Pictures for Sad Ponies

by Hooves Like Jagger

Paul Trains Rarity

Paul Trains Rarity

"What a strange way to dress," Rarity noted as she looked Paul up and down. "Is dressing like a ghost some sort of fashion statement for ponies around here?"

"No, I am a ghost," Paul enlightened her. Rarity deadpanned her eyes at him.

"Cantering about with a sheet over your body and pretending to be a ghost is hardly becoming of somepony in charge," the unicorn scolded him.

"I don't feel like defending myself. Let's just get to training, shall we?" Paul slid the phone closer to Rarity. "Do you know how to use a phone."

"Of course, darling. I read that pamphlet the company gave me on phones."

"Good. We'll get right to answering calls. Just remember to read the caller I.D. and don't use your real name," Paul instructed her. Rarity nodded and began staring at the phone.

"When will it ring?" she asked.

"It'll ring. Are there any big questions you've been pondering?"

"I'm still wondering about that sheet on your head. Do you seriousl-"

*ringringring*

Rarity raised the receiver to her ear with her magic. This time, no one freaked out.

"Martin and Martin Refrigeration, Yvonne speaking... yes... a refrigerator large enough to fit two entire cows? Do you mean two cows standing up? ... Uh... you mean, like... dead... cows? ... Well, yes, I suppose two live cows would be uncomfortable in a freezer, but that's not the point. Why do you need a place to store dead cows? ... Oh... oh my goodness... that's... that's absolutely horrid! ... Am I a what? A vegetarian? Yes, yes I am a vegetarian and everyone I know is a vegetarian... well you had better be sorry! You sir must really reconsider some things in your life! Good day to you!" Rarity hung up the phone with a huff. She shivered a bit and looked over at Paul apologetically. "I'm sorry, but he was just talking about eating cows! I was so horrified... I just... I just..."

"That was perfect," Paul interjected, stopping her apology before it could ramp up.

"... It was?" Rarity asked. Paul just nodded.

*ringringring*

"Let's do this one on speakerphone so I can hear what they're saying." Paul reached over at hit the speakerphone before Rarity could object.

"Bob's Slaughterhouse? ... This is Denise," Rarity reluctantly answered.

"Hey, I read online that you guys help get the meat off of any animal I bring in, right?" the caller asked right off the bat.

"Uh... yes, that is what we do here... at Bob's Slaughterhouse." Rarity shot a nervous glance at Paul.

"Cool... so... could I bring in my cat? I read online they make good meatballs."

"You want to... eat your cat?" Rarity asked, keeping her tone just as even as she could.

"Yeah. I know it's illegal to buy and sell cat meat, but it isn't illegal to eat it," the caller confirmed. Rarity couldn't formulate a response. "I read it online."

"You should stop reading this online thing; it's giving you strange ideas."

"Well I don't have the money to feed myself or the cat, so I'm hoping it'll hold me over until I can get some cash."

"Well then, if you can't afford food you can't afford our services anyway. Thank you for calling." Rarity hung up the phone with another huff. "Humans are such strange things..."

"You've got me there," Paul agreed. "Well, you seem to be all set." Rarity turned and gave Paul a look of disbelief.

"Are you sure? I didn't quite feel like I handled those very well."

"There is no way to handle them well. You managed, though, so I'm gonna leave you to it." Paul wandered off to is office, leaving a beaming Rarity behind.

*ringringring*

Rarity confidently levitated the receiver to her ear.

"Parker Technology, this is Aurora speaking... why yes, that does sound like a problem! Could you please tell me how many bears are in this 'server room'..."

Comments

[Rabuiods]

Yes! Worth the wait!

[Derpy_Dragon]

I 'm not surprised Rarity is half way decent at this. Still funny though.
Bears in the server room? Time to call Fluttershy.

[Hat]

Rarity's choice of aliases is perfect.
"I didn't quite feel like I handled those very well"
"There is no way to handle them well"

[Flamesinger599]

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

*sniff sniff*

That... was HILARIOUS.

[Church]

Great stuff! Positively entertaining, have some of my bits.

*hoofs bits*