Chapter 3: The Tuxedo
The Best Man
By Alaborn
Standard disclaimer: This is a not for profit fan work. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is copyright Hasbro, Inc. I make no claim to any copyrighted material mentioned herein.
Chapter 3: The Tuxedo
Wednesday, June 24, 2020
Ponyville, Principality of Equestria
Evan Sedmak rose before dawn, as he naturally did, and stretched his new body. He felt the urge to get up and move. He did a double take when the sky outside the window went from dark to light in an instant, providing evidence for the whole “Princess Celestia raises and lowers the sun” claim that had always struck him as unbelievable.
Now that it was light out, Evan could examine his room in greater detail. Perhaps the most unusual thing about the bedroom he had in Twilight Sparkle’s castle was that it lacked a closet. Perhaps they weren’t considered necessary, since most ponies didn’t have clothes to store. But other than that, it could have been any bedroom. The bed, nightstand, and desk all looked like their human equivalents.
The bathroom was another matter entirely. He already knew to expect the squat toilet, but the bidet was a surprise, as was the fact they were all controlled by foot pedals. Similarly, the sink turned on when he placed his hoof on the pedal at its base. And today, he got to see how the bathtub and shower worked.
Strangely, the large bathtub closely resembled a human one, though it looked old-fashioned. It was free-standing, supported by what looked like little paws. Why a species with hooves would create a clawfoot tub was just another of those mysteries, the ones that experts had attributed to their being some form of magical connection between the two worlds.
How a pony bathed himself was another mystery to Evan, but the long-handled scrub brush resting on a towel that had been set out for him gave him a good guess. He figured out the shower, which was controlled by handles dangling from chains, and got in. As the pleasantly warm water poured over his body, he mused about what ponies called handles, given they were manipulated by mouth, not hand. There were three kinds of shampoo, one for coat, one for mane and tail, and one for wings. The combination of the brush and his freakishly flexible body allowed him to easily clean his whole body, save for his mane, which he awkwardly scrubbed with his hooves.
Evan discovered how hard it was to get soap out of wings when he rinsed off. Fortunately, the castle seemed to have a limitless supply of hot water. Once he finally felt clean, he turned off the water, and then realized he had no idea how he was going to dry off. He stood in the tub, water dripping from his body. Jumping up and down didn’t help much. Shaking his body did help, but he kept thinking he looked like a wet dog.
The towel Evan was provided was big and thick, but putting it on his back didn’t do much to dry him. He finally gave up, put the towel on the floor, and rolled around on it.
At least there was no one there to see him like this.
Evan looked at his reflection in the mirror. Seeing a pony staring back was still unsettling. And his hair was a mess. There were two brushes set out for him, one resembling a normal hairbrush, and another with a broader surface and short, stiff bristles, probably for his coat. His coat looked fine, so he took the hairbrush. The sensation of his hoof gripping the handle, the feel of this seemingly solid appendage curling, was particularly strange.
By the third time he dropped the hairbrush, Evan concluded that hooves were not made for gripping. His hold wasn’t even strong enough to pull the brush through any decent tangle. Still, he persisted, and made himself somewhat presentable.
As a man who preferred short showers, Evan was feeling grumpy by how long it took him to clean his new body. That feeling was reinforced by seeing everyone else already at the kitchen table, looking all neat and clean. Of course, they all had horns.
“You’re just in time!” a new voice said. The rather incongruous sight was a small dragon, wearing an apron and carrying a plate stacked with pancakes.
“Thank you, Spike,” Twilight Sparkle said. She levitated an equal number of pancakes onto each pony’s plate.
“Are these hay too?” Evan asked.
“No. That would be a silly way to use hay. It would get all soggy!” Twilight Sparkle said.
“They’re normal pancakes. Many ponies prefer oatcakes, but both are commonly served,” Jason explained.
Evan was happy to see that ponies served their pancakes with maple syrup. He added some, and then cut into his stack of pancakes.
They were delicious.
The little dragon remained busy, cooking more pancakes, while the ponies ate. Engaged in normal breakfast conversation, Evan almost didn’t notice another voice speak quietly.
“Hello? Is anypony there?”
Twilight Sparkle looked up. “Come on in, Fluttershy.”
“You’re just in time for breakfast!” Spike said, waving his pan of pancakes.
“No thanks. I just ate.”
The new pony was a pegasus mare with a pastel yellow coat and bright pink mane, worn long enough that she could hide behind it. And that she did as she looked around the room. She focused on Evan. “Are you Evan?” she asked.
“Yes, I am,” Evan replied, nodding.
“I’m... Fluttershy. Twilight asked me to help you with your flying.”
“Great!” Evan said. He flared his wings, accidentally knocking his fork off the table. “As you can see, I’m having trouble controlling these.”
“That’s okay. A little education and a lot of practice, and you’ll be soaring through the sky. We can start right after breakfast.”
“Well, I did want to go to the gym first,” Evan said. “Would that be alright?”
“If you want...” Fluttershy started.
“You should do the flying lessons first,” Jason said. “Then see if you’re still up for the gym.”
“You don’t know how your body is going to react to using those new muscles,” Twilight Sparkle added.
Evan looked at the gentle pegasus. “How hard could it be?”
Later that morning, Evan trudged back to the castle. His hooves dragged, and his wings hung limply at his side. He found the others waiting for him in the parlor.
“Didn’t make it to the gym, did you?” Jason said.
“I don’t know how she makes it look so easy,” Evan muttered.
“What did you do?” John asked.
“She went through a bunch of drills, showing me how to position my wings, and more importantly, how to read the air. Then she made me do hundreds of wing-ups.” He looked back at his wings. “I still don’t know how wings can bend like that.”
“Sounds like a workout,” Jason said.
“Then she made me practice altitude control, by having me fill her bird feeders.”
“That doesn’t sound too bad,” John said.
“She has a lot of bird feeders. Like, hundreds.”
“We can take it easy today,” Twilight Sparkle said. “Right now, we need to get you to Rarity for your tuxedo fitting.”
Evan joined Jason, John, and Twilight Sparkle, and together they left the castle. They walked, since there were no vehicles or even paved roads. But Ponyville wasn’t a large town, so it didn’t take long to reach their destination.
“Carousel Boutique?” Evan said. He stared at the round building, decorated with what looked like carousel horses. “That doesn’t even make sense!”
“Why not?” Twilight Sparkle asked.
“Why would ponies have carousels?”
“I don’t get it,” she replied.
“I’ve wondered the same thing,” Jason said.
They stared at each other, apparently not understanding. John finally spoke. “Twilight Sparkle, what do you think carousel means?”
“It’s a stylized dance, prancing in circles around a decorated pole. Do you not have that in your world?”
“We have carousels, but it’s something rather different,” John said. “Picture human children riding a fake pony that looks a lot like that, which mechanically moves up and down and goes around in a circle.”
“That’s rather bizarre,” she said.
“Uh, can we go ahead and get the fitting over with?” Evan said.
They entered, where they found Rarity busy at work with a dress while humming a merry tune. She looked up as they entered. “Welcome to Carousel Boutique! Twilight, a pleasure as always. And is this our newest wedding guest?”
“Yes, Rarity. This is Stone Arch’s brother Evan.”
“Welcome, dear.” She appraised him carefully. “And such a fine pony you make! Although I’m surprised to see you a pegasus.”
“I’m surprised as well,” Evan replied. “Can we get to the fitting?”
“As you wish, dearie. Now, on to the pedestal!”
Evan hopped onto the pedestal, bringing to his mind the image of a lion in a circus. Rarity hmmed and ahhed as she stretched a tape measure over his body.
“Now, extend your wings.”
Evan lifted his wings, feeling the ache in his flight muscles. He felt the tape measure on his body a few more times before Rarity spoke. “All done. If you would, please, come back after lunch, and we’ll make adjustments.”
“It’ll be ready that fast?” Evan asked.
“Of course. Fashion should not be delayed.”
“Relax. Rarity has quite the gift for fashion,” Twilight Sparkle said.
“Okay. Thanks,” Evan said to Rarity.
“I believe I heard mention of lunch. That sounds like a good idea,” John said.
“I was just thinking of a place. A little something familiar,” Jason said.
Like everything in Ponyville, the restaurant was within an easy walk. The exterior of the building looked like the others in town, but once inside, it was immediately familiar to Evan. The decorations, the aroma, the food, all were straight from home.
“An Italian restaurant?” Evan said.
“It’s Bitalian here,” Jason responded. “Just one of the many puns we humans have to endure.”
Evan just shook his head.
The menu, of course, lacked any meat, but all the dishes could have been found in an Earth restaurant. The breadsticks before the meal, the waiter offering freshly grated Parmesan cheese for their pasta, even the unicorn chef with a thin mustache and an Italian accent reminded Evan of any Italian restaurant. Or, rather, a cartoon version of one.
Which it sort of was, given the cartoon.
Evan twirled some more spaghetti on his fork. “I know how spaghetti is traditionally made,” he said. “That raises the question, how did a race with hooves come up with it?”
“Noodles were first made by the griffons, as a way to use the type of wheat that grew best in their soil,” Twilight Sparkle explained. “Once it was known how to be made, anypony could make it, though much more easily with magic.”
“Right. Griffons,” Evan said, shaking his head again.
“I know what will improve your mood,” Jason said. “Dessert!”
The tiramisu was delicious.
With a full stomach, Evan and the others returned to Carousel Boutique. Sure enough, there was a tuxedo coat waiting on one of the mannequins (ponyquins?), complete with wing holes on its back.
“Welcome back, Evan! I can’t wait to see how you look in a tuxedo,” Rarity said. Her horn glowed, and she lifted a white shirt in her aura. “All right, up on the platform. Shirt first.”
Evan stood on the platform, looked at the shirt, and then looked at his forelegs and the big hooves at their ends.
“Right. You’ve never had to dress as a pony. Start by lifting your left forehoof.”
Evan did so, and Rarity put his leg through the sleeve. She then draped the shirt over his back and had him lift his other leg. Evan had to bend it back to get it through the sleeve. All in all, it wasn’t that different from putting on a shirt as a human.
“Now work your wings through the slits,” she continued.
Then again, some things were different.
He had a hard time getting his wings to fit. He was distracted by the unpleasant sensation of his wings being covered, and at the same time he didn’t have the fine control over his wings that Rarity seemed to expect from a pegasus customer. But with some work, he finally got them out.
Rarity then used her magic to button his shirt. “Stone Arch explained that humans preferred to dress alone, but that is not a good option as a pony, especially one who is not a unicorn,” she said. “I would suggest having all of you in the wedding party help each other.”
“Okay,” Evan said. Then he saw what she picked up next. “A bow tie? Seriously, what is with these items that can’t be manipulated with hooves?”
“It is tradition, dear,” Rarity said. Her horn glowed, and the tie started tying itself around Evan’s neck.
“A tradition that descends from the old unicorn nobility,” Twilight Sparkle elaborated. “Almost certainly, this article of clothing was designed to demonstrate the capabilities unique to unicorn magic, to set themselves on a higher level than other ponies. Thankfully, that attitude is all but gone now.”
“That said, it is certainly possible to tie a bow tie without magic. It is merely difficult,” Rarity said.
“Humans have fingers, and most can’t tie a bow tie, either,” John said.
“I don’t know. Can’t you use, like, clip-ons?” Evan said.
Rarity stared at Evan. Her gaze appeared angry, and he saw a twitch in one eyebrow. She turned away. “I will pretend I didn’t hear that,” she said tersely.
“She takes her fashion very seriously,” Jason whispered to his brother.
Rarity came back with the tuxedo coat. “Now, let’s see where adjustments need to be made.” She helped Evan into the coat; he found it easier to get his wings through the slit this time. She walked around Evan, hmming and ahhing once more, and occasionally marking on the coat with a piece of chalk.
“All right, Evan, we’re finished. I will have your tuxedo ready tomorrow morning,” Rarity said.
“Wait. What about the pants?” Evan asked.
“Pants? Only work clothes include pants,” Rarity huffed. “Why, the whole concept of fancy pants... well, I have a good friend with that name, and it speaks to his willingness to challenge tradition. But Rose and Stone Arch are having a traditional wedding.”
“Come on, bro! This will let you flaunt your cutie mark. You know you want to,” Jason said.
“I hate that term,” Evan muttered.
“Let’s leave Rarity to her work,” Twilight Sparkle suggested.
Evan nodded in agreement, and the group left Carousel Boutique.
The next thing on the schedule surprised Evan: nothing. They would meet at the castle for dinner, but there was nothing planned for the rest of the day. “You should take the time to appreciate Ponyville,” Twilight Sparkle had said. And with that, Evan was basically told to go outside and play.
He was still feeling a little sore from his morning flight practice, but Evan decided to go for a walk. Along the outskirts of town, there were plenty of grassy fields, which felt comfortable under his hooves.
After walking a bit, he wondered how his body ran. He was vaguely aware that horses had various gaits, and guessed ponies had something similar. Trying to move his four legs in different ways mostly resulted in him stumbling, but then he remembered his brother’s advice to not think too hard about it. After walking at a decent speed, he thought about running, and soon, he was doing just that.
Evan was no fan of simple jogging, and never ran sprints, but his temporary body seemed made for running, at any speed. The wind rushed past him, blowing through his mane, tickling the feathers in his wings. He ran at a sprint, and didn’t tire for a long time. Finally, he slowed to a trot, catching his breath.
He gave a start as another pony landed beside him, a pegasus mare. “You must be one of the humans in the wedding party,” she said.
“I am, but how did you know?” Evan asked.
“I’ve seen you with the princess and Stone Arch. Plus, you were surprised to see me land next to you, so you’re obviously not normally a pegasus,” she replied. “I’m April Showers, Rose’s mare of honor.”
“Evan Sedmak, Jason’s brother and best man. Best stallion?”
“You’re the best stallion? Ooh, I get to dance with you!”
“I’m a terrible dancer, and that’s when I have two legs,” Evan admitted.
“That’s okay. The day’s about Rose and Stony, not us,” April Showers said. “Are you enjoying your visit?”
“It still doesn’t feel real,” Evan said.
“A tour around town will help!” she offered.
“I’ve seen the town,” Evan replied.
“Have you seen it as a pegasus?”
“No?”
“Then follow me!” April Showers took to the air.
Evan, caught by surprise, stumbled as he ran after her, flapping his wings as Fluttershy taught him. He dipped and rose as he fought to regulate his altitude. Eventually, he stabilized, and then caught up to April Showers, who he noticed had slowed her pace. “Sorry, I don’t have much flying experience,” he said.
“You’re doing a pretty good job for somepony who hasn’t flown before,” she replied.
The two pegasi flew in wide loops as they gained altitude. Evan could now see the bird’s-eye view of Ponyville. The first thing he noticed was the structure of the town, built in concentric circles around a tall building. Roads meandered around the buildings, twisting and turning. The grid of roads and structure of city blocks he had grown up with was completely absent. All in all, the town was picture perfect, save for one glaring eyesore, the place where he had been staying, the giant purple castle of Princess Twilight Sparkle.
“Over there is the Whitetail Woods, which is beautiful, especially in fall. And that’s the Everfree Forest, where you don’t want to go,” April Showers narrated.
Evan agreed with his flying companion. The Whitetail Woods was a perfect little wilderness, but the Everfree Forest had something off about its appearance. Even the wisps of gray clouds above the canopy looked sinister.
“And that’s the Canterhorn, and you can see Canterlot at its top. The city just glows in the afternoon sun,” April Showers continued.
Evan looked up and saw Canterlot, looking for all the world like a giant fairy tale castle. He was amazed at the level of detail he could see. His normal vision was decent—not 20/20, but good enough that he didn’t need to wear glasses to drive—but there was no way he should be able to spot flapping pennants from miles away.
April Showers motioned with a wing, and Evan followed her. She slowed and circled a stray cloud floating over town, and then landed on it.
It was one thing to read that pegasi in Equestria were able to walk on clouds as if they were solid, and another to see it at work. And it was quite another thing entirely to expect him to try it, as April Showers was doing, as she motioned to a spot next to her.
Very cautiously, Evan lowered himself onto the cloud. His hooves touched the cloudstuff, and just when he thought he was going to keep moving through it, he felt it push back. He stopped flying, and the cloud supported his weight. It felt a little like walking on a trampoline.
“Isn’t it beautiful?” April Showers said.
“It’s nice, but I still don’t understand how my brother can give up on the world he knew,” Evan said.
“I understand. He’s doing it for Rose,” she replied. “My father did the same, leaving his home in Cloudsdale to be with my mother.”
“How do you know Rose?” Evan asked.
“We met because of my work on the weather team,” she said. “I work with Rose to make sure her roses only get gentle rain, even during the fiercest thunderstorms.”
“Right. Weather control.” Evan shook his head.
“I just love coming out and relaxing on a cloud after my shift’s done,” April Showers said. “See the town, watch the ponies.”
“I don’t have much of a chance to just relax,” Evan said.
“That’s too bad. From what I’ve heard of your world, everypony sounds so busy!”
“Don’t I know it. I’m afraid of the mess I’ll be coming back to at my health club,” Evan said. “But for now, I’m forced to just relax, since there’s nothing I can do about it from here.”
“Relax. That’s a good plan, Evan,” April Showers said. “Like I said, this Saturday is about Rose and Stony. The rest of us should just focus on having fun.” She rose to her hooves, stretching and cracking her back much like a cat, and then turned and smiled at Evan. “See you around, best stallion!”
April Showers extended her wings and readied to jump off the cloud. Just before she did that, she flicked her tail, its tip brushing Evan’s muzzle.
As Evan watched the mare fly off, he thought that even though he knew nothing about pony body language, he was pretty sure she was flirting with him.
“Yeah, she was totally flirting with you,” Jason told Evan over dinner. “You going to go for it? She’s single, and loves to party.”
Evan shook his head. “I just can’t see past the pony shape.”
“That’s a common feeling among the humans living here,” Twilight Sparkle said. “It took many of them months, even years to get past the form and see the person inside. Not everypony was as accepting as Stone Arch,”
“Yeah. Didn’t you say you found a pony girlfriend immediately after you first came here?” Evan said to Jason.
“Well, sort of. She turned out to be a changeling,” Jason replied. “I put that debacle behind me, and then I met Rose a few weeks later. I put our parents’ lesson to heart, looking beyond the surface to the person inside.”
“I do wonder how they’ll take all of this,” Evan said.
“It might not really hit them until they’re standing on their own hooves,” John said.
“The fact that they didn’t want to come here any earlier makes me wonder if this is stretching the limit of their tolerance,” Jason said.
“Don’t worry about it,” Twilight Sparkle said. “We’ll all make sure their stay is as pleasant as possible.”
Following dinner, the group split up. Spike convinced Jason and John to join him in a game of Ogres and Oubliettes, which sounded a lot like Dungeons & Dragons. That was never Evan’s thing, so he looked for something else to do. With no television or Internet, he instead turned to books. He took Twilight Sparkle’s suggestion, and picked up several volumes in a popular book series.
The books starred a pegasus named Daring Do, and the covers of the books and the titles brought to mind the Indiana Jones movies. Evan immediately thought how much easier the challenges in the movies would be for someone who could fly. The author apparently thought the same thing, since in the introduction, Daring Do was described as having an injured wing.
Out of curiosity, he peeked at the next book, and saw yet another contrived situation to prevent Daring Do from flying.
Still, the book captured Evan’s interest, and when he finished it off, he noticed it was quite late. The soreness in his body had passed, and after that lazy evening, one thing was clear.
He was definitely going to the gym tomorrow.
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You know, we say Fluttershy doesn't fly much but... it's like those jobs as a cashier or waiter. On your feet all day. Only for her it's hovering and little flying and fluttering all around her house and land most of the day. Helping out would be good for any new pony to learn what their abilities can do. Just all those little chores...
Also: enter love interest
So April Showers' foal will be named May Flowers?
That's definitely one of the better explanations I've heard for the name of Rarity's store.
As for Evan, I get the feeling that April won't be the last mare interested in someone exotic. This could get awkward.
Also, it's hardly A. K. Yearling's fault that her wings keep getting messed up. Though at this point, it's kind of incredible that she can still get off the ground.
a vary good chapter that is showing exultant slice of life.
and I can say the Daring Do are a vary good read.
Daring Do books
>the carousel explanation
I have to admit, my first mental image was a different rhythmic dancing involving a pole.
8416242
That's in the next chapter, with the bachelor party.
Yes, that is linguistically derived from "man" and therefore should change even if canon disagrees.