Canterlot Botique- Why Bob Will Never Drink Again
Inside a cave in Canterlot Mountain, dragon Torkuda and I started the first episode of our “My Little Pony” review show. Twilight had specially requested this for some reason and decided to designate the task to her most qualified friend… most qualified to sit and watch TV. Me, Rainbow Dash, of course!
Have to admit, I’d never heard of this “TV” until Twilight brought it to my attention but… oh my goodness, where had it been all my life? It was from the human world, a way of telling stories through moving pictures, like you were actually watching a story on a small screen. I could just sit and watch a story without even reading… this was so awesome!
Twilight specifically wanted me to review one show in particular, and she gave me a camera to do so… something else from the human world.
I figured I didn’t want to do this alone, so I went to the cave of Torkuda for the first episode. Also, I needed his daughter Lightning to charge the TV’s and Camera’s batteries.
Having finished setting up the camera I went and sat on the small couch Torkuda had for his kids. Torkuda was with me, but he was so big, I was pretty sure all anyone could see was his head. Really his size terrified me at first, but that was a long time ago now. Now we were buds.
I waved to the camera. “Twi says that blinking light means it’s recording Tork so um… Hey there everyone, this is Rainbow Dash, the most awesome pony ever, and the most awesome Mom ever- cept for my mom, but well, ya know, she’s in heaven and all.” I gave a small whimper. I still missed my mom Firefly. I moved on quickly though, “That’s not what we’re here about. We’re here to give you all our thoughts on this weird show that we found out about.” Torkuda tapped me on the shoulder. “Oh right, “we” is me and the dragon Torkuda, though some of my other friends and my daughter might be here from time to time- oh and Torkuda’s kids.”
Torkuda spoke up, looking at the camera. “The story of how we found this show is probably rather interesting in it of itself. You see, this cave we’re in is more than my home, it is home to the Cave of Mirrors, a magical nexus of mirrors that leads to other worlds.
I found a world full of strange naked monkey like creatures who had replaced magic with science. They called themselves, “humans”. Observing them for a time, I found them to be quite fascinating actually. You see-
I tapped him on the chin. “That’s not what they’re here for though big buddy. See folks, Torkuda found a show there called “My Little Pony”. Kid’s show there, but something was off about it. You see, it was… somehow… a show about us here in Ponyville, particularly about me and my closest friends… our adventures had been- kidified… I guess that’s the word? Less mature than what really happened, but even as juvenile as some of the episodes where, they were eerily spot on to events that really happened in our lives.” I cringed thinking of the… accuracy. Right down to the first series two parter of the series chronically our first controversial use of the elements of harmony, resetting Luna’s mind by force. In real life, Twilight became hesitant to ever use the elements again after that, but we just kept needing them. It was creepy to see our lives made kid friendly, our most heart breaking decisions, sometimes made to look inconsequential. Bet the kids in the human world never dreamed Shinning Armor almost killed Cadence during their wedding, thinking she was still Chrysalis. “It was kinda creepy to have strangers making a show about us without even talking to us and asking what was okay to feature… even if it was in another universe. So Twilight, finding out about all this, had Torkuda let her visit the show producers personally.- That… that was apparently an interesting meeting- kinda wish I had been there, apparently there were a lot of gasps, stuttering and a couple swear words. Couple folks swore off drinking I hear, so that’s good.” I continued. “Anyway, she pushed the show staff to not work on some episodes about me adopting Scoots… would have been cool and all for the kids there maybe, but… like I said, kinda creepy for us.”
Above me Torkuda chimed in. “However I thought the show was interesting, all of it supposed to be pure fiction. Such a curiosity that someone else’s fiction could be our reality.”
I chuckled. “I’ll say, how am I in a TV show in another universe… what even is a TV anyway?”
“Um… I have books on the subject.”
I shook my head. I loved Daring Do and all but, “No, not a book filly, let’s just watch an episode, first one that occurred after Twilight’s talk with the staff, and then do the review.” I picked up a remote with my mouth and looked at it. “The buttons on this thing are really small.” I put it down. “How am I supposed too…” I looked around the room… how was I supposed to operate this thing? How did ANYTHING operate this remote exactly? Finally I picked up a pencil in my mouth from the table in front of the couch and hit a few buttons with it. Maybe that’s how humans hit small buttons… seems cumbersome. “See you all after the episode!”
(***)
I switched off the TV. Spitting out the pencil “Well we’re back, and hey, we got Rares to join us!”
My white unicorn friend spoke up, nodding to the camera. “Yes, I suppose I rather enjoyed the production… sort of… much better than when they… in more than one episode, accurately portrayed fights between me and my sister…”
I bit my lip, but put in, “We talked about that already. Twilight set the producers straight. But still, what did you think of the show? Elaborate… this is for Bookworm, roll with it.”
Rarity nodded side to side. “Well, I suppose it was good for children, Sweetie would have understood it but… well it’s like the producers know nothing about real business… or they think I’m an incompetent store owner.”
This sounded interesting to even me, but I still had to make sure things stayed on track. “Guess we can get to that part, but I made a list, since hey, I wanna make this entertaining and… Twilight made the list… she wanted me to say I did to keep the environment but… yea no one’s gonna buy that.” I lowered my eyebrows looking at a paper in my hooves. “She’s the one who wants us to make full formal reviews, I’m just gonna try to liven it up. We’re making this for her studies. First she wants to talk about the first scene, the one with Pinkie.”
Torkuda spoke up curiously. “Yes… does Pinkie often make cupcakes with flavors like that?”
I tried to answer. “Weeeellllll, um… there’s a reason Pinkie doesn’t own Sugar Cube Corner herself. She is REALLY impulsive. She gives random ponies treats all the time and she impulse bakes. I mean you name it it’s ended up in her cupcakes.”
Rarity chuckled, “Sometimes we wonder if she’ll put ponies in them some day.”
I laughed. “She’s goes crazy, she’ll never catch me!... Ah who am I kidding, I’ll probably go first. But seriously, she has surprised me with cinnamon cupcakes once.”
“That doesn’t sound so bad.” Rarity pointed out.
I grinned. “Not until you realize she substituted the cinnamon for the flour. It tasted terrible and I was chocking out brown dust for like five minutes!”
Rarity paused, but then tried to respond. “How would she even… I know a thing or two about baking and…”
“It’s Pinkie, don’t question it. Anyway though… hey Rarity, is it is really your lifelong dream to open a shop in Canterlot?}
Rarity shook her head. “Well darling… I mean, it’s always been a goal, or was, though just one shop in one city seems awfully specific. What I wanted was for my dresses to be worn all over Equestria, but yes, Canterlot has always been a huge step… but well… over time on that dream, I’ve matured. You see, when I started out as a fashionista in my shop here in Ponyville, I invested all my capital in a shop in Canterlot… but I had no idea how to run a shop in a completely different city it turned out and all the money I invested was lost…" Rarity hung her head. "Plus well, even more money than that… That’s how I lost my first boutique… and the second when I tried again. After the second time I had to go home to my parents because I had lost everything and had to depend on them for a place to stay, I had to think about what I really wanted. You see, some ponies would have continued fighting for a formal franchise for the rest of their lives-and many would have gotten it, I’m not saying that’s impossible. But some, have to ask themselves, even if they got that franchise, would it really make them happy? In my case, I realized, I don’t so much like just knowing my dresses have been sold and are being worn, I want to interact with my customers, to see my creations in the real world. I can’t do that with a dress made on an assembly line in Griffenstone and sold in Canterlot. Ultimately, it’s an adventure with its own hardships, but I decided a small personal shop is what I really wanted. I… I guess I wouldn’t be able to fault this Rarity for having a different conclusion than myself, if she considered things just as hard. That being said, I am fairly successful for the size of my business, so it allows me to live quite comfortably I must say.”
I normally didn’t care about business stuff, but I listened this time with wrapped attention. After all, Rarity was a good friend. I even had questions, but decided it would be better to move on. “What did everyone think of the intro? I kinda like my lines in the song… well line… it was brief…”
Rarity had a different take however. “Generic. If you liked it, it’s fine darling, but I heard nothing interesting.”
Torkuda shook his head. “Honestly I just ignored it.”
I twisted my lips. “Okay… probably should get Vinyl if I want to review songs. Anyway, hey Rares, Twi wants to ask about one of the throw away lines. In the show you bought the shop with money from your deal with Saphire Shores tours… so, the question is obvious, since you didn’t really do that, how loaded are you?”
Rarity lowered her eyebrows and stole the list from me with her magic. “She wanted to know if I thought that really would have bought me a shop in Canterlot; just one tour. The answer is… maybe, but I doubt it. There’s a lot of overhead to buying a shop, as I found out. Maybe that would have paid for the store itself, but I would have to stock up dresses and other items in advance… it’s a complicated process you see-“
“Hold up, off hand, what about Sassy Saddles, what did everyone think of her character?”
Rarity’s eyes went wide. “SASSY SADDLES!??? You know that’s a real pony right? Goodness gracious I wish she did work for me… heck there was a time I would have loved to work for her! She is super famous in the fashion industry. That being said, as to her character in the production, I have to say that I would have been more disappointed in my own character than hers. Seriously, not discussing anything with her ahead of time? Rarity was the manager correct?… Odd to talk about myself in the third person… So why didn’t she manage? She never asserts her authority or a positive plan of her own until she’s ready to throw in the towel. How in the world was Sassy supposed to respond? She was left to figure everything out on her own. When you give someone a job and no direction, you really can’t blame them when the result isn’t what you wanted.
I paused for a minute. Then spoke up, processing this strange turn. “So safe to say you didn’t like your own character…?”
“I should say not. Looks like she got the money, bought the shop and expected things to just sort of… work… kind of reminds me of a young me… I hate her for the fact that it actually worked for her.”
I shook my head. Time to get back on track I guess. “But the question was what did you think of Sassy?”
Rarity nodded, then answered. “I think it looked like she did a spectacular job with the resources she had. She gave Rarity financial success, how was she to know that’s not what she really wanted? It’s what most ponies want when they build a business. Oh and the overwhelming work? For Celestia’s sake, hire some employees you lazy prima donna!”
I did a double take. Rarity didn’t at all seem lazy to me in the show. “Lazy? She was doing all that work-“
Torkuda started laughing. “No actually, she’s quite right, that Rarity was being lazy. She apparently had always made dresses herself, and training someone else to do it for her would take time, investment and risk, much safer and easier to just keep overwhelming herself. Laziness takes more than one form. Sometimes it’s not so much doing nothing, as not doing what you need to do. Laziness is taking the safe option, even if that ends up hurting you in the end… Why are you looking at me like that?”
I processed what Torkuda said, maybe something I could use later in life ya know. Still, I was giving him the lazy eye. “You are such a dad. I guess that’s a compliment but… you are such a dad… and I’m a mom, maybe I should be asking for tips.” I switched gear. “Oh hey Rares, was there anything about that Rarity that was like you?”
“Well yes darling. The rules of TLC, time, love and couture… well, if my employees are practiced enough the time goes down but-“
I quickly interjected, with a question that in retrospect I probably shouldn’t have had to ask. “Wait, you have employees? I thought you made all your own dresses, like you did for that blue one you gave me.”
“When I make personal gifts for my friends of course I make them myself, it just… it just adds that extra element of myself to it I feel. But goodness Rainbow, there are thousands of ponies in this town who come to my shop, do you really think I make all those dresses personally? Sheesh you have ponies help you kick clouds, let alone making an intricate dress… not that I mean your job is easy.”
I chuckled. “Don’t apologize, it is an easy job. But I’m a single mom right now so… things even out.”
Rarity smile and patted me on the head. “I’ve dealt with Sweetie, she’s cute but if I had to care for her full time… you have the harder job. Anyway, I also model many of my dresses after my friends. Actually Torkuda, I made a very interesting yellow and blue piece after watching your daughter and son playing. And you Rainbow, I’ve made several rainbow inspired pieces, one line I even sold with a complimentary orange plushy dog to commemorate your adoption of Scootaloo. It was so cute!”
“At least it wasn’t a chicken.” Torkuda pointed out.
Rarity had to think for a minute on that one and so did I. “Why would I… what?”
“What does a chicken have to do with Scootaloo?” I asked.
“I’ve learned that in the human world there is a large fan base for our show who call themselves bronies.” Torkuda explained.
“So… what?” I asked back.
“They call Scootaloo the chicken.”
“Why?” I asked.
“A chicken is a flightless bird.”
I paused to think. “I…” my eyes went wide. “Oh those JERKS! She’s disabled… “
Rarity tried to clam me down. “Now Rainbow-“
But my mom instincts had already been triggered… heck that would have triggered my big sister instincts. “I WANNA CRACK SOME SKULLS!”
Rarity patted me on the head as I seethed. “Please let’s move on.”
I folded my foreleg. “Fine.”
“Another thing I have in common with that Rarity is that I really have ponies model my dresses. In fact, since you gained a daughter that you constantly want me to foal sit for…”
“I haaaaate modeling… but its payment for letting me get out of the house for a bit.” I interrupted.
“You have a perfect figure for it darling.”
I started rapidly blinking my eyes at Rarity in the most creepy way I could manage. “Why thankyou darling!”
Rarity started backing away from my creepy fashionista impression. “Please don’t… In any case, I also really do like selling to customers personally… seriously stop that or you’re trying on the straight jacket I’m designing for the local asylum.”
“Wait you’re designing a what?” I asked.
“They offered a decent sum, why not?” Rarity asked back.
“Well because… because…. You’re designing a what?... um- um… Hmmm- so what did everyone think of the show over all?”
Torkuda nodded his head. “I think Lightning and Dusk would have loved it, it’s about their speed, and it’s about their heroes. Personally I enjoyed the message it was trying to send. Beyond that, I didn’t find it particularly interesting.”
I had similar sentiments really. “I liked the parts with Pinkie and few of the other jokes, but ehhh, it was okay.”
Rarity picked up the remote off the table with her magic, turning it over and over. “How does this work- oh right the show… those buttons are so small… Right, show. Personally… it was good for what it was. It got all kinds of things wrong, for instance, one hundred dresses isn’t that many to make, it’s why you have employees… but for the audience, it makes sense that everything was scaled down. Though… I must say, I did get some ideas for some new dresses. Rainbow, would you like me to foal sit-“
“And with that, we’re done for today, Imma a fly-bye!” And I shot away.
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LOL, If anyone can design a comfortable and FUNCTIONAL Straightjacket, it'd be Rarity.
8147698
Rarity: I don't know if I should say "thank you" or not darling. But good to know I have a fan.
8147815 Have you ever worn one? Those things are borderline PAINFUL. fuck.... Wore one as a dare once, and was screeching in pain before they got it off. It dislocated my shoulder.
8147851
The real me? No... well maybe when I was a kid playing around, but I didn't have to dislocate my shoulder to get out, they just let me out... trying to remember if that actually happened or if I'm just remembering a show.
8147916 It was just a slight bit too tight, which apparently can break bones if the person panics, like I did. I was lucky I only dislocated my shoulder, and didn't outright break something. I was a crybaby back then, and they thought I was making it seem worse than it was... no, it legit was painful. There's a REASON they use them as punishment. To this day, I can completely remove that arm from the socket and then pop it back in... occasionally it happens without me intending to do it.
huh intresting i havnt seen a idea quite like this one before so lets see where this rabbit hole takes me
8254787
Hope you enjoy!
8254801
i have a couple questions
1. to applejack what would happen if i took the name of sweet apple acres in vain would it be the same as doing the same to texas?
2.rainbow dash have you read the fanfic "my lttle dashie?
3. to princess celestia have you spoken to any of our world leaders? like my nations prime minster of canada? what do you think of donald trump ?
do you like bananas?
4. to luna (best princess) and the great and powerful trixie (best pony) my birthday is coming up on the 5th of this month can i have a hug?
5. twilight sparkle have you read human literature say game of thrones?
6. not really a question but uh i have a movie youd might like fluttershy it a cute movie about cute little bunnies like angel called" watership down" (gives you movie) have fun with the movie
8401512
Gonna have to take these a few at a time, and remember, my universe, my rules, Celestia got dethroned in a rebellion in this universe. (I'm trying to act like you're talking to the ponies "at current" as in, after the last chapter was written. That may not have been "true when chapter one was written", but it is now!)
1. to applejack what would happen if i took the name of sweet apple acres in vain would it be the same as doing the same to texas?
Apple Jack: Twilight... what's a Texas?
Twilight: I've been doing research and I think it refers to a state of mental retardation- like saying a student comes from Berkly. Either that or it's a place.
Apple Jack: If'n it be a place, ah don't rightly know how you would take the name of a place in vain. Still, you insult ma farm, ya insult ma family so... yea- ah better not be there when ya do it.
2. Rainbow dash have you read the fanfic "my lttle dashie?
Rainbow Dash: "It's no Daring Do- well, understatement there, not even the same themes. Not my thing. Also, a tear jerker maybe, but at the end, I kinda side with the human dude being angry at the rest of the gang for taking fifteen freaking years to rescue me!
*turns to other assembled ponies*
Rainbow Dash: "I have a husband and daughter now, you guys BETTER not leave me hanging like that if I go missing. Don't you DARE let Scoots grow up without me!"
3. Colt Prince Celestia munches on a banana.
Celestia: Sorry about my... grotesque- I mean different look. Trump... wasn't he a TV star? Huh, you guys pick your leaders in strange ways- though, considering I got overthrown and turned into a child of the opposite gender to learn a lesson about sexism, who am I to judge? I met Kim Jong Un, apparently he's the most powerful leader in the world, able to shoot lasers from his eyes and everything. Says all the world leaders fear gaining his ire... not sure I entirely believed him though.
8401512
4. to luna (best princess) and the great and powerful trixie (best pony) my birthday is coming up on the 5th of this month can i have a hug?
Luna: We have been told someone wants a hug from ourselves and the Trixie Bard. Very well, on the 5th of this month, in your dreams we shall come and hugs shall be given. Trixie however also wishes to practice a show with a new song while with you, and she wishes to use the magic of the dream world to tell a story like never before. Trixie is a friend of ours since she was so kind to two foals we took in not long ago. Would you like this arrangement?
5. twilight sparkle have you read human literature say game of thrones?
Twilight: No I haven't read that one, but Fluttershy did get me interested in the Red Wall series. Also, I love the Magic School Bus, just love it. Not sure about Game of Thrones, everyone tells me it's major selling point is folks dying... not a big turn on for me...
*Looks at her wings*
Twilight: Alicorns live a pretty long time... most ponies are lucky if they live a hundred years, me, probably over a thousand... think I'm going to see enough death. I'm sure it's a good story, but not really interested.
6. not really a question but uh i have a movie youd might like fluttershy it a cute movie about cute little bunnies like angel called" watership down" (gives you movie) have fun with the movie
Fluttershy: I... What? What was that? I guess the good bunnies won and good for them but... what was the point? I guess you were thinking I was gonna freak out cause a few of them died, but nature is my thing, I see that all the time. I did like Big Wig though. The general... reminded me of someone. Guess there are times... when even if someone is wrong, maybe it's good to know why. After an experience I had, I always get curious about these two dimensional villains. Was there more to the general's story? Could he have been saved from himself? I don't know if I should hope him dead, or hope he lived.
*Sighs and walks away*