Clue: Who Killed Home Body?

by DagaYemar

10. A Mustard by Any Other Name

Home Body gripped his mallet in his teeth carefully and gave the croquet ball a firm whack. The ball sailed through two wickets and rolled to rest perfectly lined up for his next shot. His guests stomped their hooves politely at his play. All save Colonel H. Mustard, who was too engrossed in his story to pay attention.

“…And with the pillars falling over one by one, guests running every which way, and wild animals barging in,” Mustard said. “It fell on me to restore order! I leapt into action, first securing the dessert tables so that no more cakes could be used as projectiles, and then-”

“You know, I’m not convinced you were even at the Gala,” Green Mail said sourly, stepping up to his own ball. He lined up to it with the lead pipe instead of a normal mallet, as he claimed to have had more practice swinging it.

Mustard sputtered, holding his own mallet in a threatening manner. “Are you calling me a liar?! I demand that you take that back this instant!”

“Now, now, let’s just calm down,” Home Body said placidly, holding his hooves out between the two stallions, “I’m sure Green Mail didn’t mean anything by it. But perhaps it isn’t the best time for a story…”

“No time is best for one of his stories…” Green grumbled. Mustard spun around to face him, but then an unexpected voice came to his defense.

“You know, I think I do remember that he was there,” Scarlet Letter said thoughtfully, scratching her chin.

Mustard blinked as his train of thought derailed. “Um… I didn’t know you attended…”

“Oh, I go every year.” Scarlet said lightly. She concentrated and teleported a photo album into her lap with a pop of magic. “In fact, I believe I’ve got a few photographs from that party… oh, look! Here’s a nice one of you and me, Homey!”

“You were quite radiant in your dress that night. Before it, ah, got covered in cake splatter,” Home said, looking at the book over her shoulder. Intrigued, everypony else crowded around to get a look and Scarlet spread the book out beneath the shade of a nearby tree.

“Sure looks like fun,” Plum Pudding said wistfully, “I’ve never had a chance to go. Too many grad papers that time of year.”

“Trust me, you’re not missing much these days,” Scarlet scoffed, before plucking out a photo with her magic, “Aha! Here it is!”

The photograph seemed to have captured a scene of chaos. Several guards were directing a number of guests, including Scarlet, away from something just outside of the shot. The camerapony had caught them all facing the camera, save for one. That guard, just barely in frame, appearing to be wrestling madly with a monkey that was trying to steal his helmet, was the Colonel.

“Well, looks like I owe you an apology,” Green said, though the way he was desperately trying to suppress laughing ruined the effect. The other guests had no such restrictions, and the rising chuckles caused the tips of Mustard’s ears to turn red.

The Colonel cleared his throat in embarrassment. “Those wild animals are a lot harder to handle than they appear…”

“Say, what’s that scribble on the back?” Peacock Poppycock asked, gesturing with her hoof.

Scarlet flipped the photograph over and blinked, surprised. “Huh, I never noticed this before! Let’s see, Rescued by Lieutenant Spearhead, Guardpony Half Measures, Guardpony Gallant Gallop, and Colonel Ho-”

The photograph vanished in a yellow blur. The guests blinked and focused on Mustard, standing on the far end of the lawn at the end of a skid track dug into the grass, the photograph clamped firmly in his teeth.

“Don’t read my name!” he mumbled.

“Why ever not?” Peacock asked, before leaning forward with an eager glint in her eye, “Is it embarrassing?”

Green wore a matching grin to Peacock’s. “Let me guess… Hayseed?”

“Horrible?” White Wash chirped.

“Haggard?” Peacock tried.

“You’ll tell us if we get it, won’t you?” Scarlet asked, thinking hard, “Hmm… Hairy?”

“Hefty!” Green tried, between giggles.

“Halfwit!” White laughed, nearly dropping the rope as she clutched her sides.

Mustard’s face was now the exact shade of ketchup. “You’ll never find out!” he shouted, before eating the photograph whole. He then sprinted back to the safety of the mansion, followed by the howling laughter of his friends.

Plum straightened his glasses while Green Mail, White Wash, and Peacock Poppycock regained their composure. “You know, all this time I always thought his first name was Colonel.”

“No, that’s just his title,” Home said. “He’s always been rather close-lipped about his real name. But surely you must know it, Scarlet Letter? You wrote it on that photograph you took.”

Scarlet was already shaking her head. “I didn’t take any of these. It was a friend of mine, Shutterbug, who sent them to me. She sends me a copy of every picture I appear in from every party I attend. She must have written that.”

“Perhaps we should write to her and find out if she remembers his name?” Green suggested.

“Or perhaps we should respect his privacy?” Home Body said pointedly, and his guests all smiled innocently, “Now let’s look at a few more photographs. Look, here’s one of the Wonderbolts helping to clear out that giant broken statue!”

“Would have been nice, going to a party and watching somepony else clean up for a change. But did I get time off to go?” White grumbled. She smiled sweetly when Home turned to look at her, but as soon as he looked back at the book she stuck her tongue out at him.

---

Later that night, two ponies met in the shadowy library.

“How did you find out?” Colonel Mustard asked.

“I managed to see it before you snatched it away,” the other pony said, “You were just barely not fast enough… Honey Mustard.”

Mustard flinched at the sound of the word. “You can’t tell anypony!”

“Oh, I don’t know… I think it’s a little sweet!”

Mustard groaned.

“I’m sorry, did that sting? I suppose it does put you in a sticky situation, what with all the buzz that name would cause…”

“Please stop.” Mustard moaned, pressing his ears flat against his head.

“If you insist,” the other pony said, smirking, “But it will cost you. I’m sure you don’t want me to tell the others your secret, after all…”

The Colonel stood up straighter. “So it’s blackmail after all?”

The other pony nodded. “It’s a shame I didn’t know someone at the Gala knew your name when I was there, or we could have had this arrangement this whole time! So how much are you willing to pay to keep this all quiet?”

“I think I know a better way to make sure you don’t talk!” Mustard said, pulling a weapon from under a stack of books where he had hidden it.

“You aren’t the only one who came prepared!” the other pony said, readying the weapon they'd had all day.

“Who’s in here?” a voice asked as the library door swung open.

Both ponies spun around at the sudden interruption, both of them losing hold of their weapons. They smiled innocently at the pony standing in the door.

Scarlet Letter eyed them strangely and peered around the room, using the lit candlestick to light it up. “I heard voices in here. Why are you two standing in a dark room?”

“We’re not doing anything! Just talking!” Mustard said with forced cheer, not wanting anypony else to know what they were talking about. The other pony nodded enthusiastically.

Scarlet stared at them for a few seconds longer before backing out of the room. “Weirdos…”

The moment the door clicked closed the two ponies dived for the dropped weapons. In the confusion, they each grabbed each other’s weapons by mistake. Mustard stood first, raising his foreleg to stab.

*BANG*

The gunshot, muffled from the rest of the mansion by the stacks of books lining the walls, was deafening in the enclosed room. Colonel Mustard wavered for a second and then slumped to the ground without a sound.

Who murdered Mustard?

And here's a map if you need it.

Author's Note:

Answer

Peacock Poppycock in the Library with the Revolver

The murderer mentioned in passing that they had been at the Gala when the photograph had been taken. We learned earlier that Plum Pudding and White Wash hadn’t been able to attend the Gala, so they’re eliminated. During the fight, Colonel H. Mustard managed to get a hold of his opponent’s weapon. We know that Green Mail had the lead pipe, which isn’t a weapon one stabs with, so it couldn’t have been him. And since Scarlet Letter walked in on the two of them before the fight, the shadowy assailant must be Peacock Poppycock.

Fortunately, the unlit library was so dark that Peacock missed. Mustard felt the bullet just barely part his mane and fainted. When he awoke, he agreed to keep quiet about her nearly killing him in exchange for Peacock never revealing his first name.

Comments

[DagaYemar]

8533959
Glad to see you back, I was afraid I was too harsh and scared you away. Good job with the puzzles!

[Fetch]

I would not be surprised to find the Colonel has a mild mannered twin sister named Hot Mustard. Hospital mixed up when filling out the birth certificates.

[Kinrah]

Here's this chapter's working. Short and sweet.

[Inspector Brown]

The photograph vanishing in a yellow blur.

vanished.

[Kiue Jin]

Yay! I got this one correct!

[Captain Snark]

My god! Colonel Mustard is dead!

Oh well. One less suspect for the remaining chapters.

Between reading about the darkened library, the switched weapons and Mustard trying to stab his opponent, my first hunch is that Mustard grabbed the gun, thought he still had the knife and shot himself. But let's see what clues we have first.

We know it's not Scarlet since she interrupts and it's not Home Body because it's never Lupus Home Body.
Peacock was the first to notice the writing on the photo and Plum was the only one not to guess a name (because he knew the truth?) but either or both of these could be red herrings.
The murderer was at the Gala so that eliminates Plum and White. Leaving just Green and Peacock.
We know the weapons brought by Mustard and his attempted blackmailer were the Revolver and Knife. Green uses the Lead Pipe during the croquet game due to having 'more practice swinging it' which would imply he'd have brought that to the Library.

That means it was Peacock Poppycock in the Library with the Revolver.

"Even psychiatrists can tell the difference between patients who are alive or dead."

[dshadow14]

I'm not gonna lie, this one seemed a little too easy. Interesting nonetheless, but still

[ExplosionMare]

Plum Pudding did it

Aww man, I was close, I second guessed myself.