t fake “But I know I am gonna visit them again.”

“That´s nice to hear.” she said. “Do you mind if we play a game of chess? normally I would be in the night court but since today nopony is going to be here today I have nothing to do.”

“I would gladly play a game of chess with your Highness.” I remarked and made a bow.

Luna levitated a board of chess and the figures to the board. So we started playing this game and it took us about 2 hours to finish that game. Luna won but just with not that much difference.

“you are a really good strategic player Charles. Nopony..I mean nogryphon could challenge me in chess and also entertain me that long. You made some nasty traps there Charles.” She complimented me “Just too bad that you are not in the Guard.” Luna sighed.

“Hmm maybe, maybe not. But at the moment I am happy to just have a job.” I replied in a sing sang voice. “But now i have to head down to my own house Luna. I need to be in a good condition tomorrow because of my work. I have to thank you for your hospitality.”

“No I have to thank you for ou spending the time here.” We both bowed before each other and bumped our heads. Both of us broke out in laughter. “Okay but now hush. You need to work and I have to watch out what maybe happens at the nighttime.”

I waved my goodbye to Luna and left the castle after that. After i arrived at home - yeah home sweet home - I cleaned my beak with the toothbrush since i realised that I don´t have any tooth. But then i decided to go for a flight. I took of and started flapping my wings. The night sky was shining above me and Canterlot in all its glory was under me. I enjoy the wind brushing against every feather on my body and the chilly night air. Thats why I like the night sky. Luna does really make a good job. Ever star is set into the night sky with a kind of beauty and kindness. But without the day we wouldn't be able to survive. But after some time i decided to go to bed. it was really late and I needed to work tomorrow.

Author's Note:

So yeah here it is Chapter 9.
The story is nearly finished and I thought eeyup bring these guys a little christmas present :)
I hope you enjoy it :)

820 views

Previous Chapters Next

Comments ( 11 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 11
- Newest First
- Oldest First

-Brutus

-Brutus #1 · Dec 26th, 2013 · 1 · ·

Merry Christmas! Good chapter but I feels that it's little bit rushed.

Dhuradhan

Dhuradhan #2 · Dec 26th, 2013 · · ·

Luna seems way too casual in this one. Even though she has been reformed, she is still a Princess. One would expect her to hold her regal form, even after she reassures him that she is a normal pony at that moment. And simply the idea, that she just calls him over is strange. She did state that she wanted him to report the happenings, however, the way she did that is... well, I cannot see Luna in it.
Her lines were acceptable... although her saying "whatever" is... well, I did laugh at it, but that is not an excuse for using that word... and now I can't think of anything else, but Luna quoting whatever and flipping the bird to Celestia, fuck!

Since this is a Christmas chapter, I take you didn't have time to polish this and put much happenings into it. That's acceptable, but later, you gotta fix the grammar and put the characters back to... well, into their respective characters...

Just remember those things I said on facebook, since those are basics. But about how you want to touch the readers, it's up to you, there are no good or bad ways to do that... just don't take this metaphor literally, because that is the bad way and a rather creepy one at that, haha.

All in all, I have absolute no problem with this. The mentioned things above are listed, because I know future readers won't be forgiving like I am and they will require flawless chapters, while this alone makes me satisfied. (I believe I have already elaborated about how much I love this story's idea and how eager I am to know where this character end up in the end.)

Merry Christmas to you too!
~Adam

Comment posted by Dhuradhan deleted Dec 26th, 2013

Xaratos

Xaratos #4 · Dec 26th, 2013 · · ·

3683181 Thanks Morfonius for the comment and I am going to rewrite the story after I have written some more.

3684425 Thanks for alll this critique. I am nearly finished with chapter 10 and I am going to hate myself for this^^ But dont aask me why. The last Chapter would be chapter 10 and after that I am going to write some other stories and not a sequel to this story.

Dhuradhan