Well this was definitely a fun chapter, we definitely have to see SciTwi all bridled up now Nice to see CTRL for the [i think] first time. *reads part about the vines* ...................we need those.
8154298 We're back in Terra Nova, EQG Rarity, Twi and Sunset are in Equestria, RD, AJ and Flutter are still back on earth, that's why they have hands.
Okay, first scene not bad, still rushed feeling but, that's mostly personal taste at work. It works well, few bits I would have preferred seeing expanded on, details, but again personal taste. It works well for what it is, can fully but them being let in this easily, after all Luna vouched for them.
Not a fan of making Sci-Twi an alicorn, she is not Twilight, has not done what she has, there is no reason she would be an Alicorn, it should not work that way. Yeah, the magic keeps implying she might be, but that could just be an echo o0f real Twilight, if she ever went to Equestria, it would be SO unfair for her to be an alicorn. I know it's a standard trope, and doesn't matter to the story, just small issue I have.
I do like flat out saying that yes, the change comes with implanted muscle memory and the basics of how to use the new body. Clears up a lot of issues, and is just the basic motor control and instincts on how to use it, still requires some work to get used to it. Good show there.
inasmuch as we have a standard
Feels odd, for how long they have been around they don't have a set tour to make sure new comers know everything and the important stuff? That said, could also buy they keep it free form and tailored to each no persons interests, but still feel there should be a basic package to hit all the important areas. They really would benefit from seeing as much as possible after all. I can buy that, just would like context.
The bit about how so much comes from CTRL Just going to assume that was a canned speech he was repeating by route, since "Do you brush your teeth, you used out product" doesn't work when they are from another world.
I did like the teasing between Sci-Twi and Sunset, that was cute. Good build up for them.
The Dragon scene, good overall very hot, felt a tad lacking, what with some stuff just kind of happening, mostly the dragon getting hard through seemingly nothing, didn't get what was turning him on so much. Felt could have used more direct teasing of the Dragon, something to keep his lust up beyond just the show, something teasing him. Still worked well and good getting into his thoughts, love the little nods to this all being fun, some of the best parts of CTS clop for me. Checking the safety bell (Though don't you need a diamond bell to access the lowest level where CTRL is? not 100% on that though Thought so however.) The bit where he returned the favor for the stallion noting he made sure they were safe, secure and able to be comfortable while 'claiming them'. Still a really great show they put on, just felt could have used some input from the dragon during it... yet it was HOT. Ending.. felt a bit of a let down with just how quickly the dragon came, break, grab, done. Great build up, climax could have been better.
Next scene.... good enough and it works. Really think they should have been given a bit more of a "How things work here" speech before being allowed to go of on their own. Told what areas are off limits to Visitors, make sure they know the rules etc.... They are here to see how a CTS runs, so starting with the basics would make sense before they go check out the details they want.
Final clop, very nice. loved the character stuff, story is doing much better, Dash's reaction to the tenta pit was AWESOME, as was AJ forgetting Dash can fly now, and
“Rainbow Dash, one of these days you’re gonna get yourself killed and then I’m gonna murder you!”
Aj's practicality. It's a tentacle pit, she knows they are going to end up getting fucked, so might as well just the clothes off now before they get ripped. Also can't help thinking the tentas pausing to fold Dash's shirt in front of AJ was a subtle " Huh, doubt me, see I wouldn't rip your clothes"
One bit that confused me, Fluttershy claims RD belong to her, fair enough works for this, let's not get into that. But then...
“You can be rough, but don’t get her off. Only she’s allowed to do that.
Feels like she should be saying "only I am allowed" would make more sense given the 'she belongs to me' could be saying only RD is allowed to get herself off but, that is just odd.
The actual tentacle sex, serviceable. It worked, was good, nothing wrong, just felt a bit low key and out of focus, which is not a huge deal given the focus was more on the characters just being themselves, and it did REALLY good with that.
So yeah this chapter was a marked improvement over the last one. Mostly cause the story is slowing down now and not trying to just rush to this point. Things mostly made sense, could certainly go off on specific lines, word choices, get into full on 'nitpicking editor' mode but... nahh just over view, and that... it's looking up and eager to see where this goes.
Hey, congrats, you win the "first person to justifiably complain about this" award! I do actually have a reason for making Sci Twi an alicorn, or rather a unicorn with wings and a couple inches of height on the general population. Earth doesn't have any native magic; it's all Equestrian, and Equestrian magic, as far as I can tell or remember, a) likes to be consistent and b) doesn't have a clue what to do with the duplicate people. Since Princess Twilight's an alicorn, and she (obviously) was exposed to Equestrian magic before Sci Twi, when she travelled to the human world, she left a sort of "imprint" on the Equestrian magic there. When Sci Twi comes along, the magic goes, hmm, I've seen this before, and dumps her in the same shape as the previous Twilight. (Ex she has wings in Legend of Everfree.) As far as this fic is concerned human!Twilight doesn't actually have anything other than (what would be) her native unicorn magic - she could fly in LoE because of her levitation stuff, not because she has pegasus magic. Likewise, she's the same height as pony!Twilight but doesn't have the earth pony strength, etc. I made them both earth ponies because it would be the reasonable choice for "we gotta turn these weird apes into horses." They wouldn't be expected to have experience with flying or casting, but earth ponies don't have such noticeable magical attributes.
Actually that's an excellent way to explain all this in a way that doesn't disrupt the flow. I'mma do that.
That said, could also buy they keep it free form and tailored to each no persons interests,
This is pretty much what I was going for. Every author seems to have a different set-up for the "welcoming tour," since we don't see it in canon, so it's a bit of a jokey reference to that, plus new ponies generally come in one or two at a time, since membership is mostly word-of-mouth. The people who already know them are the ones introducing them to the place, so they all go in a different order even if they do hit the same basic notes.
Just going to assume that was a canned speech he was repeating by rote
Yep. In my head he started with "Do you brush your teeth?" and then went "oh wait shit they're not from here" but at that point he'd already kinda committed so he just rolled with it. Tall Order's not the PoV character, though, so there's stuff we don't learn about him because it's not relevant or Sunset doesn't care.
mostly the dragon getting hard through seemingly nothing, didn't get what was turning him on so much.
So this fic is the reason I now know more about snake penises than I ever wanted to, and apparently you can get a snake or lizard hard by poking around at where the penis is inside the body. I think it's just a physiological reaction. Still, you have a point.
(Though don't you need a diamond bell to access the lowest level where CTRL is? not 100% on that though Thought so however.)
Iiiii... don't think so? But at any rate, any random person can volunteer to be a test subject, so presumably if this is true they're issued a pass or something along those lines.
Told what areas are off limits to Visitors, make sure they know the rules etc.... They are here to see how a CTS runs, so starting with the basics would make sense before they go check out the details they want.
As far as keeping them out of trouble goes, Twilight's staying in CTRL, Sunset's with him, and Rarity agrees to stay in the main hall, so Tall Order doesn't bother saying anything because the chances of them wandering off unaccompanied to somewhere they're not supposed to be are slim. Plus they're all reasonably responsible, so upon being told "visitors can't go in here" would probably not immediately decide "hey, I should try to get in there."
Also can't help thinking the tentas pausing to fold Dash's shirt in front of AJ was a subtle " Huh, doubt me, see I wouldn't rip your clothes"
Ding ding ding we have a winner!
Feels like she should be saying "only I am allowed"
"Focus," said Sunset. "You're not actually earth ponies, either; you've still got unicorn magic, you just can't do anything with it. Same way Twilight had wings when she came through but if she's a real alicorn I'll eat hay as a human.
This whole bit is repeated, a duplicate of the text two paragraphs above this quote. Unless that was by design (and I don't see why it would be), you might want to correct it.
Shouldn't this be "hooves"... or did I miss a spot where they transformed back?
8154298
Applejack and co. didn't turn into ponies. She and Fluttershy and RD stayed in the human world to poke around.
8154333
Ahh. I missed that.
Serves me right for letting an update notification distract me from preparing for bed when I'm already hours overdue.
Well this was definitely a fun chapter, we definitely have to see SciTwi all bridled up now
Nice to see CTRL for the [i think] first time.
*reads part about the vines*
...................we need those.
8154298 We're back in Terra Nova, EQG Rarity, Twi and Sunset are in Equestria, RD, AJ and Flutter are still back on earth, that's why they have hands.
nice work.
Okay, first scene not bad, still rushed feeling but, that's mostly personal taste at work. It works well, few bits I would have preferred seeing expanded on, details, but again personal taste. It works well for what it is, can fully but them being let in this easily, after all Luna vouched for them.
Not a fan of making Sci-Twi an alicorn, she is not Twilight, has not done what she has, there is no reason she would be an Alicorn, it should not work that way. Yeah, the magic keeps implying she might be, but that could just be an echo o0f real Twilight, if she ever went to Equestria, it would be SO unfair for her to be an alicorn. I know it's a standard trope, and doesn't matter to the story, just small issue I have.
I do like flat out saying that yes, the change comes with implanted muscle memory and the basics of how to use the new body. Clears up a lot of issues, and is just the basic motor control and instincts on how to use it, still requires some work to get used to it. Good show there.
Feels odd, for how long they have been around they don't have a set tour to make sure new comers know everything and the important stuff? That said, could also buy they keep it free form and tailored to each no persons interests, but still feel there should be a basic package to hit all the important areas. They really would benefit from seeing as much as possible after all. I can buy that, just would like context.
The bit about how so much comes from CTRL Just going to assume that was a canned speech he was repeating by route, since "Do you brush your teeth, you used out product" doesn't work when they are from another world.
I did like the teasing between Sci-Twi and Sunset, that was cute. Good build up for them.
The Dragon scene, good overall very hot, felt a tad lacking, what with some stuff just kind of happening, mostly the dragon getting hard through seemingly nothing, didn't get what was turning him on so much. Felt could have used more direct teasing of the Dragon, something to keep his lust up beyond just the show, something teasing him. Still worked well and good getting into his thoughts, love the little nods to this all being fun, some of the best parts of CTS clop for me. Checking the safety bell (Though don't you need a diamond bell to access the lowest level where CTRL is? not 100% on that though Thought so however.) The bit where he returned the favor for the stallion noting he made sure they were safe, secure and able to be comfortable while 'claiming them'. Still a really great show they put on, just felt could have used some input from the dragon during it... yet it was HOT. Ending.. felt a bit of a let down with just how quickly the dragon came, break, grab, done. Great build up, climax could have been better.
Next scene.... good enough and it works. Really think they should have been given a bit more of a "How things work here" speech before being allowed to go of on their own. Told what areas are off limits to Visitors, make sure they know the rules etc.... They are here to see how a CTS runs, so starting with the basics would make sense before they go check out the details they want.
Final clop, very nice. loved the character stuff, story is doing much better, Dash's reaction to the tenta pit was AWESOME, as was AJ forgetting Dash can fly now, and
Aj's practicality. It's a tentacle pit, she knows they are going to end up getting fucked, so might as well just the clothes off now before they get ripped. Also can't help thinking the tentas pausing to fold Dash's shirt in front of AJ was a subtle " Huh, doubt me, see I wouldn't rip your clothes"
One bit that confused me, Fluttershy claims RD belong to her, fair enough works for this, let's not get into that. But then...
Feels like she should be saying "only I am allowed" would make more sense given the 'she belongs to me' could be saying only RD is allowed to get herself off but, that is just odd.
The actual tentacle sex, serviceable. It worked, was good, nothing wrong, just felt a bit low key and out of focus, which is not a huge deal given the focus was more on the characters just being themselves, and it did REALLY good with that.
So yeah this chapter was a marked improvement over the last one. Mostly cause the story is slowing down now and not trying to just rush to this point. Things mostly made sense, could certainly go off on specific lines, word choices, get into full on 'nitpicking editor' mode but... nahh just over view, and that... it's looking up and eager to see where this goes.
8154385
Winter Thorn already responded and I replied.
8154700
Hey, congrats, you win the "first person to justifiably complain about this" award! I do actually have a reason for making Sci Twi an alicorn, or rather a unicorn with wings and a couple inches of height on the general population. Earth doesn't have any native magic; it's all Equestrian, and Equestrian magic, as far as I can tell or remember, a) likes to be consistent and b) doesn't have a clue what to do with the duplicate people. Since Princess Twilight's an alicorn, and she (obviously) was exposed to Equestrian magic before Sci Twi, when she travelled to the human world, she left a sort of "imprint" on the Equestrian magic there. When Sci Twi comes along, the magic goes, hmm, I've seen this before, and dumps her in the same shape as the previous Twilight. (Ex she has wings in Legend of Everfree.) As far as this fic is concerned human!Twilight doesn't actually have anything other than (what would be) her native unicorn magic - she could fly in LoE because of her levitation stuff, not because she has pegasus magic. Likewise, she's the same height as pony!Twilight but doesn't have the earth pony strength, etc. I made them both earth ponies because it would be the reasonable choice for "we gotta turn these weird apes into horses." They wouldn't be expected to have experience with flying or casting, but earth ponies don't have such noticeable magical attributes.
Actually that's an excellent way to explain all this in a way that doesn't disrupt the flow. I'mma do that.
This is pretty much what I was going for. Every author seems to have a different set-up for the "welcoming tour," since we don't see it in canon, so it's a bit of a jokey reference to that, plus new ponies generally come in one or two at a time, since membership is mostly word-of-mouth. The people who already know them are the ones introducing them to the place, so they all go in a different order even if they do hit the same basic notes.
Yep. In my head he started with "Do you brush your teeth?" and then went "oh wait shit they're not from here" but at that point he'd already kinda committed so he just rolled with it. Tall Order's not the PoV character, though, so there's stuff we don't learn about him because it's not relevant or Sunset doesn't care.
So this fic is the reason I now know more about snake penises than I ever wanted to, and apparently you can get a snake or lizard hard by poking around at where the penis is inside the body. I think it's just a physiological reaction. Still, you have a point.
Iiiii... don't think so? But at any rate, any random person can volunteer to be a test subject, so presumably if this is true they're issued a pass or something along those lines.
As far as keeping them out of trouble goes, Twilight's staying in CTRL, Sunset's with him, and Rarity agrees to stay in the main hall, so Tall Order doesn't bother saying anything because the chances of them wandering off unaccompanied to somewhere they're not supposed to be are slim. Plus they're all reasonably responsible, so upon being told "visitors can't go in here" would probably not immediately decide "hey, I should try to get in there."
Ding ding ding we have a winner!
Nope!
8156934 So it just copies Pony!Twi's physical template, without any of the metaphysical aspects of Ascension...
Fair enough. Would still prefer her to just be a unicorn, but this is a really solid idea.
I don't get it.
This whole bit is repeated, a duplicate of the text two paragraphs above this quote. Unless that was by design (and I don't see why it would be), you might want to correct it.